Saying Goodbye

Posted on: 08/19/11 2:15 PM | by Jonathan McKee

The day is finally here… in one hour, we leave to take my son Alec over 300 miles away to begin his freshman year in college.

Alec is my oldest and this will be our first experience with one of our kids moving out. I can’t believe 18 years has past so quickly. We’ve been preparing for this for a long time. You’ve heard me mention it before, in this video, in my blog, etc. But today is the day!

We’ll drive down to Southern California tonight where we’ll stay with some amazing friends (my college room-mate Brian and his family), and then we’ll get up early tomorrow morning (Saturday) and drive the rest of the way, checking Alec into his dorm at 10AM. We’ll kiss him goodbye tomorrow night and head home.

I’m already preparing myself for the wealth of tears that are going to be flowing… in the seat next to me! Lori is going to be a wreck! I don’t know if I’ll actually cry. I’m so excited for Alec. The whole process is going to be pretty nice because Alec is actually excited about this new stage of life. He’s been looking forward to this for so long and he’s been talking about it all summer. Plus, the fact that he’s attending a nice Christian school where he’ll be studying Psychology, taking Bible classes… I’m just excited for him!

Enough said. I’m really proud of my little man!

Next time I write in this blog, I’ll have one away at college and I’ll be living in a house with three females! (Alec… help!!!!)

Clips

Posted on: 08/18/11 12:04 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay, I’m a big proponent of anything that helps adults initiate discussions with kids. I’m an even bigger fan of something that is mobile.

Let me introduce you to “Clips.”

Sure, I usually plug stuff to you that’s free. But this is $2.99. That’s close enough to free!

For those of you who love apps, you’ll love this. “Clips” is an app that helps you use scenes from a popular movie to kick off discussion. I’ll give you an example. I just watched Battle Los Angelos with my own kid last week. I looked on “Clips” to see if they had it- they did (you can search by Title, Topic, or Favorites). “Clips” offers a brief description, then provides you some quick q’s along with a few scripture suggestions.

“Clips” is in the beginning stages, so their list of movies definitely needs to grow. But I already saw movies like Toy Story 3, Tangled, The Dilemma, and The Blind Side on their list, to name just a few.

Definitely worth the $3.

Pre-Blessed Food

Posted on: 08/17/11 6:46 AM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s funny how this generation of young people actually will just sit around and watch You-Tube videos. My daughters will frequently just hang around the computer with their friends saying, “Oh wait, have you seen this one!” And then they click another video.

YouTube has created quite a few “celebrities” that are known… just for being funny YouTube video creators. One of these is a guy named Julian Smith. This guy, growing popular from his “Hot KoolAid” video, has become quite an internet sensation. My girls find him hilarious. And I gotta admit, he’s pretty funny (and has kept it clean as far as I have seen).

Here’s one of his videos that I’d actually show at youth group to kick off a talk on prayer. Funny stuff:

Side note: apparently he received a little negative feedback from some about this video. Here’s his personal response to that feedback– a little insight.

First Person Shooter Video Games

Posted on: 08/15/11 4:51 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Should parents oppose or embrace video games?

In a world where over 90% of young people “game” in one way or another (with 91% of tween boys and 93% of tween girls playing games online), how can parents keep up with which games are appropriate and which games aren’t? And how do parents decide how much game time is too much? Parents vary in their opinions. While some parents see video games as competing with grades or social time, other parents see video games as an opportunity to bond with their gaming kids. This Fast Company Magazine article goes as far as to say, “PlayStation is the New Playing Catch.”

Parents consistently ask me questions about discernment with video games, especially those “first person shooter” games. That’s one reason we just launched a brand new VIDEO GAME REVIEWS page on our parenting web site (We now have almost 200 game reviews up already).

Even with resources like this available, parents still seem to be curious of my personal “stand” on video games. For example, last month someone was reading articles on our www.TheSource4Parents.com website and asked me the following question using our new ASK THE SOURCE page:

Jonathan,

I’d love to hear your thoughts on first person shooter video games.

My 14 year old son says everyone in his discipleship group plays them and even his d-group leaders talk positively about Black Ops and other M-rated games that they play… even during d-group sessions.

When I was 14 my parents took away my beer t-shirt and my Cheech and Chong album with pot stashed in the car door, and looking back, I’m glad they did.

But my son had a fit when I took away his Teen rated Goldeneye 007 first person shooter Wii game. I couldn’t believe it was rated T. Lots of research links violent video games to more aggressive behavior in teens. But more importantly than that, I look at verses like Psalm 11:5, Matt. 5:21, Gal. 5:22-23, and Phil. 4:8, and I can clearly see that playing a “game” for 12 hours a day during summer vacation where you are endlessly seeking to shoot people in the head is not what brings about a life of love, joy, and peace.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this! Thanks so much for all the help you give to us as parents out here.

John

I thought this was a really good question. I get asked this question so often, I thought it would be good to post my answer. Here’s just a snippet:

John,

As for your question about video games–good question… and a common one.

We live in a “gaming” world now and parents are now faced with the responsibility of teaching our kids discernment about what games to play and what to avoid.

Let me first say, opinions on this subject will vary greatly. That’s why our new video game review page on www.TheSource4Parents.com will actually never say “let your kids play this” or “don’t let your kids play this one.” We’re just going to tell you the facts: a brief description, and then blurbs about “what parents should know about…” violence, language, sexual content, and spiritual content. Then the parent can make an informed decision.

We talk a little about the game industry in one of our recent Youth Culture Window articles, The Dominance of Video Games, giving parents specific advice on making informed decisions about purchasing video games and talking with our kids about making good media decisions.

As for me personally, it’s been a journey with my son. When he was younger, we stuck to Mario and Donkey Kong. But as he got into junior high, his desire for some of the shooting games like “Call of Duty” and “Halo” became more intense because all his friends played those games. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should give in to our kids every desire. If my son’s friends all watched the Hangover movies, it doesn’t mean that we should consider letting him watch it just because “everyone else is.” But there are certain times in our journey as a parent where we’ll need to address certain desires more than others. When my son was in junior high, he didn’t give a care about girls, but he longed to play first person shooter games!

To make matters more difficult, his junior high youth pastor played “Halo” with all the junior high boys at “Halo Night” events. I’m not saying that is a bad thing– but that did make my job as a parent more difficult because now, if I said, “Sorry Alec, you aren’t going to play this game.” …then I was really going to be the bad guy! After all, everyone, including his youth pastor, was playing this one!

So I did a little research on the subject. Here’s how I suggest parents research video games…

CLICK HERE FOR THE REST OF MY ANSWER ABOUT
TEACHING OUR KIDS VIDEO GAME DISCERNMENT

iTunes Reading

Posted on: 08/13/11 12:31 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s funny how many requests I received in the last year for my books in e-format. More and more people are reading ebooks on their iPads, nooks, kindle, etc. (My mom and dad just bought a nook for their trip to Greece)

My parenting book, Candid Confessions of an Imperfect Parent,  just (finally) hit iTunes in their iBookstore! I’m excited because a lot of people have requested it in that format.

Now I have 5 of my books in their bookstore!

For those of you who still like good old fashioned physical books (like me), just jump on our website’s RECOMMENDED BOOKS page, we have 8 of my books available there.

Sharing Your Faith Without Being Pushy

Posted on: 08/10/11 4:18 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My daughters announced to me last week that they were going to downtown Sacramento on Saturday morning with some of their friends to give homeless people coffee and donuts. This wasn’t an official youth group activity; this was just a bunch of kids wanting to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

I asked them, “Are you just feeding them, or are you going to talk with them too?”

This always brings up an interesting response- actually, a polarized response. People, in my opinion are usually ready to do too much or too little. They are either planning on saying nothing, or pelting them with tracts and unsolicited Gospel presentations.

Again… a difficult balance to find.

Where’s the answer?

I’m pondering this a little more than usually at the moment, because the last few days I’ve been adding the finishing touches on the participants’ guide to the new Zondervan/Youth Specialties DVD curriculum I’m writing, teaching young people how to share their faith without scaring their friends away.

The curriculum is almost to the production stage. I asked your input on titles a while back, and this week the publisher made the final choice (UPDATE TO THIS BLOG- they changed the title AGAIN! So this now reflects the new title).

REAL CONVERSATIONS

Then they’re gonna add the subtitle: Sharing Your Faith Without Being Pushy 

(Don’t ask me when the curriculum will be released. I really don’t know. We’re shooting the video in two weeks.)

It’s been a fun process writing this content and trying to find the difference between spirit-led boldness and plain ol’ pushiness. Personally, I tend to be a little less confrontational one-on-one. Knowing that, I sent a copy of this DVD script to my buddy Greg Stier (who I respect greatly) over at Dare 2 Share Ministries (very bold!) and had him take a look at it. He liked it, but encouraged me to make a few tweaks. I agreed on every instance.

Evangelism is one of those bizarre things that so many people do so differently. We’ve all seen the extreme examples: people holding signs that read REPENT THE END IS NEAR, people standing on street corners yelling into bullhorns, people handing out deceptive tracts (a fake $20 bill with a message on the back, “Don’t worry, this is much more valuable than gold or silver…”)

We’ve also seen the polar opposite: sitting and doing nothing, or just feeding people with our lips sealed tightly, except to mutter a questionably accurate quote from St. Francis of Assisi.

Where’s the balance between pushiness and silence?

My wife Lori had a great experience during Easter break earlier this year. She went with our church youth group to the “Tenderloin” in San Francisco to serve with a local rescue mission. This district full of “single room occupancy” residences (dare I say “slums”) has a reputation of drugs, alcohol, and prostitution.

Lori and a bunch of junior higher students went door to door in some of these single room occupancy locations doing “meal delivery.” The concept was simple. They knocked and said, “Meal delivery.” When someone answered the door (usually high, sometimes naked), Lori and the kids would greet the person, shake their hand (these people weren’t used to being touched), then hold out the meal and say, “We have a free meal for you from the local rescue mission.” The people weren’t required to hear a sermon or listen to a pitch—it was just a warm greeting and a free meal, no strings attached.

Most often people were eager to get the free meal and many said thanks. One of the rescue mission workers that Lori was really impressed with—a 18 or 19-year-old kid named Vince—would usually reach out his hand at this point and place it on the shoulder of the person they were visiting and sincerely ask, “Do you have something you’d like me to pray for?”

Lori said that about 80% of the people would share a prayer request. Vince would always say, “Well let me pray for you right now.” And would pray with them in the doorway.

Many of these conversations led to talking about Jesus and his message of love and grace.

Some didn’t.

Funny, I don’t find it necessary to be pushy with the Gospel message… but I don’t find it Biblical to be silent.

Hmmmmm. That balance again!

Apes, WW2 Soldiers, Kids with Super 8 Cameras…

Posted on: 08/8/11 2:54 PM | by Jonathan McKee

This has been a pretty good summer for movies, with a large number of family-friendly-flicks available.

This is refreshing news for parents, because if we learned one thing on Fox’s Teen Choice Awards last night (here’s our recap of what you can learn about pop-youth-culture from the Teen Choice Awards), it’s that kids are watching more raunchy (and R-rated) movies than ever before.

It’s nice to know that we have a few decent picks in the smorgasbord of movie choices. Here’s a glimpse of some of the ones I think are worth it for families with links to my full reviews from our MOVIE REVIEWS & QUICK Q’s page:

1. Rise of the Planet of the Apes: For parents of teenagers, this film is a fun option. Those of you who follow me on Twitter received my tweets from the midnight premier of this film last Thursday night. I brought my own three teenagers to the opening and all of us enjoyed it immensely!

The film avoided any raunchy talk or sexual situations. Parents will just want to use discernment because of the PG-13 violence. I give my detailed thoughts about Rise of the Planet of the Apes as well as some discussion questions here.

2. Captain America: I’ve already blogged about how refreshing Captain America is compared to other films of late. Here’s a film with good ol’ fashion values, emphasizing the importance of internal character over external features. This film is probably one of my favorite films of the year for provoking discussion with kids. It’s an easy conversation piece because most kids love the film and it’s not preachy in any way.

We provide some good discussion questions you can use in our detailed review of the film.

3. Super 8: This film was probably my favorite film of the year. I would have no hesitation bringing teenagers to this film. The most objectionable thing is the swearing. Sadly, kids are so used to swearing these days that the PG-13 language in this film hardly will phase them.

J.J. Abrams (Star Trek, Mission Impossible 3 & 4, TV’s Lost and Fringe…) brings this wonderful story to the screen, a nostalgic tale of a group of kids in 1979 (yes, I was a kid then) who are shooting a super 8 film when they witness a catastrophic train crash. Soon, inexplicable events begin occurring  and this small group of friends start to uncover the truth.

This film reminded me of what E.T. was to me in 1980 (a little language in that one too), a really fun  and suspenseful film.

Todd wrote up a full review and discussion questions for this film here.

NODS:
I think we would be remiss to not give a nod to a few other films like Cowboys & Aliens (this film has a great scene that provokes discussion), Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Kung Fu Panda 2, and Thor.

VIDEO RELEASES:
I also have to mention some great family options for rent:

Soul Surfer (amazing film)
Rio
Arthur (yes, this film surprised me big time!)
True Grit

I’m sure I’ve missed some, but those are the films that I was compelled to tell you about… from one movie fan to another.

Teenage Perspective on Parenting

Posted on: 08/5/11 11:46 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Have you ever asked your own kids for parenting advice?

It’s a sobering little exercise, and I’ve discovered two environments where we can try it: one-on-one, or in a program setting. (Both will yield two different types of results)

For those of you willing to try this, don’t underestimate the insight you can gain listening to a teenage perspective about parenting. I’m not saying that they know all the answers (some think they do), but it’s valuable to hear their point of view and have a good understanding of how our teenagers feel.

Here’s two opportunities to listen:

ONE-ON-ONE:
In my book, Candid Confessions of an Imperfect Parent, I share a story of a conversation I had with my daughter Alyssa at breakfast. (During the school year I take each of my teenage girls to breakfast once a week for Daddy-daughter time. Alec and I did lunch each week this year.) This particular week had been a rough one for Alyssa and she was mad at me for some of the boundaries I imposed on her. So I asked her to make a list. I proposed, “If you could communicate 5 things to me and you knew I would listen and take them to heart, what would you tell me?”

That little task yielded great results. Alyssa poured her heart out telling me some deep feelings that she felt I wasn’t hearing. Things like, “Why don’t you trust me?”

Our breakfast conversation that week was powerful. We were able to talk about how trust is earned. I didn’t just respond with, “You’re just a kid-what do you know!” Instead I listened, looking for her feelings. Then, on the quest for answers, I kept putting the ball in her court, asking questions like, “Well, what boundaries do you think I should give you?” (I go into greater detail in my book) That particular breakfast conversation was landmark in Alyssa and my relationship.

PROGRAM SETTING:
Youth workers and/or church leaders can create opportunities to hear the teenage perspective on parenting in a program setting. I’m doing that this Sunday at my own church.

My church has a parent fellowship group that meet together during the Sunday school hour every Sunday. About 50 to 75 parents of teens meet together each week for fellowship and some teaching time. I’m acting as a lay leader right now, bringing in speakers each week to teach God’s word, talking about real life issues like parenting, marriage, etc. This week, I’m bringing four teenagers from four different families into our class to sit on a panel where I will ask them questions about their perspective on parenting. Each teenager is being given the questions in advance (as a matter of fact, I’m using this blog to provide them the questions- I’m texting each of them and saying, “Get the questions from my blog today.” Today’s teenagers check text more than email.) I told them to answer honestly, but review the answers with their parents. This point of this exercise isn’t to surprise their parents or air dirty laundry (this isn’t Springer).

This will work well because of the kids I’ve chosen. Three of the four kids are in their first year or two in college (18 and 19 years old), and one is an upperclassman in high school. All these kids are solid. Not perfect… but it’s clear that they love Christ and their relationship with Him is foundational in their lives. The parents of these kids are doing a great job raising Godly kids. Granted, these parents don’t all use the same parenting style. I think the parents in our class can gain incredible insight from the kids different perspectives.

Here’s the questions I’m asking them:

1. What is one of the greatest memories that you have with your parents?

2. Describe a time when you got into big trouble and how your parents responded?

3. What is one rule or boundary that your parents enforced on you as a teenager that you didn’t like at the time, but now, in hindsight, you see the value of?

4. What is one parenting principle that your parents practiced that you will definitely use with your own kids someday.

5. Name one thing that your parents practiced with you that you probably won’t do with your own kid? (For the four of you young people reading this– talk to your parents honestly about this and make sure they’re comfortable with your answer since this is in front of all their friends.)

6. If you could give one piece of parenting advice to the parents in this room and you know they would listen and take the advice to heart– what would you tell them? (talk with your parents about this answer to)

Then I’m going to open it up for the parents in the room to ask questions to the panel.

Parents… are you asking questions?

Are you listening?

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The Day Off

Posted on: 08/4/11 12:27 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I’m taking the day off today for my best friend’s birthday.

This isn’t something I can do with just anyone, but hey… she’s my best friend, and I wanted to celebrate her day with her.

We’re gonna start the morning with a run. We always run together. This probably isn’t our top choice birthday activity, but we try to run together 4 days a week anyway, and this will help ease the guilt when we splurge on dinner later in the evening.

After the run we’re gonna go shoe shopping. I know, I know… a guy… shoe shopping? I don’t know why, but something about seeing her look as sexy as she does in a pair of heels makes the whole experience worth it. So I’ll go on the record. “I like shoe shopping!” Besides, I’ve saved up for this. I know this is what she wants.

Then we’ll probably grab some authentic Mexican food for lunch at this cheap little place by our house. Great chips and salsa!

After hanging out together all afternoon we’re off to dinner at a place she loves… I can’t wait.

20 years of marriage with this girl and I’m still madly in love! No better way to spend my day off then celebrating Lori’s birthday.

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During Shark Week!

Posted on: 08/2/11 4:26 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Has anyone else noticed the timely release of Soul Surfer this week… during Shark Week?

I don’t know about you, but Shark Week is always a fun time in my house each year. Maybe it’s because Alec and I both loved sharks as a kid, or maybe it’s because each of us has some deep dark fear of what’s beneath us in the ocean. Regardless, the TV in our house is tuned into The Discovery Channel this week to watch special after special about sharks, shark attacks, shark repellent… you name it. And what better week to release Soul Surfer, the incredible true story of shark attack survivor Bethany Hamilton.

Some of you might remember me blogging about my experience bringing my family to see Soul Surfer in the theatre. We’re a bunch of film nerds in my family (seriously- if you bring up a good film to my 13-year-old daughter Ashley, she’ll probably tell you who directed it), so we’re not easy to please. Soul Surfer did the trick.

If you haven’t seen this film yet, definitely rent it this week, have a bunch of kids over and watch it. We even provided some fun discussion questions in our official review of the film on our Movie Reviews and Quick Q’s page.