If Dr. Seuss was in youth ministry

Earlier this week I was looking through the archives of the articles I wrote to youth workers back in the days… really fun looking through it all. I found this little gem from April of 2005 (I had totally forgotten about this). It gives you a glimpse of the type of kids I worked with… NOT very politically correct, mind you (apparently the filter was completely off back then).

WHAT IF DR. SEUSS HAD CHAPERONED ONE OF YOUR
YOUTH MINISTRY EVENTS?

One kid, two kid,
old kid, new kid.
Flabby kid, toned kid,
clean kid, stoned kid.

Some come from near.
Some come from far.
Some come with friends in their lowered cars.
Say!  What a lot of kids there are!

Some like to drink.
Some wear pink
And some of them just straight up stink!
Why do they drink, wear pink and stink?
I don’t know. Go ask your shrink!

This one is a kid named Blunk.
Blunk is just a little punk.
I’d like to stick Blunk in my trunk.
Then I’d have a Blunk punk trunk!

I do not like this one so good.
He’s from the burbs, but thinks he’s from the hood.
He wears lots of gold.
He wears a big ring.
How the heck can he afford all that bling, bling?
I do not know, ask his dad.  He’s doing a dime in Sing Sing.

Bump, bump, bump.
That must be a kid named Stump.
Stump’s car goes bump.
He has a $7,000 car stereo, but lives in a dump.
Stump is also plump.
He just sits on his rump listening to bump, bump, bump.
Stump is so plump that he has seven lumps on the hump of his rump.
Stump goes bump, bump, bump on his plump rump with the seven lump hump.

So many kids.
They come and go.
Some learn fast.
Others learn slow.
We really want to reach them,
And help them to grow.
But with what the church pays our youth worker . . .
You’d never know!

Jonathan McKee, 2005

Next week maybe I’ll try, “The Cat with the Gat”