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Don’t Believe the Hype

Posted on: 04/11/12 7:05 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Last week I read an article link that claimed, “Facebook is Responsible for 1/3 of All Divorces.”

Really? Would you actually repeat that statistic? Are you willing to bet your reputation that it’s true? Should we believe the headlines when we read this kind of stuff… or should we possibly take 60 seconds to dig a little deeper?

Last week I implored parents in my parent workshop, “Don’t just read the headlines!” As a guy who spends about 5 to 10 hours a week researching youth culture, let me assure you, headlines can be sooooooo misleading. Take this Facebook article, for example. Last week I saw several different headlines, blog posts and web links all linking to this article, which claimed, an I quote, “Studies have found that Facebook can actually be serious trouble for a relationship and is responsible for one-third of divorces. One-third!”

This provides a perfect example of what to look out for in media hype:

Steer clear of those who don’t cite their research. I’m not being an alarmist when I say, “Never believe a statistic that someone doesn’t cite.” Seriously. If a “study shows that…” then they should document that study. That way you, the reader, can see if Nielson truly analyzed 65,000 phone bills, or if a guy named Jimmy asked 4 teenagers in his garage, “How many of yous guys text each other? Hmmmmm…two hands. I guess that means that a recent survey shows that only 50% of young people text each other!”
Watch out for articles that misread and misquote studies. I know… I know. This one is a little more difficult. This sometimes takes clicking a source and skimming it for a minute or two. Misreading and misquoting stats is common. I’ve written about that in great detail in this 2009 Youth Culture Window article, and again in this 2011 article down under the subtitle “Misinformation.” Or simply take a peek at that Facebook article linked above. That article was not only based on numbers from a website called Divorce Online (hmmmm… red flags anyone?), it actually misread Divorce Online’s original claims. Blogger Tom Royal breaks that down here. But that brings up another subject…
Watch out for online surveys about how many people are doing “online” activities. Yeah. Duh! I once read a statistic about how much time the average teenager spends on the Internet each day. I was familiar with recent numbers from Kaiser and Nielsen, but this particular survey in question revealed waaaaaay higher numbers. About a minute of scrolling and reading quickly revealed that this was based on a survey of a few hundred kids that responded to an online poll on a teen website. Just think about that one. (Let me go down to the corner bar and take a quick survey of how many people in America drink!)

So what can you do as a reader to make sure you are reading and researching responsibly?

Simple. Make sure you make a habit of getting your data from trustworthy sources. Sorry, that excludes all forwarded emails from your Aunt Judy. If any of the articles or studies you read violate the three blunders above…consider reading from a different source.

I can assure you that I’ve probably mistyped, misread or even forgot a citation. I’m human, and I am often pounding out over 5 articles per week. But I can also assure you that those mistakes are the exception. We always strive for accuracy and transparency.That’s why I provide you with a box on the front page of TheSource4Parents.com titled, “Offsite articles Jonathan has read this week” so you can read the exact same articles and studies I’m reading.

If you trust us enough to CONNECT WITH US and subscribe to my blog, our free Youth Culture Window articles or other free newsletters, we are going to make the greatest efforts to always deliver you accurate research with our sources cited and checked. You deserve to know the truth!

Posted in Entertainment Media, Internet, Jonathan's Rant, Marriage, News, Youth Culture | | Leave A Comment

Using YouTube to Get Your Teenagers Talking

Posted on: 03/5/12 8:52 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Last week my girls spontaneously engaged in a pleasant conversation with me about guidelines, expectations, and my parenting. It was an amazing talk! It probably lasted 30 to 40 minutes. It all started with a question I asked them when I had them both in the car:

“Did you guys see the YouTube video of the redneck dad who got mad at his daughter’s disrespectful Facebook post, so he posted his own video blowing holes her laptop with his 45?”

They both smiled real big and begged, “Can we see it! Please! Let’s see it on your iPhone right now!”

After watching the video, laughing, clicking on a few of the follow-up videos and laughing some more… we talked…. and talked… and talked.

Thanks YouTube!

Kids are becoming more and more “connected” to Facebook, music and internet video. Parents and adult role models can either fight this trend…. or use it.

I don’t know about your teenagers, but my kids love YouTube. Often when I pick up my 14-year-old from school, the first thing out of her mouth will be something like, “Dad, did you see the YouTube video with the monkey riding on the pig’s back?”

Yes… very intelligent, high quality stuff! I assure you.

The fact is, our kids love YouTube. This can be scary at times because YouTube has some racy stuff. But parents shouldn’t be afraid to use it, especially when they are making efforts to find that delicate balance of teaching their kids discernment, using guardrails, and at the same time allowing their kids to fail while still in the nest. (And no, I’m not suggesting you give your kids free reign to browse whatever they want on YouTube. Rather than me re-iterating past blogs about “setting guidelines,” etc., I encourage you to click the three hyperlinks in this paragraph where I go into great detail on the subject.)

So, if your kids are like mine, use a YouTube video to jump-start discussion. (We actually have an entire page of YouTube discussion starters on our youth ministry site, complete with scriptures and small group discussion questions.) Give it a try. Show them the video of angry redneck dad shooting his girl’s laptop and then ask your kids…

Was the girl right to post these complaint’s on Facebook?
Even though she used an unhealthy way of expressing her feelings, do you think this girl’s parents should listen to some of what this girl is feeling?
How should have the father responded to this girl?
If you were to post an angry note about us (your parents) to your friends, what would it say?
How should we respond to that?

How’s that for a conversation starter?

I’m embed that video here for your convenience:

Posted in Entertainment Media, Internet, Parenting, Youth Culture | | Leave A Comment

When Little Kids Google

Posted on: 02/12/12 1:17 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My 3-year-old niece and 6-year-old nephew just discovered Google.

It’s funny how technology so rapidly changes the world our kids grow up in. When my kids (14, 16, and 18) were young… Google was unknown! Mid-90’s web searches were AOL, Yahoo, or Web Crawler. (Remember those? I used Alta Vista.)

The 90’s computer gaming experience was much different as well. Young kids didn’t play as many online games; they played CD-roms. I remember a rack of kids CD’s by our computer: Jumpstart Toddler, LarryBoy, and Disney Princesses.

No need for that now. Everything a kid needs is online.

I was talking with my brother Thom last week and he told me, “I just taught Aidan (6-years-old) to Google!”

“Seriously?” I asked, “What does he Google?”

Thom sighed. “He doesn’t get it yet. He searches using the logic of a 6-year-old. The other day he typed: the red guy in Captain America.”

I laughed.

“Or yesterday, he Googled a car that a kid can drive. He actually found one!” Tom chuckled. “It was like $1,000 bucks. Aidan asked me, ‘How many books would I have to read to earn that?’”

Thom and his wife Amy have spent a lot of evenings snickering while watching the kids play on the computer.

Thom and Amy have a designated computer the kids can use, complete with every cyber block known to mankind to keep out unwanted content. But they still monitor the kids browsing. I would to. It sounds pretty entertaining!

The other day Aidan’s little sister Elise (age 3) was giving Aidan suggestions of things to search for. “Look up hair dryers for kids!”

Aidan found quite a few.

Elise liked Aidan’s search for the red guy in Captain America, so she suggested her own query. “Look for Captain A-girl-ica.” (3-year-old reasoning)

Thom also taught Aidan to use the phone in the last few weeks. “He calls me every 5 minutes now!”

Thom is a pastor in a small town. He’ll now be in meetings at the church and his phone goes off. Caller ID: HOME.

“Hello?”

“Uh… dad? Uh… how do you spell rhinoceros masks?”

I guess that’s what Thom gets for teaching his kid technology. 🙂 Wait till Aidan discovers iTunes and YouTube. (Have you ever taken a quick tour of the Top 10 songs and videos at just a click away?)

It’s fun for me to see the innocence and creativity of my little niece and nephew and how they are interacting with technology.

So what about those of you with young kids? What guidelines do you set for that age?

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Parenting the Texting Generation, in SoCal

Posted on: 01/18/12 6:06 PM | by Jonathan McKee

This Weekend I’m driving down to Southern California (SoCal) to preach at NorthPark Community Church and then teach my Parenting the Texting Generation workshop that evening (after the playoff games).

I spend a good chunk of that workshop giving parents a peek into the attitudes and trends of youth culture today. As I was doing some research this last week I fell across some interesting finds. Here’s just a few interesting tidbits from youth culture:

Rihanna’s song We Found Love is still #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. This song has basically dominated the chart since November 6^th of last year, with only a brief hiatus at #2 when Sexy and I Know It hit #1 for a short stint. I’ve written enough about Rihanna’s song before… no need to repeat. But it’s interesting how long it’s hung on.
Sexy and I Know It is still the #1 downloaded video on iTunes, a reign that has lasted since shortly around Halloween of last year. If you haven’t seen this video, you might want to find out what it’s about, because most teenagers have seen it by now.
As ubiquitous as Facebook is, teenagers still love “face to face” time with the people they care about. Funny, connecting with teenagers one-on-one is something so relevant to both youth and parenting ministry (that’s probably why parents and youth workers both buy my book, Connect).
More and more experts are cautioning parents to limit their kids “media diet.”
America still consumes more traditional television than any other media.
Parents aren’t always the best role models for their kids.

I really love doing these parenting workshops and am looking forward to my time with parents this Sunday night. It’s always fun to provide a glimpse into that window of youth culture, and then give parents some tools to connect with their kids and build lasting values.

If you’re in driving distance of Magic Mountain (yeah, the church is right near there), then come and join us 7PM that night. Here are the details.

For the rest of you, I might be in your city soon. Here’s where I’m coming in the next few months:

January 22, 2012 (Valencia, CA)
Preach, Parent Workshop, NorthPark Community Church

February 12, 2012 (Hartland, WI)
Parent Workshop, Westbrook Church

March 4, 2012 (Fergus Falls, MN)
Preach, Parent Workshop, First Church of the Nazarene

March 25, 2012 (Wyandotte, MI)
Preach, Parent Workshop, First Baptist Church

April 1, 2012 (Ainsworth, NE)
Preach, Parent Workshop, Ainsworth Evangelical Free Church

April 22, 2012 (Fresno, CA)
Preach, Parent Workshop, First Presbyterian Church of Fresno

CLICK HERE if I’m not coming near you and you’d be interested in booking me for a workshop

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The Increasingly Difficult Task of “Fleeing” Porn

Posted on: 11/21/11 11:47 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Porn is becoming virtually inevitable. Unfortunately, so are the consequences of porn-consumption.

Doug Fields and I collaborated on four posts about porn last week on his blog (here’s his summary post with links to all). I wanted to take the opportunity to wrap up with some closing thoughts about taking this threat seriously.

The Pressing Need to “Flee”
Porn is permeating every avenue of technology. Unless we all move to Amish Pennsylvania or to an ice cave near the North Pole, porn is readily accessible. If you have the internet, it’s no secret that porn is a click away. If you ever stay in a hotel, hardcore porn is most often one of the TV ‘s main menu choices. If you’re like the 91% of America that pays for TV reception at home, the Playboy channel and pay-per-view porn are available at the click of a button, not to mention the soft-core porn that they often show for free on Cinemax, Showtime, and HBO.

Maybe that’s why (according to this article) 87% of men admitted to using porn in the year prior. If that weren’t enough, 69% of men and 10% of women report viewing pornography more than once a month.

As you can see, this is predominantly a male struggle. Those men who are trying to escape the lure of porn are being forced to take drastic measures to truly “flee sexual immorality.”

Sexual immorality was a real struggle for many of the heroes in the Bible (Abraham, Judah, David, Solomon…) and it’s a struggle for Godly men today.

The temptation is real. Take it from me, a guy who is in an average of two to three different hotels per month. If you dare turn on the TV, the first screen that appears is a “preview” channel that gives you a choice of “popular movie titles” and what they cleverly label “adult desires.” If you are strong enough to resist temptation, clicking “popular movie titles,” the screen once again gives you several choices: movies still in the theatres, popular rentals, or once again adult desires. Sometimes you’ll even get propositioned a third time.

If you skip this menu all together and click through the channels, be careful if it’s in the later hours of the evening. If the hotel has HBO, shows like Real Sex and the CatHouse series provide softcore porn. HBO’s TrueBlood is full of graphic sex and nudity. If the hotel has Showtime, this channel has it’s own versions of the same. Most hotels have one of the two channels.

This makes it very difficult for any traveler. I have learned that I literally have to check the TV schedule before I turn on the TV. If a man doesn’t check the schedule, then he might be caught off-guard while channel flipping, and that’s a very difficult situation for a man alone in a hotel room. Anyone who has been in this situation understands why Paul uses the word “flee” when talking about the lure of sexual immorality in I Corinthians chapter 6. Fleeing porn might sometimes require dropping everything and running like Joseph shedding his jacket and barely escaping Potiphar’s wife.

Here’s where many authors would insert that personal story of failure to hammer home the point. No need for gratuitous confessions here. Let me just say this: I’m not perfect, porn is a very real temptation for me, as it is for most men, and personally I take “fleeing” seriously (this reason being a huge motivator).

When a believer experiences the lure of porn, it’s good to lay down some boundaries, or dare I say “fleeing” measures. Personally, I never turn on the TV in my hotel without checking the schedule. My wife and I talk openly about fleeing these kinds of temptations. I meet for accountability with a good friend who is a local pastor, asking each other tough questions regularly.

Some people don’t see porn as a big deal. The reality is, they are suppressing the truth about the consequences of porn, allowing it to reign free in their life. They don’t foresee the danger. Today’s porn isn’t like the Playboy magazines that some of us might have peeked at as a kid. This porn is high speed, available 24/7, with a taste for every fetish. Those that become entranced soon grown numb to the mild stuff. Softcore is replaced by hardcore, and an increasing need develops for more extreme material. Soon, the consequences hit them right where it counts.

I encourage you to take a peek at the four articles Doug posted on his blog about porn. In those articles we covered:

In a world where almost 9 out of 10 men have struggled with the lure of porn, this is a subject we cant ignore. I encourage you to not only take a peek at the research in Doug’s blog entries, but dialogue about this with your teenagers. Teenagers are hearing lies on so many fronts… you might be the one person that actually tells them the truth about God’s desire for sex.

Posted in Entertainment Media, Internet, Movies, Sexuality, TV, Youth Culture | | Leave A Comment

Facebook… or Jersey Shore?

Posted on: 11/1/11 3:48 PM | by Jonathan McKee

How well do you know your teenagers?

For example, if you asked them, “What would you rather give up, T.V. or internet.” Which would they choose?

Is their answer… the answer? Many kids (including the majority of young people across the pond) would be quick to respond, “We’d rather lose T.V.!” Interestingly enough, their actions might not exactly be matching their words if “time spent” is any indicator.

It’s a question I continue to ask parents. I’ll ask it again in my parenting workshop this weekend in Colorado Springs and I guarantee you that over 90% of them will get the answer wrong. I’ll ask, “What do today’s teenagers spend more time doing, browsing the internet or watching TV?” The truth always shocks them.

The answer is still TV, by a long shot. It has been for a while. The newest reports from Nielson give us a peek at the hours per week/month kids are spending watching TV and browsing the internet. Here’s one of the tables from the newest Nielson Cross Platform Report: (free registration required)

Notice how low those internet numbers are for 12-17-year-olds. (So low, in fact that I contacted them and asked them why. I’m so meticulous it’s irritating at times.) Don’t get me wrong… the numbers are close, especially as you start to look at the 18-year-olds. If you really want to hash out specifics, read this article I wrote this summer where I go through some of those numbers of the last report like this in great detail.

For those who just want the broad strokes… just know this: kids are spending hours online, and even more hours on TV. And since 91% of U.S. homes now pay for television, they aren’t just watching broadcast shows, they’re watching cable in a big way. (You can jump on Nielson’s Top 10 TV ratings page on any given week and look to see what ruled the previous week. The week of October 17^th, Jersey Shore was the #2 Cable show under NFL on ESPN. The week of October 24^th NFL stayed on top and AMC’s Walking Dead took the #2 spot.)

Why is it important to know this?

As a parent we should know what our kids are watching and what their friends are watching. Don’t be like so many parents that just let their kids watch whatever they want.

As a youth worker we should know what mainstream kids are watching so we know what kind of teaching they’re receiving throughout the week. If they’re bathing in Jersey Shore and Two and a Half Men each week, we might want to really think about talking about sex more than once a year!

Do you know what your kids are watching?

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They Like It… so Let Them Do It!

Posted on: 10/11/11 12:16 PM | by Jonathan McKee

In the last few weeks we’ve had a lot of dialogue in this blog about the media teenagers are regularly digesting, anything from mainstream racy music videos to top songs with questionable content. It’s been interesting to see some of the comments in these discussions. Some are of the opinion that parents should simply let kids do what they want.

Sadly, I think that opinion might be a little more popular than we realize.

Last month if you popped on Yahoo’s front page, you might have seen an article titled, “My Toddler has a TV in his Room and I’m Not Sorry.” In this dogmatic article, the author asserts her reasoning from the getgo:

I make no apology for the fact that my toddler has a TV in his room for one very simple reason:

Kids love TV and parents love that kids love TV.

I mean, I know I do.

Well… there you have it. Case closed. I mean, after all, kids love TV and so do we.

I can’t wait until her toddler grows into a teenager. Teenagers love sex, and so do we. So they should have it in their room, right? (believe me, some believe that they should) And some teenagers love inhalants. So we should probably let them sniff these wonderfully addictive drugs, right?

Okay, maybe I’m pushing the envelope. But can I just please ask for a little more reasoning than “They like it!”

What do the experts say?

Interestingly enough, most the experts do chime in on the subject of media in bedrooms. For example: last year the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) released a study titled, “Sexuality, Contraception, and the Media.” This report recommended that parents “keep their children’s bedroom free of TVs and internet connections.”

The Kaiser Foundation did some sobering research on the subject as well in their M2 report last year. Here’s just a snippet of our article summarizing the findings from that report:

Part of the reason kids are watching more television these days is also due to the fact that 71% of them have a TV in their bedroom (and 49% of them have cable or satellite access there, too). KFF’s study clearly showed that kids who have TVs in their bedrooms watched an hour more of programming each day than kids who did not have a TV in their rooms.

The effects of extended TV watching are well-documented: it plays a role in kids starting sex earlier. In fact, multiple studies have observed this disturbing trend.

But, according to KFF’s report, less than half of kids’ parents (46%) have rules about what sort of television content they can watch. And a mere 28% of kids’ parents have rules about how much time can be spent watching TV.

It’s pretty clear– parents who actually create media guidelines for their kids are in the minority. Sadly… many parents would rather not know what their kids are watching. Out of sight, out of mind.

So who do you believe? Mrs. I Love TV… or a large group of respected pediatricians that are concerned with the choices young people are making today?

The AAP report mentioned above has some positive news for parents who choose to listen:

Teenagers whose parents control their TV-viewing habits are less sexually experienced
Adolescents whose parents limit their TV-viewing are less likely to engage in early sex.

(I go into greater detail in my blog about that report.)

So what about you? What media guidelines do you think should be put into place in homes today?

Posted in Entertainment Media, Internet, Parenting, Sexuality, TV, Youth Culture | | Leave A Comment

And Your Mom’s Gonna Hate It

Posted on: 01/19/11 6:42 AM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s no secret that controversy can be a good marketing tool.

Maybe that’s why the makers of Dead Space 2 are trying an interesting viral video approach to market their new violent video game. (So is my blogging about it helping them? Hmmmmm.)

The game creators sat down hundreds of moms and filmed their reactions to the most violent and horrific scenes from the game, showing us their facial expressions in a commercial. Then they provide comments from some of the moms, comments like, “It’s horrible!” “It’s demonic!” Then the commercial finishes with the slogan, “It’s everything you love in a game, and your mom’s gonna hate it!”

Here’s the video.

Creative marketing, I’ll give it that. It just worked for MTV’s Skins earlier this week. When the Parents Television Council deems your show “the most dangerous show for teens,” it helps create a hype.

Remember when churches tried to ban Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ. The film didn’t even need previews. Every news station was chatting about the controversy.

Video games have been the center of controversy for decades. This week on our web page David provides an amazing insight into the recent gaming world in his brand new Youth Culture Window article, The Dominance of Video Games: And What it Means for Today’s Teenagers.

(ht to Jon Forrest)

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My Favorite Resources and Training from 2010

Posted on: 01/5/11 4:26 PM | by Jonathan McKee

If you’re like me, you’re already off to “full sprint” in 2011.

Here’s some of my favorite free resources and training that our ministry provided in 2010. What were yours? I covet your feedback!

Use the comment feature and tell me which of our TheSource4YM.com tools have helped you in this past year!

Here’s a quick glimpse of mine!

JONATHAN’S FAVORITES

1. My absolute favorite free training resource we provided last year was the training video “Connecting With the Six Types of Kids.” This video provides a great summary of youth ministry and lays the foundation for relational ministry. This video is a peice of my Connect Training Workshop and my book, CONNECT: Real Relationships in a World of Isolation.

2. My second favorite resource in 2010 is our totally revamped MUSIC DISCUSSIONS page. This page now has comment and rating features, and the ability to organize them by artist, title, topic or user rating. Very cool stuff. That page also has a ton of new discussions. You’ll see Crowder’s Shine, and Everything Glorious, Rihanna’s Only Girl, Airplanes from B.o.B, Taylor Swift’s Mine, TobyMac’s Lose My Soul… and more!

3. How can I ignore the entirely new website we just launched for parents TheSource4Parents.com This is an amazing new resource for parents.

4. I love the Youth Culture Window article reviewing the music and the messages of the 17 different songs that went #1 during the year 2010.

I highlighted even more of my favorites in my EZINE this week, including my favorite Youth Culture Window articles of the year. Check that out here.

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The Ultimate Youth Pastor

Posted on: 12/20/10 12:57 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay… this is funny.

I heard some youth workers talking about this video in my last training workshop- Ignatius the Ultimate Youth Pastor. I hadn’t seen it. I don’t know how I missed this one.

Hilarious!

I’m not even going to say anything else… you just gotta see it. It takes about a minute before it really grabs ya. I actuallly watched the entire thing. (I was thinking, “Oh, I’ll just watch a minute or so.” But then I couldn’t turn it off. It just kept me drawn in.)

CLICK HERE if you don’t see the embedded video.

So sad… it’s only funny because we’ve SEEN THIS BEFORE!!!

(I think my favorite was when he shook his head during the worship)

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