Males… Don’t Believe Her for the Next Three Days

Guys… don’t buy the lie! Don’t you DARE listen when your special girl says any of the following statements in the next few days:

  “Don’t get me anything.” 

  “We don’t need to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year.”

  “I don’t need anything from you… just your love!”

Lies! Don’t believe her! Falsities. Not a shred of truth. Liar, liar, pants on fire!

I’m speaking from experience guys, and thousands of other males have made that fatal mistake… ONCE! (because if we’ve made the mistake once, we’ve never done it again!) I listened to my wife when she said that one year. Valentine’s Day came and went and I took her advice. I didn’t get her a thing. Oh boy was that bad advice!

If she says one of the above statements… she doesn’t mean it. She might think she means it, but she DOES NOT! What she really means is something much deeper and mysterious locked in the deep emotions of the female body. If you could read her mind at the moment, you’d read something like this:

“I don’t need a gift…. but I want one. But that’s selfish of me to want one… isn’t it? So I should let you off the hook… but I really wouldn’t be disappointed if you gave me something. I’d probably actually be really disappointed if you don’t give me anything… but I shouldn’t be that way… so don’t get me something… or do… either way, but if you don’t… I can’t help but wonder if you really like me…”  (This line of thinking goes on way too long to type!)

Bottom line: GIVE THEM SOMETHING! How hard is it? But you might be saying, “Jonathan… I’m poor! I’m a youth worker. The janitor brings home more than me!” If that’s the case, you don’t need to stop by the jewelry store. Heck, just do something! If she likes chocolate, just get her a little chocolate sum-something that says, “I went out of the way to get this for you because I love you.” If she loves flowers, get her flowers. And anything from a gas station doesn’t count! (Costco does count, but you have to go buy a vase somewhere else.)

And, if she told you she doesn’t need anything, she DEFINATELY didn’t mean don’t get her a card. They ALWAYS want a card. So if you’re too pathetic to go and buy a gift, you MUST go at least buy a card. And don’t just sign it. Oh no… you might as well not even buy the card then. You have to write a little note that says something about the card to show that you read the card and chose it just for her, and then add your own commentary on your feelings about what the card was talking about.

Wow… it’s tiring thinking about this. I think I need to go take a nap!

And when she reads this blog and tells you, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” What she’s really saying is, “I’m really mad that we’ve been portrayed as such emotional and selfish creatures! But… I still hope you get me something… if not I won’t get mad… but… it would be nice…” (again… this thinking goes on for a very long time.)

A final plea to all the males. If you’re still thinking, “Not my Sally-Jean (I’m guessing this would cover all the males in Texas and Oklahoma), she’s not like that!” Then you have to ask yourself one thing. “WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE IF YOU JUST BUY HER SOMETHING!”

I promise you. She WON’T get mad if you buy her something anyway. She won’t get mad if you make her breakfast in bed WITH a little card from you. She won’t be upset if expensive flowers arrive at work. She won’t be agitated if she wakes up to find a new outfit from her favorite store hung in the closet. She won’t be angry if you surprise her and take her to dinner at her favorite restaurant. (make reservations now!)

Very little to lose… a lot to gain! Better go shopping!