Nerd Fun

Posted on: 01/22/12 6:07 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s been a crazy weekend of travel, looking at colleges with Lori and Alyssa (Shout out to Azusa and Cal Baptist) and speaking at NorthPark Community Church (they’ve posted my talk on their website). As soon as I’m done teaching this parenting workshop, we’re going to go ahead and drive home tonight (because Alyssa has school tomorrow morning), probably arriving in at 3AM. So let me just quickly leave you with a little movie nerd fun, a cool pic I found on Alyssa’s Pinterest page. Classic!

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Dad, You Aren’t Funny!

Posted on: 01/12/12 11:09 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I heard it again yesterday when I dropped off Ashley at school. I made a quick joke, that years ago would have had her in hysterics, but now… she just looks at me expressionless and says those words that I hear so frequently, “Dad, you aren’t funny.”

Is this true? What ever happened to my little Daddy’s Girl that used to laugh at every joke I ever said… even the lame ones? Did I lose the funny-gene somewhere after age 40? Around my own kids I feel like Bruno Kirby’s pathetic character in the movie, Good Morning Vietnam, who couldn’t face the fact that he wasn’t funny, and simply responded, “Sir, in my heart, I know I’m funny.”

As a guy who speaks for a living, it’s difficult when your toughest audience is your youngest daughter. I have no problem getting a whole sanctuary full of adults laughing, and whole campgrounds full of teenagers rolling on the floor. But Ashley now? I might get a chuckle one in five jokes.

At what point do parents cease being funny and cool?

In my house, it hit when my kids reached about 8th grade and it lasted well into their sophomore year. With my two oldest, Alec and Alyssa, they returned from “the darkness” (that’s what we call it in my house—the time when teenagers are just emotional, whiny brats that no one can please, no matter what you do) after just a couple years. But oooooooooh… those were grim years! I remember my little Ashley, back then, observing her older siblings’ antics and saying, “Dad, I’m not going to be like that, am I?”

And I would always plead with her, “No Ashley. Please don’t ever go to the dark side!”

But then it just happened! I heard about it from plenty of my friends and I read it in hundreds of parenting books. “One day your teenagers won’t want you around as much.”

I didn’t believe it. I thought, Not me! This is only something that boring parents experience. I’m fun! I’m funny! (Did I just type that out loud?)

But it happened, literally overnight. One day I just wasn’t funny anymore.

The other morning when I couldn’t get Ashley to laugh, I did the rookie mistake and tried harder. I was reaching deep in the bowels of my humor vault, finally resorting to some good ol’ fart humor. When in doubt, fart humor has always worked with Ashley.

Not even a chuckle.

Silent, but deadly.

In all seriousness, having teenagers of my own has been a learning experience. Each one has been different, but at the same time, they’ve gone through similar stages. Luckily “the dark side,” as we call it in my house, has only lasted about 2 years for each of my kids.

Sigh. Two years of not being funny.

I’m willing to wait. But, “In my heart, I know I’m funny!”

What about you?
Am I alone?

If you’re a parent of teenagers, did this happen to you?

Have you, like me, learned that the best thing to do is, not try?

Sorry Adam, My Wife is Hot

Posted on: 01/3/12 5:10 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My buddy Adam ranted in his blog today about guys who describe their wives as hot. Adam said it makes him cringe every time he hears it. Well… I cringed when I read Adam’s blog, because I am one of the people he referred to. “I have a hot wife!”

Don’t worry, I’m not “dissing” on my friend Adam. I called him up to ask him if he thought I should write this little pushback to his blog. He welcomed the banter. I think his opinion is valid. I just wanted him and others to hear from the other side… guys who just can’t keep quiet about their hot wives!

So in response to Adam’s “Yes, your wife is hot” blog, here are my reasons why I don’t hesitate to mention how hot my wife is:

  • I actually mean it! I’m not just forcing it or trying to be demonstrative, I really think my wife is hot. I don’t say it when I’m speaking at a church and she’s sitting right there in the front pew—she would be embarrassed. She doesn’t want people looking at her to see if she is hot. But I don’t hesitate to say it if the subject of my wife comes up when I’m talking with a friend, when I’m teaching a workshop, or even speaking to teenagers at a camp. If you hear me mention my wife, you’ll almost always hear me say something about how amazing or beautiful she is. I can’t resist!
  • Adam says it’s immature. I’ve been called immature for a lot worse!
  • More guys should think that their wives are hot! Unfortunately, 87% of men admitted to using porn in the year prior. That’s a lot of men that are looking at other women and thinking that they’re hot. I really don’t want to be in that group, and, speaking completely candidly, there are way too many men who are comfortable “looking around.” Sadly, we men all have friends who don’t hesitate to “look” as long as they “don’t touch.” You’ll hear guys say, “Just because I’m on the diet, it doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” Sorry guys, I’m not buying it. I really don’t want to look around, because I’ve witnessed too many guys noticing that the grass is greener wherever they look. Personally, I really like my grass. (Did that come out wrong?)
  • I said it way before Talladega Nights.
  • Our wives need to know that we truly think they are beautiful. Hopefully, men aren’t just putting on a show. They should tell their wives how beautiful they are, and often! I daily tell Lori how hot she is. Sadly, this is often met with a chuckle, followed by, “Yeah, right.” Same thing when I tell my daughters how beautiful they are. They often say, “Well you only say that because you’re my dad.” It’s sad how poor the self-esteem of our women has become today. Today’s women are bombarded with images of how they “should” look, with perfect skin, ginormous breasts, and anorexic waistlines. Today’s females are often trying to measure up to an image that doesn’t even exist. It’s sad what these media-images are doing to our women. Our women need to hear how beautiful they truly are from people who mean it and really care about them. I’m entranced with my wife like the Song of Solomon poet. I love her eyes, the curve of her back… and for her sake, I won’t got into any more detail like the Bible does (but I do enjoy fruit).
  • Our young men need to be head over heals crazy about the woman they marry, in all aspects. As a minister who has married lots of couples and is counseling a couple now, I’ve seen this backfire both ways. I’ve seen a man be infatuated with a woman’s looks only. The marriage didn’t last. On the other hand I’ve seen a man “settle” for a woman he really liked, but wasn’t attracted to. This marriage, like so many, ended up with him having a porn addiction. Criticize me if you want, but an attractive spouse is very important to men (Dr. Willard Harley talks about that fact in detail in his book, His Needs Her Needs). That better not be the only reason a man marries a woman, but couples should never “settle.” Those marriages are doomed from the start.
  • And Adam… just because you brought it up, my wife does make a mighty fine meat loaf! (As hot as she is, she knows that food will always come before sex in our house) (That was meant as to infer priority, not sequence, but I’ll gladly take the latter on any day).

That’s all I got.

So if you don’t think men should call their wife “hot,” then that’s okay. Really. I might have it wrong, but my intentions are right. I don’t have it all together, but I definitely can’t help but smother my wife with love and affection. I’m a tireless romantic. My kids probably grow tired of me kissing my wife’s neck in the kitchen (and then helping her do the dishes).

My daughter Alyssa told me the nicest thing a few weeks ago. She said, “How is any guy I date ever gonna measure up to you? If he brings flowers, I’m going to think, Only flowers? Where’s my poetry? Where’s my personalized romantic iTunes playlist? Where’s my surprise trip to the ocean?”

My wife is so much more than hot! (and yes, I did make a playlist called “Lori”)

Christmas Nerd Family

Posted on: 12/26/11 12:38 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Last week our family was all laying around the couch watching Christmas specials and we landed on the Saturday Night Live Christmas special with one of our favorite sketches, the one where Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan sing, “I don’t care what your momma says, Christmas time is neeee-eeear…” (We love that sketch). After the sketch, Lori chimes in, “Maybe we should all dress alike like that for Christmas this year!”

Why, oh why, do we listen to Lori!!!

Yeah… we actually went to church like that!

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Top 10 Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Little Lady

Posted on: 12/9/11 8:05 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Sometimes during the Christmas season, men need a little help understanding what to buy their women!

Well, a couple years ago, my friend Matt Furby and I decided that we would help these clueless husbands with some solid Christmas shopping advice. So we put together this helpful little video, the Top 10 Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Little Lady!

Click here to view the video on our YouTube page

P.S. Strangely I posted this blog from under the Sunrise Blvd bridge down by the river… where I now sleep in a sleeping bag in a cardboard box!

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The Four Minute Mule

Posted on: 12/1/11 10:36 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Last night we had to attend an award ceremony for my daughter Ashley’s cross country team. It was fun for the first 30 minutes, it was great hearing the coach talk about Ashley… but by the 3 hour mark…

Yes… over 3 hours long!

Wholy shamoli! Who wants to sit on a cafeteria bench for over three hours? I’ve attended life-insurance conventions that were more bearable.

At about the 90 minute mark, my 16-year-old, Alyssa, and I started playing with our phones. Alyssa grabbed Lori’s iPhone and I immediately texted her, knowing that Lori always forgets to put the thing on silent. The phone made a loud “DING,” a couple hundred heads turned toward Alyssa, and her face turned about 4 shades of red.

(I’ve been known to act like a junior higher.)

Time passed and we were searching for anything to entertain ourselves. We Google searched various topics, looking for anything to help pass time. One of the coaches on Ashley’s team has broken the four minute mile. That’s amazing, by the way! So I tried to type in a search for “breaking the 4 minute mile.” Instead I accidentally typed:

“Breaking the 4 minute mule”

Maybe it was the timing… but Alyssa and I started a laughing fit and couldn’t stop.

Sigh. Good times.

I bet you never realized how interesting mules actually are? Ask me… I know plenty now. Did you know that right now wild burros are wreaking havoc on Texas? Seriously!

Yeah… 3 freaking hours long!

I love my daughters… but please…. please… don’t make me go to another 3 hour long award ceremony!!!

Cat Fights

Posted on: 11/29/11 4:59 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Do you have teenage girls living in your house?

Can you say… cat fight?

About a year ago my daughters wanted to move into the same room together. They had some friends at church who did it and they actually thought it was admirable how close those sisters were. Long story short– I knocked out a wall, bought bunk beds… and shazaam! They’ve been together since.

Overall it’s been a good experience. My girls are pretty close, as sisters go. But there’s something to be said about the consistent petty little disagreements.

“Alyssa, did you set the alarm?”

“No, you always set it.”

“Exactly. Why don’t you set it for once.”

“Because you don’t like the way I set it, so I let you do it.”

“But I’m in the top bunk… you’re right there!”

“Sorry. Your job!”

Seriously?

I just blogged about this whole dynamic and how parents should respond in my DAD OF TEENAGE GIRLS blog.

Coming Out of the Bronco Closet

Posted on: 11/3/11 4:17 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I have a confession to make, a truly awkward one for a California resident. I hope this doesn’t upset all my Packer friends in Green Bay and my Steeler friends in Pittsburgh (no one would hesitate to admit that those two fan-bases are a little fanatical…er… loyal to their teams), or even my many close Raiders fans (seeing that the Raiders and the 49ers are the closest teams to my home). But here goes.  Ahem…

“I am a Bronco fan.”

There. I said it.

I won’t pretend to be something I’m not. I can’t tell you many of the players names, I don’t even get to see every game… but I’ve always been a Bronco’s fan.

At 5-years-old I got my first Broncos jacket. I asked my dad to find me a pic of me in my little Broncos jacket and he sent me this:This picture reveals three things:

1. Me and Dad’s rockin’ hair-dews!
2. My love for food even as a child
3. My love for the Broncos (back when Craig Morton was #7. Yeah baby!!!)

This weekend I fly to Colorado, preach the morning services at a church in Colorado Springs, break for the Broncos game, and then do my parenting workshop that night from 6-8. We originally were going to do the workshop in the afternoon but then found out that the Broncos were playing that day. Competing with that would be like doing a workshop during the Canucks game when I’m speaking to my friends North of the border!

I love that the Broncos nabbed Tim Tebow. Regardless of your opinion of his football skills, you probably wouldn’t argue that he is a man of integrity, a true role model for young athlete’s today. Pray that he throws long and straight!

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16 and NOT Pregnant

Posted on: 09/12/11 12:18 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s funny. In all my years hearing powerful testimonies of young people at camps and conferences, I have frequently heard solid Christian kids actually say something like, “I’ve never done drugs or had sex… sometime I think I should, just so I can have a good testimony like that!”

How many youth workers out there have heard a kid say that? (Probably a lot)

We always try to respond with encouraging words about avoiding natural consequences, etc. Of course, we always need to walk delicately here because we don’t want to make those with checkered pasts feel worse, but at the same time we don’t want to make the kids who’ve avoided some of those pitfalls feel like they’re missing out!

Add to that the fact that the most popular TV shows and movies that young people watch are loaded with lies that make committed believers feel like they might just be missing out on some serious fun.

Last week my buddy David R. Smith forwarded me a video that made me literally fall out of my chair in hysterics. It’s a takeoff of MTV’s hit show 16 and Pregnant, but with the roles reversed. It’s called, 16 and Well Adjusted.

Some of you saw me Tweet about it last week. Phenomenal clip for discussion with our kids. Rather than ranting and raving about it… just check it out here.

I told David, let’s write something up about this NOW! So we did and it’s featured on the front page of our website as our SPIRITUAL GROWTH RESOURCE OF THE WEEK. This fun little Spiritual Growth discussion includes small group discussion questions, scripture and a wrap up. A great tool to talk not only about sex before marriage, but when the world tries to convince us that living Holy lives is boring.

Top Ten 70’s Slang Words That We Need to Bring Back!

Posted on: 08/23/11 7:59 PM | by Jonathan McKee

The other day after making record time on one of my road bike rides, I let out a celebratory, “Shazaam!”

People stared. (Those jive turkeys!)

Come on! Am I alone, or do we need to bring some of that smooth 70’s slang back. After all, last month I already suggested a list of current words/phrases that we should not use anymore! Perhaps we should fill that gap with 70’s terms. (Note my random picture of Abba! Are you feeling it?)

Maybe I’m just being nostalgic. I was born in 1970, so some would argue that I’m more privy to 80’s terms. But come on! Who wants to say “Grody to the max!” Or “Gag me!” The 80’s will always be a decade of really good music, but really bad slang and clothing. (White Crocket and Tubbs jacket with scrunched up sleeves, anyone?) If you want really good slang and music (I can’t really vouch for the clothing—I don’t want my brother to post a picture of me wearing a green leisure suit!) then 70’s is the place to look. Can you dig it?

TOP TEN 70’s TERMS WE NEED TO BRING BACK:

Creep—The noun, not the verb. As in, “Hey you creep, get away from my Trans Am!”

Out of sight—if something is better than good, but not quite dy-no-mite, it might just be “out of sight!.” “Those new threads are out of site!”

Heavy—When something is so powerful or amazing that you just need to contemplate it for a moment, it’s “Heavy man!”

Sit on it—a great insult when someone is messing with you. “Sit on it, creep!”

Shucks—a term that any spaas might use when something goes wrong! “Awe shucks. Where is my Shaun Cassidy album?”

Crib—This term is deserving of a special nod because of its longevity. Even MTV (the creator and sustainer of pop-culture) had the show MTV Cribs running some 40-plus years after the term’s introduction to mainstream popularity!

Far out—much like it’s cousin, “heavy,” “far out “is a term that people say when something is really amazing. But “far out” implies more good. Basically, replace “cool” with “far out” and you’ll be fine.

Right on—we need more term like this to express agreement. “Right on, man!”

Bananas—if something is bewildering or perplexing, it’s bananas. In the same way, if someone is acting a little odd, they might be bananas. “Woah man, that jive turkey was acting bananas! Let’s book!”

Split—speaking of speedy exits, you gotta love the term “split.” “Hey man, mellow out or I’m going to split!”

70’s TERMS TO AVOID:

Let’s blow this joint—yeah, junior high kids would just start laughing and nudging each other if you said this.

Ding Dong—maybe this word was just used in Christian circles by people who didn’t want to cuss. But this insult probably won’t carry any weight today, any more than other Hostess products (All though many rappers have been having some luck with the Ho-Ho)

Boob Tube—this term might just be more accurate now than in the 70’s.

Give me some skin—nope… just too weird now.

If you were alive during the 70’s, feel free to chime in with your favorites! (Sorry Gen Y, you cats just don’t know the difference between 70’s and 80’s.)

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