RECENT BLOG POSTS

The Source for Parents

Posted on: 11/8/10 8:32 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay… I’m getting excited… because our THE SOURCE FOR PARENTS page is almost completely finished. www.TheSource4Parents.com

Let me tell you a little about this fun little project… then I’d love your feedback.

Many of you have already popped over there and snuck a peek at the page recently. It’s been up and running… it’s just had an “under construction” banner up for the last couple months. Well, my web guys actually removed the construction banner this weekend. The page is almost complete. We’re just doing some finishing touches on our ASK THE SOURCE page where parents will be able to write questions and get answers from real parents.

For the last few years, parents have been beginning to take notice of our youth ministry page www.TheSource4YM.com, reading our Youth Culture Window articles, my blog, and using resources like our Slang Dictionary. Youth pastors have been emailing me and telling me, “I send parents to your page all the time!” Our team finally got the idea– Why not a duplicate page, but just for parents!!!

I encourage you to take a peek at this new page. Not only does TheSource4Parents feature some of our THESOURCE FOR YOUTH MINISTRY favorites like the Youth Culture Window articles, our Slang Dictionary and my blog, but we’ve added some other resourceful items unique to parents. These include:

MUSIC DISCUSSIONS- these discussions are different than the ones on the 4YM page– these are written specifically for parents who want to use current music as a springboard for discussion with their kids.
PARENTING HELP- this page is a gold mine of articles to parents about parenting. I called up some friends in the parenting world and asked them to contribute. So Jim Burns, Wayne Rice, Al Menconi and more have written articles in this section– articles addressing real life parenting issues.
MOVIE REVIEW & QUICK Qs- This page not only provides movie reviews, but also supplies three “quick questions” at the end of the review that parents can use to dialogue with their kids about the movie they just saw.
PARENTING WORKSHOPS- I have been doing a bunch of parenting workshops across the country.

Take some and click around this page. I’d love to hear your input and thoughts before we officially launch it.

Posted in Internet, News, Parenting | | Leave A Comment

Winners of Our Get Connected Contest

Posted on: 11/4/10 5:28 PM | by Jonathan McKee

What can I say… I love giving away free stuff!

As you know, in the last month we’ve offered you some enticing prizes to do one simple thing: connect with us! We’ve talked about the details numerous times. Today we drew the names of the winners. Here they are!

WON A PAIR OF OAKLEYS SUNGLASSES
Lorne Fairbanks Massie

WON A CHOICE OF ANY OF MY BOOKS
Derek Traub
Danielle Catrett White
Melissa Trumblee Brussee
Pastor Paul Rekward
Joey B. Fine
Ryan Espinoza
Jeff Smith
Ben Day
Misti Beal
Stacey DJ
Vicki Knight
David William Roberts
Brian Childers
Fred Peloso
Jennifer Roloff
Matthew Schutter

WON THE GOSPEL JOURNEY MAUI CURRICULUM from Dare 2 Share
Faani Engelbrecht

WON THE AMISH GRACE DVD
Penni Richardson
Weston (Thatcherdad)
Linda Granato
Chad Swanzy

I’ve emailed every one of these people! Congratulations! Keep connecting… because we love giving stuff away, and we’ll be offering many more chances like these.

Posted in Contests | | Leave A Comment

Talking with Our Kids About Demi

Posted on: 11/2/10 2:56 PM | by Jonathan McKee

So sad… the word is already out that “Sonny with a Chance” star Demi Lovato just checked into rehab for emotional issues, possibly for self mutilation and an eating disorder.

Demi is a huge name with kids, tweens, and even teens. Both of my own girls (13 and 15) have talked about her and seen her show countless times. This news will be a huge blow to kids across the world– yet another Disney Star/role model in rehab.

New York Daily News reports:

Teen Disney star Demi Lovato stunned fans when it was announced that the star had dropped out of her Jonas Brothers tour gig to seek help treatment for “emotional and physical issues,” according to her representatives.

The “Sonny With a Chance” and the “Camp Rock” star has struggled with eating disorders and cutting herself in the past, according to the Associated Press, although it’s unclear if those are the reasons why she left the tour.

Click here for the entire article.

The timing of this is interesting– young people are really struggling with self esteem right now. David’s Youth Culture Window article released just two days ago, The End of Their Rope, an article about bullying-related suicides, was a heart wrenching read. So many young people are looking for belonging and acting out in harmful ways. David offers some great advice about dialoguing with kids regarding bullying, teasing and suicidal thoughts.

As parents or youth workers, we might want to use this news about Demi to talk about self esteem with our young people.

Some resources to talk about this:

We’re in the process of writing up a MUSIC DISCUSSION using Crowder’s song “Everything Glorious” (I talked a little bit about how those lyrics can launch a powerful discussion about self esteem here). We have talked about the subject before– “How do we respond when bad things happen?” On our MUSIC DISCUSSION page we used The Fray song “You Found Me” to talk about how we can find God in the midst of tragedies. On the same MUSIC DISCUSSION page we also used a song from the artist Ferras, “Hollywood’s Not America,” to talk about the search for fulfillment. Years ago we used a clip from the film “Mean Girls” to talk about self esteem as well, using I Peter chapter 3. January 2009 we talked about girls drinking their problems away. We even discussed that using Pink’s song “So What” here. In that song, Pink reacted in anger and self destruction.

Keep Demi and her family in prayer through this tough time.

(ht to Trazy for sending me the article)

Posted in Discussion Ideas, Entertainment Media, News, Self Image | | Leave A Comment

I Want Your Feedback

Posted on: 11/1/10 9:23 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I’ve got something to brighten up your week… a newly revamped free resource, and another opportunity for you and 20 others to win Oakley’s, any of my books, DVDs and other prizes.

Here’s the skinny:

Today we were going to draw winners for all who participated in October’s CONNECT and WIN contest… but this past weekend, we just launched a new “comments and ratings” feature on our Youth Culture Window page, so we’re extending the contest just a few more days!

I’m throwing 10 more of my books in the mix to make this a little more interesting, and we’ll draw the winners this Thursday, giving away a pair of Oakley Sunglasses, a total of 16 of my books, 4 Amish Grace DVDs, and one of Dare 2 Share’s Gospel Journey Maui Youth Group Curriculum! That means over 20 people will win a prize! Not bad.

So here’s what you do: It’s simple. Go to our Youth Culture Window page using the FREE RESOURCES & IDEAS dropdown menu on www.TheSource4YM.com. On that page you’ll find 161 Youth Culture Window articles. Those articles now have ratings and comments features at the bottom of each article. You can rate it 1 through 5 stars, and give us your feedback via comments. For every article you rate and/or comment… your name is entered into our contest once again!

NOTE: We’re using the honor system here– we know that no one will go through and blindly rate articles they haven’t read. We thank you for only rating or commenting on articles that you’ve read.

Go for it! Start commenting and rating articles now on this page: www.TheSource4YM.com/YouthCultureWindow

Posted in Contests | | Leave A Comment

Parenting Book Cover

Posted on: 10/29/10 7:37 AM | by Jonathan McKee

At the beginning of the month, a few hundred of you helped me (and my publisher) choose a cover for my upcoming parenting book. It’s time to show you those results, as well as the final cover!

We showed you four possible ideas, and asked for your comments. Even though a number of you favored the cover with the teenager on the front, the overwhelming majority of you liked the one with burnt toast and offered some great comments about color, design, etc. All good ideas, indeed.

We took those comments and the team has made some tweaks, finally coming up with a really good final cover. (And for those of you who really liked the other covers– no worries– I think you’ll still enjoy the content of the book!) 🙂

Many of you have asked… so here’s a peek at the final cover below, and a glimpse at the Table of Contents as it sits right now. The T.O.C. can still change a bit. I have six of these chapters written and am working steady on finishing the rest.

The will hit the shelves in spring, 2011. I’ll keep you all posted as I make progress on it, especially as we launch www.TheSource4Parents.com in the next few weeks.

Thank you all so much for your help!

FINAL COVER

Table of Contents

Introduction—I’ll Never Do That with My Kids

CHAPTER ONE:

Blemished—Life Lessons

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Building Relationships

CHAPTER TWO:

Can I Even Make a Difference?—The Weight of Parental Influence

CHAPTER THREE:

Be There—Discovering Quality Time

CHAPTER FOUR:

Hot Tubs and Nail Salons—Arenas Where Communication is Cultivated

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Teaching Values

CHAPTER FIVE:

Raising the Bar—Teaching Our Kids Lasting Values

CHAPTER SIX:

Dad, Can I Download this Song?—Applying Discernment in Day to Day Decisions

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Do It or…or Else I’ll…—Discipline and Follow Through

CHAPTER EIGHT:

I Want to Be Like You Dad and Mom—Imperfect Parents Inspiring by Example Regardless

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Letting Go

CHAPTER NINE:

Before They’re Gone—Raising Up “Daniels”

CHAPTER TEN:

Am I Too Late?—Last Minute Efforts

Posted in Books, Parenting | | Leave A Comment

Reaching a Campus

Posted on: 10/27/10 4:05 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Youth workers constantly ask me, “How do I get on-campus at a public school?”

In my Connect workshops I always ask youth workers this question: “How many of you go on campus regularly and try to get to know unchurched kids?” “How many have ever done this?”

A few hands trickle up… usually less than 10 percent of the crowd.

As we talk about the subject more in the workshop, I find that this fact isn’t necessarily because youth workers don’t want to… a lot of it is they don’t know how.

In my book GETTING STUDENTS TO SHOW UP I devote a whole chapter to campus minsitry, and in my book CONNECT I spend quite a few chapters walking through the process of meeting “unchurched kids” on their turf. We provide a few articles and podcasts on the subject as well on our website- talking about the process. Even still, we are asked the question frequently: “How can I get on campus?”

Todd Pearage, one of our THE SOURCE team members, answered that question in an email recently and I wanted to share one of his stories with you:

Four years ago I arrived at a new church in a new area and one of the first things I did was make an appointment with the school superintendent. I went in dressed professionally and introduced myself. After a few minutes of small talk he asked what he could do for me. (He was a bottom line kind of guy – most administrators are because of their busy schedules). At that point I said, “Absolutely nothing, I just wanted to say hello, introduce myself and let you know if there is anything I or my church can ever do for you or the district, please let me know”.

I expected him to give me the ol’ thank you, don’t call us, we’ll call you speech. But something amazing happened. He sat there, looking at me. Then he leaned back in his chair looked me right in the eyes and said, “Todd I’ve been doing this job for over 35 years and you are the first youth pastor, pastor, priest or clergymen that has ever walked in here and NOT asked for something”. With that he shook my hand and said, “I’m looking forward to getting to know you”

That conversation was the first of many. So as you go in to that meeting think about how you can serve the school, not how they can serve you.

I hope that’s a small help.

Todd

Keep up the good work!

Posted in Church, Discussion Ideas, Leadership, Youth Ministry Philosophy, Youth Ministry Planning | | Leave A Comment

I’m Too Sexy for My… Costume?

Posted on: 10/25/10 1:45 PM | by Jonathan McKee

“What do you wanna be for Halloween?” Taylor whispers to her friend Kayla in her 6^th grade history class.

“A naughty nurse! What about you?”

“A racy referee!”

Whatever happened to good ol’ princess costumes? Anyone? How about a clown?

Halloween costumes are becoming smaller, racier and sexier. These kinds of provocative costumes have always been available for adults, but have you noticed how frequently they are being marketed to our teens and tweens in the last few years?

My 13-year-old and 15-year-old girl love costumes, so they are quick to grab the “Party City” costume insert in the paper each week during the month of October. Have you seen these ads? Some of these might as well be in the Victoria Secret catalogue. Alyssa picked up this week’s little costume insert and saw a picture of this girl in the little blue outfit highlighted on the back of the ad (the picture on the right). She laughed and asked me (and I quote), “What’s this costume supposed to be, girl in slutty blue dress?”

It’s funny. Many of the costumes don’t seem to have a point, other than to be short and provocative. Sadly, parents are “lowering the bar” and purchasing these kinds of costumes for their daughters. This is yet another instance when parents should read the American Psychological Association’s report, The Sexualization of Girls and consider the consequences that go along with lowering our standards like this.

Jump on Party City’s

costume website and look at the most popular costumes they market to our teenager girls. Girls can choose from costumes like the Teen Girls Racy Referee Costume. Or for those who want to pay tribute to our soldiers, why not get your daughter a Teen Girls Sassy Sailor Costume.

As a dad of two teenage girls, I can assure you… there is no way they are leaving my house wearing something like this! Sadly, many parents allow this. You should have seen the average dress size at the Homecoming dance I chaperoned a few weekends ago. Some of those dresses would have made Katy Perry blush.

We need to stop lowering the bar.

Many teenage girls aren’t going to just consider costumes for teenagers (they’ll let our tween girls do that—kids always dress up one age group. That’s why some of the girls in my daughter’s junior high school PE class wear thongs), they’re going to look at the costumes for adults. That opens up a whole world of choices for young girls. Now they can dress up as Mile High Captain (my 13-year-old asked me why she was called that. Sigh.) or Dirty Cop.

Amazon.com offers a bunch of really crude and racy costumes as well, costumes like “Gropin Granny” or “d**k-head,” a costume where guys dress up as… well… yes, the male genitalia (Yeah, I didn’t include a pic of that one). I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. This costume is probably pretty accurate to what we’ve all become dressing up our females like we do.

If a man wants to buy a sexy costume for his wife when the trick-or-treaters are gone and the kids are asleep, have fun! (hmmmm… that gets me thinking) …but can we please stop marketing this stuff to our kids?

Posted in Discussion Ideas, Jonathan's Rant, Parenting, Personal, Sexuality, Youth Culture | | Leave A Comment

Crowder Shines

Posted on: 10/22/10 9:24 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I don’t know if David Crowder can even fathom the amazing impact he has had on worship in the 21st century. He’s not only filled arenas with jumping young people lifting their hands to God and rocked churches across the continent… he’s given believers a tune to hum throughout the day. He’s provided ‘ammo’ for worship.

I can remember the first time my wife heard the words to Everything Glorious and came in to me, “Jonathan, have you heard this?”… I think I teared up. A bunch of us were dialoguing about lyrics of today’s music in the comment section of my blog about pop music earlier this week, and I mentioned, in a world where young girls constantly look in the mirror and think, “I’m ugly,” Crowder provides a song that says:

You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

So powerful.

Yesterday I was working on my parenting book in progress (5 chapters due today… I’m done with 6. Yeah!!!) and I was finishing up a chapter on “creating guidelines” in our homes. I listed some of my guidelines, one of which had to do with starting and ending the day with Christian music.

This has been an interesting experience in my house. We, like most people, enjoy secular music (The Fray, John Mayer, Five for Fighting…). And we allow secular music in our house that doesn’t distract us from our relationship with God (The Fray and Five for Fighting are great… Mayer is an interesting one…). But we’ve also added this guideline of only allowing Christian music the first hour in the morning and the last hour at night. My kids were really whiney about it when we first discussed it years ago. But we discussed it and agreed on it as a family… and it’s been powerful.

There’s nothing like starting and ending your day with God’s truth in your ears. If you haven’t tried it… I encourage you to.

That said, Crowder is often in my ears. Call me picky or whiney… but I don’t like a lot of Christian music. I’m constantly on the lookout for the good stuff. But Crowder, Dutton, Tomlin… and yes, even a few Toby Mac songs have been a huge help.

Yesterday Crowder blogged about a new video they made with a Lite Brite (hilarious description of trying to make the video with over 80 friends all “pegging” to make it happen). I love Crowder’s videos. I’ll never forget in the last year when I popped on iTunes to look at the Top 10 (something I regularly do) and saw his HOW HE LOVES video at #6 (amazing song and video). I thought, “Rock it Crowder!” So proud of him for making something so quality and so praiseworthy. Well… Crowder’s at it again, this time to his song, Shine.

Other people are already blogging about it this morning… I won’t repeat. But I encourage you to check out his blog, and check out this video. You’ll be humming the song later… I promise. (I downloaded the whole album- I couldn’t resist)

Posted in Faith, Music, Parenting | | Leave A Comment

Teens Texting Even More

Posted on: 10/20/10 1:34 PM | by Jonathan McKee

The popularity of texting is rising, and the amount of American teenagers who are texting just keeps increasing. Teenage girls take the lead with an average of 4,050 texts per month, according to the most recent Nielson report.

Wow! That’s a lot of…

hi

hey

what u doin?

nuthn

Me 2

c u l8r

Deep conversations!

My 15-year-old does plenty of this. I don’t think she’s broke the 2500 texts in a month mark… which is really comforting to me, but probably distressing to some mom across the country whose daughter is at the 6,000+ mark, making up for my daughter’s shortfall!

Nielson notes an 8 percent jump in texting in the last year (using data from monthly cell bills of more than 60,000 mobile subscribers as well as survey data from over 3,000 teens.). Here’s a glimpse:

If it seems like American teens are texting all the time, it’s probably because on average they’re sending or receiving 3,339 texts a month. That’s more than six per every hour they’re awake – an 8 percent jump from last year… No one texts more than teens (age 13-17), especially teen females, who send and receive an average of 4,050 texts per month. Teen males also outpace other male age groups, sending and receiving an average of 2,539 texts. Young adults (age 18-24) come in a distant second, exchanging 1,630 texts per month (a comparatively meager three texts per hour).

It’s funny to see that 65+ mark not even registering. I know there’s gotta be something there, because my dad (69 this year) sends a few texts a month– not many, but a few. He’ll receive texts from my kids and text back. I don’t know how common that is (my kids just have a rockin grampa!!!)

Click here for the whole report from Nielson.

Posted in Smartphones/Cell Phones, Youth Culture | | Leave A Comment

The Content Behind The Top Ten

Posted on: 10/18/10 2:59 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I always find it intriguing to see what kids are currently listening to. Last weekend at the parent workshop I taught in Philly, I encouraged parents to jump onto iTunes any given day, see what the top songs were, watch snippets of the videos and Google the lyrics.

Let’s take a quick peek at a few of today’s top songs that kids are downloading.

#1 Song: Like a G6, by the Far East Movement.

Lyrics:

Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6…

…Get them bottles poppin, we get that drip and that drop
Now give me 2 more bottles cuz you know it don’t stop
Hell Yeaa
Drink it up, drink-drink it up…

The message is clear. No need to go into more detail, I blogged all about it last week.

#2 Only Girl (in the World), by Rihanna

The video is #1, which really surprises me. It’s painfully boring– I really doubt it will remain #1 very long. It shows her dancing around… being Rihanna (or as the American Psychological Association would put it, “sexualized”).

The lyrics:

Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world…

Forget the video for a second. I find those lyrics very Interesting–a plea to be “the only one that you’ll ever love.” Those are pretty monogamous words from such a non-committal, ‘hookup’ society. What a good discussion point to start conversations with teenagers.

Oh… but just in case you think the song might be just about love. Don’t get your hopes up. Today’s music almost always has to include sex as well. The song goes on…

Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Oh make it last all night
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Make it last all night

#3 Just a Dream, by Nelly

Okay, this has to be the cleanest thing I’ve ever heard out of Nelly (he doesn’t have an album without the EXPLICIT warning). It’s a pretty catchy song and kids love it. It was the only slow song they played at the dance I chaperoned two weekends ago.

Here’s some of the lyrics:

I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can’t take it, knowing somebody’s got my baby.
And now you ain’t around, baby I can’t think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I’m tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain’t right.

CHORUS
I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

Correct me if I’m wrong… but are we hearing another song talking about desiring “one love” from “one person.” It’s almost as if we were created with that desire. Hmmmmmm.

Some other songs of interest.

#6 Raise Your Glass, by Pink

Sigh. Another, “I’m Pink, I’m angry, so I’m drinking” song?

Lyrics:

So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass

Slam slam, oh hot damn
What part of party don’t you understand,
Wish you’d just freak out (freak out already)
Can’t stop, coming in hot,
I should be locked up right on the spot
It’s so on right now (so f**kin on right now)

I quote Pepito from Doctor DoLittle 2. “So young. So angry. D*mn that rap music!”

#7 Bottoms Up, by Trey Songz, featuring Nicki Minaj

Here’s a screenshot from the video.

Any questions?

#8 Club Can’t Handle Me, by Flo Rida

Flo Rida, known for his mega hit, Low, the #1 song of the year in 2008, is back again. This time with more of the same. Good dance music that all the kids love, with lyrics that all the parents hate:

Still feelin myself I’m like outta control
Can’t stop now more shots lets go
Ten more rounds can I get a Kato
Paparazzi trying to make me pose
Came to party to I came no more
Celebrate coz that’s all I know
Tip the groupies takin off their clothes

Nice.

So what should we do as parents and youth workers?
1. Keep aware. Jump on iTunes like I just did right there and look to see what kids are listening to. Take a peek at the video, Google the lyrics. It’s good to know what music our kids are marinating in.

2. If you hear these songs, use them as a springboard for conversations with kids, just like the Apostle Paul did in Acts 17. I pointed out a few points of discussion above. Or, you can use our free MUSIC DISCUSSIONS at www.TheSource4YM.com … they provide small group questions, scripture, and everything you need. We’re also about to launch our parenting page that will have MUSIC DISCUSSIONS for parents to use as springboards for conversations with their kids.

Posted in Entertainment Media, Music, Parenting, Youth Culture | | Leave A Comment