So I Turned On MTV…

Posted on: 06/3/12 8:15 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Tonight is the first time I’ve turned on MTV this year. I typically only watch the channel a couple times a year. Tonight was one of those times so I could write my annual MTV Movie Awards article.

The MTV network is a powerful voice in the lives of young people. I won’t rehash all the statistics, I blogged about this in detail earlier this week.

The MTV Movie Awards has a pre-show, so let me extend to you my own form of a pre-show. Here’s a glimpse inside my head (yes, a scary place) as I sat down to watch MTV this evening.

Jonathan’s MTV Movie Awards Article Pre-Show
I had just finished teaching a workshop to a bunch of volunteer managers in Cleveland and made my way back to my hotel room, tired, hungry and less than excited to have to watch the MTV Movie Awards. I stopped by Taco Bell and ordered a Chicken Soft Taco (I have very high culinary standards).

I didn’t even know what time the show was gonna air on the East Coast so I just turned on MTV about 6ish. The show Punk’d was on and Miley Cyrus was pranking some friends like Kelly Osbourne, Liam Hemsworth and Khloe Kardashian.

Punk’d, as a show, is pretty creative and funny. It’s GEN Y’s version of Candid Camera. But it’s hard to even express my disappointment in Miley. After watching her in action for the entire episode, it was pretty clear that she’s really lost. We really need to pray for Miley.

One of the more depressing elements of watching MTV is always the commercials. My Twitter followers saw me tweet about this commercial… what the heck does that have to do with fat burning? A great reminder that this channel is a sell out.

Saw several commercials for Real World St. Thomas, MTV’s new depraved reality show with the slogan, “Paradise Can Be Hell.” Looks like more of the same from the network.

I ended up seeing about two hours of Punk’d. I was really torn. I planned on doing some work while waiting for the Awards to start, but I found myself pretty entertained by the show. It had me conflicted. There were some creative moments (like when Bieber pranked Taylor Swift), but overall, I’m really glad that I just block this channel in my house.

Then the Movie Awards show finally started, hosted by Russell Brand. I’m writing my two cents about the show right now. We’ll post it tomorrow (Monday) mid-day on our Youth Culture Window page, appearing on the front pages of both TheSource4YM.com and TheSource4Parents.com. Be sure to check out that article and post your comments.

Who is Watching the MTV Movie Awards This Sunday and Why?

Posted on: 05/29/12 4:28 PM | by Jonathan McKee

The MTV Movie Awards airs this Sunday night, a television event that is always over-the-top raunchy and irreverent, chock full of every celeb imaginable, and consequently, sure to attract enough teens and tweens to make it one of the most watched television events of the year.

I always find it interesting what young people are watching on TV. This isn’t the easiest information to find. Sure, you can pop on Nielsen’s website at any time and see the most popular shows that everyone are watching (usually with a few weeks time lag), both broadcast and cable, but this doesn’t tell you what teenagers specifially are watching? (or even young people 12-34, which is MTV’s target audience).

Every week my Twitter followers see me Tweet the link to an obscure site that, on Fridays, lists the Top 10 Combined Broadcast/Basic Cable shows among different age groups according to Disney from Nielsen Media Research Data. I always scroll down and peek at their list of top shows watched by Teens 12-17-years-old. During the Jersey Shore season, guaranteed this vulgar reality show will always be the #1 show across all of television watched by teens (usually followed by Family Guy, American Idol and a few others). Shows like Jersey Shore and Teen Mom are helping MTV maintain status as the top network watched by younger viewers. Such has been the case for years now.

Enter the MTV Movie Awards, stage left.

The Movie Awards has never been the powerhouse that its sister show has, The Video Music Awards (VMAs). The VMA’s effortlessly clinches the spot each year as the #1 cable telecast of the entire year watched by 12-34-year-olds—it easily dominated in 2011 with the cross-dressing Gaga at the helm. In short, the VMA’s are the Super Bowl of cable. But the MTV Movie Awards draw a pretty large crowd as well, especially for a summer telecast.

Last year the MTV Movie Awards had a huge night, with record numbers, becoming #3 of the top 5 cable telecasts of 2Q 2011, driving record traffic to MTV.com, and dominating social conversation between Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter.

Sadly, this popular show always offers plenty of content that is racy and vile, elements that, if parents were to actually watch the show with their kids, would surely prompt them to hit the OFF button. For example, last year’s lesbian sex scene where Natalie Portman’s panties were literally ripped off (MTV has mastered the trick of “showing sexual content without actually showing nudity”), or the year prior when Christina Aguilera sang a song about her genitals and the camera pushed in for a close up of her crotch at the end of the performance (I’m really not making this stuff up).

Each year the show also features performances or appearances by plenty of role models who really shouldn’t be role models. For example, Russel Brand is hosting (I probably don’t need to say any more there). And the ubiquitously “high” Wiz Khalifa is scheduled to perform Sunday…that is, if he can keep himself out of jail long enough (Khalifa was busted twice within 10 days for marijuana earlier this month). This, of course, is brushed off as no big deal by many. I guess the news would be really discouraging if pot smoking among teenagers has gone up lately.

Hmmmmmm.

So parents… make sure that your TVs are not tuned into MTV this Sunday night. Youth workers, you may want to put your own kids to bed and take a quick peek at the show just to see what millions of young people are absorbing.

Or, better yet, if you don’t want to watch it, you can wait for my article about the evening. You can catch our summary of last year’s MTV Movie Awards here, an annual gift that David and I wrote for you each year… a gift because then you don’t have to watch it! I’ll be writing this year’s article Sunday night and posting it for you next Monday on our Youth Culture Window page.

It’s sad. I love movies, and there are plenty of good family films this summer. Too bad a show “about movies” on the network most watched by young people has to be marinated in fecal matter.

Just Don’t Leave Any Evidence

Posted on: 05/21/12 3:34 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It usually works like this. Mike and Stephanie are “a thing.” Their relationship is the talk of their high school. Mike convinces Stephanie to send him a picture of her wearing a thong…or less. Stephanie does, because, after all, that’s what guys like, right? What music video doesn’t have girls showing off their goods? That’s what girls are supposed to do!

A month later Mike and Stephanie break up. Angry, Mike shows the picture of Stephanie to a bunch of his friends. “Looks at what a slut she is!”

Within 4 hours Stephanie is sent her own photo by a friend. “Look what Mike is sending around.”

Stephanie is mortified. She wishes she would never have sent the photo.

“Well don’t worry Stephanie, have we got a solution for you!” (Enter cheesey music and graphics here!) “Just use the new iPhone app called SnapChat. ShapChat allows you to send a picture to your friends that only lasts a designated number of seconds…then it’s gone forever!”

I wish I was kidding. But SnapChat is quite real. Last week it was #12 on the free iOS photo app charts in the U.S. I tried the app to see how it works. Click a pic, choose how many seconds you want someone to see it, then send it to whoever you want. No accountability at all.

Isn’t it nice that, once again, we’re teaching young people the wrong lessons? Instead of teaching them to make the right choices in the first place, we’re teaching them, “Don’t leave any evidence of your bad choices.”

App creator Evan Spiegel denies that the app is for sexting, but readily admits that the app was partially inspired by the Anthony Weiner scandal (Weiner is the congressman that Tweeted photos helping him live up to his last name).

Hmmmm. So what is the app for?

Let me not lead you astray and try to convince you that the majority of teenagers are sending naughty pictures or sexual texts to each other. Not even close. As far as I can tell, about 4 percent of minors age 12-17 have sent these kind of messages, and about 15 percent have received them. When it comes to 18 and 19-year-olds, the percentages grow rapidly. Regardless of the numbers, when young people see the subject dealt with in the media today, what message are they hearing about choices and their consequences? Just don’t leave any evidence?

(If you’re curious about where all these “sexting” numbers came from, I encourage you to read this Youth Culture Window article I wrote a few years ago about the whole sexting hype, Fact or Fiction. Then you can read my blog about the Pew Research report that claims only 4% of teenagers age 12-17 have sent sexually suggestive, nude, or nearly nude images of themselves to someone else via text messaging, and my conversation with the report author Amanda Lenhart about her numbers.)

Equipping Teenagers to Make Decisions
What are we teaching our teenagers…or are we leaving that up to someone else? Do teenagers understand that choices have consequences? Can mistakes like this be covered up if we just take precautions and use slick little CYA tools like SnapChat?

In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t bring up SnapChat if I was talking to a youth group (unless it was an app that I saw the majority of my group using), but I would definitely talk about the concept of choices and their consequences. The subject of decision-making goes way beyond how we use our cell phones. At the same time, cell phone “mistakes” might be a good way to introduce the subject of decisions and their consequences.

Last week the Sydney Morning Herald ran an article titled, Teen Sext Haunts Man 7 Years Later. The story is about a young man’s impulsive decision to email two pictures of himself and his girlfriend having sex when they were 17. That quick decision still haunts the 24-year-old today, now a registered sex offender.

We wrote a discussion using the article as a springboard to talk about Galatians, Chapter 6 where it says, “You reap what you sow.” This free piece of curriculum on our website has small group questions, scripture and a wrap up, and is a great example of a tool to talk with teenagers about choices and their consequences.

What about you?
Have you had any personal experience with young people posting or sending something they regretted? How did you handle the situation?

How have you talked with teenagers about these issues?

Mean Christians

Posted on: 04/17/12 5:17 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I guess a lot of Christians think that the “ends” justify the “being mean.”

This past week myself and a few friends in the youth ministry world have had several spears thrown at us. I’m not surprised at all when people disagree. It happens. But I am surprised when so-called followers of Christ think they have a license to be “mean.” No need for a big vocabulary word there… “mean” says it all.

One of the dangerous things about having an online presence is that you subject yourself to criticism from anonymous faultfinders. That probably one of the reasons why I secretly enjoy this little Saturday Night Live video about these kinds of “commenters”.

Don’t get me wrong, I get plenty of encouragement from most of you; but it’s interesting how one negative voice in your ear can really pierce through. I know I shouldn’t let it… but mean words are hard to filter out at times.

Just a few days ago while my family was on a trip down to Southern California to visit my son at his college, I got up early to check email. Some guy tweeted a link to me and said, “Something for your little evangelism contest.” The article he linked was an awkward article about a guy using very aggressive methods to bring people to Christ. I didn’t really know what this tweeter meant by the link. But, trying to be cordial and respond, I tweeted him back, saying something like, “Ha… that’s an interesting one.” An hour or so later I’m eating breakfast with my family and I notice a tweet reply on my phone. It was that same guy. Here’s what he said:

“Really, one of the most noble witnessing events ever just gets a “Ha” from you? I pity the people impressed by you.”

Now, he probably didn’t know this… but that really affected me. It really hurt.

I hadn’t mean anything with my “ha” response. In hindsight, I guess I shouldn’t have responded at all because I was actually confused by his comment, assuming he was being sarcastic (one of the difficulties of the internet- lack of non-verbal cues). Come to find out, this guy was truly upset at Youth Specialties’ little evangelism contest and thought it did “more harm than good.” Again… people will disagree. But where does this “Christian, Full Time Home Missionary to Students and Their Families” (I’m quoting his Twitter description), feel justified in telling someone, “I pity the people impressed by you.”

Wow!

I can’t help but wonder if he would have said that to me in public? Is this how he talks to his pastor if he doesn’t like his sermon? Is this how he talks with his wife? Or are these spears saved for the brothers and sisters in Christ that he’ll never see face to face.

Last week a guy went on a blogging rampage against my friends Doug Fields and Mark Matlock. I’m not going to even give the guy the courtesy of linking his blog, but trust me, it was mean! His blog was not only pure nonsense… it was mean.

He defended himself saying that he was trying to raise awareness.

No. He was just being mean.

A couple months ago we launched a new video series for parents called R U Listening. Each week we share a teenage perspective on parenting and then have an author or speaker respond with their two cents. Just two videos into the series we started getting some cruel feedback, personal attacks on David and I (I think they were from some of those guys in the video linked above).

It was mean.

I expect it from the world, but personally, it’s really difficult to receive from the body of Christ.

I see why the Apostle Paul spent so much time in his letters encouraging unity and warning us of backbiters who love to gossip and slander. We can prophesy and have faith that will move mountains… but without love… GONG!!!! CLANG!!!

Maybe that’s why Paul encouraged us to not talk in a way that divides believers, but “builds them up.” That’s what “unwholesome” talk means (no, it doesn’t mean cuss words).

So, some thoughts for us to consider (because I need this as much as you) from Paul’s letter to Ephesians, the end of Chapter 4.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

How can you kind to someone today?

How can you show compassion?

Who is someone you need to forgive?

Don’t Believe the Hype

Posted on: 04/11/12 7:05 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Last week I read an article link that claimed, “Facebook is Responsible for 1/3 of All Divorces.”

Really? Would you actually repeat that statistic? Are you willing to bet your reputation that it’s true? Should we believe the headlines when we read this kind of stuff… or should we possibly take 60 seconds to dig a little deeper?

Last week I implored parents in my parent workshop, “Don’t just read the headlines!” As a guy who spends about 5 to 10 hours a week researching youth culture, let me assure you, headlines can be sooooooo misleading. Take this Facebook article, for example. Last week I saw several different headlines, blog posts and web links all linking to this article, which claimed, an I quote, “Studies have found that Facebook can actually be serious trouble for a relationship and is responsible for one-third of divorces. One-third!”

This provides a perfect example of what to look out for in media hype:

  1. Steer clear of those who don’t cite their research. I’m not being an alarmist when I say, “Never believe a statistic that someone doesn’t cite.” Seriously. If a “study shows that…” then they should document that study. That way you, the reader, can see if Nielson truly analyzed 65,000 phone bills, or if a guy named Jimmy asked 4 teenagers in his garage, “How many of yous guys text each other? Hmmmmm…two hands. I guess that means that a recent survey shows that only 50% of young people text each other!”
  2. Watch out for articles that misread and misquote studies. I know… I know. This one is a little more difficult. This sometimes takes clicking a source and skimming it for a minute or two. Misreading and misquoting stats is common. I’ve written about that in great detail in this 2009 Youth Culture Window article, and again in this 2011 article down under the subtitle “Misinformation.” Or simply take a peek at that Facebook article linked above. That article was not only based on numbers from a website called Divorce Online (hmmmm… red flags anyone?), it actually misread Divorce Online’s original claims. Blogger Tom Royal breaks that down here. But that brings up another subject…
  3. Watch out for online surveys about how many people are doing “online” activities. Yeah. Duh! I once read a statistic about how much time the average teenager spends on the Internet each day. I was familiar with recent numbers from Kaiser and Nielsen, but this particular survey in question revealed waaaaaay higher numbers. About a minute of scrolling and reading quickly revealed that this was based on a survey of a few hundred kids that responded to an online poll on a teen website. Just think about that one. (Let me go down to the corner bar and take a quick survey of how many people in America drink!)

So what can you do as a reader to make sure you are reading and researching responsibly?

Simple. Make sure you make a habit of getting your data from trustworthy sources. Sorry, that excludes all forwarded emails from your Aunt Judy. If any of the articles or studies you read violate the three blunders above…consider reading from a different source.

I can assure you that I’ve probably mistyped, misread or even forgot a citation. I’m human, and I am often pounding out over 5 articles per week. But I can also assure you that those mistakes are the exception. We always strive for accuracy and transparency.That’s why I provide you with a box on the front page of TheSource4Parents.com titled, “Offsite articles Jonathan has read this week” so you can read the exact same articles and studies I’m reading.

If you trust us enough to CONNECT WITH US and subscribe to my blog, our free Youth Culture Window articles or other free newsletters, we are going to make the greatest efforts to always deliver you accurate research with our sources cited and checked. You deserve to know the truth!

After Seeing Hunger Games…

Posted on: 03/25/12 9:31 AM | by Jonathan McKee

“If no one watches, they don’t have a game!” –Gale

It’s a little ironic that some parents are objecting to the violent premise of The Hunger Games. “It’s kids killing other kids!” In actuality, The Hunger Games compels the audience to value life, mourn death, and literally gasp at violence.

It’s sad that The Hunger Games is being compared to Twilight and other teenage fodder, because truly…there’s no comparison. The Hunger Games has proven to be so much more. The film, based on Suzanne Collins’ best selling book, was powerful and thought provoking, an amazing social commentary about our society’s growing callousness toward violence.

If you caught my blog a few days ago, I shared four important questions I encouraged parents to ask about films to help them teach their kids discernment:

  • Is this story glorifying violence or inappropriate sexual situations?
  • Is this story making “bad” look “good” or enticing?
  • Does this story irresponsibly display imitatable attitudes and behaviors that our kids will absorb and eventually emulate?
  • Does this story needlessly sell out to showing “eye candy” like nudity or gratuitous violence?

Now that I have seen The Hunger Games, I not only vehemently express my approval for the film, I can also attest that it didn’t include any of those four inappropriate or irresponsible elements.

The film was superior on so many levels, but I think one element that resonated with me the most was the glaring contrast between the impoverished districts struggling day to day for a meager existence, fighting for mere scraps of food, while the haughty Capital City lived pampered, overindulgent lives. The Capital City’s condescending attitude was disheartening, but their callous disregard for human life is what took the cake. A gladiatoresque reality show featuring kids killing kids was pure entertainment to these monsters.

At this point I almost expect someone to scroll down to my comment section and suggest, “Aren’t we similar monsters if we watch the movie?”

Before you do, allow me a moment to propose two responses to this accusation:

First, are we never to tell any tales of such monsters?
Is it improper to tell a story about good and evil? Should we steer our kids clear of any of these cold realities about human nature?

The Bible is full of horrific stories of rampant sin and its consequence. Cain and Able (kids killing kids). Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot and his daughters. (Eeew!) Fairy tales have long told anecdotes about evil villains luring kids into ovens, deceiving young girls to eat poison apples, and even wolves disguised as Grandma enticing cute little granddaughters close enough to eat. C.S. Lewis told marvelous stories about kids traveling to an imaginary land where they fought bloody battles against an entire army and an evil witch. Several of these films have made it to the big screen.

Someone call Westboro Baptist. We should protest all of these stories!

Perhaps we should stop over-reacting, and instead, begin interacting with our kids about good vs. evil, even using some of these amazing pieces of literature as a discussion springboard.

Second, The Hunger Games film responsibly made good look good, and evil look evil.
Sadly, today’s media often makes bad look good. Not the case with The Hunger Games. This 2-hour-and-22 minute film will not only keep you on the edge of your seat, it paints a stark contrast between good and evil. It won’t take audiences long to recognize the many appearances of evil: hypocrisy, injustice, exploitation, complete disregard for human life…and plain ol’ murder.

Then there’s Katniss.

I’m not really giving away much of a spoiler when I tell you that Katniss, our heroine, begins the film by selflessly sacrificing herself, instead of a loved one, to take part in the heinous fight to the death known as the Hunger Games. Katniss demonstrates honor, mercy and self sacrifice throughout the film. Some might be bothered that she isn’t a pacifist—she does defend herself and others. But Katniss is a true hero, something we don’t always see or read about in stories today.

Social Commentary… without Selling Out
Let’s be real. The filmmakers had a tough job. How do you provide social commentary about a society entertained by “gladiators” … without becoming the very society you depict? I was impressed, if not amazed with director Gary Ross’ finished product. Ross artistically transformed the novel’s first person perspective so that audiences connected with Katniss, quickly empathizing with her, carrying her burdens…feeling her pain.

There’s a moment in the film where two lives are taken in one moment…and something happened in my theatre that I haven’t heard in years. The theatre literally gasped. Sadly, today’s movies are so chock-full of senseless violence, I’ve often heard laughter or cheers when someone is killed onscreen.

Not in The Hunger Games.

Ross created a mood that recognized the horror of killing. In The Hunger Games death is mourned. Noble heroes wept in this film. Many in the audience cried as well. I cried twice…but I cry easy.

In a way it reminds me of what Clint Eastwood did with his powerful film, Unforgiven. How often do films portray the mental anguish that one experiences after killing someone? In Unforgiven, we repeatedly see people experience the guilt and complete change of heart that occurs when they take someone else’s life. This is contrasted to a few characters who are numb to the effects of pulling the trigger.

Hunger Games paints a similar distinction. Killing isn’t to be taken lightly. Ethical lines are drawn in the sand.

And for the icing on the cake, Ross magically refrains from showing gratuitous violence. Don’t get me wrong. This film is probably too intense for most kids under 13. At times we see glimpses of the horror taking place, but Ross shows incredible discernment, making sure that his film doesn’t become a spectacle like the games themselves.

In short, The Hunger Games was heart wrenching, powerful and thought-provoking. I’ll be seeing it with my girls (14 and 16) this week with no hesitation. Will it make it to my Blu Ray shelf? The odds are highly in favor.

Shhhh! Don’t Talk About Sex

Posted on: 02/26/12 5:31 PM | by Jonathan McKee

SEX! It’s a subject that Christian parents and youth workers don’t talk about enough with our kids, and so for the next 5 days I’m going to talk about… talking about it!

A couple weeks ago I was speaking at a camp in rural Wisconsin and I brought up the subject of sex to my middle school audience of about 500 kids. Funny enough, I received a handful of the typical “Why are you talking about sex with this age group!” comments.

Since that camp (not even two weeks ago, as I write this), I’m amazed how much the subject of “talking about sex with teenagers” has come up. This “hush” isn’t just limited to Wisconsin.

Let me say it simply: talking about sex is something we need to talk about.

Just a few days after the camp, Marko wrote this insightful blog about how he actually prefers to speak to middle schoolers about sex—the perfect time to talk with them about it. He articulated it like this: “It’s pure irresponsibility as a youth worker to avoid this subject.” He goes on to describe how “all over the board” they are developmentally and how, often with middle schoolers, it’s more “what sex will be” than “what it is” for them in their lives.

I can’t agree more.

A few days ago I had breakfast with my friend Doug Fields and shared what had happened at this camp, specifically the moms who told me, “These kids weren’t thinking about sex at all, but now that you brought it up they are!” Doug, having seen this overprotective parenting style on way too many occasions, nodded his head in disbelief. Forget the adults for a moment- we both felt for these poor misinformed kids that were basically taught, “We don’t ever talk about ‘the naughty thing.’” It’s something we observe way too often.

Is this a national problem?

How about international.

My dad is on a missions trip to Uganda right now teaching and equipping African pastors how to preach God’s word. One of the African ministers traveling with him, Andrew, is a pastor who travels to different villages talking about sex and the AIDS epidemic, educating young people about the truth. Sadly, in the African culture they rarely talk about sex. (Wow, Uganda is just like Wisconsin!) Andrew has earned trust with several of the schools and has been teaching “True Love Waits” rallies, presenting the truth and then interacting with kids afterwards, answering questions they have.

My dad just sent me an email about this from his phone while in Uganda:

Had another good night sleep. We are at a catholic retreat center and it is pretty primitive, but the team is all so positive. We don’t have showers or hot water. Learning to wash my hair at a faucet. Cold shaves.

Our team that taught the “true love waits” to 200 middle school kids was pretty moved yesterday. After Andrew made the aids presentation they handed out cards for ?s. Everyone wrote ?s. Schools are in English. The ?s were heart wrenching. Things like “I’ve been raped. How do I know if I have aids?” Or “I have aids. Should I quit having sex with my boyfriend?”. This from 12 and 13 year olds! The headmaster of the school invited them back today to talk to another 200 kids. The team is very excited to present this material that Andrew has written. He was on a Ministry of education committee when he wrote this and now he can present this in public schools.

The African AIDS epidemic is pretty scary. Those of us in the US probably would like to think that we have an entire ocean separating us from this problem. Sadly, this isn’t just an African problem. It was only a few years ago that we all woke up to the headlines, “One in Four Teenage Girls Has a Sexually Transmitted Disease.” Teenage girls in the US are making the same mistakes.

Part of the problem is ignorance. Last month USNews wrote about a study revealing that one in four teenage girls who took the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine mistakenly thought their risk of getting other STDs was lowered. Sound crazy? I constantly encountered this kind of reasoning in my work with middle school students on campus. “I’ll just wear two condoms.” “I always shower really good after sex.”

The fact is, parents aren’t talking about sex enough with their kids. One “sex talk” isn’t enough. This needs to be an ongoing conversation. Adults aren’t spending the time to tell kids the truth.

I talk about sex to young people frequently, openly, honestly… never gratuitously. TV and movies talk about sex all the time; they just don’t tell the whole story. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk candidly about the subject, sharing the truth on the matter. Sex isn’t bad, sex isn’t naughty… it’s an amazing gift that God gives to a man and woman in marriage. The Bible isn’t afraid to talk about it in lurid detail and we shouldn’t be scared either.

So why is it that the church always squirms when we talk about sex? We’re so afraid of being “inappropriate” that we avoid talking about the elephant in the room. Meanwhile, Hollywood isn’t holding anything back when slinging lies.

Recently I read a study that tracked all the sexual dialogue in current MTV reality show programming like Jersey Shore, and the various Real Word shows (Side note: Jersey Shore was the #3 watched show on cable last week. This sexually charged show is very often the most watched cable show on any given week.) This sobering report revealed that in all the talk about intercourse, foreplay, oral sex, masturbation on these MTV shows… 96.4% of this kind of sexual talk didn’t mention any responsibility or consequences of any kind. Only 3.6 percent of the time did they ever talk about any sexual responsibility like virginity (.2%), contraceptives (1.4%) or consequences like STDs (2%). Today’s music isn’t much better at presenting truth.

The lies about sex are obviously getting good airtime. When are kids going to hear the truth? Who is going to tell them?

Parents… are you listening?

How do we have these talks with our kids?

Chime in with your 2 cents. Tomorrow I’m chiming in with “Four Facts About Sex We Can’t Hush.”  (OR CLICK HERE FOR ALL FOUR FACTS IN ONE ARTICLE ON OUR WEB PAGE FOR PARENTS)

* * *The-Sex-Talk

If you liked Jonathan’s candid approach to this subject, you’ll really enjoy his books, MORE THAN JUST THE TALK, and SEX MATTERS and others on Jonathan’s Recommended Books page.

 

A Click Away on iTunes Top 10

Posted on: 01/31/12 5:14 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s amazing what you can learn about youth culture today from iTunes. That’s what I did for this audience of parents and teenagers. I basically opened up iTunes and gave parents a quick tour of the top songs and music videos of the day. The results were a little sobering, funny, sad… and… well… what do you think?


CLICK HERE IF YOU DON’T SEE THE EMBEDDED VIDEO

Sorry Adam, My Wife is Hot

Posted on: 01/3/12 5:10 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My buddy Adam ranted in his blog today about guys who describe their wives as hot. Adam said it makes him cringe every time he hears it. Well… I cringed when I read Adam’s blog, because I am one of the people he referred to. “I have a hot wife!”

Don’t worry, I’m not “dissing” on my friend Adam. I called him up to ask him if he thought I should write this little pushback to his blog. He welcomed the banter. I think his opinion is valid. I just wanted him and others to hear from the other side… guys who just can’t keep quiet about their hot wives!

So in response to Adam’s “Yes, your wife is hot” blog, here are my reasons why I don’t hesitate to mention how hot my wife is:

  • I actually mean it! I’m not just forcing it or trying to be demonstrative, I really think my wife is hot. I don’t say it when I’m speaking at a church and she’s sitting right there in the front pew—she would be embarrassed. She doesn’t want people looking at her to see if she is hot. But I don’t hesitate to say it if the subject of my wife comes up when I’m talking with a friend, when I’m teaching a workshop, or even speaking to teenagers at a camp. If you hear me mention my wife, you’ll almost always hear me say something about how amazing or beautiful she is. I can’t resist!
  • Adam says it’s immature. I’ve been called immature for a lot worse!
  • More guys should think that their wives are hot! Unfortunately, 87% of men admitted to using porn in the year prior. That’s a lot of men that are looking at other women and thinking that they’re hot. I really don’t want to be in that group, and, speaking completely candidly, there are way too many men who are comfortable “looking around.” Sadly, we men all have friends who don’t hesitate to “look” as long as they “don’t touch.” You’ll hear guys say, “Just because I’m on the diet, it doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” Sorry guys, I’m not buying it. I really don’t want to look around, because I’ve witnessed too many guys noticing that the grass is greener wherever they look. Personally, I really like my grass. (Did that come out wrong?)
  • I said it way before Talladega Nights.
  • Our wives need to know that we truly think they are beautiful. Hopefully, men aren’t just putting on a show. They should tell their wives how beautiful they are, and often! I daily tell Lori how hot she is. Sadly, this is often met with a chuckle, followed by, “Yeah, right.” Same thing when I tell my daughters how beautiful they are. They often say, “Well you only say that because you’re my dad.” It’s sad how poor the self-esteem of our women has become today. Today’s women are bombarded with images of how they “should” look, with perfect skin, ginormous breasts, and anorexic waistlines. Today’s females are often trying to measure up to an image that doesn’t even exist. It’s sad what these media-images are doing to our women. Our women need to hear how beautiful they truly are from people who mean it and really care about them. I’m entranced with my wife like the Song of Solomon poet. I love her eyes, the curve of her back… and for her sake, I won’t got into any more detail like the Bible does (but I do enjoy fruit).
  • Our young men need to be head over heals crazy about the woman they marry, in all aspects. As a minister who has married lots of couples and is counseling a couple now, I’ve seen this backfire both ways. I’ve seen a man be infatuated with a woman’s looks only. The marriage didn’t last. On the other hand I’ve seen a man “settle” for a woman he really liked, but wasn’t attracted to. This marriage, like so many, ended up with him having a porn addiction. Criticize me if you want, but an attractive spouse is very important to men (Dr. Willard Harley talks about that fact in detail in his book, His Needs Her Needs). That better not be the only reason a man marries a woman, but couples should never “settle.” Those marriages are doomed from the start.
  • And Adam… just because you brought it up, my wife does make a mighty fine meat loaf! (As hot as she is, she knows that food will always come before sex in our house) (That was meant as to infer priority, not sequence, but I’ll gladly take the latter on any day).

That’s all I got.

So if you don’t think men should call their wife “hot,” then that’s okay. Really. I might have it wrong, but my intentions are right. I don’t have it all together, but I definitely can’t help but smother my wife with love and affection. I’m a tireless romantic. My kids probably grow tired of me kissing my wife’s neck in the kitchen (and then helping her do the dishes).

My daughter Alyssa told me the nicest thing a few weeks ago. She said, “How is any guy I date ever gonna measure up to you? If he brings flowers, I’m going to think, Only flowers? Where’s my poetry? Where’s my personalized romantic iTunes playlist? Where’s my surprise trip to the ocean?”

My wife is so much more than hot! (and yes, I did make a playlist called “Lori”)

Face to Face Time

Posted on: 12/7/11 11:21 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Shoulder-to-shoulder opens doors to face-to-face.

YouthSpecialties.com just posted a new article of mine titled, You Mean I’m Actually Supposed to Play Dodgeball?

Yes… that’s kind of a loaded title. There’s been a lot of criticism in the youth ministry world in the last few years, shooting arrows at “old methods,” especially anything that has to do with fun and games. I’ve written plenty about how games can open doors to amazing ministry opportunities— no need to rehash. So I’ll just emphasize one simple point: the simple art of “playing” with young people can break down walls, and catalyze some great conversations.

Here’s just a snippet from my dodgeball article:

If you want a kid to open up to you in small group time and speak honestly… try playing with them. The toss of a football, sharing a small cardboard tray of cheesy nachos at a football game, the ambush of a cute 8th grade girl with a dodgeball—these activities all open doors to connecting with kids.

That’s the thing. It doesn’t really matter what activity: dodgeball, worshipping to Chris Tomlin or playing X-box. Make the investment of time playing side by side and you’ll yield the results of conversation. Shoulder-to-shoulder opens doors to face-to face.

Just saying! (Click here for the entire dodgeball article, or click here for more on relational ministry in my book, Connect: Real Relationships in a World of Isolation)