Face to Face Time

Posted on: 12/7/11 11:21 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Shoulder-to-shoulder opens doors to face-to-face.

YouthSpecialties.com just posted a new article of mine titled, You Mean I’m Actually Supposed to Play Dodgeball?

Yes… that’s kind of a loaded title. There’s been a lot of criticism in the youth ministry world in the last few years, shooting arrows at “old methods,” especially anything that has to do with fun and games. I’ve written plenty about how games can open doors to amazing ministry opportunities— no need to rehash. So I’ll just emphasize one simple point: the simple art of “playing” with young people can break down walls, and catalyze some great conversations.

Here’s just a snippet from my dodgeball article:

If you want a kid to open up to you in small group time and speak honestly… try playing with them. The toss of a football, sharing a small cardboard tray of cheesy nachos at a football game, the ambush of a cute 8th grade girl with a dodgeball—these activities all open doors to connecting with kids.

That’s the thing. It doesn’t really matter what activity: dodgeball, worshipping to Chris Tomlin or playing X-box. Make the investment of time playing side by side and you’ll yield the results of conversation. Shoulder-to-shoulder opens doors to face-to face.

Just saying! (Click here for the entire dodgeball article, or click here for more on relational ministry in my book, Connect: Real Relationships in a World of Isolation)

Using Tebow to Provoke Discussion

Posted on: 12/5/11 5:04 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My buddy Lane Palmer just wrote a great new free discussion for our website using an interview from Tim Tebow, quarterback of the Denver Broncos. Lane contends, “Like Tim Tebow, we have all been given a platform by God to be a light for Jesus Christ. We cannot hide our light because we face potential criticism, rather we should use the negativity to fuel our brightness!”

I’m really excited about the way Tebow has “represented” on camera. You could call me biased because I’m a Bronco fan, but let me be real for a moment. I’m as frustrated as the rest of Bronco fans were yesterday when the Broncos got just ONE first down in their entire first half. Yes, the Broncos have been squeaking by with wins each game (winning the last five), but most of us don’t have any delusions of grandeur. We see the way we’ve been playing and we aren’t counting our chickens yet… after all, we play the Patriots soon. Aye aye aye!

That being said, it’s been fun having a good role model like Teebow at the helm. I don’t care if he wins or loses, he sure seems to be living as a light on and off the field, and that says a lot.

Our new Tebow discussion links an amazing ESPN interview where Tebow talks about his faith. ESPN brought up questions and criticisms that Tebow has faced, including the comments from former Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer to a Phoenix radio station Monday about Tebow’s expression of his Christian faith on the football field.

“I think he’s a winner and I respect that about him,” Plummer told 910-AM. “I think that when he accepts the fact that we know that he loves Jesus Christ, then I think I’ll like him a little better. I don’t hate him because of that, I just would rather not have to hear that every time he takes a good snap or makes a good handoff.”

Tebow, in his response to the comments, which he said he had not heard about before the interview, said he appreciated Plummer calling him a winner and compared his faith with marriage.

“If you’re married and you have a wife and you really love your wife, is it good enough to only say to your wife ‘I love her’ the day you get married? Or should you tell her every single day when you wake up and every opportunity? That’s how I feel about my relationship with Jesus Christ.”

I love what Lane did with this discussion, especially the optional ending of the wrap up. Pretty cool stuff. Take a peek at the entire discussion here. We provide small group questions, a passage of scripture and a wrap up.

Adele Connects

Posted on: 12/2/11 11:24 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Adele sings… people listen.

It’s always intriguing to see which artists connect with today’s music audiences. Rihanna provided We Found Love, a song and graphic music video that has resonated with young girls especially (I blogged about people’s overreaction to that song a little while ago). Pink consistently relates to a hurting generation with songs and videos like that of the very edgy F**king Perfect. But as sincere as Rihanna, Pink and others might be… another artist has released an album that didn’t rely on gratuitous sexual imagery and didn’t require graphic depictions of drugs and drinking. I’m talking about Adele… and America can’t seem to get enough of her.

Maybe it’s her anguish over breakups that people are relating to, maybe it’s her simple smooth lyrics… or could it be her voice? People love Adele, Adele gets people, and in turn… they buy her songs.

Her song Someone Like You is still in the top 10 on iTunes and the Billboard Hot 100 (where it has stayed for 21 weeks now, peaking at #1). Her album, simply titled 21, has been on Billboards charts for almost a year now, is still in the top 10, peaking at number 1. She just nabbed six Grammy nominations, including album of the year. Bruno Mars, also with six nominations commented, “D**n it, why am I up against Adele?”

Let’s be honest. Adele’s album isn’t really a “pick me up.” It’s the vulnerable cry of someone who dealing with pain and loss. Hmmmmm. I wonder why this is connecting with people so much?

Saturday Night Live did a sketch recently featuring Adele’s hit song, Someone Like You… had me literally rolling on the floor! This funny little sketch makes fun of why this song is actually connecting with people. I’ll embed it (although these videos are sometimes yanked by NBC… so if it get’s removed, just Google “Saturday Night Live Adele Someone Like You Emma Stone” and you’ll find it somewhere. A must see!)

Why do you think Adele connects with this generation so much?

Bruno Mars has the number one hit on iTunes right now, It Will Rain. Why do you think that song is a hit?

Do young people want more to a song than just rhythm and beat?

The Four Minute Mule

Posted on: 12/1/11 10:36 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Last night we had to attend an award ceremony for my daughter Ashley’s cross country team. It was fun for the first 30 minutes, it was great hearing the coach talk about Ashley… but by the 3 hour mark…

Yes… over 3 hours long!

Wholy shamoli! Who wants to sit on a cafeteria bench for over three hours? I’ve attended life-insurance conventions that were more bearable.

At about the 90 minute mark, my 16-year-old, Alyssa, and I started playing with our phones. Alyssa grabbed Lori’s iPhone and I immediately texted her, knowing that Lori always forgets to put the thing on silent. The phone made a loud “DING,” a couple hundred heads turned toward Alyssa, and her face turned about 4 shades of red.

(I’ve been known to act like a junior higher.)

Time passed and we were searching for anything to entertain ourselves. We Google searched various topics, looking for anything to help pass time. One of the coaches on Ashley’s team has broken the four minute mile. That’s amazing, by the way! So I tried to type in a search for “breaking the 4 minute mile.” Instead I accidentally typed:

“Breaking the 4 minute mule”

Maybe it was the timing… but Alyssa and I started a laughing fit and couldn’t stop.

Sigh. Good times.

I bet you never realized how interesting mules actually are? Ask me… I know plenty now. Did you know that right now wild burros are wreaking havoc on Texas? Seriously!

Yeah… 3 freaking hours long!

I love my daughters… but please…. please… don’t make me go to another 3 hour long award ceremony!!!

Cat Fights

Posted on: 11/29/11 4:59 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Do you have teenage girls living in your house?

Can you say… cat fight?

About a year ago my daughters wanted to move into the same room together. They had some friends at church who did it and they actually thought it was admirable how close those sisters were. Long story short– I knocked out a wall, bought bunk beds… and shazaam! They’ve been together since.

Overall it’s been a good experience. My girls are pretty close, as sisters go. But there’s something to be said about the consistent petty little disagreements.

“Alyssa, did you set the alarm?”

“No, you always set it.”

“Exactly. Why don’t you set it for once.”

“Because you don’t like the way I set it, so I let you do it.”

“But I’m in the top bunk… you’re right there!”

“Sorry. Your job!”

Seriously?

I just blogged about this whole dynamic and how parents should respond in my DAD OF TEENAGE GIRLS blog.

Watching The Help

Posted on: 11/28/11 4:18 PM | by Jonathan McKee

The last 5 days provided several times to sit down together on the family couch and watch a lil bit of cinematic entertainment. The highlight of the weekend was definitely the film based on the best selling novel, The Help (I was sent a copy to review). Probably one of the best films I’ve seen in 2011.

This last week was one of the few years that we didn’t travel anywhere over the Thanksgiving holiday—kind of a nice change. Instead, we lit a fire, hung out with family, ate turkey, hauled out the Christmas decorations… and when we tired of all of that, we watched movies! I’ll be honest. When everyone asked, “What should we watch?” The Help was not my first vote. Alec and I, being men, had our eyes on something a little more manly (something with bullets, explosions… maybe even a few zombies…), but being outnumbered by the females in the living room, we consented on watching The Help.

10 minutes into the film Alec and I looked at each other, giving the “not bad” nod. By 15 minutes we were hooked!

The Help is funny, gripping and inspiring all the same.

We all loved it. I haven’t read the book, but my wife and my youngest daughter have. The two of them kept commenting about how the book went into a lot more detail (as books always do), but loved the film as well. I’m curious to read the book now.

The performances were spectacular. Emma Stone really proved herself as “Skeeter,” as did Viola Davis as “Aibileen.” But I think I was most impressed with two other actresses, the first being Bryce Dallas Howard (Ron Howard’s daughter).

It was probably difficult for Bryce to take on the role of the mean-spirited… scratch that… racist pig, Hilly Holbrook. Bryce was amazingly despicable. Bryce has so much range that I hardly recognize her in many films. I think I first noticed her as the blind Ivy Walker in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village in 2004. M. Night must have loved her too, because he used her again for the lead role in Lady in the Water in 2006. A year later, I hardly recognized Bryce as the blonde heartthrob who Spiderman ends up saving from falling to her death in Spiderman 3… and that’s just it… she’s always completely different, and utterly convincing.

The second actress that wowed me was no-name Octavia Spencer in her role of Minny Jackson. Most people won’t recognize Octavia other than some teenagers who might remember her as the nurse in Halloween II or the “troubled woman” in The Soloist. But now, everyone will remember her as Minny Jackson. Minny was the icing on the cake in The Help.

I loved the film, my family loved it, and our movie review guy Todd loved it in his review of the film a few months ago (complete with discussion questions).

If you haven’t seen it, the DVD/BluRay will be released on December 6th. This is definitely one to watch with the whole family. (Be warned, there is one scene where someone uses the word “sh*t” literally in reverence to fecal matter in a comical way. It is referred to a couple times throughout the film. If you have young children that like to repeat things they hear, use discretion.)

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30 to 60 Days

Posted on: 11/22/11 5:56 PM | by Jonathan McKee

This last week has been very difficult. It started when we took our Bernese Mountain dog to the vet for what we thought would be a routine visit.

If only.

Jethro, our 105 pound Berner, became part of our family five years ago. He was an impulse buy, a perfect example of why you should never take your kids to “just look” at puppies. Ashley, who was 9 at the time, was obsessed with Bernese Mountain dogs. I had never even heard of the breed, but she had bought books about them, stuffed animals, calendars… name it. Being adventurous parents (or stupid parents—you decide), we decided it would be fun to visit a breeder and “just look.”

Yeah, right.

Next thing we knew, we had Jethro.

Jethro isn’t the most intelligent animal. He’s big, klutzy, and nervous when he gets in tight places. This isn’t a good combination when you happen to be walking through a doorway at the same time as Jethro. This dog is a knee-injury waiting to happen.

Walking Jethro has always been an experience as well. Lori’s first run with the dog resulted in him getting spooked, flanking her, knocking her to the ground and giving her a scar that she still has today. He’s much better now, but he still outweighs Ashley, which can make him difficult to control if he wants to go left when she is going right.

Our family has never owned a dog of great size before so we never fathomed how much food this dog would consume… and eventually discharge from his body! We’re talking serious dino-doo-doo! Add to this the fact that he always manages to stop and squat in the middle of an intersection when we’re walking him. It’s pretty embarrassing when your dog is building a miniature log cabin in the middle of a four way stop while you’re pulling out a 40 gallon ziplock for cleanup!

Despite these drawbacks, Jethro is always cheery with a tail wagging and a big goofy grin on his face. It doesn’t matter what kind of day you’re having, Jethro wants to be with you, snuggle up next to you, lay his monstrous head on your lap and just love you.

About six months ago on a particular day when Jethro was driving me crazy, Ashley said something that I’ll never forget. She said, “I find Jethro inspiring!”

Rather than arguing with her I simply asked, “What on earth is inspiring about this big doofus?”

“He’s always happy,” Ashley affirmed. “Even when life sucks, Jethro is content.”

Ashley went on. “There’s no drama with Jethro. He doesn’t hold grudges, he doesn’t play favorites. He just loves you and wants to be with you. Some friends come and go. Not Jethro. He’s always there with a stupid smile on his big furry face. He’s inspiring.”

I thought about these words from the mouth of a 14-year-old, and funny enough, I found that I could tolerate Jethro’s shenanigans a little better after that day.

Unfortunately, Ashley was wrong about one thing. Jethro isn’t going to always be here.

Last Monday, while the kids were at school, it only took the vet about 30 seconds checking his lymph nodes for her to determine why he’s been breathing so heavy the last couple of weeks. Five-year-old Jethro has lymphoma.

“What’s that mean?” We asked.

“It means that he probably only has about 30 to 60 days left with you.”

The rest of the visit was spent with her telling us about chemotherapy options that would cost as much as my car. Sadly, we went home to tell the kids the bad news.

Ashley took it the hardest, literally bawling. Jethro has kind of been “her dog” all along; she’s the whole reason we got him in the first place. But everyone was brokenhearted about the news.

“I hate knowing! I wish I didn’t even know!” Ashley pronounced, tears streaming down her cheeks.

We sat and cried together on the family couch.

It wasn’t long before Jethro wandered over, setting his big furry head on Ashley’s lap. I guess she was right—he is always there for you. He’s the one with cancer, yet he seems to be the happiest one in the room. Ashley was right. This big furball is actually inspiring.

Life the last week has been a little different. Jethro’s getting a lot more table scraps. Who cares if they’re bad for him! Live it up Jethro. We’re walking him more, petting him more, hugging him more. We’re cherishing every moment… thankful for the moments we get.

We’ll miss you Jethro!

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The Increasingly Difficult Task of “Fleeing” Porn

Posted on: 11/21/11 11:47 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Porn is becoming virtually inevitable. Unfortunately, so are the consequences of porn-consumption.

Doug Fields and I collaborated on four posts about porn last week on his blog (here’s his summary post with links to all). I wanted to take the opportunity to wrap up with some closing thoughts about taking this threat seriously.

The Pressing Need to “Flee”
Porn is permeating every avenue of technology. Unless we all move to Amish Pennsylvania or to an ice cave near the North Pole, porn is readily accessible. If you have the internet, it’s no secret that porn is a click away. If you ever stay in a hotel, hardcore porn is most often one of the TV ‘s main menu choices. If you’re like the 91% of America that pays for TV reception at home, the Playboy channel and pay-per-view porn are available at the click of a button, not to mention the soft-core porn that they often show for free on Cinemax, Showtime, and HBO.

Maybe that’s why (according to this article) 87% of men admitted to using porn in the year prior. If that weren’t enough, 69% of men and 10% of women report viewing pornography more than once a month.

As you can see, this is predominantly a male struggle. Those men who are trying to escape the lure of porn are being forced to take drastic measures to truly “flee sexual immorality.”

Sexual immorality was a real struggle for many of the heroes in the Bible (Abraham, Judah, David, Solomon…) and it’s a struggle for Godly men today.

The temptation is real. Take it from me, a guy who is in an average of two to three different hotels per month. If you dare turn on the TV, the first screen that appears is a “preview” channel that gives you a choice of “popular movie titles” and what they cleverly label “adult desires.” If you are strong enough to resist temptation, clicking “popular movie titles,” the screen once again gives you several choices: movies still in the theatres, popular rentals, or once again adult desires. Sometimes you’ll even get propositioned a third time.

If you skip this menu all together and click through the channels, be careful if it’s in the later hours of the evening. If the hotel has HBO, shows like Real Sex and the CatHouse series provide softcore porn. HBO’s TrueBlood is full of graphic sex and nudity. If the hotel has Showtime, this channel has it’s own versions of the same. Most hotels have one of the two channels.

This makes it very difficult for any traveler. I have learned that I literally have to check the TV schedule before I turn on the TV. If a man doesn’t check the schedule, then he might be caught off-guard while channel flipping, and that’s a very difficult situation for a man alone in a hotel room. Anyone who has been in this situation understands why Paul uses the word “flee” when talking about the lure of sexual immorality in I Corinthians chapter 6. Fleeing porn might sometimes require dropping everything and running like Joseph shedding his jacket and barely escaping Potiphar’s wife.

Here’s where many authors would insert that personal story of failure to hammer home the point. No need for gratuitous confessions here. Let me just say this: I’m not perfect, porn is a very real temptation for me, as it is for most men, and personally I take “fleeing” seriously (this reason being a huge motivator).

When a believer experiences the lure of porn, it’s good to lay down some boundaries, or dare I say “fleeing” measures. Personally, I never turn on the TV in my hotel without checking the schedule. My wife and I talk openly about fleeing these kinds of temptations. I meet for accountability with a good friend who is a local pastor, asking each other tough questions regularly.

Some people don’t see porn as a big deal. The reality is, they are suppressing the truth about the consequences of porn, allowing it to reign free in their life. They don’t foresee the danger. Today’s porn isn’t like the Playboy magazines that some of us might have peeked at as a kid. This porn is high speed, available 24/7, with a taste for every fetish. Those that become entranced soon grown numb to the mild stuff. Softcore is replaced by hardcore, and an increasing need develops for more extreme material. Soon, the consequences hit them right where it counts.

I encourage you to take a peek at the four articles Doug posted on his blog about porn. In those articles we covered:

In a world where almost 9 out of 10 men have struggled with the lure of porn, this is a subject we cant ignore. I encourage you to not only take a peek at the research in Doug’s blog entries, but dialogue about this with your teenagers. Teenagers are hearing lies on so many fronts… you might be the one person that actually tells them the truth about God’s desire for sex.

What U.S. Kids Want for Christmas 2011

Posted on: 11/18/11 11:26 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Those of you who are keeping an eye on our new “Offsite Articles Jonathan is Reading” box on the front page of www.TheSource4Parents.com probably noticed this brand new report from Nielsen revealing what kids desire for Christmas in 2011. Fascinating stuff!

Those who own stock in Apple will be pleased that Apple devices seem to be the most coveted item among young people this year. The iPad was the number one choice for kids 6-12 as well as kids 13+. Apple actually claimed the top three spots for kids age 6-12 (iPad, iPod Touch, iPhone). Interesting to see how much more Apple items resonate with the younger ages (why does this perception change slightly for 13-plussers?)

The report provides informative charts for kids age 6-12 as well as 13+. Here’s the 13+ chart:

Click here for the entire article on Nielsen Wire.

Georgia, Maryland, and Free Training…

Posted on: 11/16/11 5:05 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My bags are packed and I’m looking forward to hanging out with a bunch of youth workers this weekend in both Atlanta, GA and Ocean City, MD. For those that can’t attend the workshops I’ll be teaching in these cities… don’t worry… I’ve still got a little free training for ya (more on that in a minute).

The travel will be a little crazy. I leave my house Thursday at 4AM, take the first flight out, arriving in Atlanta that afternoonish for the Youth Specialties National Youth Workers Convention. A couple meetings with youth worker friends that night and the next morning, then teaching two workshops Friday (if you’re going to the convention, be sure to swing by my workshops and say “hi”)… then fly out Friday night, landing in Baltimore at midnight …. breathe… and then drive to Ocean City, MD, arriving about 3AM.

Saturday and Sunday I’ll be teaching three workshops at a big Youth for Christ conference in Ocean City, MD (if you’re going to that conference, come say “hello”), then drive back to Baltimore Sunday afternoon, fly out that night, arriving home midnightish.

For those of you youth workers who aren’t attending these workshops or any of my other workshops this year… no worries… jump on our FREE TRAINING TOOLS page where we have a gold mine of training for both you and your leaders, including a brand new CONNECT ppt training that we just added. All free, of course.