Communicating with Clarity- USE PROFESSIONAL RESOURCES

Posted on: 06/16/11 5:26 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Ken is a youth worker I met whose gift is NOT speaking. Ken would readily admit this if you asked him. His gifts are much more relational (compassion, hospitality, etc.) But for some reason, Ken insists on trying to write his own talks week after week and write his own small group questions.
Sadly, his talks are as boring as an insurance seminar and his small group questions are weak.
Ken isn’t a bad guy just because speaking and developing content isn’t his gift… Ken just needs to be willing to enlist some help.
Seek Help
For the last couple weeks in this blog I’ve been writing about how to communicate to young people in a way that’s memorable and clear. Today I’m going to wrap up the discussion with my final thoughts, simply imploring, don’t be afraid to get help!
I don’t know why this is even a problem for some. The only culprit I can even fathom is “pride.” But for some reason, bad speakers will often cling on to the responsibility of speaking or developing discussion material every week even though their material really stinks!
Before you get mad at me for being so blunt and even referring to some as “bad speakers,” I encourage you to read my post a few days ago about only USING GIFTED COMMUNICATORS. In this post I talk about the simple Biblical truth of people using their gifts instead of trying to force something that’s not their strength. The plain fact is, some people are not gifted in the area of speaking or developing content.
Maybe these people don’t know their material stinks. Maybe they think that it’s part of their job and if they don’t do it themselves, they’re done. Regardless, people like Ken who don’t have the gift of speaking or developing content often keep at it instead of enlisting help from someone gifted in that area.
Don’t do it!
Allow me to be the Simon Cowell in your life right now, if that’s what it takes. If speaking and writing isn’t your gift, stop speaking and developing your own content. Enlist some help.
Allow me to quickly clarify. In the last couple weeks we discussed the fact that some people are “stuck” in a speaking role every week. They might be the only one who stepped up to the challenge and frankly, no one else will do it. I advised this person to try several things:
          Talking shorter
          Using small group questions
These simple tools can help most of us, even those without the gift of communication, communicate with better clarity.
So let me add one final tool to the list: Use professional resources for your speaking and small group content.
Use Professional Resources
Let’s go back to Ken. Ken knows that speaking isn’t his gift, yet he speaks and writes his own content every week.
Why?
If Ken has access to books and/or is connected to the web, he has a cornucopia of content at his fingertips. Ken shouldn’t be afraid to use them. The Kens of this world should stop trying to re-invent the wheel. Use ready-made resources developed by those with the gift of speaking and writing.
I’m going to suggest a couple of resources that I’ve used, then I’m going to ask you all to chime in with your suggestions of what resources and curriculum you have used with great results.
RESOURCES TO HELP YOU DEVELOP YOUR SPEAKING/TEACHING:
Communicating for a Change– by Andy Stanley
RESOURCES WITH READY-MADE TALKS/SMALL GROUP QUESTIONS:
In my blog about USING SMALL GROUP TIME I talked about several great free resources with small group discussion questions on our website. Be sure to check those out. In addition, try these:
10-Minute Talks– by Jonathan McKee (this material is good, even though the author is a nerd)
Most any video curriculum from Doug Fields like Love out Loud
There’s just a few. Now… WHAT RESOURCES HAVE HELPED YOU?

Communicating with Clarity—USE SMALL GROUP TIME

Posted on: 06/10/11 1:32 PM | by Jonathan McKee

It’s been fun writing about speaking in this blog for the last couple of weeks. The subject has definitely invited some interesting discussion, most of the “heat” surrounding the topic of  the “length” of our talks.
For those of you who have missed the last few weeks, we’re talking about how to communicate to teenagers in a way that’s memorable and clear. So far, after introducing the subject, I’ve written spedifically about:
One question that has surfaced in the blog comments numerous times reveals the need to address today’s subject. People keep asking me, “What do we do if we aren’t good communicators?” I’ve addressed the answer to this question a little bit in my blog about “USING THE STORY,” because stories (one story, one scripture and one point) are powerful tools that most people can use with success. I also addressed the answer in my blog about USING GIFTED COMMUNICATORS, talking about how to identify and develop gifted communicators in your ministry. And TALKING SHORTER never hurt anyone.
But today I want to bring up another subject that I think is probably one of the most effective tools for any youth worker who has a message to communicate, and that is the use of small group time.
USE SMALL GROUP TIME
The average youth group in America has just over a dozen young people and is led by a volunteer. Some of these volunteers aren’t gifted communicators…. and that’s okay. Small groups don’t require leaders who can deliver dynamic expository sermons. They actually require a skill that most people find even more difficult to do: the ability to listen!
Small group leading should probably be called “small group facilitating.” Because the key to small group time is to get kids talking and leaders listening.
I speak at a dozen or more camps each year. Many of these camps have a small group time after I am finished speaking. The leader of the camp will always ask me to provide some discussion questions for the “cabin leaders” or “counselors.” It’s fun to walk around after my talk and peek in on these small group times.
Guess what I observe over 90% of the time?
Leaders talking, and kids listening.
Actually… let me rephrase my observation: Leaders blabbing on and on… and kids tuning out, wishing they were somewhere else.
What a wasted opportunity.
True small group time should always include the following:
1.       Good questions that stimulate conversation and help kids discover truth.
2.       A leader that knows how to ask questions… and shut up! (Sorry for using the “s-word.”)
Let me go back to that question that has been asked multiple times in the last couple weeks. “Jonathan, what do we do if we’re not a good communicator?”
My answer: Introduce a subject with some sort of discussion provoker, then divide to small groups with trained leaders.
Let me give you some help with this.
USE DISCUSSION PROVOKERS
It doesn’t matter if your gift isn’t communication (Maybe you’re the only leader who actually shows up!), just kick off the discussion with something that gets their attention, and divide to small groups.
Let’s take a peek at what this looks like.
Our web site has a ton of these that are readymade for youth leaders. Jump on www.TheSource4YM.com and access that dropdown menu on the top left hand side of the page where it says FREE RESOURCES & IDEAS. From that dropdown menu you’ll see a ton of great free resources that not only provide you with good discussion provokers, they also provide you with really good small group questions, scripture, and wrap ups. Take a peek.
From that dropdown menu you’ll see MUSIC DISCUSSIONS and MOVIE CLIP DISCUSSIONS. Both these pages use either music or movie clips to get kids attention. Then, they provide the transition statement you can use as you divide your kids into small groups (and everything you’ll need once you get them there). We also have a page from that same dropdown menu titled CURRICULUM & JUMPSTARTERS. That page has numerous subpages, most of which provide discussion provokers and/or small group questions. All these free resources are great for provoking discussion and dividing to small groups.
Life is full of moments that might be good discussion starters. I remember watching a lady digging through the garbage of a fast food restaurant for her keys, only to later find them in her back pocket. I thought to myself, “That’s a discussion starter if I’ve ever seen one!” Think about it.
          Are you ever looking for the right thing in all the wrong places?
          What kind of garbage are you digging through on your quest for answers?
So if you’re not a naturally gifted communicator, just use a discussion provoker and divide to small groups. But then, make sure you…
USE TRAINED LEADERS WHO KNOW HOW TO LISTEN
Our web site can help you in this area as well with our free training tools. Jump on www.TheSource4YM.com and access that next dropdown menu at the top of the page—the one that says ARTICLE & FREE TRAINING. From that dropdown menu, access the FREE TRAINING TOOLS page and then click on HELP MY LEADERS. On that page you’ll see a handful of free ppt presentations we provide for free to help you teach your leaders about some of the essentials of youth ministry. Select the training titled, The DNA of Healthy Small Groups. This ppt training will help your leaders learn the essentials of leading a small group.
Use a tool like this to teach your leaders to LISTEN way more than they talk.
Small groups can be a great tool for anyone, dynamic communicator or not.
Why do you think I provided ready-made small group questions at the end of every one of the talks in my book 10-Minute Talks?

Communicating with Clarity- TALK SHORTER

Posted on: 06/6/11 1:40 PM | by Jonathan McKee

For the last week I’ve been talking about how to communicate to teenagers with clarity. On Day One I asked the question, “How many minutes will kids actually listen?” …quickly touching on the fact that we might need to make our talks a little shorter (check out the comments that day… some interesting reactions and discussion about that). Day Two I talked about “Communicating with Clarity-Using Stories.” Day Three I talked about “Communicating with Clarity- Only Use Gifted Communicators.”

Today I’m going to specifically address the subject that seemed to get a rise out of some… Keeping it Short. This time let’s really dissect the length of our talks.

TALK SHORTER
Last week some people grew concerned when I mentioned the concept of using 10 minute messages. The comments said it clear:

“We shouldn’t cater to our culture’s short attention span.”

“We need to be teaching the youth that God is deserving of more attention than anything else in their lives.”

It seems that many us are worried that shorter messages mean “watered down” messages.

Is this true? If we shorten our talks, are we sacrificing depth? Or, as I asked in Day Two of this series, “How can we be memorable and clear, yet not so short that we lose clarity and depth?”

Let’s look at the length of some of the most famous and memorable speeches in history. For example, how many minutes was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous “I Have a Dream” speech?

16 minutes.

How many minutes was Winston Churchhill’s famous “Never Give In” speech at Harrow School on October 29, 1941?

4 minutes, 12 seconds.

How about Abe Lincoln’s Gettysburg address on November 2, 1863? Surely this was a longer talk.

2 minutes.

For such powerful, memorable, life changing speeches… those seem pretty short.

Some might argue that these aren’t Biblical examples. Maybe sharing Biblical truth takes longer. The other day a person commented to Day One of this blog series, “The Bible isn’t made for 5 to 10 minute consumption.”

Really?

I admit, I wasn’t there when Jesus gave most of his talks, so all I have of his teaching is what I read in the Gospels. For example, in Luke 8 a large crowd gathered and he told them the parable of the sower. If you read that parable out loud, it will take less than a minute.

Like I said, I wasn’t there. Maybe that was only part of a much larger talk to that crowd. Or maybe he just told that story. Either way, the only thing that Luke wrote down was that short little story. The memorable part of that talk was one story, telling one powerful point.

In Luke 10 a man asked Jesus what he has to do to inherit eternal life. Wow. That’s a big question, right? We wouldn’t want to water it down with a short answer.

Jesus answered with a question. “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?”

The man answers with the greatest commandment. Jesus basically responds, “Correctamundo!”

But the man wants a little more details, so he asks, “And who is my neighbor?”

Jesus answered the question with another story. “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers…” Again, this story takes about a minute to tell. If you read all of Luke 10, this whole interaction takes about a minute or two. Then, off to another village.

Has anyone ever accused Jesus’ one or two minute response of being “watered down?”

Far from it.

In a simple one-minute-story Jesus hits his audience hard with a point that would never be forgotten. Not only was his story memorable and powerful… he made the most despicable sinner imaginable the hero of the story (imagine telling that story in church today and making Lady Gaga the hero).

Deep? Yes.

Short? About one minute.

The fact is this: the Gospel writers frequently record Jesus talking to people in short, memorable stories. Maybe Jesus was on to something.

My point is simply this: Why say something in 25 minutes when you could say it in one minute?

Any questions?

Communicating with Clarity- USE GIFTED COMMUNICATORS

Posted on: 06/3/11 1:23 PM | by Jonathan McKee

The last few days I’ve been blogging about communicating to teenagers with clarity. If you haven’t read those blogs, I encourage you to jump on my blog page and read both of them (How Many Minutes Will Kids Actually Listen, and Communicating with Clarity-USING THE STORY), as well as the discussion that followed in the comments. Great conversation.

In those blogs, I promised to chime in and cover a handful of speaking principles that have helped me communicate to today’s teenagers. Here’re the principles I’m covering:
-USING STORIES (I covered this Wednesday)
-ONLY USE GIFTED COMMUNICATORS
-TALK SHORTER
-USE SMALL GROUP TIME TO TEACH
-USE PROFESSIONAL RESOURCES

So today I’m going to talk about a principle that should be obvious, but is probably one of the most ignored principles of the bunch…

Only Use Gifted Communicators:
We all have gifts. Paul talks about these gifts in I Corinthians 12. He gives the analogy of body parts. This is a great analogy. Would you try to walk two miles on your eyeballs? Would you try to listen with your bellybutton? Would you try to talk with your elbows? (Okay, so I used a few body parts that Paul didn’t mention. Don’t do this with a jr. high audience… it will surely digress even worse.)

So why do we constantly try to force people into molds that they don’t fit?

Sadly, some people don’t realize that they are not a “mouth.” They see a mouth and they think, “I’d love to be able to do that.” Problem is… they’re a foot. And the more a “foot” tries to be a “mouth,” the more it looks like the blooper real on American Idol tryouts. Everyone in the room sees it… except the “foot!”

My wife Lori is amazing. Anyone who meets her readily admits, “Jonathan, you got yourself a winner there.” Or the people that know me and finally meet her say, “Okay, now I know where the strength in this marriage lies.” (Nice!) She’s truly remarkable.

Lori is a behind-the-scenes person. She’s great at organizing and handling minute details. She’s administered 1,000-person events without a glitch. She’s a huge asset to whatever team she’s a part of.

Guess what? She hates speaking in front of a crowd. She gets quiet, turns as red as a turnip and she second guesses everything she says. Communication isn’t her strong suit.

Does that make her a lousy team member?

Heck no. I need a “Lori” on my team. (Actually, I need about 10 “Loris.”)

It would be silly to try to make Lori into a speaker. This doesn’t mean that Lori shouldn’t ever have to learn to communicate her faith to others. Lori’s done that. In fact, she’s fantastic one-on-one. She’s discipled plenty of girls and even led a Bible Study (80% facilitation, 20% talking and leading). But I’ve never tried to force Lori into speaking.

The church needs to become better at helping people find and use their gifts. Sometimes that means having some uncomfortable conversations—like telling Chuck that you’re not going to be using him to speak to the high school kids anymore. This doesn’t mean you need to be mean.

“Chuck, you suck!”

Far from it. But someone with the gift of discernment needs to take Chuck aside an help him find his gifting.

“Chuck, I really appreciate you being willing to communicate to the high school kids every week. But let me tell you something that I’ve observed. I’ve noticed that you are amazing at hanging out with the fringe kids in our group. You have a radar for “outcasts.” The other night I saw you watching the crowd and you noticed that new kid Brian wearing all black and sitting in the back. It was awesome watching how you sat next to him and started a conversation with him. You have so much compassion for those kids. I think that’s your gift Chuck. Speaking isn’t.”

It takes a certain person to be able to initiate these conversations. (Yes, that ability is also a gift)

The church needs to become better at helping people find and use their gifts.

How do you find and develop speakers in your ministry?
1. Try out different leaders sharing their “story” for 5 minutes in front of the group. You’ll notice who feels natural up front and who doesn’t. If they are a natural communicator, affirm them in that ability.

2. Ask those “natural communicators” if they’d share a 10-minute talk a few weeks later. Give them the content for that talk (maybe a book called, 10-Minute Talks) and see how they do. Not all natural communicators are good at developing content. That is a learned skill.

3. If they do well with the 10-minute talk, then take the next step and talk with them about developing content. Give them a book that talks about how to develop Biblical talks. One of the best books ever written on the subject is Dr. Haddon Robinson’s Biblical Preaching. Ken Davis’ book, The Secrets of Dynamic Communication is another great one. Help them develop some simple, short talks and give them an opportunity to deliver these talks in a safe environment.

Before long, you might find a handful of communicators in your midst… and Chuck will experience great results using his gifts where needed.

Communicating with Clarity- USING THE STORY

Posted on: 06/1/11 1:36 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I asked the question in yesterday’s blog and heard some great feedback from a bunch of you. “How many minutes will kids actually listen?”

Many of you indicated that you keep talks short.  Others incorporate small group time so that young people can process and discuss what they’ve learned. Some of you try to change it up to kill any monotony. Still, some seem to be resisting short teaching time, in fear of “watering down” the message.

I guess that’s really the big dilemma: I want to keep it short enough to be memorable and clear, yet not so short that we lose clarity and depth.

It seems that most of us would agree with seeking “clarity” in our communication. No one would complain if kids walked out with a clear understanding of scriptural truth. The question is, What methodology best accomplishes that goal?

Or let’s think about it in terms that many youth workers can relate to. 23 kids are gathered in the small junior high room in the church basement on a Wednesday evening. Several wiry 6th grade boys roll on the floor wrestling, while a handful of older boys run the foosball table. Across the room a gathering of 8th grade girls whisper and giggle with each other. Adult volunteers are interacting with many of the kids. A few sit alone. Soon, a youth worker announces, “Come on everyone, let’s bring it together.”And after some shuffling and herding, the students are gathered into a small audience facing the front of the room. Announcements, maybe games… but sooner or later, regardless of format, we share a message of truth.
We’ve got a message to communicate, we’ve got a captive audience… how can we communicate that message to young people most effectively?

Is there one answer?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. (Yes, these thoughts are nothing new. This is the reason I wrote the book, 10-Minute Talks. I’ve noticed this glaring need for “clarity” in communication for a while now.) As promised, this week I’m going to blog some of my thoughts about principles that might help ministries communicate better to a generation with a short attention span. Here’re some of the principles I’m going to cover in the next few days:

-USING STORIES
-ONLY USE GIFTED COMMUNICATORS (Click here)
-TALK SHORTER
-USE SMALL GROUP TIME TO TEACH
-USE PROFESSIONAL RESOURCES

I want to start by talking about the power of the story.

THE POWER OF THE STORY
I’ve always loved stories. As a kid I loved bedtime stories. Around the campfire my brother and I loved it when my dad told scary stories. Whenever he would finish, we’d yell, “Another one! Another one!”

When’s the last time someone yelled that when you finished your talk?

Stories are powerful.

I learned the power of a story a little over 15 years ago when I started speaking in the public school. By God’s grace, a campus ministry I was a part of started bringing out a couple hundred kids weekly. These weren’t church kids by any means, and the last thing on their mind was sitting down and listening to a sermon. Most of them were there for basketball, friends and food. But every week I was determined to share some truth with them. So I began ‘cutting my teeth’ at the skill of speaking. (If you ever wanna learn how to communicate to young people, try speaking to 200+ kids that don’t want to be preached to, sitting in school bleachers.) I quickly learned what works and what doesn’t.

Some of the biggest lessons I learned:
1. You’ve got about 30 seconds to grab their attention, then the rest of the time to keep it.
2. Stories work.
3. Humor is a plus.

Fast forward to a few months ago when I stood in front of a few thousand kids in a school auditorium. Guess what three principles I still use? (yep, same three)

I’ve seen a lot of speakers with a lot of gimmicks. I’ve seen speakers that required all kinds of technology, PowerPoint and props. Some of these tools can be very effective. But when I speak, I want one thing: a microphone that works (usually one with a cord- the chances of it working increase greatly). Why? A simple fact: I’ve got stories, and kids love hearing stories.

Using stories is nothing new. Do I even need to bring up Jesus’ use of stories? From what we read in the Gospels, Jesus was a master communicator. Secular philosophers even attest to his effective teaching style. His use of parables not only used stories, but they punched the audience in the gut with convicting truths that they needed to hear. Stories can help us communicate truth with clarity.

To this day, I still use talks that are simply stories with a wrap up.

If you peek at the left hand column of this blog, you’ll see the book I mentioned earlier titled, 10-Minute Talks (you can actually click on the book and read one of the talks in its entirety including the small group questions I provide). This book is a collection of a bunch of talks that I’ve used over the years with great results. Why? They are all stories with one point and one scripture passage. If you read those talks, I think you’ll find that they are simple, clear… and far from watered down.

Don’t underestimate the power of a story.

A few years ago a Youth for Christ group flew me out to speak to a bunch of middle school students at an all night event. When I was introduced, I was staring at an unruly crowd of 1400 middle school students who made two things clear. 1. They were ready for a night of fun. 2. They didn’t want to be sitting in an auditorium listening to me. When they handed me the microphone, a kid in the front row literally said, “Who the Hell are you?” No one else in the room heard, because they were all involved in their own conversations.

I reminded God that I needed him (okay, yes, I reminded me), and then I began telling a story.

“When I was 18-years old, I gave my friend $12,000 dollars. Actually, it didn’t start that way. I had to almost kill him first… but more on that in a minute. It started with me and four of my friends showing up to his house at 6 o’clock in the morning to celebrate his birthday. His mom let us upstairs into his room, and…”

Within 30 seconds, they were hooked.

About 25 minutes later I gave an invitation and over 100 kids came forward and received Christ.

I didn’t have a podium on stage. No PowerPoint. No notes. Here was my outline:
– Greg story
– House on the rock- Matthew 7
– What is your foundation?
– Invitation

Yes, you better believe I worked hard on nailing those transitions between each of those points. But the fact remains, that talk was simply one story, one scripture, communicating one simple point.

Don’t underestimate the power of a story.

Let’s hear from you! Comment: How have stories helped you communicate? Have you ever tried using just one story, one scripture, communicating one clear point? How do stories help communicate with clarity, without sacrificing depth?

How Many Minutes Will Kids Actually Listen?

Posted on: 05/31/11 10:10 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Why talk for 25 minutes when you can say it in 5?

Seriously. Think about it for a moment. Picture a typical youth gathering where an adult has the opportunity to share the truth with kids. Now imagine this. A woman in her young 20’s walks to the front of the room and opens with these words. “Last year I realized that the friends I surrounded myself with were dragging me down, so I made one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made in my life…”

For the next four minutes she shares a story of how surrounding herself with the wrong crowd led to disaster. Then she shares a scripture out of Hebrews 10 stating that we need to surround ourselves with people of encouragement—people who will help us with our faith walk, not hinder it. She closes with these words. “Think of the handful of people you spend the most time with? Are they drawing you closer to Christ… or dragging you away?”

She sits down.

Total talk time, 6 minutes and 22 seconds.

Let me ask you a question. Would that talk be more powerful if she blabbed for another 30 minutes? (I really want to know your thoughts? Please use the comment feature on this blog to chime in.)

This subject is dear to my heart. This fall I’m actually teaching a workshop on “Speaking to Teenagers with Short Attention Spans” again at the National Youth Workers Convention. In that seminar I always say, “Wouldn’t it be nice if all of us could communicate the scriptures like Francis Chan or speak with the clarity of Andy Stanley? Francis goes about 45 minutes… Andy averages about 40 minutes… I should do the same, right? Newsflash: You aren’t Chan! You aren’t Stanley. They are one in a million. So stop trying to talk as long as them!”

Every month I get the opportunity to hear youth workers speak to kids. The typical youth worker will talk to kids for about 25 to 45 minutes…. yes… sermons that feel longer than the last Lord of the Rings film. Sadly, regardless of the length and style, most of the speakers I hear today lose their audience within the first 3 to 7 minutes.

Why do we insist on torturing our kids with bad communication?

I wish this was just limited to a few isolated cases. Unfortunately, bad communication is abundant. I receive DVDs every month from people that want to be national speakers. Most these DVDs are from guys who insist that they have the gift of communication and want to speak for a living. Sometimes, watching these DVDs feels like watching the American Idol gag real. (You know, when the person applying is the only one that doesn’t realize they shouldn’t quit their day job!)

Maybe it sounds like I’m being harsh. After all, many youth ministries are run by volunteers that might not have the gift of communication. Does effective ministry require dynamic communicators?

Speaking candidly, wouldn’t most ministries prove to be much more effective if they simply knew the gifting of their leaders. In other words, Chuck isn’t a great communicator, so please stop giving him 40 minutes to talk to our kids every Wednesday night.

So what should we do?

I’m going to be blogging about this topic this week. So let me hear your comments. What are your thoughts on this subject? What should we do about this glaring struggle?

Gaining Trust, Connecting, Sharing…

Posted on: 05/5/11 3:10 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Yesterday I shared with you a snippet or two from an interview I did where I was asked about everything from “taking care of visitors to our youth group” to “spiritual growth in today’s teenagers.”

You can catch my responses to those questions in yesterday’s blog, PART I.

Here’s the remainder of my answers during that interview. PART II:

Michael – OK
-What are some of the best ways to gain the trust of new unchurched students?

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
Go beyond shaking hands and exchanging names. Actually take an interest in them. Sit with them. Invite them to join us in our small group. “We’re going to coffee afterwards- come with us.” “Text me- I’ll text you this week.”

I could go on, but honestly, my entire book CONNECT is devoted to helping us learn how to do this.

Jason – Dallas
– In your book “Connect” you talk a lot about getting to know kids on a one-on-one basis. Do you believe its possible to become so connected with students that they see you more as a peer and you lose your influence in their lives

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
I think parents struggle with this as well. “If I spend too much time being their buddy, will I not be seen as their parent?”

I wonder if Christ was accused of that when he descended to earth to become human.

There’s no danger in humbling yourself to be relational- to listen, to laugh, to play. The only danger would be if you lower your standards and try to be something you’re not, or allow yourself to do something inappropriate in effort to “be accepted.” This is a twisting of a good thing. There’s never anything wrong with a coach, a parent, a teacher, or a youth worker spending time listening to a kid share their heart, throwing a Frisbee, cheering together at a football game, laughing through a comedy. I bet more kids wish their dads would be there to do these activities. These activities actually earn trust and help the kid respect dad, or coach, or pastor Jason when he has to put the foot down and say, “Sorry, but you’re not going to do that.”

Ashley – WI
-How can we equip and train our youth to witness and share the gospel with nonbelievers in their everyday lives?

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
I think the reason most kids don’t share their faith is because they have nothing to share.

If we allow God to fill our cup, he’ll overflow it so much that it will spill everywhere and get everyone around us smelling like coffee.

My friend Kierra is so in love with God. She’s not an evangelist by any means. She’s just in love with God. Everywhere she go, she literally “reeks” God. She can’t help but talk about him. She went into a computer store to get her Dell fixed… as you need to do with any PC. A Muslim guy worked the counter. After talking with Kierra for just two minutes, he couldn’t help but say, “You’re really religious, yes?” It’s not because she wore cross ear rings or a shirt that said, “Kiss me, I’m Christian.” It’s because she couldn’t even turn in her computer without talking about how much she prayed that it would be fixable and how much she needed it for ministry, etc.

Next thing she knows, she’s in a conversation about God.

Everybody worships something. Think about it. What do you worship? Movies? Cars? Yourself?

We’ve all met people who worship their cars. All they can talk about is cars. You can’t have a conversation with this person without it touching the subject of automobiles.

Some people are hung up with their own sexuality. They can’t finish a sentence without talking about who they are sexually.

Kierra was that way with God. And guess what… she ended up talking with people about God.

We need to introduce people into a loving God, let them experience who he is so that God’s hope will be overflowing out of them. It’s only then that verses like I Peter 3:15-18 make sense when

1 Peter 3:15 (NIV)
15 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.
So many people miss that in the verse. They concentrate on the “always be prepared” and they miss the golden nugget of how the conversation will start in the first place. “ask you to give a a reason for the hope that you have…”

Why would someone ask you to give a reason for the hope that you have???

Because they see it!

Now that they see it… now talk!

Oh… and as for the question, how can we train and equip… that’s how. Get them to “reek” hope! But yes.. then when someone asks them, “What’s different about you?” “What’s that hope?” then we need to be ready to answer. So read a book like my DO THEY RUN WHEN THEY SEE YOU COMING? Which is all about sharing our faith with “unchurched” people. Or Greg Stier’s “DARE TO SHARE” book. Great ways to articulate your faith.

If you enjoyed this, you can listen to the entire podcast here on the Students and Culture website.

Students and Culture Interview

Posted on: 05/4/11 10:19 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I was interviewed recently on the Students and Culture podcast… some of you might have wanted an opportunity to peek in on that interview. For those that don’t have the time to listen to it, I’ve provided some of the highlights of it transcripted below.

Fun conversation. I start by giving a brief (60 second) history of THE SOURCE FOR YOUTH MINISTRY and how it came to be (by accident, actually). Then we chatted about churches reaching beyond their church walls… then I answered the following questions:

  – What is the best thing student groups can do to have return visitors?

  – If you only had one lesson left to teach a group of students, what would you teach and why?

  – What are some of the best ways to gain the trust of new unchurched students?

  – In your book “Connect” you talk a lot about getting to know kids on a one-on-one basis. Do you believe it’s possible to become so connected with students that they see you more as a peer and you lose your influence in their lives?

  – How can we equip and train our youth to witness and share the gospel with nonbelievers in their everyday lives?

You can listen to the podcast here on the Students and Culture website, or if you would prefer to just read the highlights, here’s a snippet of what I answered to those questions:

Jason – OK asked:
-What is the best thing student groups can do to have return visitors?

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
First- this question assumes that people are actually visiting! An aside… I think we need to be proactive to think of outreach as reaching more than those who actually DO show up. But yes, let’s definitely try to KEEP the ones that actually DO show up.

Last year a church brought me in to train their student leaders, but I first got an opportunity to attend their morning youth service. The first thing I did was simply sit in the back of the room and observe. I especially paid attention to “the door.” I tell youth workers this all the time. If you ever get a chance to just take a week where you can just sit in the back and watch the door– you’ll learn a lot. It’s fun to watch kids come in and look around. You can almost see what they’re thinking. “Where do I go? Are any of my friends here?” Sometimes, after a moments hesitation, you’ll actually see kids turn around a leave.”

What are we doing to make people think, “I belong!” I’m welcome here. I’m safe.

In my new book MINISTRY BY TEENAGERS, David gives an example of a youth ministry that decided to be proactive about making new kids feel like they belong. They did this with colored name tags, of all thing…  our book is full of ideas to do just that.

Noah – KY
– If you only had one lesson left to teach a group of students, what would you teach and why?

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
It depends on the students I’m talking to. I know that might sound like a copout answer, but I just need to at least know who I’m talking to. For example, am I speaking to a bunch of unchurched kids on campus? Or am I speaking at a Christian camp?

ON CAMPUS- I think I’d give them a talk that basically address the feeling we all get when we’ve tried to find fulfillment in all the temporary thrills of life, and when they don’t work, we finally proclaim, “There’s gotta be more than this!!” Basically, I speak to them about the unfulfilling temporary vs. the permanent love of God that comes through knowing Jesus Christ in a personal relationship.That passage so accurately describes the lies of this world, “lies that sound like the truth.”

AT A CAMP- I’d probably talk about the importance of letting God sit in the driver’s seat of our life- and what that actually looks like. I’m speaking in layman’s terms here. This is actually a lesson on how we need to give the Holy Spirit control. How the fruits of the spirit are not things we are to “TRY” to do, but qualities that flow from us when we let the Spirit in our life- when we “let God drive.” When we let him control the radio… you get the idea.

Noah – KY asked a second question:
– What do you see as the biggest deterrent to spiritual growth in today’s teens?

JONATHAN’S ANSWER:
We allow ourselves to be distracted by the world’s lies. In Ephesians, Paul talks about what it will be like when we mature in Christ. He says…

Ephesians 4:14-15 (NLT)
14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth.
15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church

We get comfy like David (II Samuel 11) did when he decided to give in to laziness- sleep in while his men were fighting. Give into lust- and turn on late night cable tv- women bathing- great view from the rooftops. Feed those desires- invite her over. Give into adultery. Sleep with her. Give into deception- plan a coverup where it looks like Uriah got her pregnant. And finally… commit murder.

I’ll post the rest of it in my next blog.

You can listen to the entire interview here.

Hilarious Promo

Posted on: 04/5/11 11:51 AM | by Jonathan McKee

This video was too good to not share.

As most of you know, our www.TheSource4YM.com has a “STUPID SKITS” page. Yes… they truly are just stupid skits. We’ve found that skits can be a fun way to break down walls with kids. Young Life has been using them successfully for years.

I just received an email from Joel, a Youth for Christ/Campus Life guy in Kansas who used one of the skits from our skit page, shooting it as a promo video for their Campus Life.

Hilarious! Check it out:

If you can’t see the embedded video, click here.

(My favorite part is when the 300 music kicks in and the chair gets back up!)

Good job Joel! Give your kids props from us here at THE SOURCE!

Parenting- from a High School Girl’s Perspective

Posted on: 02/17/11 10:00 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Last Saturday I was preparing to teach a 4 hour parent workshop in a small church in Antelope, CA when a high school girl came Kaitlyn walked up to me with her friend and said, “Are you the guy that’s going to be training our parents?”

How’s that for a loaded question?

I smiled and said, “Yep, that’s me. Got any suggestions?”

She said, “As a matter of fact, I wrote a list of things that you should address.” She returned the smile and handed me a sheet of paper with 7 points handwritten in blue pen.

I quickly looked over her 7 pieces of advice for parents and asked her, “Can we look at some of these right now?” Kaitlyn agreed.

I read #1 out loud:

1. Do not wake up kids anytime before 9AM on Saturday.

My eyes looked up at her from her list, “What time did they wake you up this morning?”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “8 AM.”

I nodded disapprovingly. “Sinful! Every parent should know better than that. Let’s look at #2.”

2. Do not talk down to their kids.

I asked Kaitlyn. Give me an example.

Without hesitation, Kaitlyn’s friend blurted out, “Why aren’t you ever home! Why don’t you do your chores!”

With equal speed I inquired back, “Do you do your chores? Are you ever home?”

“Yes, and no.” She replied candidly. “Sometimes I do my chores, but I don’t want to be home because they’re always yelling at me.”

“Hmmmmm.” I stroked my chin. “So how do you wish they’d communicate with you when you don’t do what you’re supposed to?”

Kaitlyn interjected, “They can talk with me like I’m an adult you know!”

The conversation went on for about 5 minutes as people were finishing setup for the workshop. It was a fun interaction. The encounter with Kaitlyn and her friend kept the “teenage perspective” fresh in my mind, warming me up for the parenting workshop.

A few hours into the workshop I read Kaitlyn’s list to the parents and we talked about some of them. One thing we noticed was an underlying desire for conversation rather than overreaction. And her point #7 surprised many of the parents- a call for consistancy from us in discipline. I addressed both of these issues in the workshop.

Here’s her entire list- exactly as written by Kaitlyn.

1. Do not wake up kids anytime before 9:00 AM on Saturday.

2. Do not talk down to your kids.

3. Grounding does not work.

4. Your family is a team, not a government.

5. Ask God for help when you need it.

6. Don’t argue with your kids. Discuss, and assist the situation.

7. Stay firm to what you say.

I love Kaitlyn’s aspiration for conversation. Yes, I wouldn’t agree with everything Kaitlyn said here, but the point is… this is her perspective. This is what she’s feeling. There’s a lot to learn here.

A few months ago my daughter Alyssa was really frustrated with me because I wouldn’t let her go somewhere with her friends. She ended up stomping off, calling me unfair and marching to her room. A half hour later I talked with her about the situation. I asked her to do something. I gave her a piece of paper and told her to write out, “I wish my dad would just…” and write as many of those as she wanted. I told her, “Tomorrow, when we go out for breakfast, I’ll listen to each one of these.” (We go out to breakfast once a week- just me and Lyssy)

I actually describe the whole incident in my upcoming parenting book so I won’t spoil it here. But it was a fantastic conversation. She expressed things to me that I needed to hear. And, after I truly listened to her feelings, she readily accepted where I had to put the foot down and just say, “Sorry, you’re not going to do that.”

It was really a landmark moment in our relationship. And it started with me truly listening to her perspective.

I look forward to talking more on this subject to many of you in my parent workshops at your churches this year.

What do you notice from Kaitlyn’s list?

What can you do to better hear your kids’ perspective?