Date Night Salvaged

Posted on: 02/6/12 3:27 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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It’s a good thing opposites attract, because when it comes to the movie choices Lori and I make… we rarely agree. And that was the consensus when were exiting the theater after watching The Grey last Friday night.

It’s funny, Lori and I have a terrible record for movie choices on our anniversary. We laugh about it, because usually we’re pretty good about finding something that we both like when we actually ante up for the theatre. She typically likes romantic comedies, with favorites like While You Were Sleeping and My Big Fat Greek Wedding. My favorites are Jaws, The Shawshank Redemption, Heat and A Bronx Tale. But years of marriage have taught us to find common ground in films. She enjoys the occasional action film, and I the occasional romantic comedy. And we both can always land on fantasy-adventure greats like Lord of the Rings. Despite our years of discovering common cinematic ground, our anniversary movie choices over the last 21 years have been epic fails. For some reason we have a terrible history finding good films come anniversary time.

Most of you read about the plans I had for Lori and I last weekend. She had the choice of three dates and opted for the shopping and night out locally. The date started amazing: we shopped, we had a nice dinner, we laughed, we talked. But then, forgetting about our anniversary-movie-flop curse, we decided to include a movie into the mix.

She actually suggested the new Liam Neeson film, The Grey. “Todd loved it,” she said. “And it has Liam Neison.” (Todd… did you hear that? She trusted your opinion from our Movie Reviews & Quick Q’s page. Ha! Keep reading, my friend!)

I thought the film looked good as well; so we easily agreed to see it.

We should have known better.

It was our anniversary after all. There is no way we’ll ever make a good movie choice on our anniversary!

I remember the one year that we chose Arnold Schwarzenegger’s film Collateral Damage. I know, I know. How could we even have thought… Anyway, we went to see it. Then there was the year we saw Hannibal. Yeah… you’re losing all respect for me, aren’t you?

I don’t know what it is. I think something is in the air early February every year and it affects our judgment.

So this year we go and see The Grey.

At the end, Lori turns to me, almost angry, and says, “That was the worst film I’ve ever seen in my life!”

In all honesty, I can only remember thinking two thoughts at this point. 1. Is there any way I’m going to be able to salvage this night and still get lucky? (Sorry, but we married guys still think this way!) And… 2. I’m going to seriously kill my buddy Todd!

Funny, I didn’t find The Grey so terrible. It’s not gonna go down as one of my favorites, but I liked the fact that it wasn’t your typical Hollywood, predictable, mindless-action flick. I grew to like several of the characters in this story about a handful of men in a desperate situation, struggling to survive. But I totally understand Lori’s perspective. The movie was very dark and didn’t leave the audience much to celebrate as they left the theatre. It sure didn’t leave Lori feeling like celebrating anything as we left the theatre!

Luckily, 21 years together have taught us a few things. We talked about the film for about 5 to 10 minutes on the way home—in this case, I let her vent. It was actually quite entertaining. I wish the filmmakers could have heard her opinion. She was on a roll, trashing every aspect of the film. Gene Siskel would have been proud.

After shooting the film full of holes, she took a deep breath and looked at me with her amazing brown eyes. After taking in her adorable features for a moment, I said, “I’m really sorry you hated that film so much. What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Comedy.” She said. “I need comedy!”

We got home, I lit a fire, we snuggled on the couch and laughed together, watching a comedy.

The night was salvaged, and The Grey forever goes down in my anniversary-movie-flop hall-of-fame.

What about you? What has been your biggest date flop?

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21 Years

Posted on: 02/2/12 7:20 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Today Lori and I celebrate 21 years of marriage. I’m pretty excited. When she wakes up, she’ll see an envelope in the middle of the room. Inside the envelope will be some cash, enough to cover any of the list of several choices for the evening: shoe shopping followed by dinner and a nice hotel suite an hour from our house, a night alone at our own home with dinner and a nice fire (kids are gonna be at a friends’ house), or a real fancy dinner and shopping.

I think she’s gonna go for the shoe shopping and the suite!

It really wasn’t that difficult to plan. I’ve been stuffing cash away in a hidden place for months, I made a few calls with cancelable reservations, and then I bought a card and listed out the choices. I love this stuff! Probably because I’m head over heels in love with this girl… still, after 21 years!

Young people especially seem to ask me, “How is it that you made it 21 years and actually still like each other!” (If it was my friend Adam, I’d just say it’s because she’s so hot!)

It does seem a little crazy by the world’s standards. I mean, we made it 20 years longer than Katy Perry, and almost 21 years longer than Kim Kardashian (the bar isn’t real high in pop culture).

What’s the secret?

Good question. “I” can’t really take any credit. Fact is… the less “me” the better. I guess that’s the secret, if any.

More of these marriage thoughts next week!

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Should We Read Our Kids’ Texts?

Posted on: 01/23/12 12:26 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Last night my 16-year-old daughter Alyssa was sitting in my Parenting the Texting Generation workshop in Southern California (we used the weekend as an opportunity to look at some colleges for her). After the workshop she was talking openly with a handful of us about the guidelines Lori and I set for her and her sister, and she shared, “I agree with all my parents’ guidelines except the one about them being able to read my texts at any time. I’m not gonna do that one with my kids when I’m a parent.”

I had never heard this objection from Alyssa before. Surprised, I asked her, “Oh really? Why wouldn’t you read your own kids texts?

She said, “Because that’s just wrong.”

Alyssa has never been one to mince words.

I chuckled and filed the conversation for later, but I was intrigued. This was one of those rules that we rarely enforced. Well, maybe that’s not entirely true. The rule states that we have the right to look at texts at any time, and that right was definitely enforced—we did exercise the ability to do that at any time. We just haven’t done it very often. I’ve probably looked at Alyssa’s texts once this entire year (and it actually resulted in a pretty good conversation).

So why did this particular rule irk Alyssa?

This was just one of the guidelines that we had come up with as a family. In the workshop I had encouraged parents to not only build relationships with their kids, but also build lasting values. After talking a little about setting some fair boundaries, I gave the group some examples of some guidelines that we have in our house. I told them, “These aren’t necessarily guidelines that every parent needs to set, but these are some guidelines that have really helped our kids.” Guidelines like, we talk about every song we buy.

Reflecting on my list, Alyssa didn’t mind the music guidelines, just this texting one: Parents can read their kids texts at any time. Kids need to ask permission to delete their texts.

This morning I revisited the conversation. “Alyssa, I’d like to hear more about your objecting to the ‘I can look at your texts at any time’ rule. Why do you not like that rule?”

Without hesitation she responded, “Because if you trust your kids, then why do you need to look at their texts?”

Alyssa has a point. I look at parenting as a giant segue from a high degree of control when our kids are young, to a complete release of control when they are 18 and out on their own, free to make decisions for themselves. This requires parents to continually extend more trust to their kids, especially as they are 16 and 17. After all, in just a year or two they can do whatever they want, right? Might as well let them start to make some of these decisions under your shadow, stumbling while you are still there to pick them up? No, I’m not saying let your daughter drink alcohol and allow your son’s girlfriend to spend the night. But we probably should lighten up on media guidelines, for example, as they grow closer to 18. Keep talking about these choices, but then let our kids make the final choice.

And that’s where I’m at with Alyssa. At 16-and-a-half, Alyssa is really starting to earn trust with us. So I have to ask myself, is she right? Should I back off on this texting rule now?

What about her sister? Does a 14-year-old still need this rule?

When I asked Alyssa that question, she said, “It depends on if your kid has been trustworthy in other areas. If they’re trustworthy, then don’t check their texts.”

I finally asked her. “You don’t object to our other rules… why this one? Why does this one bug you so much?”

“Because texting is really personal.” Alyssa explained. “Sometimes my friend Ali and I will start sharing deep stuff from our hearts and then one of us will finally type, let’s talk about this later, my parents read my texts.”

I laughed. “Wow. Ya wouldn’t want those terrible ogres reading your texts!”

“It’s not that,” Alyssa clarified, “It’s just that sometimes we like to share some deep stuff with each other, and we don’t want each other’s parents reading that stuff.”

I told her that I thought that was a really good point, something I’d have to think about.

She gave me permission to blog about the conversation and dialogue with all of you about it. I’ll wait to hear what you think about the subject and then I’ll comment below in a day or so and tell you where I fall on this rule for both Alyssa and Ashley.

So what about you? Do you think parents should check their kids’ texts? At what age do you stop? Is Alyssa right—does this all depend on the level of trust that individual kid has earned?

 

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS ARTICLE
YOU’LL LOVE JONATHAN’S BOOK,
CANDID CONFESSIONS
OF AN IMPERFECT PARENT

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Dad, You Aren’t Funny!

Posted on: 01/12/12 11:09 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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I heard it again yesterday when I dropped off Ashley at school. I made a quick joke, that years ago would have had her in hysterics, but now… she just looks at me expressionless and says those words that I hear so frequently, “Dad, you aren’t funny.”

Is this true? What ever happened to my little Daddy’s Girl that used to laugh at every joke I ever said… even the lame ones? Did I lose the funny-gene somewhere after age 40? Around my own kids I feel like Bruno Kirby’s pathetic character in the movie, Good Morning Vietnam, who couldn’t face the fact that he wasn’t funny, and simply responded, “Sir, in my heart, I know I’m funny.”

As a guy who speaks for a living, it’s difficult when your toughest audience is your youngest daughter. I have no problem getting a whole sanctuary full of adults laughing, and whole campgrounds full of teenagers rolling on the floor. But Ashley now? I might get a chuckle one in five jokes.

At what point do parents cease being funny and cool?

In my house, it hit when my kids reached about 8th grade and it lasted well into their sophomore year. With my two oldest, Alec and Alyssa, they returned from “the darkness” (that’s what we call it in my house—the time when teenagers are just emotional, whiny brats that no one can please, no matter what you do) after just a couple years. But oooooooooh… those were grim years! I remember my little Ashley, back then, observing her older siblings’ antics and saying, “Dad, I’m not going to be like that, am I?”

And I would always plead with her, “No Ashley. Please don’t ever go to the dark side!”

But then it just happened! I heard about it from plenty of my friends and I read it in hundreds of parenting books. “One day your teenagers won’t want you around as much.”

I didn’t believe it. I thought, Not me! This is only something that boring parents experience. I’m fun! I’m funny! (Did I just type that out loud?)

But it happened, literally overnight. One day I just wasn’t funny anymore.

The other morning when I couldn’t get Ashley to laugh, I did the rookie mistake and tried harder. I was reaching deep in the bowels of my humor vault, finally resorting to some good ol’ fart humor. When in doubt, fart humor has always worked with Ashley.

Not even a chuckle.

Silent, but deadly.

In all seriousness, having teenagers of my own has been a learning experience. Each one has been different, but at the same time, they’ve gone through similar stages. Luckily “the dark side,” as we call it in my house, has only lasted about 2 years for each of my kids.

Sigh. Two years of not being funny.

I’m willing to wait. But, “In my heart, I know I’m funny!”

What about you?
Am I alone?

If you’re a parent of teenagers, did this happen to you?

Have you, like me, learned that the best thing to do is, not try?

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Sorry Adam, My Wife is Hot

Posted on: 01/3/12 5:10 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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My buddy Adam ranted in his blog today about guys who describe their wives as hot. Adam said it makes him cringe every time he hears it. Well… I cringed when I read Adam’s blog, because I am one of the people he referred to. “I have a hot wife!”

Don’t worry, I’m not “dissing” on my friend Adam. I called him up to ask him if he thought I should write this little pushback to his blog. He welcomed the banter. I think his opinion is valid. I just wanted him and others to hear from the other side… guys who just can’t keep quiet about their hot wives!

So in response to Adam’s “Yes, your wife is hot” blog, here are my reasons why I don’t hesitate to mention how hot my wife is:

  • I actually mean it! I’m not just forcing it or trying to be demonstrative, I really think my wife is hot. I don’t say it when I’m speaking at a church and she’s sitting right there in the front pew—she would be embarrassed. She doesn’t want people looking at her to see if she is hot. But I don’t hesitate to say it if the subject of my wife comes up when I’m talking with a friend, when I’m teaching a workshop, or even speaking to teenagers at a camp. If you hear me mention my wife, you’ll almost always hear me say something about how amazing or beautiful she is. I can’t resist!
  • Adam says it’s immature. I’ve been called immature for a lot worse!
  • More guys should think that their wives are hot! Unfortunately, 87% of men admitted to using porn in the year prior. That’s a lot of men that are looking at other women and thinking that they’re hot. I really don’t want to be in that group, and, speaking completely candidly, there are way too many men who are comfortable “looking around.” Sadly, we men all have friends who don’t hesitate to “look” as long as they “don’t touch.” You’ll hear guys say, “Just because I’m on the diet, it doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” Sorry guys, I’m not buying it. I really don’t want to look around, because I’ve witnessed too many guys noticing that the grass is greener wherever they look. Personally, I really like my grass. (Did that come out wrong?)
  • I said it way before Talladega Nights.
  • Our wives need to know that we truly think they are beautiful. Hopefully, men aren’t just putting on a show. They should tell their wives how beautiful they are, and often! I daily tell Lori how hot she is. Sadly, this is often met with a chuckle, followed by, “Yeah, right.” Same thing when I tell my daughters how beautiful they are. They often say, “Well you only say that because you’re my dad.” It’s sad how poor the self-esteem of our women has become today. Today’s women are bombarded with images of how they “should” look, with perfect skin, ginormous breasts, and anorexic waistlines. Today’s females are often trying to measure up to an image that doesn’t even exist. It’s sad what these media-images are doing to our women. Our women need to hear how beautiful they truly are from people who mean it and really care about them. I’m entranced with my wife like the Song of Solomon poet. I love her eyes, the curve of her back… and for her sake, I won’t got into any more detail like the Bible does (but I do enjoy fruit).
  • Our young men need to be head over heals crazy about the woman they marry, in all aspects. As a minister who has married lots of couples and is counseling a couple now, I’ve seen this backfire both ways. I’ve seen a man be infatuated with a woman’s looks only. The marriage didn’t last. On the other hand I’ve seen a man “settle” for a woman he really liked, but wasn’t attracted to. This marriage, like so many, ended up with him having a porn addiction. Criticize me if you want, but an attractive spouse is very important to men (Dr. Willard Harley talks about that fact in detail in his book, His Needs Her Needs). That better not be the only reason a man marries a woman, but couples should never “settle.” Those marriages are doomed from the start.
  • And Adam… just because you brought it up, my wife does make a mighty fine meat loaf! (As hot as she is, she knows that food will always come before sex in our house) (That was meant as to infer priority, not sequence, but I’ll gladly take the latter on any day).

That’s all I got.

So if you don’t think men should call their wife “hot,” then that’s okay. Really. I might have it wrong, but my intentions are right. I don’t have it all together, but I definitely can’t help but smother my wife with love and affection. I’m a tireless romantic. My kids probably grow tired of me kissing my wife’s neck in the kitchen (and then helping her do the dishes).

My daughter Alyssa told me the nicest thing a few weeks ago. She said, “How is any guy I date ever gonna measure up to you? If he brings flowers, I’m going to think, Only flowers? Where’s my poetry? Where’s my personalized romantic iTunes playlist? Where’s my surprise trip to the ocean?”

My wife is so much more than hot! (and yes, I did make a playlist called “Lori”)

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Christmas Nerd Family

Posted on: 12/26/11 12:38 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Last week our family was all laying around the couch watching Christmas specials and we landed on the Saturday Night Live Christmas special with one of our favorite sketches, the one where Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan sing, “I don’t care what your momma says, Christmas time is neeee-eeear…” (We love that sketch). After the sketch, Lori chimes in, “Maybe we should all dress alike like that for Christmas this year!”

Why, oh why, do we listen to Lori!!!

Yeah… we actually went to church like that!

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Christmas Cookies

Posted on: 12/15/11 4:49 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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I work out… just so I can eat Christmas cookies!

Last night was just the beginning. At about 8:20 Lori and Alyssa began with the “peanut blossoms” that they make every year (a peanut butter cookie with a Hershey kiss in the middle). Then at 9:10 I joined in, helping them start making some pumpkin cookies with a cream cheese frosting. (I’m drooling just typing about them!) By 9:22 I was kicked out of the kitchen for criticizing Lori’s measuring procedure. No worries, she still brought me samples as long as I stayed out of the kitchen and shut my big mouth.

By 11-something I was fading, but Lori was still going strong… and the best was yet to come…

Tonight we make the Nieman Marcus Cookies!

Oh man… even the name makes my taste buds rejoice. The cookies taste even better than the quality of the $360 sweaters you could buy at that store (yeah… I don’t shop there). These little puppies are amazing… so amazing in fact, I’m going to give you the recipe.

Yeah, I know. I’m probably the only guy who would provide a recipe on his blog. But trust me, I know food! (Have you seen my gut? I’ve worked out 5 days this week already and I’m still carrying around 20 extra pounds. I KNOW FOOD!!!)

Don’t hesitate… just try these amazing cookies and chime in and comment once you taste these little morsels from heaven! Here’s the recipe.

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
The Nieman Marcus Recipe

2 cups butter
2 cups sugar
2 cups brown sugar
4 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
4 cups flour
5 cups oatmeal
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. baking soda
24 oz. chocolate chips
one 8oz. Hershey bar
3 cups chopped walnuts (optional)

Cream together- butter, sugar, brown sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Set aside.

Using a blender, grind all of oatmeal into fine powder (do a small amount at a time). Pour into a LARGE bowl. Next, grate chocolate bar and combine with oatmeal. Now add flour, salt, baking powder and baking soda to same bowl and mix well. Combine creamed ingredients and dry mixture (here’s where the stirring takes some real strength, a strong spoon… and a big bowl!) After well blended, add chocolate chips and nuts. (and this is where I eat a bunch of the dough!)

Make golf ball size cookies. Place 2” apart on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 375 for about 9-11 min.

Oh yeah… you are gonna thank me later for this!

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The Four Minute Mule

Posted on: 12/1/11 10:36 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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Last night we had to attend an award ceremony for my daughter Ashley’s cross country team. It was fun for the first 30 minutes, it was great hearing the coach talk about Ashley… but by the 3 hour mark…

Yes… over 3 hours long!

Wholy shamoli! Who wants to sit on a cafeteria bench for over three hours? I’ve attended life-insurance conventions that were more bearable.

At about the 90 minute mark, my 16-year-old, Alyssa, and I started playing with our phones. Alyssa grabbed Lori’s iPhone and I immediately texted her, knowing that Lori always forgets to put the thing on silent. The phone made a loud “DING,” a couple hundred heads turned toward Alyssa, and her face turned about 4 shades of red.

(I’ve been known to act like a junior higher.)

Time passed and we were searching for anything to entertain ourselves. We Google searched various topics, looking for anything to help pass time. One of the coaches on Ashley’s team has broken the four minute mile. That’s amazing, by the way! So I tried to type in a search for “breaking the 4 minute mile.” Instead I accidentally typed:

“Breaking the 4 minute mule”

Maybe it was the timing… but Alyssa and I started a laughing fit and couldn’t stop.

Sigh. Good times.

I bet you never realized how interesting mules actually are? Ask me… I know plenty now. Did you know that right now wild burros are wreaking havoc on Texas? Seriously!

Yeah… 3 freaking hours long!

I love my daughters… but please…. please… don’t make me go to another 3 hour long award ceremony!!!

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Cat Fights

Posted on: 11/29/11 4:59 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Do you have teenage girls living in your house?

Can you say… cat fight?

About a year ago my daughters wanted to move into the same room together. They had some friends at church who did it and they actually thought it was admirable how close those sisters were. Long story short– I knocked out a wall, bought bunk beds… and shazaam! They’ve been together since.

Overall it’s been a good experience. My girls are pretty close, as sisters go. But there’s something to be said about the consistent petty little disagreements.

“Alyssa, did you set the alarm?”

“No, you always set it.”

“Exactly. Why don’t you set it for once.”

“Because you don’t like the way I set it, so I let you do it.”

“But I’m in the top bunk… you’re right there!”

“Sorry. Your job!”

Seriously?

I just blogged about this whole dynamic and how parents should respond in my DAD OF TEENAGE GIRLS blog.

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