Sharing Your Faith Without Being Pushy

Posted on: 08/10/11 4:18 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My daughters announced to me last week that they were going to downtown Sacramento on Saturday morning with some of their friends to give homeless people coffee and donuts. This wasn’t an official youth group activity; this was just a bunch of kids wanting to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

I asked them, “Are you just feeding them, or are you going to talk with them too?”

This always brings up an interesting response- actually, a polarized response. People, in my opinion are usually ready to do too much or too little. They are either planning on saying nothing, or pelting them with tracts and unsolicited Gospel presentations.

Again… a difficult balance to find.

Where’s the answer?

I’m pondering this a little more than usually at the moment, because the last few days I’ve been adding the finishing touches on the participants’ guide to the new Zondervan/Youth Specialties DVD curriculum I’m writing, teaching young people how to share their faith without scaring their friends away.

The curriculum is almost to the production stage. I asked your input on titles a while back, and this week the publisher made the final choice (UPDATE TO THIS BLOG- they changed the title AGAIN! So this now reflects the new title).

REAL CONVERSATIONS

Then they’re gonna add the subtitle: Sharing Your Faith Without Being Pushy 

(Don’t ask me when the curriculum will be released. I really don’t know. We’re shooting the video in two weeks.)

It’s been a fun process writing this content and trying to find the difference between spirit-led boldness and plain ol’ pushiness. Personally, I tend to be a little less confrontational one-on-one. Knowing that, I sent a copy of this DVD script to my buddy Greg Stier (who I respect greatly) over at Dare 2 Share Ministries (very bold!) and had him take a look at it. He liked it, but encouraged me to make a few tweaks. I agreed on every instance.

Evangelism is one of those bizarre things that so many people do so differently. We’ve all seen the extreme examples: people holding signs that read REPENT THE END IS NEAR, people standing on street corners yelling into bullhorns, people handing out deceptive tracts (a fake $20 bill with a message on the back, “Don’t worry, this is much more valuable than gold or silver…”)

We’ve also seen the polar opposite: sitting and doing nothing, or just feeding people with our lips sealed tightly, except to mutter a questionably accurate quote from St. Francis of Assisi.

Where’s the balance between pushiness and silence?

My wife Lori had a great experience during Easter break earlier this year. She went with our church youth group to the “Tenderloin” in San Francisco to serve with a local rescue mission. This district full of “single room occupancy” residences (dare I say “slums”) has a reputation of drugs, alcohol, and prostitution.

Lori and a bunch of junior higher students went door to door in some of these single room occupancy locations doing “meal delivery.” The concept was simple. They knocked and said, “Meal delivery.” When someone answered the door (usually high, sometimes naked), Lori and the kids would greet the person, shake their hand (these people weren’t used to being touched), then hold out the meal and say, “We have a free meal for you from the local rescue mission.” The people weren’t required to hear a sermon or listen to a pitch—it was just a warm greeting and a free meal, no strings attached.

Most often people were eager to get the free meal and many said thanks. One of the rescue mission workers that Lori was really impressed with—a 18 or 19-year-old kid named Vince—would usually reach out his hand at this point and place it on the shoulder of the person they were visiting and sincerely ask, “Do you have something you’d like me to pray for?”

Lori said that about 80% of the people would share a prayer request. Vince would always say, “Well let me pray for you right now.” And would pray with them in the doorway.

Many of these conversations led to talking about Jesus and his message of love and grace.

Some didn’t.

Funny, I don’t find it necessary to be pushy with the Gospel message… but I don’t find it Biblical to be silent.

Hmmmmm. That balance again!

Apes, WW2 Soldiers, Kids with Super 8 Cameras…

Posted on: 08/8/11 2:54 PM | by Jonathan McKee

This has been a pretty good summer for movies, with a large number of family-friendly-flicks available.

This is refreshing news for parents, because if we learned one thing on Fox’s Teen Choice Awards last night (here’s our recap of what you can learn about pop-youth-culture from the Teen Choice Awards), it’s that kids are watching more raunchy (and R-rated) movies than ever before.

It’s nice to know that we have a few decent picks in the smorgasbord of movie choices. Here’s a glimpse of some of the ones I think are worth it for families with links to my full reviews from our MOVIE REVIEWS & QUICK Q’s page:

1. Rise of the Planet of the Apes: For parents of teenagers, this film is a fun option. Those of you who follow me on Twitter received my tweets from the midnight premier of this film last Thursday night. I brought my own three teenagers to the opening and all of us enjoyed it immensely!

The film avoided any raunchy talk or sexual situations. Parents will just want to use discernment because of the PG-13 violence. I give my detailed thoughts about Rise of the Planet of the Apes as well as some discussion questions here.

2. Captain America: I’ve already blogged about how refreshing Captain America is compared to other films of late. Here’s a film with good ol’ fashion values, emphasizing the importance of internal character over external features. This film is probably one of my favorite films of the year for provoking discussion with kids. It’s an easy conversation piece because most kids love the film and it’s not preachy in any way.

We provide some good discussion questions you can use in our detailed review of the film.

3. Super 8: This film was probably my favorite film of the year. I would have no hesitation bringing teenagers to this film. The most objectionable thing is the swearing. Sadly, kids are so used to swearing these days that the PG-13 language in this film hardly will phase them.

J.J. Abrams (Star Trek, Mission Impossible 3 & 4, TV’s Lost and Fringe…) brings this wonderful story to the screen, a nostalgic tale of a group of kids in 1979 (yes, I was a kid then) who are shooting a super 8 film when they witness a catastrophic train crash. Soon, inexplicable events begin occurring  and this small group of friends start to uncover the truth.

This film reminded me of what E.T. was to me in 1980 (a little language in that one too), a really fun  and suspenseful film.

Todd wrote up a full review and discussion questions for this film here.

NODS:
I think we would be remiss to not give a nod to a few other films like Cowboys & Aliens (this film has a great scene that provokes discussion), Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Kung Fu Panda 2, and Thor.

VIDEO RELEASES:
I also have to mention some great family options for rent:

Soul Surfer (amazing film)
Rio
Arthur (yes, this film surprised me big time!)
True Grit

I’m sure I’ve missed some, but those are the films that I was compelled to tell you about… from one movie fan to another.

Teenage Perspective on Parenting

Posted on: 08/5/11 11:46 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Have you ever asked your own kids for parenting advice?

It’s a sobering little exercise, and I’ve discovered two environments where we can try it: one-on-one, or in a program setting. (Both will yield two different types of results)

For those of you willing to try this, don’t underestimate the insight you can gain listening to a teenage perspective about parenting. I’m not saying that they know all the answers (some think they do), but it’s valuable to hear their point of view and have a good understanding of how our teenagers feel.

Here’s two opportunities to listen:

ONE-ON-ONE:
In my book, Candid Confessions of an Imperfect Parent, I share a story of a conversation I had with my daughter Alyssa at breakfast. (During the school year I take each of my teenage girls to breakfast once a week for Daddy-daughter time. Alec and I did lunch each week this year.) This particular week had been a rough one for Alyssa and she was mad at me for some of the boundaries I imposed on her. So I asked her to make a list. I proposed, “If you could communicate 5 things to me and you knew I would listen and take them to heart, what would you tell me?”

That little task yielded great results. Alyssa poured her heart out telling me some deep feelings that she felt I wasn’t hearing. Things like, “Why don’t you trust me?”

Our breakfast conversation that week was powerful. We were able to talk about how trust is earned. I didn’t just respond with, “You’re just a kid-what do you know!” Instead I listened, looking for her feelings. Then, on the quest for answers, I kept putting the ball in her court, asking questions like, “Well, what boundaries do you think I should give you?” (I go into greater detail in my book) That particular breakfast conversation was landmark in Alyssa and my relationship.

PROGRAM SETTING:
Youth workers and/or church leaders can create opportunities to hear the teenage perspective on parenting in a program setting. I’m doing that this Sunday at my own church.

My church has a parent fellowship group that meet together during the Sunday school hour every Sunday. About 50 to 75 parents of teens meet together each week for fellowship and some teaching time. I’m acting as a lay leader right now, bringing in speakers each week to teach God’s word, talking about real life issues like parenting, marriage, etc. This week, I’m bringing four teenagers from four different families into our class to sit on a panel where I will ask them questions about their perspective on parenting. Each teenager is being given the questions in advance (as a matter of fact, I’m using this blog to provide them the questions- I’m texting each of them and saying, “Get the questions from my blog today.” Today’s teenagers check text more than email.) I told them to answer honestly, but review the answers with their parents. This point of this exercise isn’t to surprise their parents or air dirty laundry (this isn’t Springer).

This will work well because of the kids I’ve chosen. Three of the four kids are in their first year or two in college (18 and 19 years old), and one is an upperclassman in high school. All these kids are solid. Not perfect… but it’s clear that they love Christ and their relationship with Him is foundational in their lives. The parents of these kids are doing a great job raising Godly kids. Granted, these parents don’t all use the same parenting style. I think the parents in our class can gain incredible insight from the kids different perspectives.

Here’s the questions I’m asking them:

1. What is one of the greatest memories that you have with your parents?

2. Describe a time when you got into big trouble and how your parents responded?

3. What is one rule or boundary that your parents enforced on you as a teenager that you didn’t like at the time, but now, in hindsight, you see the value of?

4. What is one parenting principle that your parents practiced that you will definitely use with your own kids someday.

5. Name one thing that your parents practiced with you that you probably won’t do with your own kid? (For the four of you young people reading this– talk to your parents honestly about this and make sure they’re comfortable with your answer since this is in front of all their friends.)

6. If you could give one piece of parenting advice to the parents in this room and you know they would listen and take the advice to heart– what would you tell them? (talk with your parents about this answer to)

Then I’m going to open it up for the parents in the room to ask questions to the panel.

Parents… are you asking questions?

Are you listening?

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The Day Off

Posted on: 08/4/11 12:27 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I’m taking the day off today for my best friend’s birthday.

This isn’t something I can do with just anyone, but hey… she’s my best friend, and I wanted to celebrate her day with her.

We’re gonna start the morning with a run. We always run together. This probably isn’t our top choice birthday activity, but we try to run together 4 days a week anyway, and this will help ease the guilt when we splurge on dinner later in the evening.

After the run we’re gonna go shoe shopping. I know, I know… a guy… shoe shopping? I don’t know why, but something about seeing her look as sexy as she does in a pair of heels makes the whole experience worth it. So I’ll go on the record. “I like shoe shopping!” Besides, I’ve saved up for this. I know this is what she wants.

Then we’ll probably grab some authentic Mexican food for lunch at this cheap little place by our house. Great chips and salsa!

After hanging out together all afternoon we’re off to dinner at a place she loves… I can’t wait.

20 years of marriage with this girl and I’m still madly in love! No better way to spend my day off then celebrating Lori’s birthday.

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During Shark Week!

Posted on: 08/2/11 4:26 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Has anyone else noticed the timely release of Soul Surfer this week… during Shark Week?

I don’t know about you, but Shark Week is always a fun time in my house each year. Maybe it’s because Alec and I both loved sharks as a kid, or maybe it’s because each of us has some deep dark fear of what’s beneath us in the ocean. Regardless, the TV in our house is tuned into The Discovery Channel this week to watch special after special about sharks, shark attacks, shark repellent… you name it. And what better week to release Soul Surfer, the incredible true story of shark attack survivor Bethany Hamilton.

Some of you might remember me blogging about my experience bringing my family to see Soul Surfer in the theatre. We’re a bunch of film nerds in my family (seriously- if you bring up a good film to my 13-year-old daughter Ashley, she’ll probably tell you who directed it), so we’re not easy to please. Soul Surfer did the trick.

If you haven’t seen this film yet, definitely rent it this week, have a bunch of kids over and watch it. We even provided some fun discussion questions in our official review of the film on our Movie Reviews and Quick Q’s page.

No Consequences- A Glimpse at the Top 10

Posted on: 08/1/11 11:56 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Every week or so I like to take a little tour through iTunes’ top 10 songs just to familiarize myself with the content of the most popular songs that young people are saturating in day after day. This morning, I thought I’d take you on this tour with me. I won’t hit every song… but I’ll give you a birds’ eye view.

The first thing I notice is what songs are still hanging on the charts that have been riding the charts for weeks (or months) now.

The #1 song, Party Rock Anthem, by LMFAO (yes, that acronym means what you think it means), is still #1 and has been for weeks, actually months now. This song also claims the #1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart where it has sat for months (it’s been on that chart for 18 weeks now).

The video is also one of the most popular videos (currently #2 on iTunes, playing teeter totter with Katy’s Last Friday Night) and features some amazing dancing. The video isn’t very raunchy (other than the typical girls in revealing clothes gyrating), but the song offers some interesting lyrics that most our kids know pretty well after 18 weeks of hearing this song again, and again, and again…

In the club party rock, lookin’ for your girl? She on my jock
Nonstop when we in the spot, booty movin’ weight like she on the block
Where the drank? I gots to know, tight jeans, tattoo ’cause I’m rock ‘n’ roll
Half black, half white, domino, game the money, op-a-doe

Yo, I’m runnin’ through these ho’s like Drano…

Lyrics like these usually slip under the radar of parents. Phrases like “on my jock” (which usually means that she’s my girl, often implying sexual activity) and “running through these ho’s” (ho’s is kindly bleeped out of the video lyrics) are just subtle phrases typical of this genre. Kids would most likely call this song “clean,” after all, no cusswords. But the message of the song is clear: partying, drinking, and dancing is where it’s at! And if you think that sounds innocent, then keep reading the lyrics:

One more shot for us, another round
Please fill up my cup, don’t mess around
We just wanna see you shake it now
Now you wanna be, you’re naked now

Enough said.

The #3 song, Last Friday Night, by Katy Perry has also been on the top of the chart since mid June. The song has been on the Billboard Hot 100 for 9 weeks, currently sitting at #2 there. This song, another drink, party… and then do it all again next weekend song clearly pounds the message “our actions have no consequences.” No need to dissect this song, I already blogged about it and it’s still #1 video mid June when it first hit #1.

The #7 song, Super Bass, by Nicki Minaj is another song that has been in the top 10 for literally months. The song sits #4 on the Billboard Hot 100, a chart it has been on for 13 weeks now. The video is #4 on iTunes and shows Nicki and her girls half dressed giving what would best be described as lap dances to a bunch of guys. The lyrics are actually deemed “explicit,” no surprise with lines like this:

He just gotta give me that look, when he give me that look
Then the panties comin’ off, off, unh

Nicki rarely refrains from this type of talk.

The #9 song, Give me Everything, by Pitbull, has also been on the top of the chart for months. The song has been on the Billboard Hot 100 for 17 weeks now, currently riding at #3 (#2 last week).

The song simply says, “Give me Everything Tonight” over and over again, and I assure you, he’s not ordering condiments for his hot dog (no pun intended).

The #10 song, Rolling in the Deep, by Adele, is the king of this particular cluster of songs. The song has been in the top 10 for literally half a year, riding at #1 for much of that. The song is currently #5 on the Billboard Hot 100, having been on that chart for 29 weeks now.

This song is well-written, agonizing words from someone recovering from a breakup. It’s one of the few songs on the top of the charts that I actually like right now.

But the iTunes top 10 also features some newcomers, including the #2 song, Lighters from Eminem and Bruno Mars. The song officially is by a group “Bad meets Evil” which is Eminem and fellow Detroit rapper Royce.

I am really curious to see if they will produce a “clean” version of this song, because the song is so stuffed full of curse words that I don’t know how they could really pull it off. It’s typical Eminem: great beat, very poetic… and filthy.

Another newcomer to the top of the charts is Tonight Tonight, by Hot Chelle Rae. This #4 song was featured on the #1 show on television last week, America’s Got Talent as the group performed it live. I predict the song, now 15 weeks on the Billboard Hot 100, rising even higher on the charts.

The lyrics are pretty synonymous with the others in the top 10:

We’re going at it tonight tonight
There’s a party on the rooftop top of the world
Tonight tonight and were dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign
I don’t know if I’ll make it but watch how good I’ll fake it
Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight

I woke up with a strange tattoo
Not sure how I got it, not a dollar in my pocket

Sound familiar? Have fun tonight, party, dance… wake up the next morning not knowing what happened.

The rest of iTunes top 10 are easy to evaluate yourself. Britney Spears with her typical mindless “I’m gonna lose control” droll, and Lil Wayne with a surprisingly tame song. I encourage you to give these songs a preview and Google the lyrics.

The message seems clear to this younger generation: party, dance, have fun… no consequences. And seeing that these charts reflect the most purchased songs in circulation right now, I can’t help but wonder… do parents really know what their kids are listening to?

Hmmmmmm.