Apes, WW2 Soldiers, Kids with Super 8 Cameras…

Posted on: 08/8/11 2:54 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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This has been a pretty good summer for movies, with a large number of family-friendly-flicks available.

This is refreshing news for parents, because if we learned one thing on Fox’s Teen Choice Awards last night (here’s our recap of what you can learn about pop-youth-culture from the Teen Choice Awards), it’s that kids are watching more raunchy (and R-rated) movies than ever before.

It’s nice to know that we have a few decent picks in the smorgasbord of movie choices. Here’s a glimpse of some of the ones I think are worth it for families with links to my full reviews from our MOVIE REVIEWS & QUICK Q’s page:

1. Rise of the Planet of the Apes: For parents of teenagers, this film is a fun option. Those of you who follow me on Twitter received my tweets from the midnight premier of this film last Thursday night. I brought my own three teenagers to the opening and all of us enjoyed it immensely!

The film avoided any raunchy talk or sexual situations. Parents will just want to use discernment because of the PG-13 violence. I give my detailed thoughts about Rise of the Planet of the Apes as well as some discussion questions here.

2. Captain America: I’ve already blogged about how refreshing Captain America is compared to other films of late. Here’s a film with good ol’ fashion values, emphasizing the importance of internal character over external features. This film is probably one of my favorite films of the year for provoking discussion with kids. It’s an easy conversation piece because most kids love the film and it’s not preachy in any way.

We provide some good discussion questions you can use in our detailed review of the film.

3. Super 8: This film was probably my favorite film of the year. I would have no hesitation bringing teenagers to this film. The most objectionable thing is the swearing. Sadly, kids are so used to swearing these days that the PG-13 language in this film hardly will phase them.

J.J. Abrams (Star Trek, Mission Impossible 3 & 4, TV’s Lost and Fringe…) brings this wonderful story to the screen, a nostalgic tale of a group of kids in 1979 (yes, I was a kid then) who are shooting a super 8 film when they witness a catastrophic train crash. Soon, inexplicable events begin occurring  and this small group of friends start to uncover the truth.

This film reminded me of what E.T. was to me in 1980 (a little language in that one too), a really fun  and suspenseful film.

Todd wrote up a full review and discussion questions for this film here.

NODS:
I think we would be remiss to not give a nod to a few other films like Cowboys & Aliens (this film has a great scene that provokes discussion), Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Kung Fu Panda 2, and Thor.

VIDEO RELEASES:
I also have to mention some great family options for rent:

Soul Surfer (amazing film)
Rio
Arthur (yes, this film surprised me big time!)
True Grit

I’m sure I’ve missed some, but those are the films that I was compelled to tell you about… from one movie fan to another.

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No Consequences- A Glimpse at the Top 10

Posted on: 08/1/11 11:56 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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Every week or so I like to take a little tour through iTunes’ top 10 songs just to familiarize myself with the content of the most popular songs that young people are saturating in day after day. This morning, I thought I’d take you on this tour with me. I won’t hit every song… but I’ll give you a birds’ eye view.

The first thing I notice is what songs are still hanging on the charts that have been riding the charts for weeks (or months) now.

The #1 song, Party Rock Anthem, by LMFAO (yes, that acronym means what you think it means), is still #1 and has been for weeks, actually months now. This song also claims the #1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart where it has sat for months (it’s been on that chart for 18 weeks now).

The video is also one of the most popular videos (currently #2 on iTunes, playing teeter totter with Katy’s Last Friday Night) and features some amazing dancing. The video isn’t very raunchy (other than the typical girls in revealing clothes gyrating), but the song offers some interesting lyrics that most our kids know pretty well after 18 weeks of hearing this song again, and again, and again…

In the club party rock, lookin’ for your girl? She on my jock
Nonstop when we in the spot, booty movin’ weight like she on the block
Where the drank? I gots to know, tight jeans, tattoo ’cause I’m rock ‘n’ roll
Half black, half white, domino, game the money, op-a-doe

Yo, I’m runnin’ through these ho’s like Drano…

Lyrics like these usually slip under the radar of parents. Phrases like “on my jock” (which usually means that she’s my girl, often implying sexual activity) and “running through these ho’s” (ho’s is kindly bleeped out of the video lyrics) are just subtle phrases typical of this genre. Kids would most likely call this song “clean,” after all, no cusswords. But the message of the song is clear: partying, drinking, and dancing is where it’s at! And if you think that sounds innocent, then keep reading the lyrics:

One more shot for us, another round
Please fill up my cup, don’t mess around
We just wanna see you shake it now
Now you wanna be, you’re naked now

Enough said.

The #3 song, Last Friday Night, by Katy Perry has also been on the top of the chart since mid June. The song has been on the Billboard Hot 100 for 9 weeks, currently sitting at #2 there. This song, another drink, party… and then do it all again next weekend song clearly pounds the message “our actions have no consequences.” No need to dissect this song, I already blogged about it and it’s still #1 video mid June when it first hit #1.

The #7 song, Super Bass, by Nicki Minaj is another song that has been in the top 10 for literally months. The song sits #4 on the Billboard Hot 100, a chart it has been on for 13 weeks now. The video is #4 on iTunes and shows Nicki and her girls half dressed giving what would best be described as lap dances to a bunch of guys. The lyrics are actually deemed “explicit,” no surprise with lines like this:

He just gotta give me that look, when he give me that look
Then the panties comin’ off, off, unh

Nicki rarely refrains from this type of talk.

The #9 song, Give me Everything, by Pitbull, has also been on the top of the chart for months. The song has been on the Billboard Hot 100 for 17 weeks now, currently riding at #3 (#2 last week).

The song simply says, “Give me Everything Tonight” over and over again, and I assure you, he’s not ordering condiments for his hot dog (no pun intended).

The #10 song, Rolling in the Deep, by Adele, is the king of this particular cluster of songs. The song has been in the top 10 for literally half a year, riding at #1 for much of that. The song is currently #5 on the Billboard Hot 100, having been on that chart for 29 weeks now.

This song is well-written, agonizing words from someone recovering from a breakup. It’s one of the few songs on the top of the charts that I actually like right now.

But the iTunes top 10 also features some newcomers, including the #2 song, Lighters from Eminem and Bruno Mars. The song officially is by a group “Bad meets Evil” which is Eminem and fellow Detroit rapper Royce.

I am really curious to see if they will produce a “clean” version of this song, because the song is so stuffed full of curse words that I don’t know how they could really pull it off. It’s typical Eminem: great beat, very poetic… and filthy.

Another newcomer to the top of the charts is Tonight Tonight, by Hot Chelle Rae. This #4 song was featured on the #1 show on television last week, America’s Got Talent as the group performed it live. I predict the song, now 15 weeks on the Billboard Hot 100, rising even higher on the charts.

The lyrics are pretty synonymous with the others in the top 10:

We’re going at it tonight tonight
There’s a party on the rooftop top of the world
Tonight tonight and were dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign
I don’t know if I’ll make it but watch how good I’ll fake it
Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight

I woke up with a strange tattoo
Not sure how I got it, not a dollar in my pocket

Sound familiar? Have fun tonight, party, dance… wake up the next morning not knowing what happened.

The rest of iTunes top 10 are easy to evaluate yourself. Britney Spears with her typical mindless “I’m gonna lose control” droll, and Lil Wayne with a surprisingly tame song. I encourage you to give these songs a preview and Google the lyrics.

The message seems clear to this younger generation: party, dance, have fun… no consequences. And seeing that these charts reflect the most purchased songs in circulation right now, I can’t help but wonder… do parents really know what their kids are listening to?

Hmmmmmm.

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Increase in Alcohol Use by Girls

Posted on: 07/28/11 12:53 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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A few weeks ago a parent pulled me aside after one of my parent workshops asking me for advice. She began telling me about her daughter’s drinking problem. Her daughter was 16-years-old and attended a local Christian school.

Sadly, this parent isn’t alone.

David wrote about this phenomena in this week’s Youth Culture Window article on our website: Liquor and Lip Gloss. Here’s just a snippet:

It’s been hypothesized for a few years that girls now drink more alcohol than guys, and for more serious reasons, as well. These findings from The Partnership for a Drug Free America hint at an increase in alcohol use by girls over the past decade that’s been slow, but steady. The result is that the number of middle school and high school girls who say they drink sits at 59% while boys continue to hover around the 52% mark. (Equally important was the research team’s discovery that girls are more likely than guys to drink and use drugs as a way to avoid problems and relieve stress.)

But now, the latest studies on “binge-drinking” by teens make the situation even more serious…

This article was eye-opening. CLICK HERE for the entire article.

Alcohol is just one area where parents are becoming lackadaisical, hoping and assuming that their kids aren’t making bad choices. Meanwhile, young people are hearing from every other source that drinking is not only okay, but it’s fun, and usually involves no regrets (As Katy Perry put it in her hit song Last Friday Night, “I’m pretty sure it ruled!” More on that song HERE). Interesting… when I talk with parents inside and outside of the church, most of them don’t have a clue that their kids are listening to songs like this either.

Let me share some good news. I’ve done the research, and the research is clear: parents that are present in their kids lives can make a huge difference. I talk about this more in this article on StudentMinistry.org where I guest blogged this week… the article was called, When Parents Don’t Have a Clue. I encourage you to take a peek.

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Why Captain America is a Better Hero

Posted on: 07/25/11 9:46 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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As I sit and type this, my 13-year-old is with her friends at the movie theaters. I don’t blame her– movies are a fun choice on 90+ degree summer days. Summer movies are almost a rite of passage for some teenagers. Sadly, there isn’t always a good selection of appropriate movies available.

If Transformers III is any indication of what kids are supposed to watch these days, then we’re all in trouble (my rant about that film here). Sex, eye-candy, bad-attitude and crude humor are commonplace for most films today.

Well, don’t be discouraged, a new hero has emerged in a film that is much more about internal character than muscles and moves! I’m talking about the newly released, Captain America, with Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving and more.

The following email was in my inbox this morning:

I know it JUST came out, but have you had time to review “Captain America” yet? I’d planned to do a “guys night out to the movies” with my middle school and high school boys and their dads. I’d like to see Captain America. BUT not if it is not a “good” idea. Just wondering your take on the movie. -Jeff Smith, Wilson, NC

My answer to Jeff is an enthusiastic, “Yes, take them to see it!”

Lori and I took my 18-year-old son Alec and his girlfriend to see it on opening night and we were NOT disappointed one bit. The film was not only entertaining, it was wholesome and fun for the entire family (unlike Transformers III).

Many of you have seen the preview for Captain America (I won’t give anything away that the preview doesn’t), where we see a small, physically weak guy who really wants to serve his country, but keeps being rejected because of his size. The movie asks great questions: what kind of soldiers do we want? What is more important, brawn or bravery… internal or external?

In one scene, the professor in charge of the whole “Captain America” experiment was talking with Captain America and he told him, “Promise me that you will stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier but a perfect man.” It was really amazing to see these kind of values on the big screen. I was waiting for someone to quote I Samuel 16:7, “People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

The film providing some really touching moments in addition to all the action. We all were thoroughly entertained from the first minute.

I gotta admit. Most of these hero films in the “Avengers” series have been pretty good. I look forward to next summer when we’re going to see all the characters together (Hulk, Ironman, Thor and Captain America). NOTE: If you go see the film, make sure you wait through the credits for a little “Easter egg.”

We’ll post our official review of Captain America on our MOVIE REVIEWS & QUICK Q’s page today with some discussion questions you can ask, using I Samuel 16:7.

This is a great film to watch with your family or youth group and discuss afterwards over ice cream!

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Top 10 Words/Phrases You Don’t Want to Use Anymore

Posted on: 07/21/11 1:58 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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I recently heard a pastor tell his congregation, “God wants us to be a tool.” The high school kids sitting in front of me exploded in laughter.
Allow me to quote the great Inigo Montoya (“Princess Bride”). “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
It’s hard to keep up with the slang and talk that young people use today. Just when we think we’re beginning to understand them, they start using brand new words, and the vocabulary we use becomes “so yesterday.”
I probably won’t be the first person to tell you that you shouldn’t feel the pressure to try to be current and sound like someone you’re not (This is something I talked about in my discussion starter book, What’s a Fo’ Sheezy?), but at the same time, it might be good to at least familiarize yourself with current slang enough to know what NOT to say. An obvious example would be a little over a decade ago when we first realized that we shouldn’t tell our kids to “be sure and wear their thongs” around the pool because we were worried about them getting athlete’s foot.
Here’s 10 phrases we might want to kill from our vocabulary permanently because of the chuckles they’ll bring from this generation.
I just want to be a tool!
You probably should avoid this nice little metaphor from now on. A “tool” is basically a slang term for the male genitals. So when we might want to communicate to our kids that we can be an instrument used by God, don’t tell them that you want to be a guy’s junk. That brings up another word…
 
Junk
I remember the good ol’ days when the word “junk” meant trash. Now it usually refers to a guy’s “package.” Guys will commonly be heard referring to their “junk.” For instance, if they got hit with a dodge ball between the legs, they’ll say, “You hit me in the junk!” This phrase seems most common when talking about male genitals, but even Kesha in her hit song Tik Tokrefers to guys trying to touch her “junk.” Years prior you would hear the term “junk in the trunk” referring to someone with a big booty. Some would argue that in certain contexts, junk still means booty. But most often, it’s around the corner from there. (I wonder what lies in the future for junkyards?)

My friend and I hooked up after dinner.
No you didn’t. You “hung out” together. You “kicked it” over at his place. You didn’t “hook up” with him, unless you had some sort of casual sexual encounter with no strings attached. Stop saying “hook up” unless you’re a member of the Jersey Shore cast.
FTW
No, this doesn’t just stand for “For The Win” anymore. Kids know this to mean, F*** The World (probably some credit should be given to Lil Wayne for the popularity of this phrase). This acronym isn’t as well knows as FML (made popular by this website), but it is known in many circles. My buddy Dan Manns, a youth worker in NY, recently had a bad experience with this one.

 “We were playing a game and I said the winning team’s name followed by the phrase ‘FTW’ which I had always associated with ‘For The Win.’ However, after saying that phrase the room went hush and there was a noticeable pallor that set in the faces of many of the students and leaders—the whole atmosphere had changed once I said that. I noticed this and quickly added “For the Win” hoping that I didn’t say anything too offensive. It was too late…”

It wouldn’t kill ya to eliminate “For the Win” from your vocabulary.

That’s gay
Sadly, this term was commonplace in previous decades; I wish the term were totally extinct. It’s not. I still hear kids (and even some adults) frequent the term. This term is just insensitive. If you ever want to completely close the doors to having a positive influence in the life of someone experimenting with same-sex relationships… just use terms like this. If by chance this term is floating around in your vocabulary, hit the delete button on this one.

Hit that
Guys commonly will check out a girl and say, “Oh, I’d like to hit that,” stating a desire to have sex with her. Consequently, the word “hit” has been corrupted. As much as I know this, I commonly forget and mess this one up. Literally yesterday I was picking up my daughters from youth group. As I was leaving, their friend Jeffrey jumped in front of my car. He innocently turned his backside toward my headlights, laughing and daring me to hit him. My 13-year-old said, “You should have hit him right in the butt, Dad!” Before thinking, I rolled down the window and yelled, “I really wanted to hit that!” Awkward.

Tap that
“Tap that” has the exact same meaning as “hit that.” Similarly, it has corrupted most uses of the word “tap.” How many times have you sat in a meeting where someone says, “Now we need to start tapping into that resource”? Maybe that doesn’t sound so bad, but soon people start talking about resources we’d like to tap into. In my last book, I tried to explain to the editor why we couldn’t keep a sentence that said, “She had resources that everyone wanted to tap.” Sigh.

I’ll go down
Please don’t. People used to “go down” in history, or “go down” in flames. If someone held a record for most homeruns they might have “gone down” as having the best record. Now days, you don’t want to announce “going down.” For most young people, “going down” brings oral sex to mind. My buddy Jason used the term with a friend when they risked grabbing some Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups from his mom’s kitchen. Knowing he might get in trouble, Jason said, “I’m willing to go down for those.” Let’s just say that Jason had some explaining to do.

That’s what she said
Sometimes you’ll find yourself verifying what someone said in everyday conversation. When you do, you probably would avoid some chuckles if you steered clear of the phrase, “that’s what she said.” When I worked construction years ago, this was the joke frequently used by anyone who wasn’t creative enough to use actual humor. The phrase hasn’t gone away, maybe because of people like Steve Carell who are keeping the joke alive, or maybe just because the world is full of people that are really trying hard to be funny.

Rack
I don’t care if your mom bought a new bike rack, cooked a rack of lamb, or prepared the yummiest rack of ribs you’ve ever tasted… don’t compliment her on her rack. Look it up.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:

Partner– sure, it might be common in the business world, but today it means so much more!

Oral– Oral reports, oral exams. Sure, they’re common. But be careful when saying, “Today she’ll do the written; tomorrow she’ll do the oral.”

Back door– Not a good idea to put this on a flier. You never want to tell kids to go in the back door, enter through the rear… enough said.

Anything that rhymes with “eezy” or “izzle”- Snoop Dog can still get away with this… but you can’t. Stop it.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? What words/phrases did we miss? Jump on and comment- let us in on the verbal catastrophes you’ve experienced.

 
FOR EVEN MORE SLANG TERMS OLD AND NEW,
 
HT to my friends David Smith, Daniel Manns, Jason Talley and Adam Wormann

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My Prayer for Lil Wayne

Posted on: 07/7/11 1:51 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Last night I had the most vivid dream about rapper Lil Wayne.

Don’t worry… I’m not gonna get weird on you, but for some reason I had a dream that I met Lil Wayne and we engaged in an intriguing conversation.

I don’t know what triggered it. Maybe it was because yesterday on the plane all day I was writing the shooting script for a new YS/Zondervan curriculum based on my book on evangelism, Do They Run When They See You Coming? My theme of that whole curriculum is, “An authentic faith opens the door to authentic conversations.”

In my dream I saw the famous rapper Wayne in some sort of office building passing in the hallway. He didn’t have any bodyguards- just him. We got into an elevator together and I leaned over and told him, “You’re very talented. You have the ears of this young generation.”

He politely said, “Thank you.”

I paused and said, “You know… you have an awesome responsibility.”

He didn’t say anything; he just looked at me. In my dream I debated whether to keep going. I didn’t know if I was pushing too far for a first conversation, but then I figured, this is going to be my ONLY conversation with him! It’s not like he’s gonna wanna come over and hang out with me. That would be the ideal way to have a conversation- one that flows naturally out of a friendship. Nothing forced.

But in stranger-on-a-train fashion, I went ahead and spoke the truth. I said, “Like it or not, you’re a role model for young kids. They love your music. They listen to what you are saying. They imitate you. They look up to you.”

I don’t know how true this dream was to real life, but in my dream he just stood listening.

I finally asked him, “What would you like them to glean from you when they watch you and listen to you day in and day out? You have the power to make an impact in their lives. It’s your choice what that impact will be.”

The dream got weird and next thing I knew Lil Wayne and I were at my cousin’s ranch trying to walk through some mud. It was hard to step through, but we worked together to get through it. We eventually got through it and he smiled at me.

That’s all I remember.

I woke up and couldn’t get that dream out of my head. I’m no Joseph, so I probably won’t offer any good interpretation to this dream, but I found it interesting that my initial “one-sided” conversation with him didn’t yeild a response from him. But once we went through the muck together, something happened. Possibly because that’s how it often works in real life.

I pray that Wayne would move next door to someone with an authentic faith, someone that will invite him over for BBQ and become friends with him. Someone that will be there to help him carry that heavy hide-a-bed from the living room to the den, and maybe even share a cold drink with him after helping him plant a tree in his backyard. Someone who will live such an authentic life that Wayne can’t help but eventually just ask him, “What is it about you?”

And this person will be prepared to give an answer to anyone who asks about the hope that’s within (I Peter 3:15-18). An authentic life will have opened the door to an authentic conversation.

That is my prayer this morning—my prayer for Lil Wayne.

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Transformers Not for Kids

Posted on: 07/6/11 12:00 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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Last week I went to see the new Transformers: Dark of the Moon film with two of my friends. We braved the theatres in the middle of the afternoon, a theatre full of young kids– literally toddlers and elementary school kids.

What a disappointment.

The film was upsetting on several levels.

First, it was just plain boring. The film was 2 and a half hours long, and had about 20 to 30 minutes of entertaining story. The rest was robots fighting. Yawn. (Seriously. I wish I brought a book!)

Second, it was just inappropriate for kids. Sure, I’d be the first to tell you that parents should probably not let their 7-year-old see a film rated “Rated PG-13 for intense prolonged sequences of sci-fi action violence, mayhem and destruction, and for language, some sexuality and innuendo.” But the film’s opening credits revealed that Hasbro (the toy company) was a producer. Who is this film being marketed to? The age of the audience in my theatre said it all.

Should little Billy be watching…

  – a girl in her underwear walking up the stairs (camera following her butt) to get in bed with Sam

  – two robots making jokes about Sam “getting lucky”

  – the same two robots calling each other “d**khead”

  – Sam’s mom suggesting that the only reason Sam got two beautiful girlfriends was because of a large… Sam cuts her off by saying, “What the f…” and never finishes the sentence.

  – When Sam receives an award from the president, he mouths, “What the f**k!”

Should your 14-year-old watch that? The movie just wasn’t made for kids.

Todd and I are posting our detailed review as well as some discussion questions on our MOVIE REVIEWS & QUICK Q’s page later today on both www.TheSource4YM.com and www.TheSource4Parents.com 

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My 13-year-old's Perspective on Selena & Self-Esteem

Posted on: 06/30/11 2:53 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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My 13-year-old Ashley asked me this morning, “Dad, have you seen Selena Gomez’ music video for Who Says?”

I told her that I’d noticed the video in the Top 10 on iTunes, but never had taken time to watch it. Ashley told me, “Dad… it’s got a great message for young girls about self esteem!”

Ashley loves music and is always talking with me about the songs on the charts. (Many have already seen the video we just posted on our YouTube page of Ashley sharing her perspective to you about how parents can help set media guidelines for music in your house). So I took her advice and watched the Selena Gomez video. I was impressed with what Ashley saw, so I asked her, “Why don’t you write down your thoughts for my blog subscribers.”

Ashley did just that. Here’s her unedited “2 cents” about what young girls are learning from Selena Gomez’ video Who Says:

I usually don’t listen to Selena Gomez and don’t really have a lot of her songs on my iPod. But the other day i was on iTunes and i saw her newest album was out. So I clicked on it and saw one of her newer songs. It’s called “Who Says.” I decided to watch the video for it, cause i heard one of my friends at school say that this song was amazing and she loved it so much. I was very surprised when i finished it! This song is a message from Selena to all the insecure girls out there, saying to not worry because we are all beautiful inside and out.

Here are some of the lyrics:

I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me…

[Chorus]

Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty

This song really stuck out to me after I listened to it. And what was even better was the video. It starts showing Selena at a photo shoot all dressed up and wearing really pretty make up. But then she leaves the shoot and walks around the city, the whole time signs in the city are spelling words like “beautiful.” Then, at the end of the video, Selena walks into a bathroom, changes out of her dress into shorts and a shirt, removes her make up, and walks out on the beach with her friends.

I will admit, I didn’t have high expectations for this song and video. But after watching the video and seeing how she wasn’t afraid to take off her make up and be real, my opinion changed. Its like a voice inside of me said “Why don’t you do that ever Ashley?”  I think that its really cool that Selena isn’t afraid to do that (take off her make up). I mean, we always hear about actresses and singers saying for us to not be insecure and stuff, but they never really do anything about it themselves. Seeing Selena do this was awesome!

This song and video really changed the way i think about myself, and it definitely inspired me to be true to myself and not be scared to be me.

I’m really glad that Selena had the guts to do that, and i applaud her for it.

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Sexy Little Girls

Posted on: 06/22/11 3:57 PM | by Jonathan McKee

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I’m a father of two girls. I go shopping with them often. Let me say it simply: It’s becoming increasingly more difficult to find modest clothes and bathing suits for my daughters.

The fashion world is putting the pressure on, nudging young girls to get too sexy too soon. But most kids are on board. They’re simply following the fashion of their role models.

The question many parents and youth workers have is: where do we draw the line? We could be like the one mom we all know at church that always dresses her daughter in Amish-like apparel. I know her daughter well (I’ve met hundreds of them). When she turns 18 she’s going to rebel completely. She’s already started. Or I guess we can do the opposite and be like the overly-permissive parents of many of the girls we see on public high school campuses– girls who hardly wear anything at all.

Parents have a choice to make. Are they supposed to sway to either of these extremes? Is there a modest balance?

Youth workers have an equally difficult choice to make. In the U.S., it’s more difficult the next couple of months. The weather is hot, and that means bikinis, shirts with spaghetti straps, and other revealing attire. (As I sit here, my girls are at church camp- a camp that doesn’t allow two piece bathing suits. Some of the girls from our church literally didn’t have one-piece bathing suits. This can be a tough rule to enforce)

A FEW THOUGHTS:  (first I’ll link a couple great articles on the subject, then we’ll talk about what parents can do, then I’ll touch on how youth workers can set guidelines)

David wrote a really powerful article on this subject this week, Short Skirts, Short Shorts and Short Shirts. Here’s just a snippet:

According to their article published in the research journal Sex Roles, of the 5,666 pieces of clothing studied, 31% of them had “sexualized characteristics.” The sexualization of the clothing was usually in the form of “frequently emphasizing the look of breasts” or bringing “attention to the buttocks.”

We know that watching sexy TV shows has a direct correlation to early sexual activity, as does listening to sex-laden songs. But is there also an effect on girls who wear clothing that’s sexual? The researchers claimed that “Dressing girls in this way could contribute to socializing them into the narrow role of the sexually objectified woman.” (CLICK HERE FOR THE ENTIRE ARTICLE)

Some great discussion has transpired in the comment section of this article. I encourage you to check it out and/or join in.

I think parents inside and outside of the church are growing frustrated with some of the companies that are “selling out” to this kind of “oversexualized” clothing for young girls. A while back I blogged about an ABC news report titled, Too Sexy Too Soon, with a great video on the subject. Some parents are getting fed up with this “corporate pedophilia.”

So how can parents set guidelines?
First… I don’t think we need to over-react to either extreme mentioned above. Personally, I don’t see the need to wrap up our girls head to toe. I’ve had a conversation with my girls about the way they dress because of the simple truth that it affects the guys around them. I’ve talked about how “visual” guys are and how much bikinis and revealing tops can affect them. These have been good conversations.

Does that mean that we never have disagreements about apparel in my house? Ha! We have to remind my girls quite often. (I actually talk about this and some guidelines we use in greater detail in my book, Candid Confessions of an Imperfect Parent)

But Lori and I don’t just give up. We’ve set realistic guidelines and we’ve explained why they exist. My girls (13 and 15) are pretty cool with that.

What about youth workers?
How is a youth worker to respond when it’s summer camp and a girl shows up in a revealing two piece? (not that all one-peices AREN’T revealing!)

I actually addressed this on our ASK THE SOURCE page when a youth worker wrote and asked about a situation where they were trying to figure out a dress code for church activities, and how to approach kids that didn’t follow the code.

Here’s a snippet of my response:

I also think you can handle a lot of this one-on-one. If you see someone wearing something risqué, you can have a female staff talk with her. I would use discretion and be sensitive to “unchurched girls.” You don’t want to scare a kid away from the church over a bathing suit. And let me assure you- the world has no problem with small swim suits.

I spoke for a church last year at a one week water-ski camp and they had a similar rule about bathing suits. Sure enough, a few girls wore risqué suits. I saw two female staff approach girls about this. It was interesting to see the difference in the two approaches. When someone first voiced the concern, the two staff girls spoke up. The first announced, “I have no problem telling her to change. Where is she? Watch this!” I think this staff girl was a little more excited about the chance to enforce her power than she was caring about the individual. The girl’s reaction was not good. Not surprising.

However, the second staff lady handled her situation quite well. She was one of the mothers on the trip and when the situation arose, she simply said, “I’ll talk with her.” You should have seen her gentle approach. She just walked up to her, put her arm around her and said something to her about “a pretty girl like you doesn’t need any more help getting guys to look at you.” Then she joked with her. “Why don’t you wear this t-shirt this week over that suit and have mercy on some of our guys.”

I remember that incident well. It’s amazing how most situations can be defused when you and your team of leaders pour on “love.”

So what do you think? How are youth workers and parents to set these guidelines? Where do you draw the line?

Posted in Discussion Ideas, Family, Parenting, Self Image, Sexuality, Youth Culture, Youth Ministry Philosophy |  | Leave A Comment

Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night”

Posted on: 06/14/11 11:59 AM | by Jonathan McKee

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Katy Perry is at it again, and as always, our kids are paying attention.

Katy’s new video for Last Friday Night is already #1 on iTunes and has millions of views on YouTube. This funny but racy video features plenty of popular cameos, drawing viewers of all ages. Like much of Katy’s work, the song and video are really well done, but they are also chock full of subtle lies that our kids are definitely consuming a gallon at a time.

Sadly, most kids will call this video “clean.” It doesn’t have any sex, nudity or cussing.

Clean… right?

The lyrics say it all, opening with the line, “There’s a stranger in my bed.” Unfortunately, the song only digresses:

Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I’m screwed
Oh well
It’s a black top blur
But I’m pretty sure it ruled

Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop-op
Whoa-oh-oah

This Friday night
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again…

The video takes a much more comedic approach, with Katy all geeked out with braces, glasses and a headgear (a creative alter ego named Kathy Beth Terry who she first tried on on Saturday Night Live). Katy wakes up in a house trashed from the party the night before. Rebecca Black (of the hit video Friday) helps give Katy a makeover, and then she’s desirable to all at the party (where she gets drunk, pukes, passes out…) You can check it out for yourself on YouTube.

As the song and video ends, our kids are left with the lyrics… “The Friday night, do it all again.”

The video is going viral, with cameos from Kenny G, Rebecca Black, Corey Feldman, Debbie Gibson, and some of the Glee Cast. An article on Billboard.com informs us that Perry has been “taking her kathy Beth Terry alter-ego to the next level, launching Facebook and Twitter pages for the fictional eighth grader.”

This video won’t be going away anytime soon.

Posted in Entertainment Media, Music, Youth Culture |  | Leave A Comment