Males… Don’t Believe Her for the Next Three Days

Posted on: 02/11/08 12:23 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Guys… don’t buy the lie! Don’t you DARE listen when your special girl says any of the following statements in the next few days:

  “Don’t get me anything.” 

  “We don’t need to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year.”

  “I don’t need anything from you… just your love!”

Lies! Don’t believe her! Falsities. Not a shred of truth. Liar, liar, pants on fire!

I’m speaking from experience guys, and thousands of other males have made that fatal mistake… ONCE! (because if we’ve made the mistake once, we’ve never done it again!) I listened to my wife when she said that one year. Valentine’s Day came and went and I took her advice. I didn’t get her a thing. Oh boy was that bad advice!

If she says one of the above statements… she doesn’t mean it. She might think she means it, but she DOES NOT! What she really means is something much deeper and mysterious locked in the deep emotions of the female body. If you could read her mind at the moment, you’d read something like this:

“I don’t need a gift…. but I want one. But that’s selfish of me to want one… isn’t it? So I should let you off the hook… but I really wouldn’t be disappointed if you gave me something. I’d probably actually be really disappointed if you don’t give me anything… but I shouldn’t be that way… so don’t get me something… or do… either way, but if you don’t… I can’t help but wonder if you really like me…”  (This line of thinking goes on way too long to type!)

Bottom line: GIVE THEM SOMETHING! How hard is it? But you might be saying, “Jonathan… I’m poor! I’m a youth worker. The janitor brings home more than me!” If that’s the case, you don’t need to stop by the jewelry store. Heck, just do something! If she likes chocolate, just get her a little chocolate sum-something that says, “I went out of the way to get this for you because I love you.” If she loves flowers, get her flowers. And anything from a gas station doesn’t count! (Costco does count, but you have to go buy a vase somewhere else.)

And, if she told you she doesn’t need anything, she DEFINATELY didn’t mean don’t get her a card. They ALWAYS want a card. So if you’re too pathetic to go and buy a gift, you MUST go at least buy a card. And don’t just sign it. Oh no… you might as well not even buy the card then. You have to write a little note that says something about the card to show that you read the card and chose it just for her, and then add your own commentary on your feelings about what the card was talking about.

Wow… it’s tiring thinking about this. I think I need to go take a nap!

And when she reads this blog and tells you, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” What she’s really saying is, “I’m really mad that we’ve been portrayed as such emotional and selfish creatures! But… I still hope you get me something… if not I won’t get mad… but… it would be nice…” (again… this thinking goes on for a very long time.)

A final plea to all the males. If you’re still thinking, “Not my Sally-Jean (I’m guessing this would cover all the males in Texas and Oklahoma), she’s not like that!” Then you have to ask yourself one thing. “WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE IF YOU JUST BUY HER SOMETHING!”

I promise you. She WON’T get mad if you buy her something anyway. She won’t get mad if you make her breakfast in bed WITH a little card from you. She won’t be upset if expensive flowers arrive at work. She won’t be agitated if she wakes up to find a new outfit from her favorite store hung in the closet. She won’t be angry if you surprise her and take her to dinner at her favorite restaurant. (make reservations now!)

Very little to lose… a lot to gain! Better go shopping!


9 Replies to “Males… Don’t Believe Her for the Next Three Days”

  1. I wish I could say you’re wrong here…but man are you so right!! The only thing worse than not getting a gift for her is not getting her a gift AND SHE GETS YOU A GIFT…they don’t make holes big enough. And yes I am that dumb…but only once.

    There is still plenty of time!!

  2. Great post! In 18 years of marriage I made the mistake once… except with a twist. You see, my wife’s birthday is February 10th… so I thought I would just wrap both days together into one nice little “celebration of my undying love and appreciation for her”… umm wrong answer. I shared living quarters with our black lab for a week on that one!

    And, she always says cards are a waste of money, but she’s yet to return one.

  3. My wife is a little different when it comes to gifts…she would rather have me spend two hours cleaning the house than get any gift…that is a gift to her. I mean real cleaning…baseboards, kind of stuff. This V-Day we are going to the movies and starbucks! AHH how romantic!


  4. Jonathan:
    Thanks for the advice. Just went out and got some chocolate and a card. Got one for each daughter too. Your advice is timely and now I won’t be Mr. Desperate on the 14th(like in the past) and pick up gas station flowers (bad move) and cheap candy that she will return. The only problem with all this is now I’m gonna have to get you a card that says, “Jonathan, You make me a better man. (Yikes, that seems a little awkward) I’ll just stick to a comment on your blog. Thanks again!

  5. Ha… thanks for sharing your experiences Michael. You and the other guys above seem to have learned from your mistakes as well.

    And wow… I’m happy to make you a better man! (I think…???)

  6. I did not I did not I did not…

    How did you know I just told my husband this morning not to get me anything??? I forwarded this to our Pastor over Men’s Ministry to forward on to that database.

    You may have saved a handful of poor fools from being sacrificed tomorrow!

    God Bless You!!!

  7. The KEY to this is just simply doing something that shows us that you took the TIME to do a little something for us! Even if it is going by the store and picking up our favorite soft drink!!
    Thanks for helping the guys out Jonathan

  8. Fanatastic! You really have our thought processing down – albeit, I agree, significantly minimized in time!
    Speaking of time – that’s what it’s all about. No matter what you get us just show that it took some planning, some time, some thought. The most romantic part of it all is knowing you were thinking of us when we weren’t there!!!

  9. I just think that is funny. I am a woman and I do think that way. Although, it doesn’t take long to think about that, it’s more of a flash of thoughts in a few seconds that tie together after another few seconds. so true.

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