Giving Away “Life in Student Ministry”

Posted on: 05/12/11 2:43 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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My buddy Tim Schmoyer over at StudentMinistry.org wrote a cool little book titled, Life In Student Ministry. I really enjoyed it, so I’m going to give away 5 of these books. Let’s have us a simple little contest!

Here’s how it will work.

In addition to my daily blogging and writing here, next week I’m going to start chiming in on StudentMinistry.org (every Wednesday), provoking discussion about current youth ministry issues. Tim has several authors chiming in on this blog— I’m excited to be part of it.

Here’s where you come in: I’d love to hear from you- what youth ministry issues do you want to hear about? Any specific questions you have? I want to make sure that both these blogs keep addressing relevant issues.

The contest is simple. You comment– you enter to win. Just use the comment feature in my blog (this blog that you are reading) to respond back with relevant youth ministry topics/issues that would be good to discuss, or any questions you have, and I’ll randomly draw 5 winners on Monday to receive Tim’s cool new book, Life in Student Ministry.

Let’s hear it!

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Students and Culture Interview

Posted on: 05/4/11 10:19 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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I was interviewed recently on the Students and Culture podcast… some of you might have wanted an opportunity to peek in on that interview. For those that don’t have the time to listen to it, I’ve provided some of the highlights of it transcripted below.

Fun conversation. I start by giving a brief (60 second) history of THE SOURCE FOR YOUTH MINISTRY and how it came to be (by accident, actually). Then we chatted about churches reaching beyond their church walls… then I answered the following questions:

  – What is the best thing student groups can do to have return visitors?

  – If you only had one lesson left to teach a group of students, what would you teach and why?

  – What are some of the best ways to gain the trust of new unchurched students?

  – In your book “Connect” you talk a lot about getting to know kids on a one-on-one basis. Do you believe it’s possible to become so connected with students that they see you more as a peer and you lose your influence in their lives?

  – How can we equip and train our youth to witness and share the gospel with nonbelievers in their everyday lives?

You can listen to the podcast here on the Students and Culture website, or if you would prefer to just read the highlights, here’s a snippet of what I answered to those questions:

Jason – OK asked:
-What is the best thing student groups can do to have return visitors?

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
First- this question assumes that people are actually visiting! An aside… I think we need to be proactive to think of outreach as reaching more than those who actually DO show up. But yes, let’s definitely try to KEEP the ones that actually DO show up.

Last year a church brought me in to train their student leaders, but I first got an opportunity to attend their morning youth service. The first thing I did was simply sit in the back of the room and observe. I especially paid attention to “the door.” I tell youth workers this all the time. If you ever get a chance to just take a week where you can just sit in the back and watch the door– you’ll learn a lot. It’s fun to watch kids come in and look around. You can almost see what they’re thinking. “Where do I go? Are any of my friends here?” Sometimes, after a moments hesitation, you’ll actually see kids turn around a leave.”

What are we doing to make people think, “I belong!” I’m welcome here. I’m safe.

In my new book MINISTRY BY TEENAGERS, David gives an example of a youth ministry that decided to be proactive about making new kids feel like they belong. They did this with colored name tags, of all thing…  our book is full of ideas to do just that.

Noah – KY
– If you only had one lesson left to teach a group of students, what would you teach and why?

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
It depends on the students I’m talking to. I know that might sound like a copout answer, but I just need to at least know who I’m talking to. For example, am I speaking to a bunch of unchurched kids on campus? Or am I speaking at a Christian camp?

ON CAMPUS- I think I’d give them a talk that basically address the feeling we all get when we’ve tried to find fulfillment in all the temporary thrills of life, and when they don’t work, we finally proclaim, “There’s gotta be more than this!!” Basically, I speak to them about the unfulfilling temporary vs. the permanent love of God that comes through knowing Jesus Christ in a personal relationship.That passage so accurately describes the lies of this world, “lies that sound like the truth.”

AT A CAMP- I’d probably talk about the importance of letting God sit in the driver’s seat of our life- and what that actually looks like. I’m speaking in layman’s terms here. This is actually a lesson on how we need to give the Holy Spirit control. How the fruits of the spirit are not things we are to “TRY” to do, but qualities that flow from us when we let the Spirit in our life- when we “let God drive.” When we let him control the radio… you get the idea.

Noah – KY asked a second question:
– What do you see as the biggest deterrent to spiritual growth in today’s teens?

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
We allow ourselves to be distracted by the world’s lies. In Ephesians, Paul talks about what it will be like when we mature in Christ. He says…

Ephesians 4:14-15 (NLT)
14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth.
15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church

We get comfy like David (II Samuel 11) did when he decided to give in to laziness- sleep in while his men were fighting. Give into lust- and turn on late night cable tv- women bathing- great view from the rooftops. Feed those desires- invite her over. Give into adultery. Sleep with her. Give into deception- plan a coverup where it looks like Uriah got her pregnant. And finally… commit murder.

I’ll post the rest of it in my next blog.

You can listen to the entire interview here.

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Connection Between Pop Music and Depression

Posted on: 04/19/11 12:58 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Earlier this month USNews.com posted an article with some fascinating findings about the connection between pop music and depression.

I encourage you to check out the entire article, but here’s just a snippet:

…in terms of media exposure, the more they (children) listened to music (via MP3 or CD players), the greater the likelihood of having major depressive disorder.

When the researchers divided media exposure into four levels, ranging from least to most exposure, they found each increasing level of music exposure was associated with an 80 percent increase in depression risk.

In contrast, exposure to print media was linked to a lower risk for depression. With each increasing level of exposure to print media, depression risk dropped by 50 percent.

TV, Internet, and video game exposure was not found to have a statistically significant association with depression risk one way or the other.

You can read the entire article HERE for context.

One thing I really like about the article is the fact that they acknowledge the chicken or the egg dilemma (my wording) with this kind of study. In other words, are songs making kids depressed, or are depressed kids listening to more music to cope? The article basically contends, we don’t know which… but there’s a noticeable connection.

As a guy who has three teenagers of his own, works with junior high students, and studies pop culture for a living, here’s my own observations:

1. Music affects our kids way more than they think. If you’ve read my blog for even a few months, you’ve seen me cite  the research over an over again.

2. Parents need to do a better job at monitoring the time our kids spend saturating media. Don’t take it from me, don’t take it from Dobson… take it from doctors at the Kaiser Foundation or The American Academy of Pediatrics. The research is overwhelming: we need to take notice of anything that takes up this much time in our kids’ lives. And we also need to set healthy media boundaries. I spend a whole chapter talking about this in my parenting book.

3. Consider a media fast. Call me extreme, but I’ve seen it work. All three of my kids just left for mission trips this week, mission trips that required each kid to choose something to fast from for one month. My son Alec, by his own choosing, fasted from video games for a month, my 15-year-old Alyssa fasted from TV and any music that wasn’t worship music, my 13-year-old Ashley did the same. This is the second year they’ve done this fast and the results were amazing. We spent more time in conversation and Bible this past month than in years. THE KEY: This was kid driven. They chose what they needed to fast from. I don’t recommend that all parents try to get their kids to fast from media for a whole month. But as parents build solid relationships with their kids and talk about these issues, they can easily suggest that the family tries a one day fast? Maybe a week?

Last week I was hanging with a junior high kid who I had been noticing some odd behaviors from. While the other kids were hanging out and talking with each other, he was isolating himself and listening to his iPod. I chatted with him for a while, then later, when he had his ear buds in, I asked him, “Hey, whatcha listening to?” I put my hand out like I wanted to see his iPod. He hesitated, then handed it to me. He was listening to Eminem (explicit in more ways than one).

I was talking with my daughter Ashley about this experience a few days later and she asked me, “How come you always want to see a kid’s iPod, Dad?”

I smiled. “Because the iPod is the window to the heart.”

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Getting Kids Talking Using Dawn Treader

Posted on: 04/4/11 6:44 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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You’ve heard me say it countless times, “Look for any opportunity to get kids talking.”

Most parents and youth workers would love opportunities to get kids to share their thoughts and feelings about real life issues. I want to help you by putting as many tools in your hands to help you do this. This week, the front page of our www.TheSource4YM.com web page is featuring a brand new MOVIE CLIP DISCUSSION using two different online clips from the movie Voyage of the Dawn Treader to get kids talking about overcoming temptation.

Rather than me yapping about it… just take a peek here. Everything you need is there, including the clips, questions, scripture and a wrap up.

If you read it or use it, be sure to add your comment and/or rating to it and let us know what you think.

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Teaching Kids Lasting Values

Posted on: 03/28/11 8:23 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Have today’s parents just given up?

Then why is it that the average U.S. parent continues to lower the bar morally for their kids?

  • Do you think parents should allow their 14-year-old girls to dress however they like?
  • Should parents permit their middle school students to download, listen to, and watch whatever they want?
  • Are parents oblivious of what their teenagers are truly doing on a given Friday night?

Sadly, anyone who habitually hangs out in the world of young people knows that all of the random reflections above are overwhelmingly accurate about a majority of U.S. parents today. (Skeptical? Have you been on a public school campus lately? Have you seen the songs that frequent the typical kids’ iPods? Have you observed teenagers at a school dance recently?)

Is ignorance an excuse?

This week, for our Youth Culture Window article I’m including a timely excerpt from my new book, CANDID CONFESSIONS OF AN IMPERFECT PARENT, encouraging parents that they don’t need to lower their standards. While the world around us is lowering the bar, it’s okay to raise the bar and actually teach our kids lasting values.

Click here for that article, RAISING THE BAR: Parents Teaching Their Kids Lasting Values

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Not Soft on Hell… Nor Excited about It

Posted on: 03/8/11 12:25 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Why is it that when it comes to the subject of Hell, some people seem to either bring it up too much, while others want to suppress the truth of the matter?

A lotta hype about Hell in Christian circles lately, much of it is because speaker/author/pastor Rob Bell seems to be coming out with some pretty radical conclusions about Hell. This New York Times article  provides just a glimpse at the controversy.

My response?

I’ve been watching some people throw some pretty big rocks at each other over this one. So I’m going to try to speak candidly, but without criticism. Seriously… I’m going to try!

And rather than just sharing my take on this, I emailed a couple friends and asked for their two cents because I really respect their opinions. So I’m going to chime in with my two cents, but I’m also going to share what Dan Kimball and David R. Smith shared with me. Then I’m going link some resources for your reference.

My two cents: We need more compassion, and a theology that is unchanged by emotions.

MORE COMPASSION:
Rob has always had a heart for the lost– a very admirable and Christ-like quality. If you’ve ever met someone with a heart for the lost, you might also notice, they grow very frustrated with people who are abrasive to the lost. It comes with the package. Rob reveals this frustration (not a bad thing at all, in my opinion) in his new video about his upcoming book Love Wins, telling the story of an incident at an art show at his church. One of the pieces at this show had a Gandhi quote and someone felt the need to post a note to that quote, writing, “Reality check. He’s in Hell.”

It’s really sad when God’s people forget about love.

Yesterday I was interacting with a few people on our Facebook page about this whole controversy. I commented to someone. People with good theology need to remember that even “good theology” is still just a clanging cymbal without love (I Corinthians 13).

So I praise Bell’s compassion for sinners. That being said, I hope that Rob also doesn’t put on emotionally-distorted reading glasses when reading the truth of God’s Word. As believers, we need to cling to the truth. We need…

A THEOLOGY UNCHANGED BY EMOTIONS
Let me start by going on the record. I wish I could go soft on Hell. The concept of eternal separation from God is an uncomfortable reality. I wish I could believe it wasn’t true. I really do.

But truth wins.

In Rob’s video he says the following:

“Will only a few select people make it to heaven? And will billions and billions of people burn forever in Hell?”

He goes on to say,

“Millions and millions of people were taught that the primary message, the center of the Gospel of Jesus is that God is going to send you to Hell unless you believe in Jesus. And so what gets subtly sort of caught and taught is that Jesus rescues you from God. But what kind of God is that that we would need to be rescued from this God. How could that God be good. How can that God be trusted. And how can that ever be good news. This is why lots of people want nothing to do with the Christian faith. They see it as a endless list of absurdities and inconsistencies.”

He concludes his thoughts with a nice pitch for his new book.

“The good news is actually better than that, better than we could ever imagine. The good news is that love wins.”

We don’t know exactly how this is going to play out in his book, Love Wins, because it isn’t released yet. (Mental Note: This is a pretty dang good way to sell books. Raise a controversy that requires even your critics to have to buy your book just to try to prove you wrong.) That’s why I’m not going to go on the record and criticize his theology, because I haven’t read his book yet. But in his sermons and videos, I have to say, Rob is definitely treading on some dangerous ground here. His video alone seems to convey that mere “belief in Jesus” isn’t good news. After all, this is an uncomfortable fact to unbelievers.

Hmmmm.  It seems to me that after Jesus laid out the “uncomfortable” truth to the crowds in John 6, a bunch of people didn’t want anything to do with him then either.

I’m not going to say anymore yet… because who knows where his book is going.

My friend, author/speaker, Dan Kimball, can’t comment on the book either, because he hasn’t read it. But Dan has wrestled with the topic of hell and other difficult subjects and says this:  (giving me permission to share with you all)

I would love to be a Jesus-died-for-all-universalist. I would love to be an annihilist. I would love to be pro-gay theologically. But from the immense amount of reading, studying the Scriptures, praying, and reading different viewpoints. From looking at church history from the beginning and various beliefs and the culture they developed in…..and looking at contemporary doctrinal beliefs and their history…and personally having talked to scholars over the years that I respect about these very issues like NT Wright, Scot McKnight, Roger Olson, John Walton and the late Stan Grenz……  I find I personally cannot believe those things, although my emotions surely would like to. And it fits so well in culture today. It would be easier being in ministry in our culture today, holding those views for sure. But I cannot compromise what I am convicted that the Scriptures do teach about these things. But how we then teach about them, speak about them etc. is of great, great importance. I think many (especially younger people who don’t have a breadth of knowing church history and patterns of the past) are turned away from these doctrines often not even by the doctrine itself as much as how Christian leaders have taught about them and their attitudes towards others who believe differently.

David R. Smith chimed in as well.

It’s hard to know where Rob Bell will go with this. The videos certainly hint toward a universalist belief, and if they don’t go there, then the publicity certainly was misleading, which says something in itself.

If Rob Bell’s “new treatise” on hell claims a universalist mindset, then it is not new at all. In fact, it’s an issue that thousands of biblical scholars have wrestled with over hundreds of years. Universalists aim to make Christianity more appealing and/or convenient (whether they admit that or not). But if one were to strip the Bible of hell, he actually makes the Christian message far less appealing. That might sound strange, but consider these ramifications if there is no hell.

God is a liar. Jesus talked about hell far too often for it to not exist. It was in His warnings, amongst His parables, and even a part of His Revelation. There was no doubt in His mind that hell existed; He created it! So to concede hell is to concede a truth-telling God. Thus, I won’t concede either one.  

God is a sissy. Everyone who’s ever experienced life on Earth has seen injustice, oppression, evil, sin, and wickedness. In many places around the globe, these dark forces run rampant and unchecked. But God, the ultimate Judge, has decided there will be justice and recompense for those who have suffered at the hands of unrepentant sinners. If God will not judge nations and individuals (as the Bible says He will), He’s nothing more than a cosmic wimp who needs to apologize to 6 million Jews murdered in the Holocaust, and millions more killed in tyrannies around the world. Again, this is a concession that is too expensive to make.    

Ultimately, the reality of hell ties into God’s nature. Rob Bells sees this truth, too, and if his book goes soft on hell (we’ll see soon), then he just misinterprets its impact on God’s character. Regardless of what Bell says, I will continue to believe in a God who tells the truth and will one day judge perfectly and righteously.

I promised you some resources about Hell. Here’re two:

1. Dan Kimball, not only a friend, but a man who’s faith and knowledge of scripture I really respect, wrote an amazing article in Outreach Magazine last year, Teaching the Truth About Hell. This is a great resource to refer to.

2. You can listen to Dan and I talk about hell in our podcast last year, The Podcast from Hell.

Your thoughts?

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Are You a “Parent”… or a “Friend”?

Posted on: 02/22/11 10:12 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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Friend, or parent? Which is it?

In my last blog I highlighted the GQ interview of Billy Ray Cyrus, Mr. Hannah Montana’s Achy Broken Heart. an insightful article, really. I mentioned that the article contained some great pieces of this interview worth discussing.

TWO OBSERVATIONS FOR DISCUSSION- PART II:  (Click here for Part I)

2. Friend vs. Parent

Part II is more of a discussion for parents to have with other parents (as opposed to Part I, which was a discussion that parents could use with their kids). I find this article particularly timely because last week, the day I read this Billy Ray interview, I had just finished blogging about our kids perspective and the balance between rules and a relationship. In that blog I brought up the fact that we need to listen to our kids, but at the same time know when to put our foot down and say, “Sorry, you’re not going to do that.”

Billy ray seems to be regretting his approach to parenting as he looks back with 20/20 vision. Here’s an excerpt from the GQ interview, where Billy Ray is wondering whether his lack of discipline was a mistake:

“How many interviews did I give and say, ‘You know what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids’? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, ‘You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.’ Well, I’m the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, ‘Enough is enough—it’s getting dangerous and somebody’s going to get hurt.’ I should have, but I didn’t. Honestly, I didn’t know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere.”
(GQ.com, Mr. Hannah Montana’s Achy Broken Heart, by Chris Heath, Page 3)

What do you think? Is Billy right? “You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.”

My quick take:

We always need to be ready to “be the parent” and be willing to put our foot down, even if it means sacrificing a little in popularity points with our kids. But, please. Don’t use this to swing so far to the polar opposite side of the spectrum so that we are never relational with our kids– talking, laughing, joking. It doesn’t have to be “either/or.” It can be “both/and.” You can be a parent, and still invest in your kids relationally.

Last week in a youth ministry interview I was asked:

“In your book Connect you talk a lot about getting to know kids on a one-on-one basis. Do you believe it’s possible to become so connected with students that they see you more as a peer and you lose your influence in their lives?”

My response- edited for brevity:

I think parents struggle with this as well. “If I spend too much time being their buddy, will I not be seen as their parent?”

I wonder if Christ was accused of that when he descended to earth to become human.

There’s no danger in humbling yourself to be relational- to listen, to laugh, to play. The only danger would be if you lower your standards and try to be something you’re not, or allow yourself to do something inappropriate in effort to “be accepted.” This is a twisting of a good thing. There’s never anything wrong with a coach, a parent, a teacher, or a youth worker spending time listening to a kid share their heart…throwing a Frisbee… cheering together at a football game… laughing through a comedy. I bet more kids wish their dads would be there to do these activities. These activities actually earn trust and help the kid respect dad, or coach, or pastor Jason when he has to put the foot down and say, “Sorry, but you’re not going to do that.”

This is a balance we talk about in much greater detail in my parent workshops.

What about you? Where are you with Billy Ray’s statement: “You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.”

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Billy Ray’s Hindsight

Posted on: 02/18/11 12:06 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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My mom always told me, “Hindsight is 20/20.

Billy Ray is starting to see clearly in retrospection… and his heart is aching.

Yesterday I read the GQ interview of Billy Ray Cyrus, Mr. Hannah Montana’s Achy Broken Heart. a fantastic article. It really made me feel compassion for the guy. Some great pieces of this interview worth discussing with our kids. (Funny, I read this interview just after blogging about parenting yesterday where I briefly touched on some of these issues.)

TWO OBSERVATIONS FOR DISCUSSION:  (I’ll highlight one today, and one in my next blog)

1. The Highway to Darkness

This excerpt of the article (edited down a little by me below) is an amazing discussion springboard about how we need to be careful what we pursue and who we surround ourselves with:

When they first came to Hollywood for Hannah Montana, the two of them would drive down the freeway together to the studio each morning, and every day Miley would point out the sign that said
ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY
ATHEISTS UNITED
Just before moving out to Los Angeles, the whole family had been baptized together by their pastor at the People’s Church in Franklin, Tennessee. “It was Tish’s idea,” he (Billy Ray) remembers. “She said, ‘We’re going to be under attack, and we have to be strong in our faith and we’re all going to be baptized…'” And there, driving to work each day in the City of Angels, was this sign. “A physical sign. It could have easily said ‘You will now be attacked by Satan.’ ‘Entering this industry, you are now on the highway to darkness…'”
And do you see the show as a big part of what has made things not work in your family?
“Oh, it’s huge—it destroyed my family…
Do you wish Hannah Montana had never happened?
“I hate to say it, but yes, I do. Yeah. I’d take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just be everybody okay, safe and sound and happy and normal, would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I’d erase it all in a second if I could.”
(GQ.com, Mr. Hannah Montana’s Achy Broken Heart, by Chris Heath, Page 5)

Here are some quick questions– of the top of my head– to ask our kids after reading this:

1. What signs do you see that might be warnings of temptations or influences to avoid?

2. Miley’s mom Tish predicted that they were going to be under attack– what did she do to prepare for attack? Is there something magical about baptism? (Or is baptism, perhaps, a sign of allowing Christ to direct us and clean us spiritually?)

3. Why do you think Billy Ray is regretting the path the family took? (Some of his regrets are detailed in other parts of the interview)

4. What do you think a family can do in this “dark” world to be prepared for temptations we’ll face?

Read Romans 12:1,2.

5. What does this passage say to not be conformed to?

6. How does this passage say we are to be transformed?

7. What can we do to better allow God to transform our minds? What are some of the distractions we might need to unplug from our head? What might we need to put into our head more?

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Parenting- from a High School Girl’s Perspective

Posted on: 02/17/11 10:00 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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Last Saturday I was preparing to teach a 4 hour parent workshop in a small church in Antelope, CA when a high school girl came Kaitlyn walked up to me with her friend and said, “Are you the guy that’s going to be training our parents?”

How’s that for a loaded question?

I smiled and said, “Yep, that’s me. Got any suggestions?”

She said, “As a matter of fact, I wrote a list of things that you should address.” She returned the smile and handed me a sheet of paper with 7 points handwritten in blue pen.

I quickly looked over her 7 pieces of advice for parents and asked her, “Can we look at some of these right now?” Kaitlyn agreed.

I read #1 out loud:

1. Do not wake up kids anytime before 9AM on Saturday.

My eyes looked up at her from her list, “What time did they wake you up this morning?”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “8 AM.”

I nodded disapprovingly. “Sinful! Every parent should know better than that. Let’s look at #2.”

2. Do not talk down to their kids.

I asked Kaitlyn. Give me an example.

Without hesitation, Kaitlyn’s friend blurted out, “Why aren’t you ever home! Why don’t you do your chores!”

With equal speed I inquired back, “Do you do your chores? Are you ever home?”

“Yes, and no.” She replied candidly. “Sometimes I do my chores, but I don’t want to be home because they’re always yelling at me.”

“Hmmmmm.” I stroked my chin. “So how do you wish they’d communicate with you when you don’t do what you’re supposed to?”

Kaitlyn interjected, “They can talk with me like I’m an adult you know!”

The conversation went on for about 5 minutes as people were finishing setup for the workshop. It was a fun interaction. The encounter with Kaitlyn and her friend kept the “teenage perspective” fresh in my mind, warming me up for the parenting workshop.

A few hours into the workshop I read Kaitlyn’s list to the parents and we talked about some of them. One thing we noticed was an underlying desire for conversation rather than overreaction. And her point #7 surprised many of the parents- a call for consistancy from us in discipline. I addressed both of these issues in the workshop.

Here’s her entire list- exactly as written by Kaitlyn.

1. Do not wake up kids anytime before 9:00 AM on Saturday.

2. Do not talk down to your kids.

3. Grounding does not work.

4. Your family is a team, not a government.

5. Ask God for help when you need it.

6. Don’t argue with your kids. Discuss, and assist the situation.

7. Stay firm to what you say.

I love Kaitlyn’s aspiration for conversation. Yes, I wouldn’t agree with everything Kaitlyn said here, but the point is… this is her perspective. This is what she’s feeling. There’s a lot to learn here.

A few months ago my daughter Alyssa was really frustrated with me because I wouldn’t let her go somewhere with her friends. She ended up stomping off, calling me unfair and marching to her room. A half hour later I talked with her about the situation. I asked her to do something. I gave her a piece of paper and told her to write out, “I wish my dad would just…” and write as many of those as she wanted. I told her, “Tomorrow, when we go out for breakfast, I’ll listen to each one of these.” (We go out to breakfast once a week- just me and Lyssy)

I actually describe the whole incident in my upcoming parenting book so I won’t spoil it here. But it was a fantastic conversation. She expressed things to me that I needed to hear. And, after I truly listened to her feelings, she readily accepted where I had to put the foot down and just say, “Sorry, you’re not going to do that.”

It was really a landmark moment in our relationship. And it started with me truly listening to her perspective.

I look forward to talking more on this subject to many of you in my parent workshops at your churches this year.

What do you notice from Kaitlyn’s list?

What can you do to better hear your kids’ perspective?

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Gaga “Born This Way”

Posted on: 02/7/11 6:03 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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For someone typically so immersed in mystery, her lyrics are crystal clear on this occasion:

I’m beautiful in my way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track baby
I was born this way

Lady Gaga has posted the lyrics to her upcoming song, “Born This Way.” The message of the song is hard to miss. So we dove into the lyrics and provided our two cents in our new Youth Culture Window article, Born This Way: The Theological, Moral, and Scientific Revelations of Lady Gaga’s New Song.

I wanted to let you– my blog subscribers– know first. Our entire EZINE list will receive an email tomorrow morning!

Here’s just a snippet.

If we were to sum up this song’s message, we’d say, “Lady Gaga believes homosexuals are born that way, so let them live that lifestyle because they cannot help it.” As lovingly and respectfully as we can, we must say, there’s a lot about this song, and its message, that’s intrinsically wrong and internally incongruent. Just take a look at some of the key lyrics in this song to see for yourself.

For starters, Lady Gaga encourages her listeners to “just love yourself and you’re set.” Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as that. Honestly, we sometimes wish it was! But it’s simply not. If a guy goes around shooting other people – but loves himself – is he “set” by cultural standards? Just ask anybody impacted by the actions of Jared Loughner. You’ll get a resounding “no!”

Is the woman who displays wrathful anger to everyone a perfectly capable benchmark for civility…so long as she loves herself? Is the kid who steals from others (to sustain a drug habit) off the hook because he loves himself? Nope and nope.

Although a healthy self esteem is a good thing, I’m not “set” just because I happen to love me. Neither are you. Neither is Lady Gaga.

CLICK HERE FOR THE WHOLE ARTICLE

I’m eager to see your comments on the bottom of that article!

Last week I asked for your prayers as David and I worked on this article. Thank you for your prayers and the emails/comments of encouragement. It’s a delicate subject in today’s “politically correct” world. Frankly, much of that is our (Christians) own fault because we’ve been unfair to homosexuals in the past– holding them to an even higher standard than the rest of us sinners.

That opens up a whole nother can of worms. So… you’re getting a double-whammy this week. We also posted another article from David and I: Coming Out of the Closet…and Into the Church: What Should the Church Do About Homosexuality? This article tackles the issue of homosexuality for the sake of youth leaders and adult mentors who need to provide answers to the questions that our teenagers are asking us– questions like, “Isn’t homosexuality okay now? Can’t they NOT help it?” Adults need to be able to answer these questions and provide a Biblical basis for compassion AND the unchanging truth of the Word of God.

Happy reading!

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