Another Sexting-related Bullying Suicide

Posted on: 11/29/09 9:36 PM | by Jonathan McKee

David, my director of content development for TheSource4YM.com just emailed me a sad article about an incident only 15 miles from his house in Tampa, FL.

Many of you have heard horror stories about sexting- I’ve blogged about them before. It usually goes like this: girl sends boyfriend nude photo. Girlfriend and boyfriend eventually break up. Boyfriend passes around nude photo. Girlfriend is shamed and reacts… sometimes in suicide.

That’s similar to Hope’s story, as told here by the St. Petersburg Times:

At the end of the school year at Beth Shields Middle School, the taunting got so bad that Hope Witsell’s friends surrounded her between classes. They escorted her down hallways like human shields, fending off insults such as “whore” and “slut.” A few days before, Hope had forwarded a nude photo of herself to a boy she liked — a practice widely known as “sexting.” The image found its way to other students, who forwarded it to their friends. Soon the nude photo was circulating through cell phones at Shields Middle and Lennard High School, according to multiple students at both schools. “Tons of people talk about me behind my back and I hate it because they call me a whore!” Hope wrote in her journal. “And I can’t be a whore i’m too inexperienced. So secretly TONS of people hate me … ” School authorities learned of the nude photo around the end of the school year and suspended Hope for the first week of eighth-grade, which started in August. About two weeks after she returned to school, a counselor observed cuts on Hope’s legs and had her sign a “no-harm” contract, in which Hope agreed to tell an adult if she felt inclined to hurt herself, her family says. The next day, Hope hanged herself in her bedroom. She was 13.

So sad.

Pray for Hope’s family.

And keep talking with our kids about these kinds of issues (we’ve outlined some ways to do this in this article and even provided discussion outlines for you like the one here).

Will Adam Lambert’s Antics Wake Up Parents?

Posted on: 11/24/09 1:38 AM | by Jonathan McKee

It seemed like just another typical American Music Awards. Rihanna revealed…too much, Jay Z rapped about how great he is, Shakira did her little hip thing with a mic stand (I think I saw the mic stand smoking a cigarette just moments later), Gaga… well… was Gaga. But then, to top the night off, Adam gave one of the most graphically sexual performances I have ever seen on network TV.

I’m not talking about one incident…it was throughout the whole performance. Lambert grabbed one of his dancers head and simulated oral sex, he kissed a male band member in true ‘Britney-Madonna’ fashion, dragged dancers on a leash, and even flipped off the audience. Apparently West coast audiences didn’t get to see some of the antics. (You can read more details here if you’re interested)

It seems that artists are testing the waters and seeing just how far they can push the envelope. That’s what the rest of the entertainment industry is doing (Hey! Normal sex isn’t even selling big anymore, let’s try threesomes!)

The thing that has me scratching my head is, “Why are people so shocked?” Don’t get me wrong… I’m glad that people are raising the questions as to if this is appropriate to show on TV. I’m just laughing that people have no problem with everything else we allow on TV.

Is this really that surprising?

Lambert wasn’t shy about retorting to some of the criticism, calling it a double standard since women performers have been “pushing the envelope” for decades.

Some people are definitely upset, with almost every media outlet chiming in about the incident. USA TODAY is taking a poll: entertainment, or over the top?

I definitely think it’s over the top. But so was Shakira… so were about 20 moments during the last MTV VMA’s, so is every episode of CBS’s Two and a Half Men.

Hmmmmmmm.

Maybe this will wake up some of the parents around the world as to what we are teaching this young generation.

Chris and Wayne Moving Up Fast

Posted on: 11/1/09 8:46 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Last Tuesday a new song and video was released by Chris Brown and Lil Wayne, a song called I Can Transform Ya.

I blogged about it earlier in the week, predicting that it would move up the charts fast. Unfortunately, I didn’t know exactly how accurate my guess would be. Today the video (only 5 days old) is already #5 on iTunes, and rapidly moving to the top 10 in downloaded songs. It’s crazy how fast this song is moving up the charts. When I checked iTunes this morning, the video was #7. It has risen 2 spots in just 10 hours!

This song, where Lil Wayne says that he can “transform a good girl to a freak” (my earlier blog about it gave you a glimpse of the lyrics) is the same ol’ trash that hip hop has been dishing out for years. It’s not “explicit” by the world’s standards (no cuss words), it just objectifies women and refers to sex as casually as any other recreational activity.

Sigh.

I’m just sad that I was correct about its rise on the charts.

Keep your eye on it… it will keep rising.

Heroes Also Goes Bi-curious

Posted on: 10/28/09 11:13 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Same sex experimentation is ‘in.’

Last Monday, NBC’s Heroes jumped in the same bandwagon as… well… everyone else with a “same-sex” kiss between Claire and her college room-mate. Secular media critics seem to agree that it’s a slumpbusting publicity stunt.

Media producers such as the money behind Heroes are realizing that it’s not just sex that sells… but two girls kissing sells even bigger! Threesomes? Even better!

Look at popular songs and music videos of late. Britney’s “3” (her song about a threesome) hit #1 two weeks ago. The music video of Black Eyed Peas’ #1 hit I Gotta Feeling featured several shots of girl on girl kissing. Cobra Starship’s Good Girls Go Bad (also in the top 10 a few weeks ago) ends with a girl on girl kiss. No need to go on- it’s everywhere on the music scene.

It’s not new to TV either. MTV’s Real Cancun not only had a threesome in one of their episodes, but also provided a front page teaser for the download so viewers could watch it again and again. Gossip Girl is trying to create buzz about their upcoming “threesome” in an episode on November 9th. MTV.com interviewed Gossip Girl’s Michelle Trachtenberg (sadly, I remember her from watching Ice Princess with my daughters) about the upcoming threesome and she says, “It’s worth waiting for.” The interview is sad, really. The interviewer asks her, “If you had to be in a threesome with two other characters in the show, who would be your pick?” Michelle replies, “All of them!”  (in 10 days our Youth Culture Window page will be featuring an article about this new trend).

Heroes ratings have been dropping and they needed a boost. What better boost to create buzz in today’s world than some girl on girl action. And if you have any doubt about NBC’s intentions, then ask yourself, why is it that they released pictures of the kiss and tried to create buzz about it before the episode even aired? News sources talked about the possibility as early as July. In early October geek sites and numerous other news sources released photos of the kiss, referring to it as a “perfect ratings slumpbuster.” TV.com’s Tim Surette writes:

Let the show’s hottest female character make out with her female college roommate. Bam! Genius! And just so we don’t forget that the kiss is coming next week, they’ve released a still photo.

Genius? Really?

Hardly.

I would tend to agree with this perspective from the National Post:

Two weeks ago I suggested that Claire’s kiss with Gretchen was a transparent publicity stunt designed to bring salivating teenage geeks back to the show. At the time I thought, mistakenly, that the kiss was a one-off destined for the regularly emptied dustbin of television history.
 
Instead, it seems that Heroes’ writers have chosen to elongate this college experimentation cliché in order to dangle the possibility of future Hayden Panettiere lesbian love scenes in front of the aforementioned geeks, seemingly unaware that google and PVRs have long since made actually watching the show a requisite for seeing such action.

It’s not that all lesbian storylines are somehow inherently cynical, they’re not; it’s just that in this particular context the same-sex narrative is about as dramatically credible as the recent lesbian kiss in Megan Fox’s movie Jennifer’s Body. The Claire kiss even received a pre-show publicity blitz similar to one for Jennifer’s Body centred on the promise of a topless Sapphic scene featuring the Transformers starlette. That scene ended up being an unfulfilled promise (left on the cutting room floor), and the geeks saw right through it, kind of like how we can all see through this sad and vaguely offensive attempt to keep Heroes interesting.

I used to enjoy Heroes. The truth of the matter is, the show lost my interest long ago… and Claire’s kiss didn’t bring me back.

Nice try!

Miley in ‘Sex and the City: The Movie’ Sequel

Posted on: 10/19/09 4:11 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I’m DONE sharing my two cents about Miley- I’ll just report the facts. Last time I defended her, she showed up the next day at the Teen Choice Awards… uh… well… just click here if you don’t know.

And now, Miley seems to have made another “interesting” decision, the decision to cameo in the sequel to Sex in the City: The Movie (The MPAA gave the first movie an ‘R’ rating “for strong sexual content, graphic nudity and language”)

Let me back up. Back in 2008 Miley shared with her fans (dare I remind you- girls aged between 6 and 14) that her favorite TV show is HBO’s Sex and the City and she wished that her own Disney kids show could be more like it. (read her exact words here)

Last month, rumors began surfacing that Miley might show up in a cameo in the Sex and the City: The Movie sequel. Now those rumors are confirmed. Miley is going to be in the film as herself, showing up on the red carpet wearing the same dress as Kim Cattrall’s character in the show, Samantha.

Sigh.

Nice collar!

Okay, okay. No other comments from me about that.

I just think that youth workers and parents need to keep in mind that this young lady is definitely a role model to our kids, specifically our young girls. As I type this, her “Party in the USA” song has made it to #1 yet again on iTunes. Miley’s influence is only growing.

She’s in the limelight. The question is, “What are our kids seeing in that light?”

 

Britney’s New Hit about a “Threesome” Jumps to Number One

Posted on: 10/8/09 7:34 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Ooops… she did it again.

Britney has discovered the secret to releasing number one songs- over-the-top sexuality!

On September 29th Britney released a new single called “3” … a song about a ménage a trios. Here’s a glimpse of the lyrics:

Merrier the more
Triple fun that way
Twister on the floor
What do you say?

Are – you in
Livin’ in sin is the new thing (yeah)
Are – you in
I am countin’!

1, 2, 3
Not only you and me
Got one eighty degrees
And I’m caught in between
Countin’
1, 2, 3

You can read all the lyrics here on BritneySpears.com.

The song isn’t even 10 days old and it’s already the number one downloaded song on iTunes. If you’re curious what people think of this song, jump on iTunes and read some of the comments from listeners like, “it’s fun, catchy, and filled with playful lyrics about having a threesome- what more could you want?!”

Billboard reported that the song was part of the “Britney Spears The Singles Collection,” a hit compilation due Nov. 24 on Jive.

Produced by Swedish hitmaker Max Martin (Katy Perry, Kelly Clarkson), “3” finds Spears singing about the racy subject of a ménage a trios with her signature coy delivery. “Three is a charm, two is not the same,” Spears coos seductively on the verse. “I don’t see the harm, so are you game?”

Hmmmmm. “I don’t see the harm, so are you game?” (This is the mindset I was just talking about out of Spears and other celebs in my Gaga article– point #3, ironically, at the bottom of the article)

I almost wonder if this song will slip under the radar again like so many pop songs do, with little tweens singing “1, 2, 3…” and their parents won’t have a clue what they’re singing (Just like If You Seek Amy and the Superman dance). Teenagers, on the other hand, definitely know what she’s singing about. They just don’t admit that the lyrics DO affect them.

(shout out to Haley with Campus Life for the heads up!)

Lady Gaga’s Shift to #1

Posted on: 10/1/09 8:51 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I like to keep my eyes on the music charts, and doing that, I occasionally notice large shifts triggered by big media events.

I would propose that these shifts can tell us a little about the power of certain media events, like the Teen Choice Awards or the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs).

For example. If you got to MTV.com today and look at their list of Top Artists, you’ll notice that Lady Gaga is #1. This is relatively new. For most of 2009, Lil Wayne has occupied that slot.

Do you know when that changed?

Lady Gaga jumped to the #1 spot the Monday after the MTV VMAs (my writeup about that show here). TV audiences must have loved her bizarre outfits, her blood-soaked finally to her song Paparazzi (which soared up the charts on iTunes the next day), and her articulate acceptance speech (“This is for my CENSORED fans! … and it’s for God and for gays!”)

I’ve been watching Gaga’s reign to see how long it would last. We’ll see… but as of today, she still sits on the MTV “Top Artist” throne.

MTV’s VMA’s yield quite a lot of power to affect the charts that instantaneously.

Another blip on the charts occurred the night after the Teen Choice Awards, August 10th. Until that night, the Black Eyed Peas occupied the number one spot with their song, I Gotta Feeling (the song that our kids will tell us is clean… but is it?) But the day after the Teen Choice Awards, Miley’s song Party in the USA was on top of iTunes, and eventually Billboard’s Hot 100. I guess her sexy little escapades that night paid off.

Don’t be fooled; TV still has a lot of influence over pop culture.

Keep your eyes on MTV.com’s top artist list. Pop on iTunes and see what the most downloaded songs are. Jump on Billboard.com and see what’s on the Hot 100 (usually very close to the iTunes Top 10). If you have no idea what the song is, use iTunes and click on the song for a 30 second preview. Google the video and take a peek for yourself. Google the lyrics and see what these artists are actually saying.

A 10 minute search just once a month can keep you aware of some of the content our kids are absorbing day to day.

Parents… Start Talking About It

Posted on: 09/9/09 4:44 PM | by Jonathan McKee

We’ve all heard the depressing statistics about sexual activity and unprotected sex among youth today. The question is, “What can we do about it?” According to this article below…

“Start talking.”

I love it. It’s been great seeing various media sources talk about the positive results of parents talking to their kids about real issues. (Not to mention other reports of kids actually enjoying time spent with family)

I’m referring to an article in my own Sacramento Bee yesterday titled Teens and Sex: Can We Talk? The article reveals some recent California statistics about how many kids are having sex, and what parents can do about it. (If you think California is vastly different– be sure to check out the national stats from the Center for Disease Control… I think you’ll be surprised).

Here’s just a snippet:

Children are engaging in sex at younger ages than in the past, experts say, and research indicates that about 40 percent to 50 percent of 15- and 16-year-olds in California are having sex.

Combine that with a steady increase in sexually transmitted diseases among teenagers and a rising teen birth rate, and you have a growing need for parents to educate their children.

“Comprehensive sex education really makes a difference,” said Dr. Glennah Trochet, Sacramento County’s public health officer. “People always think teens aren’t influenced by their parents, but studies show that what their parents tell them, especially if they are very clear, really does influence young people.”

Sacramento County has essentially had an epidemic of chlamydia and gonorrhea among 15-to-24-year-olds for the past nine years, she said.

About one of every 25 females and one of every 80 males ages 15 to 19 in Sacramento County had a reported case of chlamydia or gonorrhea in 2008, according to the state Department of Public Health. And those are only the reported cases, said Trochet, who explained that people may go for years without knowing they have a disease.

Sacramento County ranked fourth and third in rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea, respectively, among California counties last year.

“Young people are having unprotected sex, and we need to do a better job of sex education and maybe getting kids to delay sexual activity,” Trochet said.

Birth rates among 15-to-19-year-olds also rose to 38.8 per 1,000 in Sacramento County last year, up from 37 per 1,000 in 2006, mirroring a national trend.

Given those statistics, what’s a parent to do?

Start talking.

That’s good advice. I teach a parenting workshop again this weekend… and that’s really a big part of the advice I give parents. Get into their world (that means learning about youth culture), dialogue with them (I share how to do that here), build a relationship with them, and begin building lasting values.

(ht to Lori- thanks for the article baby!)

Set Your TIVOs for This Porthole into Youth Culture

Posted on: 09/5/09 12:20 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Every year I encourage parents and youth workers to pay attention to three television events: The MTV Movie Awards, the Teen Choice Awards, and the MTV Video Music Awards (the VMAs). Next Sunday, September 13th is the MTV VMAs.

MTV’s VMAs always provide a revealing look not only to what bands and artists our kids are listening to, but also a peek into the type of content the top songs and videos are filled with. Every year I write an article the day after the event providing my take on the show (see my last year’s two cents here).

This year kids are already logging onto MTV.com to cast their votes (you can see what else kids are finding on MTV.com here, I blogged about that last week). Today as I jumped on MTV.com, it asked me to cast my vote for the best new artist. We can actually gain insight from merely peeking at just a few of the nominees.

One of the choices was a dark song from the band 3OH!3 titled “Don’t Trust Me.” This catchy song hit the Top 10 of Billboard’s HOT 100 at the beginning of the summer and has been hanging in the charts since. You can watch the video right on MTV’s Best New Artist nominee page, or, for a peek at the unedited lyrics, look here.

Another “New Artist” kids can vote for is Drake with his video for Best I Ever Had. I blogged about this song and video a couple weeks ago.. a song with a chorus that simply repeats, “You’re the f***ing best…” I find it literally amazing that this song is popular (currently on the Top 10 of Billboard’s Hot 100).

That is just a glimpse of the kind of content our kids are being inundated with.

Learn more by watching the show yourself on September 13th (just put the kids to bed first). Or, if you can’t stomach it, wait until the next day and you can catch my synopsis on our YOUTH CULTURE WINDOW page (yep, I’ll do the dirty work for ya!).

Bi-curious With MTV

Posted on: 09/2/09 10:48 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Two bi-curious girls in bed together “exploring their sexuality?”

You might think this kind of content is reserved for late night HBO or “SkinaMax”… right?

Try MTV. And if your kids don’t have access to the MTV channel… do they have access to the internet? Because when you pull up MTV.com today, this ad pops in your face:

 

A few years ago Nielsen Media Research reported that MTV was the most recognized network among young adults age 12 to 34, watched by 73% of boys and 78% of girls age 12 to 19. (ParentsTV.org)

MTV is still the hub of youth culture, not only on TV, but also on the web. Now if our kids miss the threesome on Real World Cancun that everyone is buzzing about, they can just watch complete episodes on the web, “unsensored,” as MTV.com puts it. Today they can watch the episdode where two bi-curious girls “explore their bi-sexuality.” (go ahead- see what our kids are watching- watch the first 60 seconds of this show – after the ad- where it says, “Previously on The Real World.”) Some of our kids will not bother with the whole episode. They’ll just click on the “unsensored clips” link from MTV’s front page and watch a little menage-a-trois.

How does MTV get away with this? Simple. No nudity and bleeping out profanity.

Harmless, right?

Hmmmmmmm.

Do you know where your kids are browsing?

I’ll give parents similar advice to what I gave in my blog, “You Mean the Lyrics Do Affect Me?”

MY ADVICE TO PARENTS:

1. Find out what your kids are watching. Do your kids watch MTV? Do they browse on MTV.com? Check their browsing history. Ask them what they are watching.

2. Don’t over-react when you find out what they’re watching. If you don’t know what to say, just say, “We’re going to talk about this sometime soon.” Spend some time praying before you react. (Remember the stupid stuff you did as a kid!)

3. Engage in a healthy dialogue with your kids about what they are watching. Note: I didn’t say, “PREACH TO THEM ABOUT THIS!” The emphasis here is more about LISTENING than talking. As a parent, I’m always looking for opportunities to dialogue with my own kids about anything. As a youth worker, I’m always looking for real issues that kids want to discuss. Music, TV and movies are something that they will often be excited to talk about. Use this an open door to discuss our character. (I have provided some good discussion questions in this previous blog about music)

4. Don’t be afraid to take the advice I always offer parents. I recommend using two buttons on your remote control often: The “pause” button, and the “off” button!  The “pause” button is great to use when watching something as a family and you encounter content that opens the door to good discussion.  The “off” button is a good button to use when shows cross the line.  Personally, I block MTV.  This channel has no salvageable content whatsoever.