The Source for Parents

Posted on: 11/8/10 8:32 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay… I’m getting excited… because our THE SOURCE FOR PARENTS page is almost completely finished. www.TheSource4Parents.com

Let me tell you a little about this fun little project… then I’d love your feedback.

Many of you have already popped over there and snuck a peek at the page recently. It’s been up and running… it’s just had an “under construction” banner up for the last couple months. Well, my web guys actually removed the construction banner this weekend. The page is almost complete. We’re just doing some finishing touches on our ASK THE SOURCE page where parents will be able to write questions and get answers from real parents.

For the last few years, parents have been beginning to take notice of our youth ministry page www.TheSource4YM.com, reading our Youth Culture Window articles, my blog, and using resources like our Slang Dictionary. Youth pastors have been emailing me and telling me, “I send parents to your page all the time!” Our team finally got the idea– Why not a duplicate page, but just for parents!!!

I encourage you to take a peek at this new page. Not only does TheSource4Parents feature some of our THESOURCE FOR YOUTH MINISTRY favorites like the Youth Culture Window articles, our Slang Dictionary and my blog, but we’ve added some other resourceful items unique to parents. These include:

  • MUSIC DISCUSSIONS- these discussions are different than the ones on the 4YM page– these are written specifically for parents who want to use current music as a springboard for discussion with their kids.
  • PARENTING HELP- this page is a gold mine of articles to parents about parenting. I called up some friends in the parenting world and asked them to contribute. So Jim Burns, Wayne Rice, Al Menconi and more have written articles in this section– articles addressing real life parenting issues.
  • MOVIE REVIEW & QUICK Qs- This page not only provides movie reviews, but also supplies three “quick questions” at the end of the review that parents can use to dialogue with their kids about the movie they just saw.
  • PARENTING WORKSHOPS- I have been doing a bunch of parenting workshops across the country.

Take some and click around this page. I’d love to hear your input and thoughts before we officially launch it.

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Stories from Mom’s Protecting Kids Online

Posted on: 10/13/10 11:00 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Last week I shared with you about a lunch I had with an FBI agent who was picking my brain about kids in today’s culture, the dangers they face, etc. This guy has helped develop a piece of software that helps parents monitor their kids’ browsing habits online. Many of you jumped onto the site to sign up for their free beta-test.

I told you that I’d provide you with some stories of real moms and dads who tried out this software called Parental Options. Interesting stuff. Here’s a few:

1)      My  husband and I were attending a  prayer vigil  at our church.  Our time slot was from 11:00 pm to midnight.  At about 11:30 pm, my cell phone began to vibrate.  Parental Options was sending me an alert that our son was on the computer.  We set usage parameters for his computer until 10:00 pm, and he was on the computer while we were away from home.  I sent a text home and the computer was turned off.
2)      There are a number of times where the software has helped us to know just how much time was spent on Facebook and other interesting websites vs. getting homework done.  We expect our kids will multi-task but it is an eye opener for us (and them) when you can take a look at something that is recording the frequency (and duration) of toggling between a word document and Facebook for example.  Healthy conversations are a result.  Parental Options software has facilitated our ability to talk about the content available via the internet just as we would about TV or movies.  Our kids are not navigating this part of their lives alone.
3)      My daughter was engaged in IM chat in Facebook around 2am with someone that she had just met at school.  (She was up doing homework). The Parental Options program highlighted all of the words in the chat conversation that are “grooming” words (words that signal that a person is trying to get to know someone, and establish a trusted relationship with them).  The program was teaching us what to look for when reviewing her activity. 
4)      I got the software just to check on my kids’ internet browsing from time to time.  Unfortunately, I found that one of my boys had visited some pornographic sites. (Parental Options says that viewing browser history alone isn’t completely reliable because kids can use multiple browsers and erase some history while keeping the rest. I didn’t know that.) 
5)      My son was playing an online game and chatting there with a “friend” from school.  This “friend” was bullying him and using language that would tear apart anyone’s self confidence. This was caught and addressed because the software highlighted some of the words that were used in the conversation. ( At this point, not all bullying language will be highlighted because people can be vicious in such diverse ways.  But, with the software running, you always have the opportunity to scan the chat and ask your child about the person they were interacting with.)   

Here’s the web site where you can read a little more about it: ParentalOptions.com  …I’m pretty impressed with what I have seen so far.

Helping Parents Protect Their Kids Online

Posted on: 10/7/10 5:00 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay, I just had a fascinating lunch with an ex-FBI agent (friend of a friend) who developed some software that helps parents monitor their kids’ browsing habits online. He was picking my brain about many of the dangers teenagers are flirting with today, and what I teach at my parenting seminars equipping parents to teach good discernment. Fun conversation. This guy had some amazing stories of child predators he had caught.

Let me just say that this software he’s working on has my attention! (And they’ve got a free version that they’re allowing me to share with you for beta-testing. More on that in a minute.)

As you might imagine, parents are always emailing me asking me, “Do you know of any software that will protect my kid online?” “How do I know what my kids are saying on Facebook?” Or sometimes parents ask me, “Do you have anything that will keep my teenager from browsing porn!”

These kinds of software packages are interesting. I’ve seen a lot of them. I gotta admit: I really like the ones that provoke conversations between parents and their kids.

The company that this guys started is called ParentalOptions.com. They are sincere and passionate about empowering parents with the necessary tools to help their kids learn how to use the internet and social networking  wisely. The cool thing is, as I mentioned, this team of retired FBI agents and parents have designed a software package that is now open for free beta testing.

I appreciate that their software is intended to promote conversations between parents and kids about their activities on the computer; they emphasize that it  is not spyware. Their goal is that by installing the software, clients would receive the direct benefits of their experience and knowledge of the many hidden dangers of the Internet.  Another bonus is that you can log in to your child’s account from any location.

Go ahead and take a peek at their free Beta test where you can try it out for free for a while: www.ParentalOptions.com

Next week I’m going to chime in a little more about this. I have a friend that tried the beta-version with her daughter and she had some fascinating experiences with it (and her kid is really a great kid too). More on that next week.

The New Online Red-Light District

Posted on: 07/3/10 1:25 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Porn sites are about to be given their own domain.

It’s official. People can now by domains that end in .xxx   New York Times reported last week:

The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers on Friday agreed to move forward on a long-standing proposal from a Florida company to create a specialized dot-xxx suffix for adult entertainment Web sites.

People don’t really know how to respond to this. It will be an entire domain devoted to porn.

On one hand, it’s really sad that our world is that obsessed with lust (although historically, this is nothing new… it’s amazing what was going on 2,000 years ago when the Bible was being penned). On the other hand, this could turn into a good thing if all porn was forced to move to that domain. But as the above NY Times article argues, “some of the biggest names in online pornography prefer not to be in that neighborhood.”

CNET News expands on this:

The problem, in other words, is that as soon as .xxx launches, conservatives in Congress will begin to clamor for laws to make the domain mandatory for sex-related Web sites. That may not be a big deal for hard-core pornmeisters who prefer that virtual street address, but what about sex education sites that include explicit graphics and don’t wish to be blocked by filtering software? And where should Salon.com–which features images of topless women–or Playboy.com–which publishes important interviews with U.S. presidents–end up?

Ha, yeah… that’s why people read Playboy. Those really good interviews!!  🙂

I haven’t had time to think about the ramifications yet, but all porn on one domain doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me. It would sure be easy to block!!!

Christina’s Woohoo

Posted on: 06/8/10 12:49 PM | by Jonathan McKee

By now many of you have heard the buzz about Christina Aguilera’s performance at the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday night where she debuted her brand new song Woohoo. It’s difficult to miss when an “artist” sings a song basically asking someone to lick her vagina. MTV not only allowed Christina to peform this song live Sunday night, but they also zoomed in for a close up of her crotch at the end of the performance with a lit up heart on her… should we call it her “woohoo?”

As a parent who researches youth culture for a living, it takes a lot to surprise me. But I confess, I was truly shocked with how far MTV was allowed to go on Sunday night. (You can catch my detailed synopsis of this popular event watched by literally millions of our teens and tweens in this week’s Youth Culture Window article.)

As for Christina’s new album Bionic, released today… I guess I’m not surprised at all by its racy content. Christina has always trumped Britney on the road to skankville. Bionic features the song, Not Myself Tonight, a song and video that I already blogged about a few weeks ago. That particular video was number one in iTunes for a few days– it’s the 5th most downloaded video today. If you’re a parent, you might want to take a peek at what your kids have access to only a click away.

As for the third song on the album, Woohoo… there’s not much to say. Here’s a glimpse at the lyrics:

You know you really wanna (hey)
Wanna taste my (woohoo)
You know you wanna get a peak
Wanna see my (woohoo)
You know you wanna put your lips
Where my hips are (woohoo)
Kiss all my (woohoo)
All over my (woohoo)

All the boys think it’s cake
When they taste my (woohoo)
You don’t even need a plate
Just your face, ha (woohoo)
Licky, licky, yum yum (woohoo)
What a great guy (woohoo)…

One of the sad elements of this song if you listen to the entire thing is that it is so casual about drinking and hooking up, with, of course, no mention of the numerous consequences to this physically, emotionally and spiritually. I’m not the only one upset by this kind of irresponsibility.

Another interesting thing about these lyrics– notice how Christina never uses any cuss words or says anything outright. (I mean… yes… HELLO! It’s as blatant as ever… but I can hear kids now, “What are you talking about mom! The song is clean!”) Interesting enough, iTunes still has labeled the song explicit. I say “interesting,” because they and many others didn’t label the “clean version” of Lil Wayne’s Lollipop (also about oral sex) explicit. They just edited out the cusswords, but left all references to licking the lollipop… and poof… it was “clean.”

Parents… listen up.

It’s a simple tool called Google. When your kids want to download a song, just pop on Google, type the artist, the song name, and then type the word “lyrics,” and hit search. In this case, you would type: Christina Aguilera Woohoo lyrics.

Read the lyrics and then have a conversation with your kids. Don’t tell them it’s wrong. Have them read the lyrics out loud to you. Then ask them. “What’s this song about?”

I’ve written an entire article about this process here: Dad, Can I Download this Song?

Keep having these conversations. Because as long as the Christinas, Britneys… and even Mileys of the world are out there, we need to teach our kids discernment with their media choices.

Who Wants to Be Skanky?

Posted on: 05/16/10 9:20 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s like a new game show. “Who Wants to the Be the Most Skanky!” And the winner… Christina Aguilera, by a landslide with her new #1 video, Not Myself Tonight.

The competition for trampiness has been tight lately.

And that’s just in the last week. How do you top that?

Well… leave it to Christina; and I guess her plan worked, because this weekend her insanely sexualized Not Myself Tonight video hit the #1 spot for downloaded videos on iTunes.

Sex sells…. indeed.

Here’s a glimpse of the lyrics of this song:

I’m dancing a lot and I’m taking shots
and I’m feeling fine I’m kissing all the boys and the girls
Someone call the doctor cause I lost my mind…

Cause I’m doing things that I normally won’t do
The old me is gone, I feel brand new
And if you don’t like it, f*** you

(how interesting that she quoted II Corinthians 5:17)   🙂

I thought about showing you a screenshot from the video… but in all honesty, it was hard to find one that I felt like I could even post. If she’s not half naked, then she’s licking the tongue of another girl or being groped by her male dancers. This shot is about the cleanest glimpse I can give you.

Isn’t it comforting to see that our kids can just click the “preview” button and see all this?

Screen Time

Posted on: 03/1/10 9:55 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I just got back from a weekend speaking at a camp… a weekend where I was unplugged for three days. Kind of nice. Now I’m checking email and catching up on articles for the first time… and WOW!

I just read our new Youth Culture Window article David posted while I was gone, The Lure of Glowing Screens. What a revealing article about teenagers and the time they spend staring at the all mighty screen.

This is David’s third article in the series we’ve done about the Kaiser Family Foundations amazing new “entertainment media” study. I’m not going to bother summarizing his thoughts… you really should just read it. But here’s a few snippits that I found particularly disturbing/revealing:

The content available to kids online is constantly growing and changing. Unfortunately, many of those changes are not good.

For instance, one of the biggest buzzes in youth culture this past week has been the explosion in popularity of a website called ChatRoulette. This is a site that allows users to employ their computer-mounted webcam to chat with any other person using the site at the same time. If you don’t like who you’re looking at, you just hit “next,” and in true roulette fashion, another site user is randomly assigned to your computer screen.

During the writing of this article, I visited the site for about 7 minutes to see what the buzz was all about. In that time, I clicked through mainly guys – no surprise there – about 60 in total, 4 of whom were openly masturbating. In the same 7 minutes, I only saw 2 women…but one of them was doing a topless strip tease.    

Are you still sure you want a computer in your child’s bedroom?

Crazy, huh? Now some good news from his article.

The leading influence on kids’ lives has been debated for quite a while; some think it’s media, while others believe it’s parents. In fact, the answer is “it depends.”  

In households where parents monitor media and make sure to spend quality time with their kids on a daily basis, “parents” are the leading influence on kids’ lives. But in homes where parents delegate quality time with their kids to screens, “media” gladly steps into the void and becomes a surrogate parent.

But there’s hope. Kids will respond and react to the influence offered by parents. For instance, KFF discovered that when parents did set limits on screen time, children spent less time with media…far less time, in fact. Kids in homes with any media rules consumed almost 3 hours (2:52) less media each day than kids in homes with no rules. That’s huge!

So parents please don’t throw in the towel. You can make a difference…a big difference!

I encourage you to read the whole article here.

Does the Internet Make Us Stupid?

Posted on: 02/24/10 4:00 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Does Google make us stupid? That particular question almost became viral when tech scholar and analyst Nicholas Carr wrote a cover story with that cover line for Atlantic Monthly Magazine in 2008. The Pew Research Center decided to do a study asking experts the validity of this claim and others. I think you’ll find the results intriguing.

Funny, last year my 15-year-old son asked me, “Dad, when you were a kid, what search engine did you use to…”

I interrupted him. “Alec, when I was a kid there WAS NO internet.”

His eyes grew as big as saucers. “What?!!”

After pondering how my son had possibly missed this fact for 15 years of his life, I continued. “Yes, when I was a kid, Al Gore hadn’t invented the internet yet. We actually had to go to libraries!”

It’s funny to think about life before the internet. I remember in the early 90’s when a buddy of mine first showed me this thing I had been hearing about called the World Wide Web. I remember the first time browsing AOL, searching “Alta Vista” and hearing a computerized voice declare, “You’ve got mail!”

Ah… those were the days.

So the question is: after almost two decades of the internet, are we smarter, or dumber?

The quick answer is “smarter,” according to new research from Pew Internet & American Life Project (I subscribe to their emails- The Pew Research Center does great surveys and studies). This web-based survey gathered opinions from prominent scientists, business leaders, consultants, writers and technology developers.

Here’s just a snippet from their findings:

  • Three out of four experts said our use of the Internet enhances and augments human intelligence
  • Two-thirds said use of the Internet has improved reading, writing and rendering of knowledge
  • Google won’t make us stupid: 76% of these experts agreed with the statement, “By 2020, people’s use of the Internet has enhanced human intelligence; as people are allowed unprecedented access to more information they become smarter and make better choices.”

You can read the whole summary here.

My two cents:
After hearing years of criticism of the internet, I found it interesting to hear the majority of these “experts” vote in favor of it.

I find it funny how some people seem to want to label the internet either all bad, or all good. This kind of polar thinking is nonsensical. That’s like proclaiming that all automobiles are bad when your child is struck by a car. Yes, people sometimes drive drunk and kill people. Used tires, hydrocarbons… I’m sure the list goes on. But next time you buy a basket of strawberries in Pennsylvania in January, ask yourself, “Where did this strawberry come from?” (Its journey involved a big diesel truck, I promise you) And consider families visiting each other across state lines. Or call a car bad when you need a 30 mile drive to a hospital, stat! Both good and bad has resulted from the invention of the automobile. 

Such is true with the internet. Sure, the internet offers plenty of ways for people to get into trouble. But personally, I can attest to doors God has opened to do incredible ministry through the internet. God has helped our ministry at www.TheSource4YM.com provide free resources for parents and youth workers around the world for a decade now. If someone needs free youth ministry training, they can just click a button. We could not have done this ministry in 1980.

We get regular emails from across the globe of people who have used our free ministry resources to make an eternal impact in teenagers in their community. Think about that. I write a Bible study or a sermon and hit a button that says POST. Five minutes later a youth worker in the Philiippines downloads it and leads someone to Christ or helps a group of teenagers grow in their faith.

The internet brings both good and bad. And if you’ve been on my blog even a few times, you’ll see that I’m a huge advocate of helping parents teach discernment and create boundaries with the internet just like they would any other media source (I blogged about that just yesterday with the new #1 Black Eyed Peas song). But they can also use it for learning, building community and even growing spiritually. As I write this blog, my son is 12 feet from me on another computer logged into his youth group’s blog, adding comments to something his youth pastor shared with the group online.

Hmmmmm.

Media Consumption

Posted on: 01/22/10 4:46 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I thought I’d give you a sneak peek at our new Youth Culture Window article that will be featured on our front page all this coming week. We just put it up on the site.

As you heard from my last blog, the Kaiser Foundation just released their most recent media consumption report, and WOW!

If you didn’t see the report, David provides us with a great summary. Here’s a snippet:

According to the long awaited and highly anticipated Kaiser Family Foundation’s report entitled Generation M2: Media in the Lives of 8-18 Year-Olds, students between 7th and 12th grade spend 7 hours and 38 minutes every day (or 53.4 hours, weekly) taking in various forms of “entertainment media.”  

That’s more time than is required to drive from coast to coast. (Google it if you don’t believe me.) …

Every week, kids spend over 53 hours listening to music, surfing the web, watching TV, taking in a movie, thumbing through a magazine, playing video games, enjoying mobile apps on their cell phone…or all of the above…at the same time.

That’s right. Since kids tend to “media multitask” – for example, watching TV while listening to music at the same time – KFF inquired about that tendency, and found that kids actually cram a total of 10 hours and 45 minutes of different media into the span of 7 hours and 38 minutes!    

That’s like an all-you-can-eat media buffet!

Click here for the entire article

8-18 Year-olds Average 7 hrs 38 minutes Daily to Entertainment Media

Posted on: 01/20/10 11:17 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Yes, it’s true, 8-18 year-olds average 7 hrs and 38 minutes per day consuming entertainment media. Do those numbers sound high? They should. Because today’s average daily media consumption in the lives of 8-18 year-olds has increased by over an hour per day since the last study 5 years ago.

7 hours and 38 minutes is the brand new total released just TODAY from the Kaiser Family Foundation that you’ll be seeing quoted in reports everywhere for the next 5+ years. The report is called Generation M2: Media in the Lives of 8-18-Year-Olds.

Five years ago Kaiser released their March 2005 report, Generation M: Media in the Lives of 8-18 Year-olds. Since then, the Journal of Pediatrics, Pew Internet, CNN… EVERYONE… have used those numbers in their own reports about young people and media consumption.

Well… the new numbers are in. And media consumption is way up across the board. (Duh!)

This Sunday David and I will release our article with the summary of these findings in our weekly Youth Culture Window article. For those who want to get a sneak peak at the full Kaiser report, click here. Here’s some of what you’ll find:

Check out that increase in just the last 5 years!

Wow… kids are really reading that print-media, huh!  🙂

That’s just a snippet. You’ll also learn fun tidbits from the full report like the fact that cell phone talking and texting is NOT counted as media use (page 18, paragraph 2). That’s right, on top of the average of 7 hours and 38 minutes that young people spend per day in the above activities, there is also texting and talking on the phone.

  • 11-14 year olds spend an average of 1 hour and 13 minutes per day texting, and 36 minutes per day talking.
  • 15-18 year-olds spend an average of 1 hour and 51 minutes per day texting, and 43 minutes per day talking.

Add those numbers to 7 hours 38 minutes!

I’ve been looking forward to this report for a while now. Last week, Amanda Lenhart from Pew Internet told me that it was coming out today. (Another fascinating conversation… I had emailed her because I saw a report released from an organization I won’t name, a report that said that young people were spending 2.5 to 3.2 hours a day online. I read these reports all the time and that sounded high. A similar Nielsen report showed young people- depending on age- only spent a little over an hour per day. That’s an hour to two hours per day different! After examining both reports, I feared that this “un-named” organization was doing an internet survey. Think about that for a moment. “Let’s use the internet to poll people on the internet how often they are on the internet!”  🙂  Sure enough, my guess was correct. But I also emailed Amanda- I really respect her research– and asked her as a third party what she thought. She basically said, “Let’s see what Kaiser says next week!” Sure enough, this new report released today only reveals an average of 1 hour and 29 minutes of daily internet time.)

Again, we’ll give you the full summary next week on our Youth Culture Window page. But for those who have time, I really encourage you to read Kaiser’s full report. Just glimpse at some of their charts. Fascinating stuff about this young generation and their love for media.