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I’m in the middle of writing a devotional filled with advice for teen guys. In search of a few ideas, I sent a text to some friends and family members asking them what they would say if they could speak freely and truthfully to today’s teenaged guys.
It was funny seeing how differently each person replied. My kids took me seriously about the “truthfully” part, and their replies were hilarious. Across the board, I received some really fun and insightful answers.
Here’s what I got from a few of them… unedited.
My 17-year-old daughter Alyssa’s REAL advice to teen guys:
– Always make sure you smell good. it’s super important to girls, and guys don’t realize how much. WEAR COLOGNE.
– Don’t cuss. I hate it when guys cuss. It’s super unattractive.
– Don’t wear the same thing over and over again. Ewwww!
– There’s something about a truck.
– Being in shape shows they are disciplined and it’s super sexy. What girl doesn’t like to see a little muscle.
My 19-year-old son Alec’s REAL advice to teen guys:
– Consider you’re wrong before you think you’re right.
– Listen more than you speak
– Never listen to your penis. It’s full of bad ideas.
– You don’t have to have your life figured out because it hasn’t started yet.
– If you don’t want to listen to your parents, then listen to other adults who care about you before you turn to your friends. Your friends are usually just as dumb as you.
My good friend and co-worker David R. Smith‘s REAL advice to teen guys:
– The most important thing in life is to love Jesus.
– You’ll never regret guarding your sexual purity.
– If you want to be a better man, be a better disciple of Jesus.
– Never forget: you’re not trying to become a big boy; you’re trying to become a man.
– Make the right decisions because, as guys, so much depends on you.
Good stuff all around.
Now your turn! (You knew I’d turn this into a contest, huh?)
CONTEST: So what about you? What advice would you give to teenaged guys? Use the comment feature and I’ll choose a winner who can grab their choice of any one of my books. And if you reTweet one of my tweets about this post, I’ll put your name in the hopper twice.
(Disclaimer- by entering a comment below you are giving me permission to use your advice or publish it in our resources. Yes. I want to steal your ideas.) 🙂
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Advice to teen guys
– You dont need to drink or do drugs to get a girls attenion
– Dont worry about dating right away focus more on school and growing as a follower of Jesus.
-Remember to treat your body like a temple and remember Jesus is inside of us
Guys, in relationships girls are naturally “givers” and guys are naturally “takers” so don’t be stupid! Use your brain and treat her like a lady!
Advice to Teen Guys:
-Don’t get so caught up in the present. Much of the drama, struggles, and trials you experience now will be temporary. How you handle yourself through the tough times will shape the man you become.
-Make really good dude friends. Most of the girls you are “friends” you will either start to date them or they will start to date someone else. Eventually most of them will get in a serious relationship or get married someday, and you won’t be friends anymore. Your guy friendships can last forever.
Looking forward to the future is good but try to enjoy this time in your life too. Believe me, when you get older it will be your teenage years that you will look back upon, hopefully with good memories.
Don’t pick up a toothbrush off the ground and use it on a dare by your youth minister no mater what he will give you if you do. (I can’t believe he did it for five bucks!) 🙂
Make it a habit to notice and speak to younger guys because they take notice of you (what you do and say) and It will mean more to them than you realize.
A little cologne may make you smell good but that DOES NOT mean a lot of cologne will make you smell even better.
Always wear deodorant!
– Every girl wants to be treated like a princess(no matter how old they are or what they say)
– Show us that chivalry is not dead and we will like you even more!
– Invest time in your relationship with God, because that IS attractive to the right girls
– Pursue what you have passion for(music, sports, acting, etc.) don’t change yourself just because a girl wants you to.
– If you have issues(addictions, anger, abuse, pornography, etc) work on them NOW! Seek help through a youth pastor or counselor. Your future girlfriends/wife will thank you for it.
Love God, truly, fully, without reserve, it is super attractive to the right type of girl.
Brush your teeth, change your socks and shower!!!
If a girl is easy now, they will be easy when they are older. RUN the other direction!
If you honour your mom and dad now, it will mean you will honour your future wife when you are the man.
Where’s the Money Honey!! If you can’t afford to take a girl an a decent date, chances are you’re not old enough the be dating. Save it until you can actually invest.
Find a mentor, someone you look up to (of the adult kind), who can direct you in the ways of truth, not just Godly truth, but also be an example of how to be the man you want to be when you grow up.
Computer games, football games, hockey, music, friends etc. … can’t be your main focus in life if you want to become an amazing husband, awesome dad, or future leader.
* Have godly guy friends that will beat you back to God. In other words, they aren’t afraid to be honest with you and you aren’t afraid to be honest with them. You don’t need a lot of these, but 1-2 is great. These are not found easily. You will have to open up to someone your pretty sure you can trust, but not completely certain it will all go ok. Most of the time, though, if they love God, they will be there to help you out and you will be there for them – a friendship that will last a very long time.
* “Enjoy everything in life God doesn’t look down upon” – Chuck Swindoll from Ecclesiastes 11:9. God created a bunch of stuff to enjoy (I just started to enjoy snowboarding). Have fun doing it and thanking God that you can. Only avoid those things God doesn’t care for because He will judge those things. But when you realize all there is to enjoy, you won’t care about the one tree you are to avoid.
* When life seems really bad and you get depressed. Take a nap then hang with family or friends who care. Life is better when you are rested and know someone cares.
1. Brush your teeth! I cannot emphasize the importance of this. It’s akin to being clean, but I had to mention it.
2. Start as you mean to go. Don’t do things a certain way in the beginning thinking you’ll do it differently later on. If you don’t want to be doing it in the future, don’t do it on the present.
Advice to Teen Guys
-Make living for Jesus serious now. There will always seem be something that has to be done first before we get serious so just do it.
-As difficult as it is, turn the other cheek and swallow your pride. But, never neglect to protect the weak.
-Give old people time and respect. They’ve been through a lot and you will be there one day too.
-Look for a woman to marry that you believe will support you even if the worst should happen to you or happen because of you.
-Maximus said, “What we do in life, echoes in eternity.” True, but our actions also echo throughout the next years of our lives. Guys, that means that you will be telling your wives about the girl(s) you slept with before her and the nickname(s) you have for the embarrassing/criminal things you did in your younger days. Keep that in mind.
-Give God glory for all the good that becomes of you because we know we can’t bring the good of ourselves.
For better or worse – and it is often both.
1. Your Halo / Modern Warfare / NCAA Football ranking will not go on your resume and will not keep you healthy. Put the controller down. Go outside.
2. It’s ok for guys to be smart. Just remember, the ones making fun of you will ask you for a job one day.
3. The baggage that comes with sleeping around is not worth the temporary euphoria.
4. Try to remember that girl is someone’s daughter. RESPECT.
Your response is your responsibility. Life will get hard, and it will be unfair, but your response will define your character.
Excellent – I am quoting you!
— If you don’t want your actions published on the front page of your local News Paper don’t do it.
— It is okay to ask questions. You don’t have to have all the answers besides you never will.
— Watch how girls treat their father. If they treat their father with respect chances are they will treat their husband with respect. On that same note you have to deserve respect.
— Honesty, Honesty, Honesty
Manliness is not doing the stuff that comes comes from being out of control (fighting, sleeping around, abusing substances, reckless behavior, etc.)… True manliness is found in self-mastery. Learn to control and focus your passions, or they will control you.
Ok-Jonathan–sent the question out to my “peeps” I’ll let you know what they say! From me:
1. Love yourself–when you love yourself, you love others and others can love you!
2. Listening is huge–If you listen, most of the time folks will listen to you.
3. Talk with folks, not at them.
4. Look for God moments–moments when God touches your life in unexpected ways and share them!
Advice to teen guys:
She is someone’s daughter! Treat her accordingly. It isn’t just about you and your needs and wants. The more you pay attention to her the more she should pay attention to you.
It is highly unlikely that you will find a good male role model on television. When you do pay attention to the little things because that is where you will spot the fakers.
*Seek God first, the future mate you think you are searching for, you will find through Him.
*Your parents aren’t the enemy, they know where you are and have already been there, learn from their mistakes.
*Surround yourself with goodness. From the people you hang with, to the music you listen to, movies you watch, places you go, and hobbies you have. All of these things have more influence on you than you think.
*Become close to the people that you want to be like, Christian friends are the ones that won’t leave you in a crisis.
*Even if you don’t feel like going to church, or youth group, go! It’s probably Satan controlling you, get over him, go after HIM!
*Make a difference in the life of others, you will feel more “grown-up” every time you do.
I think that the best advice has already been given by Alec.
And to clarify for Alyssa: Axe Body Spray is not Cologne.
Ha… I agree. Alec said what many would be scared to say.
And yes, Alyssa would agree with your conclusion about Axe. Most women prefer something from the Macy’s counter as opposed to the Wal Mart isle. 🙂
– There is nothing more attractive than a man after God’s heart. Start working on your relationship with God now so you can be a strong spiritual leader for your future family later. Work hard to keep God your first priority.
– The way you treat your mom and other women in your life will be a good indicator to your future girlfriend/wife of how you will likely treat her.
– Let your parents or another adult you trust teach you how to do the things they do. Eventually, you’ll leave your parent’s house and have to know how to manage money, cook for yourself and keep a home. Don’t assume your future wife will just do everything for you. She’s not your second mom. Plan to pitch in!
– Don’t be afraid to have some real goals and dreams (besides leveling up on the X-Box). Having respectable goals will speak volumes to future employers and your future wife and in-laws. It will also help you find solid friends to encourage you and will keep you motivated to strive to be all God created you to be.
My advice kinda came out more like a challenge than just advice:
> Jesus Christ is the greatest example of what it means to be a man. Real men serve and live for others. Don’t be selfish. The primary difference between a boy and a man is that a boy looks after himself. A man looks out for others. Be a man.
> Love your parents. You don’t always have to agree with them. But you should respect them. They have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. Sometimes the pressure gets to them. Try and ease the load a little and be the kind of young man that makes them proud. Go the extra mile – clean your room, do the dishes. It will not go unrewarded. Not to mention the whole “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth” promise from ephesians 1.
> Porn is a lie and a rip off. It might seem appealing to you but it’s nothing less than a cheap alternative for what God wants to give you. It will make you feel smutty and dirty. you will dislike who you become if you persist. If you fall into it – do yourself a favor and tell someone trustworthy. In today’s day and age sometimes porn finds you even when you are not looking for it. so don’t guilt yourself to death if you fall – just tell somebody about it – Immediately. The God in you is strong enough to help you overcome.
> everyone needs a mentor. and I mean everyone. even Jesus was a man submitted to someone. His submission to the Father was the key to his power. Before a man can be in authority he must first learn to be in submission to someone. pick a person whom you respect spiritually; someone in whom you can trust and confide; someone you can share your heart with without fear. we all need someone like that in our life.
> check your playlist dude. lyrics are important. what you listen to matters. what you pump into your brain is not easily forgotten. guard your heart. be careful what you think about. as a man thinks in his heart so is he. because of that make sure you are listening to, thinking about and meditating on good stuff.
> worship. there is no mistake that the greatest worshiper in the bible was also the greatest warrior in the bible. real men worship God and don’t care what anybody else thinks.
> have a vision for your life. vision will cause you to be disciplined. you are greater than you think. see yourself through God’s eyes. He has BIG plans for you. He takes seemingly insignificant people and makes them great. You have no idea how incredible you really are! You + God = an unbeatable combination.
* Chase God. Not money, not sex, not power, not women. All of these will disappoint you but God never will.
* Pursue your dreams; all of them. You never know which one of them may hold the key to your destiny. (Ecclesiastes 11:9 / 1 Samuel 16:14-23)
* Learning how to honor and respect your parents teaches you how to honor and respect your God. Authority is necessary; learn how to love it.
Advice to teen guys:
Respect and listen to your parents, even when you don’t agree with them.
Relentlessly pursue God above all else – money, women, sex, friends, and popularity will all fade away, but God will never leave or forsake you.
really liked what Alyssa had to say about smelling good and cussing, one hundred percent agree on them both.
I also liked all of what Alec said.
Love this dialogue!
My advice to Teen boys:
1. Save girls from themselves. – They may think they want to have sex with you but not really(they are scared you will not like to cont to go with them)… they want respect even if they do not have respect for themselves. (esp oral).
2. Be in a relationship or don’t have a relationship. Don’t say the girls can’t go out with someone else but you can. Be committed
3. Meet the parents – have parents get to know her or him. It goes a long way. Have her over for family dinner.
4. Take her to church… esp if she does not go with her family.
5. Find someone to talk to ….parent or close adult friend who you trust and will give you advice even if you don’t like it.
Lessons about being a man I learned from my father … (thank you Dad! I miss you.)
1. Love the Lord with all your heart and soul and mind.
2. Be responsible. Take responsibility for your actions and accept the consequences.
3. Never ever hit or strike or physically harm a woman or a child. And always stand against anyone who does.
4. Always remember, what is usually best for you … is when it’s not about you.
5. You always have a choice … they aren’t always good options … but there is always a choice. Choose wisely. (and when you’re still not sure, go back to #1)
6. Anger is a poor counsel. Never do or decide anything in anger. Walk away if you have to and decide later.
7. Reputations are earned and reputations matters. A good reputation can be changed by one bad choice. A bad reputation can only be changed over time by many good choices.
8. Pay attention to life. Always look for the possibilities beyond. Always be willing to ask “how” or “what if”. Never stop learning.
9. No always means NO. Stop always means STOP. Accept it and move on.
10. True love is not a four letter word. True love is spelled with 10 letters … COMMITMENT.
11. Quality matters. The quality of the work you do. The quality of your relationships. The quality of what you spend your time doing. Quality always matters.
Wow! Excellent advice.
Admit now that you don’t have all the answers or the fix to every problem. Rely on this truth: God’s got control over every situation and holds you in His care. Live life with one goal in mind: whatever you think or do, aim to please God. If you adopt this mindset early….life becomes more enjoyable, which is exactly what God desires for you.
Choose your friends wisely – STUFF RUBS OFF!!
1. Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.
2. Learn how to express your thoughts and feelings in a neutral way. Productive conflict is a skill worth learning for relationships and work. Check your “pride” at the door, open your ears, use non-accusatory vocabulary and if you need a break from conflict to think then express that respectfully and clearly.
3. Remember that any and all relationships that you enter into before you are married WILL affect your marriage. Next time you want to engage in sexual activity, imagine having to tell your future wife how you didn’t cherish her enough to keep you penis to yourself. She will feel unloved and you will feel shame. NOT WORTH IT. No man ever died from not having sex.
4. Take responsiblity and work hard. Don’t make excuses or act lazy or pretend to be dumb. Step up, be smart, proactive and tackle lifes challenges…women love men who work and show that they are good providers-even if the woman has her own career. Bonus: employers love a hard worker too. That usually leads to promotions and pay raises.
5. When your buddies have an idea, run the mom test. Would your mom think that your activity was okay? This may give you enough time to opt out or scale your friends back on their “great” idea.
6. Leaders don’t take the back seat in life. Step up and speak for what is right and true. Leaders are also the biggest servers-Jesus is our best example of this.
7. Don’t let life scare you. You don’t have to know what you are supposed to “be”. Get some kind of education and ask God to show you what you are. Then OBEY God.
8. Pray for your future wife and also pray that you would know who she is shortly after you meet her. This whole dating for years junk is bogus. If she is the right one, God will speak. Obey God on who and when to marry. Commitment is needed for marriage, knowing ALL about another person is not possible. Waiting past God’s time means that you are choosing your timing over His and that is disobedience.
Remember… attraction for women is more internal than external. Tend to your character. Some day, some girl is going to judge your fitness by it. (Though Alyssa has a good point about excercise 😉 )
You’re not ready to get married now. You want to have fun. You want to “grow up a little.” That’s fine. That’s what this season is for. But someday you will want to get married. Think about the kind of woman you’d want to have raising your kids, and start now trying to be the kind of man she can respect.
Girls love a guy who can dance! With them, appropriately 🙂
Today’s nerd is tomorrow’s boss.
Pray now for your future wife – hopefully she’s praying for you!
Love her enough to wait.
Stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.
Oh I love your kid’s advice, make me laugh so hard! The other comments are awesome too, so much great advice. Cool idea!
My advice to teenage guys:
– invest in friendships, both with guys and with girls. But choose your friends wisely, choose friends who encourage you to be the best you possible.
– never forget that actions have consequences. Try to think of the possible outcomes before you do something. And if you do screw up, own your mistake and take it like a man.
– deodorant and cologne, yes please 🙂
– respect the word ‘no. Respect it from your parents, your teachers, your friends and your girlfriend. No means no.
– be honorable, someone people can trust and look up to.
– you always have a choice. Don’t ever think that there is no way out of a situation, there always is. Just make sure you know what your choices are.
– your character shows the most when others don’t watch. Make sure you are the same person with everyone, friends and foes, teachers and parents, people above you and ‘below’ you.
– Jesus was a man, just like you. Don’t ever think that He doesn’t know what you feel or wrestle with. Take to Him and take His example.
I like the advice given by Alec and Alyssa – very honest and funny!
I may be repeating some other people’s advice, but as a Youth Pastor, here’s what I’d say to teen guys – I imagine that I have said these things to guys before too!
– Learn what it means to love Jesus with all you have. Make that your number 1 priority.
– Read and study God’s Word consistently … “A Bible that is falling apart is probably owned by someone who’s life isn’t.”
– Make sure you’re the right person from the inside out before you look for the right person.
– Learn what it means to serve as Jesus did. Look for ways to selflessly serve your family, friends and then girls.
– Keep your mind and body sexually pure – that is something that you will never regret. But, if you don’t pursue sexual purity, you will regret it.
– Learn to treat girls as God’s daughters.
– Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, be comfortable with who God has created you to be at this point in your life.
– Be active … exercise and try to eat at least semi – healthy. Don’t waste hours and hours playing video games and eating junk food.
– Don’t put too much pressure on yourself when it comes to dating. If it doesn’t happen when you’re a teen, it’s OK … trust God in this area and be patient.
Excellent comments! Not sure if I can say any more. Some things I say to our students:
1. American dating is training for divorce – you learn to break up, struggle with temptation and sin, and either break a heart or get your heart broken.
2. When couples start dating, I ask them when they are getting married. When they say “No way!’ I ask them when they are breaking up.
3. Lust is never satisfied – it always wants more and worse.
4. Sin can never be love – so any sex outside of marriage is not love.
5. Don’t date someone you would not marry (and ask for advice).
6. Go to church. Love God’s Word. Pray – you don’t have to wait until you are old and desperate.
7. Always put God first and do His will. Be a good boy (from my mom)
8. Its just a game (from my son about baseball)
9. I want to feel special to you (from my wife).
10. Dance/play/date with your daughter(s) – they need you as much as your son(s) – maybe more.
Do not settle for mediocrity! Be intentional about discovering the purpose for which God made you.
Do not let apathy overtake you! The church needs your passion, your courage, your involvement to advance the kingdom of God.
Own your faith. It is a gift from God, not from your parents, your youth pastor, or your grandparents. God has something great planned for YOU.
It is OK to stand against the current of our culture. Be a light in a dark world!
Seek out an older man who lives out his faith with passion and with joy!
Advice to teen guys
1 Live life with no regrets. Do not do something now that you may regret 10 years down the road. At the same time if you can do something positive now or live your life for God now and you don’t you may regret not doing it later .
2 Dream big. If you can dream it you can do it. It might be difficult to accomplish but not impossible.
3 Be yourself. Don’t feel that you have to be what the world says. God made you exactly how he wanted you to be and you are perfect in his eyes. He is the only one that matters.
4 Don’t be afraid to ask for help. People are in your life for a reason take advantage of them. They care about you and live you for who you are.
5 Set boundaries and keep them. Having strict boundaries will not only help you when temptation comes but also your future wife will greatly appreciate it. Everything that you can give her is a gift and the more strict your boundaries are the bigger gift she will recieve.
6 You are being an influence right now in your life. Younger boys are watching you actions even now and it is your choice if you want to influence them in a positive or negative way.
7 You can make a difference now. You don’t have to wait until you are older to make a difference in our world.
8 Don’t ever give up. Life will be hard at times but quitting is the easy way out. Press on and you will be glad you did.
Advice to teen guys:
– don’t do anything now that you’d be embarrassed or ashamed to have to explain to your wife one day
– the girls you see every day are created in the image of God and are His daughters – that’s one dad you don’t want to tick off
– you’ve been given a role as a guardian to the girls around you. protect them. keep them safe — primarily from guys like you and ones that don’t follow this rule
– remember it’s God first, your faith second, then the girl – nothing is more vital to a woman than a young man who has a healthy “him” to offer her
This is really good stuff Justin… thanks for your input.
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