After Seeing Hunger Games…

Posted on: 03/25/12 9:31 AM | by Jonathan McKee

“If no one watches, they don’t have a game!” –Gale

It’s a little ironic that some parents are objecting to the violent premise of The Hunger Games. “It’s kids killing other kids!” In actuality, The Hunger Games compels the audience to value life, mourn death, and literally gasp at violence.

It’s sad that The Hunger Games is being compared to Twilight and other teenage fodder, because truly…there’s no comparison. The Hunger Games has proven to be so much more. The film, based on Suzanne Collins’ best selling book, was powerful and thought provoking, an amazing social commentary about our society’s growing callousness toward violence.

If you caught my blog a few days ago, I shared four important questions I encouraged parents to ask about films to help them teach their kids discernment:

  • Is this story glorifying violence or inappropriate sexual situations?
  • Is this story making “bad” look “good” or enticing?
  • Does this story irresponsibly display imitatable attitudes and behaviors that our kids will absorb and eventually emulate?
  • Does this story needlessly sell out to showing “eye candy” like nudity or gratuitous violence?

Now that I have seen The Hunger Games, I not only vehemently express my approval for the film, I can also attest that it didn’t include any of those four inappropriate or irresponsible elements.

The film was superior on so many levels, but I think one element that resonated with me the most was the glaring contrast between the impoverished districts struggling day to day for a meager existence, fighting for mere scraps of food, while the haughty Capital City lived pampered, overindulgent lives. The Capital City’s condescending attitude was disheartening, but their callous disregard for human life is what took the cake. A gladiatoresque reality show featuring kids killing kids was pure entertainment to these monsters.

At this point I almost expect someone to scroll down to my comment section and suggest, “Aren’t we similar monsters if we watch the movie?”

Before you do, allow me a moment to propose two responses to this accusation:

First, are we never to tell any tales of such monsters?
Is it improper to tell a story about good and evil? Should we steer our kids clear of any of these cold realities about human nature?

The Bible is full of horrific stories of rampant sin and its consequence. Cain and Able (kids killing kids). Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot and his daughters. (Eeew!) Fairy tales have long told anecdotes about evil villains luring kids into ovens, deceiving young girls to eat poison apples, and even wolves disguised as Grandma enticing cute little granddaughters close enough to eat. C.S. Lewis told marvelous stories about kids traveling to an imaginary land where they fought bloody battles against an entire army and an evil witch. Several of these films have made it to the big screen.

Someone call Westboro Baptist. We should protest all of these stories!

Perhaps we should stop over-reacting, and instead, begin interacting with our kids about good vs. evil, even using some of these amazing pieces of literature as a discussion springboard.

Second, The Hunger Games film responsibly made good look good, and evil look evil.
Sadly, today’s media often makes bad look good. Not the case with The Hunger Games. This 2-hour-and-22 minute film will not only keep you on the edge of your seat, it paints a stark contrast between good and evil. It won’t take audiences long to recognize the many appearances of evil: hypocrisy, injustice, exploitation, complete disregard for human life…and plain ol’ murder.

Then there’s Katniss.

I’m not really giving away much of a spoiler when I tell you that Katniss, our heroine, begins the film by selflessly sacrificing herself, instead of a loved one, to take part in the heinous fight to the death known as the Hunger Games. Katniss demonstrates honor, mercy and self sacrifice throughout the film. Some might be bothered that she isn’t a pacifist—she does defend herself and others. But Katniss is a true hero, something we don’t always see or read about in stories today.

Social Commentary… without Selling Out
Let’s be real. The filmmakers had a tough job. How do you provide social commentary about a society entertained by “gladiators” … without becoming the very society you depict? I was impressed, if not amazed with director Gary Ross’ finished product. Ross artistically transformed the novel’s first person perspective so that audiences connected with Katniss, quickly empathizing with her, carrying her burdens…feeling her pain.

There’s a moment in the film where two lives are taken in one moment…and something happened in my theatre that I haven’t heard in years. The theatre literally gasped. Sadly, today’s movies are so chock-full of senseless violence, I’ve often heard laughter or cheers when someone is killed onscreen.

Not in The Hunger Games.

Ross created a mood that recognized the horror of killing. In The Hunger Games death is mourned. Noble heroes wept in this film. Many in the audience cried as well. I cried twice…but I cry easy.

In a way it reminds me of what Clint Eastwood did with his powerful film, Unforgiven. How often do films portray the mental anguish that one experiences after killing someone? In Unforgiven, we repeatedly see people experience the guilt and complete change of heart that occurs when they take someone else’s life. This is contrasted to a few characters who are numb to the effects of pulling the trigger.

Hunger Games paints a similar distinction. Killing isn’t to be taken lightly. Ethical lines are drawn in the sand.

And for the icing on the cake, Ross magically refrains from showing gratuitous violence. Don’t get me wrong. This film is probably too intense for most kids under 13. At times we see glimpses of the horror taking place, but Ross shows incredible discernment, making sure that his film doesn’t become a spectacle like the games themselves.

In short, The Hunger Games was heart wrenching, powerful and thought-provoking. I’ll be seeing it with my girls (14 and 16) this week with no hesitation. Will it make it to my Blu Ray shelf? The odds are highly in favor.

But Isn’t Hunger Games about Kids Killing Kids?

Posted on: 03/20/12 11:46 AM | by Jonathan McKee

UPDATE: Jonathan has now posted a new post titled, After Seeing The Hunger Games… We encourage you to peek at that, since the post below was written before the film’s release (even though they are both in agreement with each other).

Original Post:
After posting our article about what parents can expect from the movie Hunger Games, we’ve been receiving some interesting emails and comments from our readers. The most common question:

“Why should we let our kids go see a movie about kids killing kids?”

That’s not an ignorant question.

How should parents react to a story like Hunger Games? Are our kids going to want to start killing each other if they watch this film like all the kids that are throwing parties after watching the rebellious film Project X? Are we lowering ourselves to be like the audiences who gathered to watch gladiators fight it out thousands of years ago? (All accusations I’m hearing.)

First, let me ask a question: Should we avoid any story where both good and evil are presented? Think about this kind of reasoning. In The Chronicles of Narnia we see a group of kids fight against an evil witch! (Wow, that’s like Hunger Games vs. Harry Potter!) Should we avoid that classic C.S. Lewis story?

What about stories with kids killing other kids? Should we shelter our kids from any stories that tackle this ugly premise? Should books like Lord of the Flies be banned? (Wouldn’t be the first time.) We’d have to censor Genesis, Chapter 4, if we go that route. What about violent stories of adults killing other adults? (Oh man, there goes the book of I Kings!)

What kind of content should parents be leery of?

Good question. I’m reading The Hunger Games right now and am planning on seeing the movie this weekend and blogging about it. So far, I find the book not only captivating, but also thought provoking. A tyrannical government known as “The Capitol” lords control over the 12 remaining districts in the known human race. The districts are forced to each provide a boy and a girl to fight to the death on national TV. Sixteen-year-old Katniss selflessly takes her younger sister’s place, forced to fight for survival in these evil games.

As you investigate this film for yourself, ask yourself these questions:

  • Is this story glorifying violence or inappropriate sexual situations?
  • Is this story making “bad” look “good” or enticing?
  • Does this story irresponsibly display imitatable attitudes and behaviors that our kids will absorb and eventually emulate?
  • Does this story needlessly sell out to showing “eye candy” like nudity or gratuitous violence?

Let me be clear: I haven’t seen the movie yet. But from what I’ve read in the book so far, and what I’ve read from those who have seen the film, I don’t find any of those negative elements in this story.

I encourage you, as parents, to do the same. Read the book for yourself. Read several articles, not only ours, but this one from Entertainment Weekly about Common Sense’s review on the film. (Note: don’t just read the headline of this article, it’s misleading as to Common Sense’s actual stand.) Read IMDB.com’s parents guide for the film, which always lists any sex & nudity, violence & gore, etc.

Furthermore, watch the film with your kids, just like I suggested you do with a movie not quite as innocent as this one. Go out to ice cream afterwards and talk about the story.

Don’t just tell your kids “yes” or “no.” Help your kids think Christianly about this film and any other entertainment media they encounter.

What about you? What do you think of Hunger Games? Do you have any concerns about this story hitting the big screen this Thursday night at midnight?

Dads and Junior Proms

Posted on: 03/12/12 5:13 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My daughter Alyssa is a junior this year. The junior year brings numerous ‘rites of passage’ for a teenage girl. For Alyssa, it’s the year that she got her driver’s license, began working, took the SAT’s… and it’s also the year of Junior Prom.

A little over a month ago the two of us were outside working on our weed-eater (My daughter is awesome! She mows lawns for four different people.), and she asked me, “Dad, you don’t want me to go to junior prom, do you?”

The phrasing of Alyssa’s question in itself caught me off guard this time. I wondered… Why does she assume I won’t let her go? Is this a good thing—because she knows I don’t like what goes on at school dances? Or is this her feeling, “Dad is waaaaay too strict!” Either way, I liked the fact that she was talking to me about it.

This subject matter isn’t new to my blog and articles. Two years ago I shared with you a little bit about what goes on in the dark at school dances. Then last year I blogged about when Alyssa asked me, “Dad, Can I Go to the Homecoming Dance?” (You’ll have to read that if you want to know if I let her go.) Today I wrote a guest post about it on Doug’s blog at DougFields.com.

I’m sure I’m not the only dad who is going to hear that question this year, from both daughters and sons. So the question I have for you is simply, how are you going to have that conversation?

Last week I wrote a Youth Culture Window article asking that very question, and providing you with a tool that might help you get your teenagers talking about this subject. In this article I actually recommend that you rent the 2011 film, Footloose, and discuss it with your kids afterwards. (In that article I provide discussion questions you can use.)

Let me be transparent. Our kids aren’t always going to be open to these teaching moments. When I told my own girls that it would be fun to watch the film, my youngest, Ashley, was skeptical. “Dad, how many times are you going to pause and talk?” She knows that I love those “pause button moments.” She started doing a “Daddy” impression, making fun of my teaching moments (it was pretty funny—I might just have to catch one of those impressions on film for you guys).

Footloose isn’t the only tool to get your teenagers talking. Last week I wrote about using YouTube. The tool isn’t important… the conversations, however, are.

What tools do you use to get your teenagers talking?

What are some of the issues that you find it difficult to get your teenagers talking about?

Using YouTube to Get Your Teenagers Talking

Posted on: 03/5/12 8:52 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Last week my girls spontaneously engaged in a pleasant conversation with me about guidelines, expectations, and my parenting. It was an amazing talk! It probably lasted 30 to 40 minutes. It all started with a question I asked them when I had them both in the car:

“Did you guys see the YouTube video of the redneck dad who got mad at his daughter’s disrespectful Facebook post, so he posted his own video blowing holes her laptop with his 45?”

They both smiled real big and begged, “Can we see it! Please! Let’s see it on your iPhone right now!”

After watching the video, laughing, clicking on a few of the follow-up videos and laughing some more… we talked…. and talked… and talked.

Thanks YouTube!

Kids are becoming more and more “connected” to Facebook, music and internet video. Parents and adult role models can either fight this trend…. or use it.

I don’t know about your teenagers, but my kids love YouTube. Often when I pick up my 14-year-old from school, the first thing out of her mouth will be something like, “Dad, did you see the YouTube video with the monkey riding on the pig’s back?”

Yes… very intelligent, high quality stuff! I assure you.

The fact is, our kids love YouTube. This can be scary at times because YouTube has some racy stuff. But parents shouldn’t be afraid to use it, especially when they are making efforts to find that delicate balance of teaching their kids discernment, using guardrails, and at the same time allowing their kids to fail while still in the nest. (And no, I’m not suggesting you give your kids free reign to browse whatever they want on YouTube. Rather than me re-iterating past blogs about “setting guidelines,” etc., I encourage you to click the three hyperlinks in this paragraph where I go into great detail on the subject.)

So, if your kids are like mine, use a YouTube video to jump-start discussion. (We actually have an entire page of YouTube discussion starters on our youth ministry site, complete with scriptures and small group discussion questions.) Give it a try. Show them the video of angry redneck dad shooting his girl’s laptop and then ask your kids…

  1. Was the girl right to post these complaint’s on Facebook?
  2. Even though she used an unhealthy way of expressing her feelings, do you think this girl’s parents should listen to some of what this girl is feeling?
  3. How should have the father responded to this girl?
  4. If you were to post an angry note about us (your parents) to your friends, what would it say?
  5. How should we respond to that?

How’s that for a conversation starter?

I’m embed that video here for your convenience:

When Little Kids Google

Posted on: 02/12/12 1:17 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My 3-year-old niece and 6-year-old nephew just discovered Google.

It’s funny how technology so rapidly changes the world our kids grow up in. When my kids (14, 16, and 18) were young… Google was unknown! Mid-90’s web searches were AOL, Yahoo, or Web Crawler. (Remember those? I used Alta Vista.)

The 90’s computer gaming experience was much different as well. Young kids didn’t play as many online games; they played CD-roms. I remember a rack of kids CD’s by our computer: Jumpstart Toddler, LarryBoy, and Disney Princesses.

No need for that now. Everything a kid needs is online.

I was talking with my brother Thom last week and he told me, “I just taught Aidan (6-years-old) to Google!”

“Seriously?” I asked, “What does he Google?”

Thom sighed. “He doesn’t get it yet. He searches using the logic of a 6-year-old. The other day he typed: the red guy in Captain America.”

I laughed.

“Or yesterday, he Googled a car that a kid can drive. He actually found one!” Tom chuckled. “It was like $1,000 bucks. Aidan asked me,  ‘How many books would I have to read to earn that?’”

Thom and his wife Amy have spent a lot of evenings snickering while watching the kids play on the computer.

Thom and Amy have a designated computer the kids can use, complete with every cyber block known to mankind to keep out unwanted content. But they still monitor the kids browsing. I would to. It sounds pretty entertaining!

The other day Aidan’s little sister Elise (age 3) was giving Aidan suggestions of things to search for. “Look up hair dryers for kids!”

Aidan found quite a few.

Elise liked Aidan’s search for the red guy in Captain America, so she suggested her own query. “Look for Captain A-girl-ica.” (3-year-old reasoning)

Thom also taught Aidan to use the phone in the last few weeks. “He calls me every 5 minutes now!”

Thom is a pastor in a small town. He’ll now be in meetings at the church and his phone goes off. Caller ID: HOME.

“Hello?”

“Uh… dad? Uh… how do you spell rhinoceros masks?”

I guess that’s what Thom gets for teaching his kid technology.  🙂  Wait till Aidan discovers iTunes and YouTube. (Have you ever taken a quick tour of the Top 10 songs and videos at just a click away?)

It’s fun for me to see the innocence and creativity of my little niece and nephew and how they are interacting with technology.

So what about those of you with young kids? What guidelines do you set for that age?

A Click Away on iTunes Top 10

Posted on: 01/31/12 5:14 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s amazing what you can learn about youth culture today from iTunes. That’s what I did for this audience of parents and teenagers. I basically opened up iTunes and gave parents a quick tour of the top songs and music videos of the day. The results were a little sobering, funny, sad… and… well… what do you think?


CLICK HERE IF YOU DON’T SEE THE EMBEDDED VIDEO

Topography of Faith

Posted on: 01/26/12 5:29 PM | by Jonathan McKee

The subject of evangelism has been on my mind a lot this week and I’ve been playing with a lot of fun resources… you’ll like this one. It’s an interactive map.

You see, I’m always curious when I see studies about religious affiliation– what people believe, where they go to church, etc. Of course, what people say and do are sometimes two different things. When I worked with unchurched kids on a junior high and high school campus, I interacted daily with kids who had only been to church maybe once or twice in their entire lives. Funny… if you asked these kids about church, most said, “Oh, I go to that white church down the street.” They saw that church as “their church” because they’d been their once, or their grandma went there. Religion was more of a “heritage” to most of these teenagers.

I wrote quite a bit about this mindset in my book about reaching out to unchurched kids, DO THEY RUN WHEN THEY SEE YOU COMING? I’ve been looking at that book quite a bit lately because YS/Zondervan has an edit crew putting the final touches on my evangelism training DVD curriculum for students based off that book, titled, REAL CONVERSATIONS: Sharing Your Faith Without Being Pushy.

So this week I’ve been looking through a bunch of cool evangelism resources and studies about the attitudes and belief systems of Americans today. including this cool little interactive map of the U.S. that reveals the “faith breakdown”of each state. This map is based off of Pew‘s most recent study (2008). It’s still pretty accurate, although I’m guessing that next time we’ll see that the “unaffiliated” group has been growing. (Is it just me, or have you noticed more and more “Co-exist” bumper stickers? I guess Christianity is just way too “narrow.”)

CLICK HERE FOR THIS INTERACTIVE MAP

Should We Read Our Kids’ Texts?

Posted on: 01/23/12 12:26 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Last night my 16-year-old daughter Alyssa was sitting in my Parenting the Texting Generation workshop in Southern California (we used the weekend as an opportunity to look at some colleges for her). After the workshop she was talking openly with a handful of us about the guidelines Lori and I set for her and her sister, and she shared, “I agree with all my parents’ guidelines except the one about them being able to read my texts at any time. I’m not gonna do that one with my kids when I’m a parent.”

I had never heard this objection from Alyssa before. Surprised, I asked her, “Oh really? Why wouldn’t you read your own kids texts?

She said, “Because that’s just wrong.”

Alyssa has never been one to mince words.

I chuckled and filed the conversation for later, but I was intrigued. This was one of those rules that we rarely enforced. Well, maybe that’s not entirely true. The rule states that we have the right to look at texts at any time, and that right was definitely enforced—we did exercise the ability to do that at any time. We just haven’t done it very often. I’ve probably looked at Alyssa’s texts once this entire year (and it actually resulted in a pretty good conversation).

So why did this particular rule irk Alyssa?

This was just one of the guidelines that we had come up with as a family. In the workshop I had encouraged parents to not only build relationships with their kids, but also build lasting values. After talking a little about setting some fair boundaries, I gave the group some examples of some guidelines that we have in our house. I told them, “These aren’t necessarily guidelines that every parent needs to set, but these are some guidelines that have really helped our kids.” Guidelines like, we talk about every song we buy.

Reflecting on my list, Alyssa didn’t mind the music guidelines, just this texting one: Parents can read their kids texts at any time. Kids need to ask permission to delete their texts.

This morning I revisited the conversation. “Alyssa, I’d like to hear more about your objecting to the ‘I can look at your texts at any time’ rule. Why do you not like that rule?”

Without hesitation she responded, “Because if you trust your kids, then why do you need to look at their texts?”

Alyssa has a point. I look at parenting as a giant segue from a high degree of control when our kids are young, to a complete release of control when they are 18 and out on their own, free to make decisions for themselves. This requires parents to continually extend more trust to their kids, especially as they are 16 and 17. After all, in just a year or two they can do whatever they want, right? Might as well let them start to make some of these decisions under your shadow, stumbling while you are still there to pick them up? No, I’m not saying let your daughter drink alcohol and allow your son’s girlfriend to spend the night. But we probably should lighten up on media guidelines, for example, as they grow closer to 18. Keep talking about these choices, but then let our kids make the final choice.

And that’s where I’m at with Alyssa. At 16-and-a-half, Alyssa is really starting to earn trust with us. So I have to ask myself, is she right? Should I back off on this texting rule now?

What about her sister? Does a 14-year-old still need this rule?

When I asked Alyssa that question, she said, “It depends on if your kid has been trustworthy in other areas. If they’re trustworthy, then don’t check their texts.”

I finally asked her. “You don’t object to our other rules… why this one? Why does this one bug you so much?”

“Because texting is really personal.” Alyssa explained. “Sometimes my friend Ali and I will start sharing deep stuff from our hearts and then one of us will finally type, let’s talk about this later, my parents read my texts.

I laughed. “Wow. Ya wouldn’t want those terrible ogres reading your texts!”

“It’s not that,” Alyssa clarified, “It’s just that sometimes we like to share some deep stuff with each other, and we don’t want each other’s parents reading that stuff.”

I told her that I thought that was a really good point, something I’d have to think about.

She gave me permission to blog about the conversation and dialogue with all of you about it. I’ll wait to hear what you think about the subject and then I’ll comment below in a day or so and tell you where I fall on this rule for both Alyssa and Ashley.

So what about you? Do you think parents should check their kids’ texts? At what age do you stop? Is Alyssa right—does this all depend on the level of trust that individual kid has earned?

 

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS ARTICLE
YOU’LL LOVE JONATHAN’S BOOK,
CANDID CONFESSIONS
OF AN IMPERFECT PARENT

Parenting the Texting Generation, in SoCal

Posted on: 01/18/12 6:06 PM | by Jonathan McKee

This Weekend I’m driving down to Southern California (SoCal) to preach at NorthPark Community Church and then teach my Parenting the Texting Generation workshop that evening (after the playoff games).

I spend a good chunk of that workshop giving parents a peek into the attitudes and trends of youth culture today. As I was doing some research this last week I fell across some interesting finds. Here’s just a few interesting tidbits from youth culture:

  1. Rihanna’s song We Found Love is still #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. This song has basically dominated the chart since November 6th of last year, with only a brief hiatus at #2 when Sexy and I Know It hit #1 for a short stint. I’ve written enough about Rihanna’s song before… no need to repeat. But it’s interesting how long it’s hung on.
  2. Sexy and I Know It is still the #1 downloaded video on iTunes, a reign that has lasted since shortly around Halloween of last year. If you haven’t seen this video, you might want to find out what it’s about, because most teenagers have seen it by now.
  3. As ubiquitous as Facebook is, teenagers still love “face to face” time with the people they care about. Funny, connecting with teenagers one-on-one is something so relevant to both youth and parenting ministry (that’s probably why parents and youth workers both buy my book, Connect).
  4. More and more experts are cautioning parents to limit their kids “media diet.”
  5. America still consumes more traditional television than any other media.
  6. Parents aren’t always the best role models for their kids.

I really love doing these parenting workshops and am looking forward to my time with parents this Sunday night. It’s always fun to provide a glimpse into that window of youth culture, and then give parents some tools to connect with their kids and build lasting values.

If you’re in driving distance of Magic Mountain (yeah, the church is right near there), then come and join us 7PM that night. Here are the details.

For the rest of you, I might be in your city soon. Here’s where I’m coming in the next few months:

January 22, 2012 (Valencia, CA)
Preach, Parent Workshop, NorthPark Community Church

February 12, 2012 (Hartland, WI)
Parent Workshop, Westbrook Church

March 4, 2012 (Fergus Falls, MN)
Preach, Parent Workshop, First Church of the Nazarene

March 25, 2012 (Wyandotte, MI)
Preach, Parent Workshop, First Baptist Church

April 1, 2012 (Ainsworth, NE)
Preach, Parent Workshop, Ainsworth Evangelical Free Church

April 22, 2012 (Fresno, CA)
Preach, Parent Workshop, First Presbyterian Church of Fresno

CLICK HERE if I’m not coming near you and you’d be interested in booking me for a workshop

Too Strict or Too Lenient

Posted on: 01/16/12 1:30 PM | by Jonathan McKee

One of the questions I am probably asked the most frequently after my parenting workshops is, “How I do I know if I’m being too strict… or too lenient.”

We’ve all thought it; sometimes it’s just hard to find the balance of where to land. (It’s something I’ve blogged about before–5 Principles Parents Should Remember When Setting the Bar).

I constantly come across articles and studies on each polar extreme. “Exert control over your children’s media choices.” No… “you might not be helping your kid when you try to control everything your kid sees, plays, and listens to.”

Who are we to believe?

Is there a balance?

A few days ago Psychology Today posted an article by Peter Gray, research professor of psychology at Boston College, encouraging parents to think twice before limiting your kids’ screen time and video game play. Gray is pretty confident in kids’ abilities to make good choices about how to use their free time, especially when they’re given the freedom to play and explore in lots of different ways. Gray contends:

It is always a mistake, I think, to tell kids what they must or must not do, except in those cases where you are telling them that they must do their share of the chores around the house or must not do things that hurt you or other people. Whenever we prevent our kids from playing or exploring in the ways they prefer, we place another brick in a barrier between them and us. We are saying, in essence, “I don’t trust you to control your own life.” Children are suffering today not from too much computer play or too much screen time. They are suffering from too much adult control over their lives and not enough freedom.

Gray’s article isn’t just talking about computer time, he includes TV watching in his list of activities that parents should consider not limiting, despite what some experts say. He provides a personal example:

I know well a kid who, for years, spent hours per day watching television shows that I thought were really disgustingly dumb; but, over time, I discovered that she was getting a lot out of them. They were making her think in new ways. She understood all the ways in which the shows were dumb, at least as well as I did; but she also saw ways in which they were smart, and she analyzed them and learned from them

He goes on to argue that parents shouldn’t limit reading, computer time, video game time and other activities. (I encourage you to read the entire article, even if you don’t agree with it)

Is Gray right? Or is this kind of thinking like the report I shared in Chapter 3 of my parenting book about the lenient parenting styles in the Netherlands, where parents often allow their teenage girls to have boyfriends spend the night in their bedrooms. Seem crazy? Then why are U.S. teen birthrates 8 times higher than the Netherlands?

Let me quickly insert, I don’t agree with these lenient parenting styles, but I include this kind of research in my reading frequently to see if there are any nuggets of truth we can learn from them. For example, in that Netherlands report that I noted in my book, the channels of communication seemed to be extremely open between parents and teenagers.

The question is, can we have good relationships with our kids without turning into a “yes” man? (“Yes, you can play video games as long as you want.” “Yes, you can go to bed when you want.“ “Yes, you can have your boyfriend spend the night.”)

At what point does leniency become advocacy of harmful activities?

So what do you think?
Is Gray right?

Should we be concerned about these “bricks” we place as a barrier between our kids and us when we prevent them from playing the way they prefer? (At what point are we trying too hard to be friend, instead of parent?)

Where do we draw the line? (What if my kid wants to play the new Zelda game on Wii for 9 hours on a Saturday? What if they want to play Grand Theft Auto? At what point do we know if we meet Gray’s definition of “things that hurt you or other people”?)

Should there be a limit to screen time? (in other words, do you agree with Gray- who says “no limit,” or the American Academy of Pediatrics who says, “yes- set limits.”)