Are They Worth the Trouble?

Posted on: 01/10/12 5:26 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I find it funny how much disagreement there is about the generation most commonly knows as the Millennials. The professional world is still trying to figure out whether this group of young people is worth the hassle! Ministries wonder if they make good volunteers.

What about you? Would you want them on your team?

Millennials, also know as Gen Y, born roughly between 1980 and mid to late 90’s (that means they are roughly between the ages of 16 to 32 right now, but most often refers to college students and young professionals), are often known for their attitude of entitlement, their lackadaisical prowess, and their dire need for a wireless connection. They’ve been described as narcissistic, uncommitted and ultimately unreliable.

Is this stigma fair?

As a guy who spends a good part of my week researching youth culture, attitudes and trends, I often find myself going to bat for this age group. Recently, a friend of mine read me a paragraph from a well-known Christian book about emerging adulthood, and I heard much of the same descriptors: lazy, uncaring, selfish. I can’t say that I agreed with much. I constantly come across research to the contrary about this generation who, in a recent study by Metlife, was 8 percent more likely than the general population to work extra hours and take a second job.

My dad and I have spent quite a bit of time studying this age group for our seminars about volunteerism, detailing a lot of our findings in THE NEW BREED, our book about recruiting, training, and even firing today’s volunteers. We find GEN Y precarious at times, and definitely fragile… but well worth it.

Maybe some of us are critical because we don’t understand them. Half of them would choose a smartphone rather than a car. No, seriously. An automotive analyst for Gartner did a study on 18-24 year olds, summarizing, “The iPhone is the Ford Mustang of Today.” That’s the thing about this generation. They will wow you one moment, and then leave you scratching your heads the next.

Funny… I was just sticking up for Gen Y this week, citing new research about how involved they are in social issues, and how their tech-savvy minds stretch us to think outside the box. Then just this morning I received an email from a youth worker who is bringing me out to teach a workshop to a bunch of Gen Y volunteers. They asked if I could move the workshop from 9AM to 10AM because 9AM is too early.

Soooooo Gen Y.

Ya gotta love em’…or you’ll probably shoot em.’

My dad just wrote an article titled, Why Are We Dissing Gen Y Volunteers When They Have So Much to Offer? in that article he quotes the head of human resources for a large corporation:

“You are not going to diss on Gen Y are you? We are getting so tired of people tearing them down. If you are going to do that, we don’t want you to speak to our group because we are finding that they are some of our best workers. They are creative, hard working and energetic compared to the cynical long-term employees who are just marking time until they can retire.”

We were glad to hear someone stick up for that group. He was pretty excited to hear that we were pro-Gen-Y. (In the article, my dad goes on to cite an MSN article describing Gen Y’s workplace strengths, according to a CareerBuilder writer. Fascinating stuff.)

Today another article dropped in my inbox (ht to Ypulse.com) about GEN Y, comparing their work ethic to Gen X (my generation). In this article, the author argues that Millennials want what she called “Work-Life Blending,” compared to Gen X, who wanted work-life balance:

Gen X workers introduced the mantra of work-life balance. They wanted their employers to give them flexibility in their job so they could still devote time to their families and personal wellbeing. Millennials have morphed that idea into work-life blending. Instead of switching between professional mode to personal mode like Gen Xers, Millennials are always in both.

At work, Millennials want to have the freedom to access social networks, take personal calls, chat with friends via IM, use their own tech devices, etc. Outside the office, they’ll take work calls at home, check their work email as often as their personal email (even during off hours), and view coworkers as friends. (Click here for the rest of that article from Ypulse).

Gen Y is definitely a mixed can of nuts.

But I always say, when life gives you peanuts, make peanut brittle. (Okay… I actually have never said that… until now.)

What has your experience been?
What has your experience been with this younger generation of teenagers, college students and 20-somethings who seem like they have to check their Facebook status from their smartphone every 8 minutes? Are they your next volunteer… your next employee? What have you learned managing this bunch?

Backtalking to Mom Should Be Rewarded?

Posted on: 01/4/12 6:53 PM | by Jonathan McKee

“I thought I told you to clean your room.”

“You did tell me that, and here’s why I didn’t…”

How many of you are already taking off your belt to teach this kid a thing or two? At first glance, this kind of talk from your kids might seem disrespectful, or as some of us call it, “backtalk.” But what if I told you, allowing this kind of talk can not only open doors for healthy conversations, but it can help your kids learn to say ‘no’ to drugs or alcohol.

Don’t worry, I’m not advocating letting our kids disrespect their parents. I’m advocating allowing our kids to respectfully speak their minds. Kids who can calm and confidently disagree with their parents are actually 40 percent more likely to say ‘no’ to drugs or alcohol than kids who didn’t argue.

Sound crazy?

The study was done by the University of Virginia and they published their findings in the journal, Child Development, in December 2011. Dr. Joseph P. Allen studied 157 13-year-olds, videotaping them describing their biggest disagreements with their parents. Some parents just laughed and rolled their eyes when they watched these videos. But the parents who wanted to talk with their kids about what they heard were the ones that Allen described as “on the right track.” The parents who allowed their kids to dialogue with them gave their kids practice handling disagreements.

NPR’s health blog tells us more about the study:

Allen interviewed the teens again at ages 15 and 16. “The teens who learned to be calm and confident and persuasive with their parents acted the same way when they were with their peers,” he says. They were able to confidently disagree, saying ‘no’ when offered alcohol or drugs. In fact, they were 40 percent more likely to say ‘no’ than kids who didn’t argue with their parents.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from teenagers is that their parents don’t listen. That’s one of the biggest reasons we are launching TheSource4Parents.com’s new YouTube and Facebook page, R U Listening. Each week we’ll be posting a video where we listen to the felt needs of a student and discuss appropriate responses.

What if the parent at the beginning of this article didn’t take time to actually listen to their kid?

Maybe we should listen to the rest of the story:

“I thought I told you to clean your room.”

“You did tell me that, and here’s why I didn’t do it yet. You also told me to feed the dog and finish studying for my SAT test. Molly looked hungry, so I fed her first. Then I went straight to studying because I figured that was the most important. When I finish studying in about 15 minutes, I’ll get straight to cleaning my room. Is that okay?

Gulp.

Let’s be realistic. This probably doesn’t happen too often. Some of us might experience much more flawed logic from our kids like this:

“I thought I told you to clean your room.”

“You did tell me that, and here’s why I didn’t. I got a phone call from Taylor and he really needed to talk. So I talked with him, and he wanted me to check out this Facebook post that Chelsea put up about him. While I was checking that, I noticed that Jake was FBO with Katy, and you know how much she hates me, so…

Does this sound more like your kid?

Here’s a situation where parents can rise up and respond back to their kids in a manner that corrects gently, still keeping the doors open for future discussion. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Sometimes we tell ourselves that yelling just works better. But wouldn’t it be better to keep the channels of communication open? They’re pretty easy to slam. Besides, when we give our kids the gift of letting them be heard, we can do one better than just getting them to clean their room… we can teach them to articulate themselves and stand up for what they believe.

The NPR article linked above contends, “effective arguing acted as something of an inoculation against negative peer pressure.”

That probably makes a lot of us think twice about simply responding, “Just shut up and clean your room!”

Teenagers and Their Smartphones in 2011

Posted on: 12/19/11 12:14 AM | by Jonathan McKee

The newest mobile phone numbers are in from Nielsen in their new State of the Media Mobile Media Report for the third quarter of 2011. The results probably won’t be surprising to anyone who hangs out with teenagers. In short, more teens are getting smartphones, they’re downloading more data, texting a lot, and talking less.

Smartphones still aren’t the majority for teenagers. Only 40% of 13-17 year-olds now own a smart phone, compared to 53% of 18-24 year-olds and 64% of 25-34 year-olds. But the numbers have grown at an insane rate compared to years past. This table provides a good breakdown.

I notice several things from this table:

  • Slightly more females now own smartphones where it used to be 10% more males in 2009.
  • Every age category has more than doubled in the last 2 years.
  • 25-34 and 18-24 still dominate in smartphone ownership

According to the same Mobile Media Report, the top two sites accessed by smartphones are Google (#1) and Facebook (#2).

Nielson used data from the monthly cell phone bills of 65,000+ mobile subscribers and analyzed mobile usage trends among teenagers in the U.S.

  • Teens age 13-17 now use an average of 320 MB of data per month (a 256% increase over last year’s 90MB average). (Males used 382 MB, females used 286 MB.
  • Average number of messages (SMS and MMS) exchanged monthly by a teenager is now 3,417 per month. (3,952 by females, 2,815 by males)
  • Voice time (phone calls) has gone down from an average of 685 minutes to 572 minutes.

Hmmmmm.

Adele Connects

Posted on: 12/2/11 11:24 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Adele sings… people listen.

It’s always intriguing to see which artists connect with today’s music audiences. Rihanna provided We Found Love, a song and graphic music video that has resonated with young girls especially (I blogged about people’s overreaction to that song a little while ago). Pink consistently relates to a hurting generation with songs and videos like that of the very edgy F**king Perfect. But as sincere as Rihanna, Pink and others might be… another artist has released an album that didn’t rely on gratuitous sexual imagery and didn’t require graphic depictions of drugs and drinking. I’m talking about Adele… and America can’t seem to get enough of her.

Maybe it’s her anguish over breakups that people are relating to, maybe it’s her simple smooth lyrics… or could it be her voice? People love Adele, Adele gets people, and in turn… they buy her songs.

Her song Someone Like You is still in the top 10 on iTunes and the Billboard Hot 100 (where it has stayed for 21 weeks now, peaking at #1). Her album, simply titled 21, has been on Billboards charts for almost a year now, is still in the top 10, peaking at number 1. She just nabbed six Grammy nominations, including album of the year. Bruno Mars, also with six nominations commented, “D**n it, why am I up against Adele?”

Let’s be honest. Adele’s album isn’t really a “pick me up.” It’s the vulnerable cry of someone who dealing with pain and loss. Hmmmmm. I wonder why this is connecting with people so much?

Saturday Night Live did a sketch recently featuring Adele’s hit song, Someone Like You… had me literally rolling on the floor! This funny little sketch makes fun of why this song is actually connecting with people. I’ll embed it (although these videos are sometimes yanked by NBC… so if it get’s removed, just Google “Saturday Night Live Adele Someone Like You Emma Stone” and you’ll find it somewhere. A must see!)

Why do you think Adele connects with this generation so much?

Bruno Mars has the number one hit on iTunes right now, It Will Rain. Why do you think that song is a hit?

Do young people want more to a song than just rhythm and beat?

The Increasingly Difficult Task of “Fleeing” Porn

Posted on: 11/21/11 11:47 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Porn is becoming virtually inevitable. Unfortunately, so are the consequences of porn-consumption.

Doug Fields and I collaborated on four posts about porn last week on his blog (here’s his summary post with links to all). I wanted to take the opportunity to wrap up with some closing thoughts about taking this threat seriously.

The Pressing Need to “Flee”
Porn is permeating every avenue of technology. Unless we all move to Amish Pennsylvania or to an ice cave near the North Pole, porn is readily accessible. If you have the internet, it’s no secret that porn is a click away. If you ever stay in a hotel, hardcore porn is most often one of the TV ‘s main menu choices. If you’re like the 91% of America that pays for TV reception at home, the Playboy channel and pay-per-view porn are available at the click of a button, not to mention the soft-core porn that they often show for free on Cinemax, Showtime, and HBO.

Maybe that’s why (according to this article) 87% of men admitted to using porn in the year prior. If that weren’t enough, 69% of men and 10% of women report viewing pornography more than once a month.

As you can see, this is predominantly a male struggle. Those men who are trying to escape the lure of porn are being forced to take drastic measures to truly “flee sexual immorality.”

Sexual immorality was a real struggle for many of the heroes in the Bible (Abraham, Judah, David, Solomon…) and it’s a struggle for Godly men today.

The temptation is real. Take it from me, a guy who is in an average of two to three different hotels per month. If you dare turn on the TV, the first screen that appears is a “preview” channel that gives you a choice of “popular movie titles” and what they cleverly label “adult desires.” If you are strong enough to resist temptation, clicking “popular movie titles,” the screen once again gives you several choices: movies still in the theatres, popular rentals, or once again adult desires. Sometimes you’ll even get propositioned a third time.

If you skip this menu all together and click through the channels, be careful if it’s in the later hours of the evening. If the hotel has HBO, shows like Real Sex and the CatHouse series provide softcore porn. HBO’s TrueBlood is full of graphic sex and nudity. If the hotel has Showtime, this channel has it’s own versions of the same. Most hotels have one of the two channels.

This makes it very difficult for any traveler. I have learned that I literally have to check the TV schedule before I turn on the TV. If a man doesn’t check the schedule, then he might be caught off-guard while channel flipping, and that’s a very difficult situation for a man alone in a hotel room. Anyone who has been in this situation understands why Paul uses the word “flee” when talking about the lure of sexual immorality in I Corinthians chapter 6. Fleeing porn might sometimes require dropping everything and running like Joseph shedding his jacket and barely escaping Potiphar’s wife.

Here’s where many authors would insert that personal story of failure to hammer home the point. No need for gratuitous confessions here. Let me just say this: I’m not perfect, porn is a very real temptation for me, as it is for most men, and personally I take “fleeing” seriously (this reason being a huge motivator).

When a believer experiences the lure of porn, it’s good to lay down some boundaries, or dare I say “fleeing” measures. Personally, I never turn on the TV in my hotel without checking the schedule. My wife and I talk openly about fleeing these kinds of temptations. I meet for accountability with a good friend who is a local pastor, asking each other tough questions regularly.

Some people don’t see porn as a big deal. The reality is, they are suppressing the truth about the consequences of porn, allowing it to reign free in their life. They don’t foresee the danger. Today’s porn isn’t like the Playboy magazines that some of us might have peeked at as a kid. This porn is high speed, available 24/7, with a taste for every fetish. Those that become entranced soon grown numb to the mild stuff. Softcore is replaced by hardcore, and an increasing need develops for more extreme material. Soon, the consequences hit them right where it counts.

I encourage you to take a peek at the four articles Doug posted on his blog about porn. In those articles we covered:

In a world where almost 9 out of 10 men have struggled with the lure of porn, this is a subject we cant ignore. I encourage you to not only take a peek at the research in Doug’s blog entries, but dialogue about this with your teenagers. Teenagers are hearing lies on so many fronts… you might be the one person that actually tells them the truth about God’s desire for sex.

What U.S. Kids Want for Christmas 2011

Posted on: 11/18/11 11:26 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Those of you who are keeping an eye on our new “Offsite Articles Jonathan is Reading” box on the front page of www.TheSource4Parents.com probably noticed this brand new report from Nielsen revealing what kids desire for Christmas in 2011. Fascinating stuff!

Those who own stock in Apple will be pleased that Apple devices seem to be the most coveted item among young people this year. The iPad was the number one choice for kids 6-12 as well as kids 13+. Apple actually claimed the top three spots for kids age 6-12 (iPad, iPod Touch, iPhone). Interesting to see how much more Apple items resonate with the younger ages (why does this perception change slightly for 13-plussers?)

The report provides informative charts for kids age 6-12 as well as 13+. Here’s the 13+ chart:

Click here for the entire article on Nielsen Wire.

A Peek into Youth Culture… and a New Free Resource

Posted on: 11/15/11 1:45 PM | by Jonathan McKee

As I’m putting the finishing touches on several workshops I’m teaching this weekend (in two different cities), I’m starting to notice one common denominator in every session: understanding youth culture. I’m even teaching one workshop titled, Youth Culture Window.

Let me go on record to clear up any confusion: understanding youth culture is not the most important practice in parenting and youth ministry… but connecting with our teenagers is! And you’ll find that understanding the world of teenagers is a key step to connecting with teenagers.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from teenagers today is, “Adults have no clue what it’s like to be a teenager today.”

And they’re right.

So what should we do? Should we buy all our clothes at Abercrombie or Hollister and try to talk in the most current slang?

Not even close.

Should we download all the latest Lil Wayne and Lady Gaga songs and listen to them day and night?

Please don’t.

We don’t have to start watching Jersey Shore to get current. But we do need to seek to understand the world our teenagers live in. The experts are quite clear on the matter. After the researchers from the Kaiser Foundation completed their huge media survey examining the media habits of young people, they pleaded that parents pay full attention to something that takes up this much time in the lives of young people. The Pediatrics official journal, in their 2009 report on Music, Lyrics and Music Videos, concluded that parents, often unaware of lyrics, etc., should become media literate, setting boundaries and even taking a stand regarding music lyrics. In my parent workshops I plead with parents to do the same. I even talk about how current popular songs might serve as springboards for discussion.

Do you know what your kids are watching and listening to?

A NEW FREE RESOURCE
Adults need to put forth a little bit of effort into entering the world of youth culture. That’s why I just added yet another resource to help you do that on our www.TheSource4Parents.com site this week—an “Offsite Articles” window that provides parents with links to the articles I’m reading throughout the week.

For years I’ve been constantly trying to keep parents and youth workers updated with the latest research, trends and media messages that young people are absorbing through every pore. Our Youth Culture Window articles, like this week’s article, Social Media Mania are a great source for these updates. This blog is another. And now, as of this past weekend, my web guy posted something we brainstormed months ago—a way of sharing my research with you.

Check it out for yourselves, it’s yet another reason that parents and youth workers will want to frequent www.TheSource4Parents.com.  On any given day you’ll be able to peek at this new “Offsite Articles Jonathan Has Read This Week” box on our front page and see if any of the subjects grab your interest. The box displays the 7 most recent articles I’ve read, and provides a link to an archive of all the articles (starting last week). As I write this, if you pop on www.TheSource4Parents.com right now, you’ll find articles about the highly anticipated Hunger Games movie, parents lying to get underaged kids on Facebook, Teens and Sleep, Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction and more.

I hope this is yet another free resource that helps you understand the world of youth culture, connect with teenagers where they are at and engage meaningful conversations.

Glee Goes All the Way… Again

Posted on: 11/10/11 12:30 PM | by Jonathan McKee

This week Doug Fields posted an article of mine on his blog encouraging parents to use the “pause button,” the “fast forward button”… and even the “off button” on their TV remotes as they co-view media with kids. Which button does Fox’s Glee require?

This week Glee featured two of the show’s teenage couples each losing their virginity, a homosexual couple (Kurt and Blaine), and a heterosexual couple (Finn and Rachel).

Parents that took time to even notice the show’s content this week are debating the appropriateness. The PTC is outraged (as always), and articles are beginning to emerge asking relevant questions, like this article from Time, What Teen Sex on Glee Really Teaches Kids.

This isn’t the first time we’ve seen Glee address the subject of teenagers losing their virginity. In the 15th episode of Season One, an episode titled “The Power of Madonna,” Glee introduced the same scenario when three couples faced the decision to lose their virginity (the episode was watched by 12.98 million American viewers and was critically acclaimed). After a dream sequence performance of Madonna’s Like a Virgin, two of these teenagers took the plunge and “went all the way” (Finn and Santana), while others didn’t (Rachel, for example).

At this point some parents began questioning whether Glee was appropriate viewing for teens and tweens. Instead of giving a dogmatic stamp of approval or disapproval, I responded with a rather detailed Youth Culture Window article, To Glee or not to Glee, encouraging parents to think biblically about Glee and look for biblical guidance.

Interestingly enough… parents continued to ask me, “Do you let your kids watch Glee?”

That’s a great question.

I’ll be honest. I don’t usually like to tell parents, “Let your kids watch SHOW A, but don’t let your kids watch SHOW B!” This robs parents the opportunity to teach discernment and robs kids the opportunity of learning to discern for themselves.

Yes, there are some shows that clearly necessitate the “off button,” shows like Jersey Shore and Two and a Half Men. But discernment isn’t always that easy. What about shows like American Idol? (a question I asked in the article Doug posted)

Ever since Little House on the Prairie left prime time, teaching discernment has grown a little more difficult during family hour on television. In a world where Two and a Half Men is repeatedly the #1 show of the week, and Jersey Shore is the #1 cable show, caring parents are hard-pressed to find anything appropriate to watch with their kids.

Sadly, I see two polar extremes rise to the surface:

  • The Overly-Permissive Parent—this mom let’s her kids do anything, watch anything, stay out as late as they want… after all, they’ve gotta grow up sometime! “If you’re gonna drink with your friends, do it here! Then at least you’ll be safe!” These kids don’t just watch Jersey Shore, they watch the sexually explicit and gratuitously violent True Blood on HBO. These kids never learn to discern; they are taught the subtle message that “everything’s okay.”
  • The Puritanistic Parent—this mom doesn’t let her kids do anything! No TV, no music (“especially not that Contemporary Christian… the devil’s music!), skirts will go down past the ankles, after all, “This isn’t the house of Jezebel!” These kids don’t watch anything at home… they sneak to their friends houses to watch it! (I listen to the complaints of these kids all the time at camps and conferences across the country!) The puritanistic parent never teaches their kids to discern. They hope that protecting them from the world will save them from it. Sadly, when these kids turn 18, they often rebel and “sew their wild oats.”

Do we have to gravitate toward either of these extremes?

Funny… after Doug posted my article about parents using the remote, we started to see comments and receive emails from parents saying, “Kids are gonna watch what they’re gonna watch!” And then from the opposite end of the spectrum… “The TV stays off at our house!!!”

Are these really our only two choices?

It’s growingly difficult to teach our kids positive media decisions today, and shows like Glee really put the pressure on parents. Young people love the show and hear about it around every corner. After all, it’s very well done and it speaks to their world. Heck… adults love the show! The guest stars are usually a big draw, the writing is compelling and the music is usually amazing. It was the number two show at the 8 o’clock hour again this last Tuesday night. Let’s be honest. It’s difficult to be the only parent at the PTA meeting that doesn’t let their kids watch the show.

So do I cave and let my kids watch it?

Last year, during the writing of my first article, To Glee or Not to Glee, I watched the whole season in about one week’s time (I don’t like to write about something I haven’t seen first hand). During that week my girls would walk in and say, “Oh wow! Is this Glee?!! Can I watch it with you!” I never said “no” to them during that week. We probably watched at least three or four episodes together, often hitting the pause button to dialogue about what we saw.

When Season 2 began, I watched a couple episodes with my wife, curious of the direction that the show would go.

Yes… my kids and I had some great discussions about some of those Season One episodes. Yes, co-viewing media with our kids is a very good practice… but where is the line? Should I rent all the American Pie films and co-view those with my kids?

I’ll make an exception this time and tell you what I decided with Glee. This doesn’t mean it’s the right answer, I’m sure opinions will vary, I can’t even say I’m always consistent…. but as for me, Glee gets the “off button” in our house.

What about you?
What have you decided about Glee?

How do you set realistic guidelines while still preparing our kids for real-world decisions when they’re on their own?

Overreacting or Interacting about Rihanna’s #1 Song

Posted on: 11/8/11 2:57 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s almost like Rihanna is in the mind of today’s teenage girl, looking for love in a hopeless place. Maybe that’s why her song, We Found Love, is still the #1 song across all the charts (#1 on Billboard’s Hot 100, Nielsen, and on iTunes).

Why is this song connecting with young girls especially? Think about it…

  • Do today’s teenage girls ever feel hopeless? Check.
  • Do they ever enter bad relationships because of low self esteem? Check.
  • In their quest for love and acceptance, do they ever engage in dangerous and risky activities like drinking, doing drugs and having sex? Check. Check. Check.

Rihanna’s new song and video are connecting with a generation that is looking for love in a hopeless place. Sadly, the gratuitously explicit music video (watched by tens of millions) isn’t offering any answers other than hoping the good stuff will numb the bad. Her words?

“And when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish you can have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good.”

If your kids have seen this video, it’s a powerful springboard for discussion. Let me give you a deeper look at what this song and video are communicating.

This video is actually very compelling. In the same way the despondent Solomon cries “meaningless” in the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible, Rihanna sounds a cry of desperation through this music video, painting a graphic picture of an unhealthy relationship where two people find each other, make out, do drugs, have sex, do more drugs, lose all their money on a gambling spree, shoplift, fight, have angry sex, do more drugs, give each other tattoos, fight more, break up… and then feel the pain of being alone (lot’s of graphic imagery there).

It’s in this vulnerable aftermath, feeling alone, reflecting back on the relationship that the opening words to this powerful video are spoken by Rihanna… a message of hurt, a cry of desperation, and in this hopeless moment, an admission that she’d almost be willing to go through all that pain and risky behaviors… if she could just feel that temporary comfort of the “good” moments one last time! A real perspective, shared by many no doubt.

The music video opens with Rihanna saying these words:

It’s like screaming and no one can hear

You almost feel ashamed that someone can be that important

And without them you feel like nothing

No one will ever understand how much it hurts

You feel hopeless like nothing can save you

And when it’s over and it’s gone you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good.

Two months ago we probably could have sat around speculating whether this video would resonate with a generation of young girls that feel hopeless and are looking for some “good” moments in relationships, in drugs, in sexual activity, in drinking, etc. But fast forward to the present and we have our answer. This generation loves this song. I’d go on a limb to say that people are “connecting” with this song.

Sadly, the answers from this song are “temporary thrills.” The summary of the music video is basically… even though I feel hopeless, empty and in pain, I almost would do it all over again just so I could have those good moments.

This temporary thrills mindset is a great discussion provoker. Last weekend in my Parenting the Texting Generation workshop I told the parents attending, “This is tricky. You really don’t want your kids watching this video, but if they have seen it, it would be wise to not overact, but instead interact with them about what they heard.” Maybe even ask question like:

Is there a love that has more to it than temporary thrills?

Is there a love that doesn’t end in disappointment?

I’m not happy with all the images I see in this video. I’m even more disturbed that this generation relates to this feeling. But I’m hopeful that parents and caring adult role models can respond with “interaction” instead of “over-reaction.”

What about you:

Have your kids seen this video?

Do kids in your community feel like this?

Can you, like Paul in Acts 17, use these words of the “pagan poets” to steer toward a conversation about Christ, teaching Biblical truth?

Secure Enough to Not Be Sexy

Posted on: 11/2/11 10:33 AM | by Jonathan McKee

My girls made me proud Monday night. They were secure enough in themselves to not be sexy. That’s a pretty bold move in a world where sexy is becoming the norm.

Halloween is one of those times where the pressure is on young girls to be sexy. If you don’t believe me, just Google “teenage Halloween costumes” and click on the first thing you see. I just did. Rows upon rows of the same, like the “Supergirl” costume pictured here (I’ve ranted about this before, girls are being pressured to dress too sexy too soon).

Well, this year my girls opted out of “sexy.” (More on that in a minute.)

We’re witnessing the symptoms of a society that values “sexuality” over other characteristics. It’s what the American Psychological Association defines as “sexualization.”

It starts with the normal feelings of insecurity.

“Am I pretty enough?”

“Do I measure up?”

These are the questions young girls ask themselves when they look in the mirror, touching up make-up, running the flat iron through their hair that one last time trying to make it perfect.  Any father of teen and tween girls has witnessed this. Even the most beautiful of today’s young girls often struggle with feelings of “too fat,” “too much acne,” “boobs too small”…

Enter “sexualization” stage left.

Sexualization is the media’s solution to insecurity. It works like this: guys notice me when I’m overtly sexual (low tops, short shorts, provocative in words and action), and being noticed is what I want, right?

It’s normal for young girls to want to be noticed. It’s up to parents to teach their daughters what is truly valuable.

This past weekend Lori and I went costume shopping with our girls. Have you been costume shopping lately? Today’s teenage girls don’t want to be a pumpkin or a clown. Costume retailers know that sexy is in. Skirts need to be short and tops need to be alluring.  That’s where my kids stepped away from the norm. I became aware of that fact the moment they asked me where to shop for their costumes. “Dad, can we go to the thrift store?”

This year my girls decided to be sweet little old ladies.

It was actually pretty fun shopping for “old lady” costumes. Alyssa (on the right) found the perfect “crafty” sweater and Ashley (on the left) the perfect comfy pants that went up past her belly button. Some glasses and ultimate comfy shoes… and whalah! Sweet little old ladies.

It will be interesting to see what our future holds. Will “sexy” stay the norm? Or will young people eventually grow numb and look for something else? A lot depends on the frequency and depth of the conversations that take place between kids and their parents or caring adult role models.

Hmmmmmm.