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Males… Don’t Believe Her for the Next Three Days

Posted on: 02/11/08 12:23 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Guys… don’t buy the lie! Don’t you DARE listen when your special girl says any of the following statements in the next few days:

  “Don’t get me anything.” 

  “We don’t need to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year.”

  “I don’t need anything from you… just your love!”

Lies! Don’t believe her! Falsities. Not a shred of truth. Liar, liar, pants on fire!

I’m speaking from experience guys, and thousands of other males have made that fatal mistake… ONCE! (because if we’ve made the mistake once, we’ve never done it again!) I listened to my wife when she said that one year. Valentine’s Day came and went and I took her advice. I didn’t get her a thing. Oh boy was that bad advice!

If she says one of the above statements… she doesn’t mean it. She might think she means it, but she DOES NOT! What she really means is something much deeper and mysterious locked in the deep emotions of the female body. If you could read her mind at the moment, you’d read something like this:

“I don’t need a gift…. but I want one. But that’s selfish of me to want one… isn’t it? So I should let you off the hook… but I really wouldn’t be disappointed if you gave me something. I’d probably actually be really disappointed if you don’t give me anything… but I shouldn’t be that way… so don’t get me something… or do… either way, but if you don’t… I can’t help but wonder if you really like me…”  (This line of thinking goes on way too long to type!)

Bottom line: GIVE THEM SOMETHING! How hard is it? But you might be saying, “Jonathan… I’m poor! I’m a youth worker. The janitor brings home more than me!” If that’s the case, you don’t need to stop by the jewelry store. Heck, just do something! If she likes chocolate, just get her a little chocolate sum-something that says, “I went out of the way to get this for you because I love you.” If she loves flowers, get her flowers. And anything from a gas station doesn’t count! (Costco does count, but you have to go buy a vase somewhere else.)

And, if she told you she doesn’t need anything, she DEFINATELY didn’t mean don’t get her a card. They ALWAYS want a card. So if you’re too pathetic to go and buy a gift, you MUST go at least buy a card. And don’t just sign it. Oh no… you might as well not even buy the card then. You have to write a little note that says something about the card to show that you read the card and chose it just for her, and then add your own commentary on your feelings about what the card was talking about.

Wow… it’s tiring thinking about this. I think I need to go take a nap!

And when she reads this blog and tells you, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” What she’s really saying is, “I’m really mad that we’ve been portrayed as such emotional and selfish creatures! But… I still hope you get me something… if not I won’t get mad… but… it would be nice…” (again… this thinking goes on for a very long time.)

A final plea to all the males. If you’re still thinking, “Not my Sally-Jean (I’m guessing this would cover all the males in Texas and Oklahoma), she’s not like that!” Then you have to ask yourself one thing. “WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE IF YOU JUST BUY HER SOMETHING!”

I promise you. She WON’T get mad if you buy her something anyway. She won’t get mad if you make her breakfast in bed WITH a little card from you. She won’t be upset if expensive flowers arrive at work. She won’t be agitated if she wakes up to find a new outfit from her favorite store hung in the closet. She won’t be angry if you surprise her and take her to dinner at her favorite restaurant. (make reservations now!)

Very little to lose… a lot to gain! Better go shopping!

 

You Mean… the Lyrics DO Affect Me?

Posted on: 02/7/08 12:04 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s really not that hard to figure out. It’s amazing that so many are blind to it. But here it is, plain and simple: More raunchy music means kids having sex earlier. And the more a song refers to substance abuse… yep, you guessed it… the greater a chance kids will try those substances.

Think about it for a second. If you’re a kid who listen’s to an average of 2.4 hours of music per day (that is the average), and the typical song you’re listening to is talking about stuff that goes on in the bedroom… how do you think this will influence you?

Our kids will tell us, “It doesn’t affect me!”  (If you want to ask them yourself, join us in our survey from this blog and post your results within the next week or two)

Opinions are a dime a dozen. What do studies show?

This article from a while back summarized it pretty well, tying raunchy music to losing virginity sooner:

Teenagers whose iPods are full of music with raunchy, sexual lyrics start having sex sooner than those who prefer other songs, a study found.

Whether it’s pop, rock, hip-hop or rap, much of popular music aimed at teens contains sexual overtones. Its influence on their behavior appears to depend on how the sex is portrayed, researchers found.

 Songs depicting men as “sex-driven studs,” women as sex objects and with explicit references to sex acts are more likely to trigger early sexual behavior than those where sexual references are more veiled and relationships appear more committed, the study found.

Teens who said they listened to lots of music with degrading sexual messages were almost twice as likely to start having intercourse or other sexual activities within the following two years as were teens who listened to little or no sexually degrading music.

Excellent article, I recommend reading the whole thing. There are plenty of good articles out there on this subject. Some tying TV to teens starting sex early.

But what about the use of substances? Does music really affect that?

The Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine just published a new report analyzing the 279 most popluar songs our kids listen to. 33.3% portrayed substance abuse, with an average of 35.2 substance references per song-hour.

Here’s what the experts in this study said:

“There is convincing evidence that exposure to certain media messages increases substance use in adolescents. For instance, viewing smoking in movies prospectively predicts a substantial proportion of adolescent smoking initiation. Similarly, exposure to smoking-related media promotions is associated with smoking initiation. Alcohol use in movies and promotions is also linked to actual alcohol use. While the most frequently studied genres for this research include movies, television, and advertising, health behavior theory strongly supports a link between music exposure and substance use. According to the social learning model, human beings learn not only by direct experience but also by exposure to modeled behavior, such as that represented in popular music.”

And they rapped it up well…

“Music is wellknown to connect deeply with adolescents and to influence identity development, perhaps more than any other entertainment medium.”

Side note: that report was phenomenal. It broke music down by genre. I wasn’t surprised to find that hip-hop and rap were two of the top three that contained the most mention of substance abuse (Country was also very high).

Am I picking on hip-hop and rap?

Yes.

Why? Well, it happens to be the most popular genre by far. I’ve gone into great detail about this in past articles for sure… and if you don’t believe me, just look at the top 10 Billboard songs or the top 10 iTunes downloads any day of the week. The influence of hip-hop still dominates.

So What Can We Do As Parents and Youth Workers?

1. Find out what your kids think. Ask them yourself. Join us in our survey from this blog and post your results within the next week or two– your results will help us help you!

2. Talk with your kids about this. Note: I didn’t say, “PREACH TO THEM ABOUT THIS!” The emphasis here is more about LISTENING than talking. As a parent, I’m always looking for opportunities to dialogue with my own kids about anything. As a youth worker, I’m always looking for real issues that kids want to discuss. Music is something that they will often be excited to talk about. Use this an open door to discuss our character. (we even linked some great discussions you can use in that blog mentioned above)

3. Parents: Don’t be afraid to take the advice I offered at the bottom of this blog about television. I recommend using two bottons on your remote control often: The pause button, and the “Off” button.

Miley Cyrus is like… so popular!

Posted on: 02/6/08 10:14 AM | by Jonathan McKee

If you’re a parent of girls… you know the name.

If you work with junior high girls… they know the name.

If you work with high school girls… they still know the name, but are pretty hush, hush about it.

Miley Cyrus is the hottest thing since the Rubik’s cube! (wow… where did that obscure 80’s reference come from?) 

For those of you who don’t know… Miley’s show Hanna Montana dominates the number one spot on TV for kids, at times keeping up with the big boys.  Her concerts sell out in minutes. Her new concert film just set a web tickets sales record.

As a parent of 10 and 12-year-old girls, I’ve kept my eye on her show. It’s actually pretty good. Most of all- it’s clean.

In this CNN article she was just interviewed about her success. Here’s “like” a snippet:

Q: Your tour was one of the highest-grossing tours, right up there with the Police and Justin Timberlake. What do you think about that?

MILEY: Sometimes, “It’s like wow, I really have to be good.” Especially when you hear what people are doing for tickets. It’s like this is their one chance to see the show and it’s the one night I’m going to be here so it has to be perfect.

Q: Do the problems of other young stars, like Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy, put more pressure on you to set a better example for kids?

MILEY: It does, but I mean those persons don’t have anything to do with me either. So it’s like you just have your own heart and you have your own soul to kind of help you through life.

Q: Do you ever wish that you could just be a regular 15-year-old instead of a teen phenom?

MILEY: I do sometimes, but then again it definitely is fun and it’s been really nice because having my uncle as like my bodyguard and my mom with me and my dad, working with him. My family wants the best for me so they try to find a way so that I can still go out and hang with my friends and also have a normal life of my own.

She’s one to watch. She is by far THE biggest role model in the lives of young American girls today.

She’s had some people trying to pin some garbage on her, but it seems like she’s kept a pretty clean slate.

I admit, I was a little bit discouraged with the dress she wore to the 2007 Teen Choice Awards last year. But, in her defense, that is the way this generation is dressing. And if no one is teaching her differently…

Sigh.

I just know as a dad of little girls… my girls aren’t going out in dresses that advertise that much realestate. (And the guys they date are gonna have a little “sit down” talk with me while I’m cleaning my 12 gage!)

Keep Miley in your prayers. It can’t be easy to be in the limelight like this. But at the same time, I hope she realizes that she’s being watched. With fame comes great responsibility.

What Do Your Kids Really Think?

Posted on: 02/5/08 11:35 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Many of you have already read my blog about Soulja Boy and the truth behind his “Superman” song and dance penetrating schools across the country. A few days later the subject came up again in this blog, and I ended with a quote from a 14-year-old in a chat room:

I love this song, and
i dont really care what
the lyrics mean.
😛

That day, a youth worker named Jason read my blog and decided to do an experiment with this new knowledge. He took a survey with his kids. Here’s what he discovered:

in Ref. to this blog I thought I would sit down with my youth group and pick their brain about music and how we as parents and leaders should deal with the music. Below is the results.

About Music

1. Question should we as parents turn a deaf ear to your music and hope you don’t know what it means?? 58% agree we should turn a deaf ear

2. Should we explain to you what a song means and then if it’s bad (not pleasing to God)..ask you not to listen to it. 52% said we should explain

3. As a Sunday School teacher should I mention if a song is bad? 33% said yes I should

4. 33% said they would keep listening to the song when they realize it’s not pleasing to God

I think Jason had a great idea. I’d love to find out what your kids think!

So try this: take 5 minutes next time you meet with your kids to survey them anonymously (hand out blank scraps of paper and have them number 1-6). Ask them these six questions adapted from Jason’s poll:

  1. Do you think that parents and youth workers should stay out of your music, turn a deaf ear, and hope that lyrics don’t affect you?
  2. Do you think that the lyrics affect you?
  3. If parents or youth workers discover that a song is vile or degrading, should they explain it to you and warn you about it?
  4. How many of you would still listen to it even if you knew the lyrics were bad?
  5. Should parents draw a line and enforce rules of what you can and can’t listen to?
  6. What should that line be? (what criteria should they use?)

(Note: Some of you might think, “This would be a good opportunity to discuss the issues of the stuff we allow in our heads, or compromising.” We’ve got several good resources that you can use as “ready-made” discussions on the topic. Our MOVIE CLIP DISCUSSIONS page has a great one using a clip from the third Lord of the Rings film, and one from 24… but also check out some Object Lessons like the one on Purity, the “Special Brownies” one… etc. Good discussion material.)

Now, about the survey… I only took one statistics class in college, so I’m no expert. But I do know one thing about this quiz: there is crossover in these questions and I think that’s good. It helps us evaluate kid’s true feelings about a subject. Sometimes you have to ask a similar question two different ways to get at the truth. In other words, questions 1 and 3 are really similar. It would be funny if kids answer YES to #1 and YES to #3 (3 is asked in the inverse). We see that trend in Jason’s kid’s answers. 58% said “stay out of our music!” But then 52% turn around and say, “sure, explain a song to us if a song is bad!”  (do they want us to stay out or what?)

Post your results as a comment on THIS BLOG. (and if you aren’t already, don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE to this blog so you can stay updated.) I realize it might take a week or two to get results. No worries. But try to take a quick 5 minutes to survey your kids next time you see them in a youth group, bible study, or small group format.

I’ll try to post as many of your stats and comments as possible. More importantly, I’ll post a grand total of all the responses. So stick to the six questions I gave you for our survey.

17 Million Kids Will Be Watching…

Posted on: 02/3/08 9:17 AM | by Jonathan McKee

17 Million.. that’s a lot of kids!

Yes, 17 million kids are watching the Superbowl game this year… AND the commercials. I don’t know about you, but this three hour slot of TV is the one time I actually enjoy the commercials. But that doesn’t stop me from using my TiVo to start the game about 45 minutes late so I have the freedom to skip certain ads (Remember the two girls wrestling in the fountain a couple years ago? That ad had a bunch of parents across the country frantically searching for the remote control!).

Apparantly I’m not the only one concerned. Marin Institute, an “alcohol watchdog group” out of San Rafeal, California, is very concerned, specifically about all the beer commercials. Media Life magazine reports in this article:

Seventeen million kids will be watching Sunday’s game, according to Marin, and alcohol advertising has been tied to increased underage drinking. Considering Budweiser annually produces the funniest, most well-received ads, Marin believes the ads put kids at risk.

“The NFL identifies the Super Bowl as a family-friendly televised sporting event, so their opinion of what family-friendly is is clearly not the same as ours,” says Michael J. Scippa, Marin Institute’s advocacy director. “Nearly 17 million youth watch that every year, and they’re being exposed to very clever, very funny, very powerful brand messaging – and clearly there are strong links between exposure and usage, especially in underage drinkers.”

There are studies to back up that point. A study in the January 2006 edition of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that youth who saw more alcohol advertisements on average drank more.

Studies are revealing that people are drinking at increasingly younger ages, according to this UK article, fueling violence and anti-social behavior.

So I guess it comes down to what’s more important… the health and safety of our kids… or a whole lot of freaking money!

Hmmmmmm.

Squeaking Through to Wisconsin

Posted on: 02/1/08 5:03 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Today I flew out of Sacramento on a direct flight to Chicago where I popped in my rental car to drive 2 hours to one of my favorite camps to speak at, Timber-lee Christian Camp.

I gotta admit, last night I had my doubts if I’d ever get here- the weather was looking pretty bad. My dad was flying back from Kansas City where he did a workshop and he said everything was stopped at Ohare (Chicago’s Airport.. my destination this morning). Sure enough, flights were being canceled or delayed up to five hours due to heavy snow in the midwest.

So this morning I checked flight status and surprisingly everything was fine (when I was leaving my house at 4 AM). But 5 minutes before we were supposed to board we received word of a delay (figures). Chicago had a foot of snow last night and they were limiting incoming flights. I popped open my laptop and began getting some work done. They actually didn’t delay long. Bottom line… we only arrived in Chicago an hour late. (Whew! There are a lot of people stuck in airports across the country right now. I squeaked through!)

I was in my rental car (a 4×4) navigating through the newly fallen snow by 1:30 PM and stopping at my favorite pizza place in the world, Giordano’s, at 2:30. (I wrote about Giordannos in an earlier blog.. wow… that’s some great pizza! This is my only time scheduled to pass through Chicago in the next six months… I had to get my fix!)

I arrived at the camp around dinner time and got settled in. I am excited about the weekend. I speak once tonight, twice Saturday, and once Sunday. I’m doing a new series on our two natures. Tonight I talk about the world’s focus on “external,” and God’s focus on “internal.” Tomorrow I’ll dive into our two natures (Romans 8) and reveal how we need to give it up to God and let Him work in us instead of us trying to “do works.” It should be a fun time.

I’d love your prayers as I speak to this group of high school kids this weekend. You can also pray for a mighty tail wind on the way home so I can catch the last 5 minutes of the SUPER BOWL!!!!    🙂

Posted in Personal, Prayer, Travel |  | Leave A Comment

MTV Top 10 Artists… Not quite Role Models

Posted on: 01/31/08 9:16 AM | by Jonathan McKee

MTV’s front page features their list of Most Popular Artists. (And let me assure you… regardless where MTV gets that list from, it is a self fulfilling prophecy. Sad fact, but MTV is youth culture today.) The question is… how many of these artist would you want mentoring your kids?

Probably very few of them.

But the “artists” on this list are the people kids are listening to. Let’s take a peek at some of them.

The list features Li’l Wayne in the #1 spot. Little Wayne was in the news again this week when he was booked on three felony drug charges in Yuma, AZ on Jan. 23.

Britney Spears is #2 on the list. She was rushed to the hospital this morning (Thursday, January 31) on another “5150” hold for mental-health evaluation. Her song Peice of Me is currently #18 on Billboard’s Hot 100 right now, and the #9 most downloaded song on iTunes. Her risque music video is the sixth most downloaded music video on iTunes right now.

Soulja Boy Tell’em has the #4 spot. Check out my blog a couple days ago for more about how schools are inadvertantly helping him become a role model for your elementry school kids.

Akon was in the news again last year when he was charged for tossing a 15-year-old fan into the crowd. Akon has had numerous hits, one of the most popular being Smack That.  Hmmmmmm. Earlier in 2007 Akon got himself into trouble in Trinidad when he pulled a girl onto the stage and proceeded to simulate sex with her as well as a few minutes of other crude dancing. The young girl was only 15 years old.

This list of artists goes on.

The interesting fact is that today’s kids don’t seemed worried about song lyrics or the character of the person singing the song. I think a 14-year-old girl summed up this generation’s feeling well in her blog when she heard what Soulja Boy’s “Superman” song meant.

I love this song, and i dont really care what the lyrics mean. 😛

Hmmmmmm.

Baptist Pick-up Lines

Posted on: 01/30/08 3:48 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Some of you might be familiar with a little Christian publication called the Wittenburg Door. (I warn you- They have always been a little edgy… ) 

I almost fell out of my chair with some of their “Hardcore Baptist Pick-up Lines.”

A few of them:

I’m sure glad your mama was pro-life.

Let’s go back to my place—I’ve got the complete VeggieTales.

Baby, you’re like a burning bush. I feel like Moses, all I want is a glimpse of the Promised Land.

You look like the whore of Babylon—and I mean that in a good way.

You look like Ruth from the Bible. She was a Christian—at least she would have been if she was born a few hundred years later. Are you a Christian? Because I only court Christians, and I’m very interested in courting you if your father says it’s okay.

Hey, babe, if you were the mission, then I’d be a missionary.

The whole list is here… (some a little too irreverant for my taste)

Posted in Humor |  | Leave A Comment

Soulja Boy Up In “the What?!!”

Posted on: 01/29/08 12:39 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Soulja Boy up in da ho.

That’s how the song starts. The song rode the #1 spot on Billboard and iTunes for months in the Fall… and just when I thought the hype was over… they are now teaching the dance as part of the curriculum in PE classes at several Sacramento area schools.

Let me back up for a moment and catch some of you up with this whole situation (For those that didn’t hear the discussion on our Podcast Episode #9).

Soulja Boy is a hip hop artist whose song “Crank That” (The “Superman” song) not only rode the #1 spot for what seemed like an eternity in the Fall of 2007, but the song has it’s own dance. Elementry school kids and tweens are the biggest fans of the dance. Ask an 8-12 year old in your neighborhood, they probably all know the “Superman” dance. And schools that play music during lunch time almost all play the “clean” version of this song.

So what’s all the concern?

Here’s the first few lines of the song:

Soulja Boy up In da ho
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat ho

Lyrics vary a little bit depending on where you look (because they’re pretty hard to understand). Personally, I’m not excited about any song that talks about being “up in da ho.” Yeah… that does mean what you think that means. But funny as it is… most people aren’t that concerned about that (after all, what rap song doesn’t talk about bitches and ho’s?), they are concerned about the term “superman.” And they should be. I’m not even going to define it for you. You’ll have to jump onto a slang dictionary site like UrbanDictionary.com and look it up here.

Yeah… pretty disgusting.

So the biggest question is, “Is that really what Soulja Boy is talking about?” After all, he was asked about it on a BET interview and he basically avoided answering the direct question saying,

“Superman is just a dance. I heard about the e-mails going around and…basically, they trying to just stop my shine,” said the 17-year old Soulja Boy. “I mean, ‘Superman,’ ‘Crank That’ [is] old.

There’s his answer. Basically, “Stop hatin.’ You’re too late!”

So what does the song mean? Does Superman mean what Urban Dictionary says it means? Well… take a peek for yourself at more of the lyrics… they might give you a clue:

Watch me crank dat roosevelt den supa soak dat ho(yuuuuuuhhh)
supa soak dat ho(supa soak dat ho)
supa soak dat ho(supa soak dat ho)
supa soak dat ho(supa soak dat ho)
supa soak dat ho(supa soak dat ho)

Hmmmm.

And whether “superman” means that or not, the song has plenty of other degrading language towards women.

im too fresh off in dis bitch
Watch me shuffle watch me jig
Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy
Den supaman dat bitch(yuuuuuhhhh)
supaman dat bitch(supaman dat bitch)
supaman dat bitch(supaman dat bitch)
supaman dat bitch(supaman dat bitch)

These lyrics are edited in the version our kids hear. They just hear “Soulja boy up in da OOOOOOOO!” And words like “bitch,” “cockin” and “sh*t” are also edited out. So, as our kids would tell us, “It’s clean Mom!”

You’ll find plenty of online discussions about this song, the meaning and whether it’s a concern or not. Some of the discussions show the ignorance (I’m not using that word as an insult, but in the true meaning of the word) of the parents and teachers encouraging the dance.

Recording companies don’t care… research shows that they just understand the fact that if the song comes with a dance, the chance of selling more music!

So, do kids know what it means?

I polled several youth pastors and compus ministry staff I knew. They all asked their kids individually about the song. The overwhelming consenses is this:

  • most elementry school kids and tweens have NO idea what the song is talking about, they just like the dance.
  • most junior highers (those that aren’t sheltered) know that Soulja Boy is talking about “Ho’s,” but they don’t know what superman means.
  • 8 out of 10 unchurched high school kids knew what superman means. (and most thought it was funny)

Last Fall if you would have asked me what to do about the situation I would have told you, “Don’t bring it up. But if kids ask about it, use it as an opportunity to talk about the issue of lyrics and their meaning.”  But now that my own 12-year-old came home from school 4 days ago and informed me that she’s learning the “superman dance” in P.E. and they played the song over and over again about 15 times during class…

Hmmmmmmm.

Comments?

Why Teenagers Like Winehouse

Posted on: 01/28/08 1:39 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Many of you saw my last post about Amy Winehouse’s recent troubles and how we can respond. The more interesting phenomenon is why teenagers aren’t critical of her, when they ARE critical of celebs like Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, etc.

17 year old writer Jemina Owen chimes in with her theory in this article:

Perhaps part of her appeal is her honesty regarding her very obvious problems. So many celebrities appear to spend their lives trying to glaze over the rough patches in their lives to present a ‘clean’ image to the media – whether it be Victoria Beckham staunchly defending her ‘healthy attitude towards food and weight’ (though we’ve yet to see a photo of her tucking away a burger to put our minds at ease) or Lindsay Lohan rolling her Bambi eyes and moaning at how the press portray her as some kind of ‘wild girl’ when in fact she likes nothing more than a cup of tea and a good book.

Winehouse, on the other hand, makes no attempt to cover up the mess her life is in, and you only have to read the pitiful interviews with her father to gain an uncomfortable amount of insight into the heartache that drug addiction, an eating disorder and a husband locked away in prison bring to her loving parents who wonder where on earth they went wrong.

Honestly, I don’t think any of us would want to swap our lives for Winehouse’s. But maybe at times teenagers feel they can relate to some aspect of Winehouse’s plight – whether they be going out with a guy Dad can’t stand, or desperate to persuade Mum that a tattoo doesn’t screw up your chances of getting a decent job. However big a mess Winehouse makes of things, hundreds of messages of support from her fans reinforce that there are still people rooting for her. For teens, it’s a comforting message in a world that can often seem unforgiving – no matter how much you screw up, there will still be people who want you to shine.

Two observations:

  1. Authenticity is huge with this generation.
  2. Forgiveness is still something that people seek today. Jesus seemed to “reek” forgiveness and people sought Him out. What do we reek of?

… something to consider as we try to reach out to this generation.

(thanks to Anastasia for the link)