The Content Behind The Top Ten

Posted on: 10/18/10 2:59 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I always find it intriguing to see what kids are currently listening to. Last weekend at the parent workshop I taught in Philly, I encouraged parents to jump onto iTunes any given day, see what the top songs were, watch snippets of the videos and Google the lyrics.

Let’s take a quick peek at a few of today’s top songs that kids are downloading.

#1 Song: Like a G6, by the Far East Movement.

Lyrics:

Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6…

…Get them bottles poppin, we get that drip and that drop
Now give me 2 more bottles cuz you know it don’t stop
Hell Yeaa
Drink it up, drink-drink it up…

The message is clear. No need to go into more detail, I blogged all about it last week.

#2 Only Girl (in the World), by Rihanna

The video is #1, which really surprises me. It’s painfully boring– I really doubt it will remain #1 very long. It shows her dancing around… being Rihanna (or as the American Psychological Association would put it, “sexualized”).

The lyrics:

Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world
Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love
Like I’m the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world…

Forget the video for a second. I find those lyrics very Interesting–a plea to be “the only one that you’ll ever love.” Those are pretty monogamous words from such a non-committal, ‘hookup’ society. What a good discussion point to start conversations with teenagers.

Oh… but just in case you think the song might be just about love. Don’t get your hopes up. Today’s music almost always has to include sex as well. The song goes on…

Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Oh make it last all night
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Make it last all night

#3 Just a Dream, by Nelly

Okay, this has to be the cleanest thing I’ve ever heard out of Nelly (he doesn’t have an album without the EXPLICIT warning). It’s a pretty catchy song and kids love it. It was the only slow song they played at the dance I chaperoned two weekends ago.

Here’s some of the lyrics:

I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can’t take it, knowing somebody’s got my baby.
And now you ain’t around, baby I can’t think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I’m tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain’t right.

CHORUS
I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

Correct me if I’m wrong… but are we hearing another song talking about desiring “one love” from “one person.” It’s almost as if we were created with that desire. Hmmmmmm.

Some other songs of interest.

#6 Raise Your Glass, by Pink

Sigh. Another, “I’m Pink, I’m angry, so I’m drinking” song?

Lyrics:

So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass

Slam slam, oh hot damn
What part of party don’t you understand,
Wish you’d just freak out (freak out already)
Can’t stop, coming in hot,
I should be locked up right on the spot
It’s so on right now (so f**kin on right now)

I quote Pepito from Doctor DoLittle 2. “So young. So angry. D*mn that rap music!”

#7 Bottoms Up, by Trey Songz, featuring Nicki Minaj

Here’s a screenshot from the video.

Any questions?

#8 Club Can’t Handle Me, by Flo Rida

Flo Rida, known for his mega hit, Low, the #1 song of the year in 2008, is back again. This time with more of the same. Good dance music that all the kids love, with lyrics that all the parents hate:

Still feelin myself I’m like outta control
Can’t stop now more shots lets go
Ten more rounds can I get a Kato
Paparazzi trying to make me pose
Came to party to I came no more
Celebrate coz that’s all I know
Tip the groupies takin off their clothes

Nice.

So what should we do as parents and youth workers?
1. Keep aware. Jump on iTunes like I just did right there and look to see what kids are listening to. Take a peek at the video, Google the lyrics. It’s good to know what music our kids are marinating in.

2. If you hear these songs, use them as a springboard for conversations with kids, just like the Apostle Paul did in Acts 17. I pointed out a few points of discussion above. Or, you can use our free MUSIC DISCUSSIONS at www.TheSource4YM.com … they provide small group questions, scripture, and everything you need. We’re also about to launch our parenting page that will have MUSIC DISCUSSIONS for parents to use as springboards for conversations with their kids.

Stories from Mom’s Protecting Kids Online

Posted on: 10/13/10 11:00 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Last week I shared with you about a lunch I had with an FBI agent who was picking my brain about kids in today’s culture, the dangers they face, etc. This guy has helped develop a piece of software that helps parents monitor their kids’ browsing habits online. Many of you jumped onto the site to sign up for their free beta-test.

I told you that I’d provide you with some stories of real moms and dads who tried out this software called Parental Options. Interesting stuff. Here’s a few:

1)      My  husband and I were attending a  prayer vigil  at our church.  Our time slot was from 11:00 pm to midnight.  At about 11:30 pm, my cell phone began to vibrate.  Parental Options was sending me an alert that our son was on the computer.  We set usage parameters for his computer until 10:00 pm, and he was on the computer while we were away from home.  I sent a text home and the computer was turned off.
2)      There are a number of times where the software has helped us to know just how much time was spent on Facebook and other interesting websites vs. getting homework done.  We expect our kids will multi-task but it is an eye opener for us (and them) when you can take a look at something that is recording the frequency (and duration) of toggling between a word document and Facebook for example.  Healthy conversations are a result.  Parental Options software has facilitated our ability to talk about the content available via the internet just as we would about TV or movies.  Our kids are not navigating this part of their lives alone.
3)      My daughter was engaged in IM chat in Facebook around 2am with someone that she had just met at school.  (She was up doing homework). The Parental Options program highlighted all of the words in the chat conversation that are “grooming” words (words that signal that a person is trying to get to know someone, and establish a trusted relationship with them).  The program was teaching us what to look for when reviewing her activity. 
4)      I got the software just to check on my kids’ internet browsing from time to time.  Unfortunately, I found that one of my boys had visited some pornographic sites. (Parental Options says that viewing browser history alone isn’t completely reliable because kids can use multiple browsers and erase some history while keeping the rest. I didn’t know that.) 
5)      My son was playing an online game and chatting there with a “friend” from school.  This “friend” was bullying him and using language that would tear apart anyone’s self confidence. This was caught and addressed because the software highlighted some of the words that were used in the conversation. ( At this point, not all bullying language will be highlighted because people can be vicious in such diverse ways.  But, with the software running, you always have the opportunity to scan the chat and ask your child about the person they were interacting with.)   

Here’s the web site where you can read a little more about it: ParentalOptions.com  …I’m pretty impressed with what I have seen so far.

Helping Parents Protect Their Kids Online

Posted on: 10/7/10 5:00 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay, I just had a fascinating lunch with an ex-FBI agent (friend of a friend) who developed some software that helps parents monitor their kids’ browsing habits online. He was picking my brain about many of the dangers teenagers are flirting with today, and what I teach at my parenting seminars equipping parents to teach good discernment. Fun conversation. This guy had some amazing stories of child predators he had caught.

Let me just say that this software he’s working on has my attention! (And they’ve got a free version that they’re allowing me to share with you for beta-testing. More on that in a minute.)

As you might imagine, parents are always emailing me asking me, “Do you know of any software that will protect my kid online?” “How do I know what my kids are saying on Facebook?” Or sometimes parents ask me, “Do you have anything that will keep my teenager from browsing porn!”

These kinds of software packages are interesting. I’ve seen a lot of them. I gotta admit: I really like the ones that provoke conversations between parents and their kids.

The company that this guys started is called ParentalOptions.com. They are sincere and passionate about empowering parents with the necessary tools to help their kids learn how to use the internet and social networking  wisely. The cool thing is, as I mentioned, this team of retired FBI agents and parents have designed a software package that is now open for free beta testing.

I appreciate that their software is intended to promote conversations between parents and kids about their activities on the computer; they emphasize that it  is not spyware. Their goal is that by installing the software, clients would receive the direct benefits of their experience and knowledge of the many hidden dangers of the Internet.  Another bonus is that you can log in to your child’s account from any location.

Go ahead and take a peek at their free Beta test where you can try it out for free for a while: www.ParentalOptions.com

Next week I’m going to chime in a little more about this. I have a friend that tried the beta-version with her daughter and she had some fascinating experiences with it (and her kid is really a great kid too). More on that next week.

Alyssa’s Dance Ticket

Posted on: 10/2/10 4:33 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay… It’s time to chime in about this dance my daughter is going to tonight and what’s written on her ticket.

Alyssa, my 15-year-old, who is GORGEOUS, is going to Homecoming tonight with a nice young man from church. I’m not worried, but I probably should be, because when I was 15, some people probably thought I was “a nice young man from church.” And I wasn’t! (Well, I was kind, and courteous. But, looking back, I was not respectful to the girls I dated at all!)

So I have to share with you the warnings that this “ticket” has written on it from the school. Hilarious… yet revealing about today’s culture. (I’m laughing because I’m going to be chaperoning my son’s school dance next weekend, and I know I’ll be seeing some of this.)

Here’s a glimpse of what’s written on the ticket:

Students:
·        Are expected to face their partner at all times (no back to front motion)
·        Must maintain a 4 – 6 inch space from their partner
·        May not engage in ‘leg wrapping’
·        With the exception of feet, may not place body parts on floor
·        May not engage in grinding, moshing, or body surfing
·        May slow dance as long as it does not extend beyond hugging
·        May break dance as long as there is adequate space and prior approval has been obtained.
Students who fail to adhere to the dance policy will be given their one and only warning (wristband or I.D. Card). Any additional violations will result in the student being removed from the dance.

How would you have liked to be on the committee that had to come up with these guidelines? lol … I love their wording. I can imagine the meeting. “So how do we get them to stop humping each other on the dance floor? Can we say ‘no humping’ on the ticket?” “I know, let’s just call it, ‘no back to front motion.'”

Oh man!

Alyssa and I talked about it. The guy she’s going with is a friend, not a boyfriend. He’s a great guy and I think he’ll be really respectful. They’re going as a group, six kids from church, none of them are actually “boyfriend and girlfriend” … all just buddies. They should have a blast.

I’m sooooooo bummed that I’m missing it. I’ll be in San Diego teaching at the YS Convention. Sniff! Sniff!

Alyssa said she might text me and keep me posted. I’ll probably tweet a little about it if I hear from her.

(Please text me Alyssa!)  🙂

UPDATE:

Lyssy texted me and told me she’s having a good time.

Also… her date’s li’l sis texted me a pic she took of the two of them. Awe… don’t they look sweet! (Sniff… my little girl is growing up!)

No Media for 24 Hours

Posted on: 09/23/10 10:53 AM | by Jonathan McKee

This Saturday, September 25th, Nickelodeon goes dark for a day to encourage kids to go out and play!

(Hey, that rhymes. Will they play in the hay? How long will they stay? Until May? I digress.)

I love the idea. It reminds me of an early Simpsons episode where the power went out in Springfield. All the TV’s went dark in every household and we heard kids moan in disappointment. Then they slowly got up, opened the front door to their houses, stretched their arms, squinting in the light of the sun like someone who hasn’t seen light for weeks. Next scene we saw kids playing on playgrounds, climbing trees, making forts… Great scene.

Nick is trying to get kids to do much of this. Their Worldwide Day of Play website has all kinds of ideas of activities that kids can do for the day.

As much as I love Nick’s efforts, I don’t know how much of an impact they will make by themselves (this is their 7th year in a row doing this). I wish that they could get Cartoon Network, Disney, MTV and other channels kids frequent- all to own in on this (not that kids couldn’t just go play X-box).

Parents should use this as an opportunity to make this family-driven. Wouldn’t it be cool if families “shut off the power” and turned off all mobile devices for a day?

Last year our church had a 1 month media fast. I know… it sounds nuts. But it was truly amazing. We cut all entertainment media for 1 month. Families brought out old board games, went on walks, hikes… you name it. Our family moaned and whined the first week. But after the month was over, we talked about implementing the media fast as a regular event one day a week– Tuesdays. (It’s been pretty irregular- with homework and jobs, many nights have been without media lately).

Props to Nick!

RELATED ARTICLE: College blocks out Facebook for a week.

Talking With Our Kids about Glee

Posted on: 09/20/10 3:02 PM | by Jonathan McKee

In January of this year, Kaiser Foundation’s “M2” Media Consumption report shocked parents when it was revealed that today’s 8-18 year-olds average 4 hours and 29 minutes of television programming each and every day. Kaiser, Nielson and others all agree, the television set still is the biggest media draw for kids, despite rumors that TV was dying.

The question is, just what are our kids watching?

If you asked a random selection of teenagers that question in the last 12 months, you’d probably hear the word “Glee” more than almost any other word. In just one year, Fox’s Glee has grown to be one of the most watched television shows by teenagers.

The Glee buzz has grown louder in the past few weeks, with the release of Season 1 on DVD and Blu-ray, and the premier for Season II this Tuesday, September 21.

So what should parents do with this show?

The short answer is: talk about it!

After weeks of researching the show and then even asking you all your two cents last week in my blog, I’ve posted my article about the show on TheSource4YM.com website as this week’s Youth Culture Window article… an article titled, To Glee, or Not to Glee.”

Here’s just a snippet from the middle of the article:

 So, what content are young viewers absorbing from this show?

Glee deals with real issues that teenagers face today, showing consequences and hurt. The writers tell it like it is, warts and all. Name it: teen pregnancy, bullying, self image, and equal rights. But at the same time, the show sends mixed messages. It’s often coarse, laced with sexual humor, and preachy in support of the homosexual lifestyle. (One of the show’s writer/creators, Ryan Murphy, is gay, several of the cast members are gay, and the show has a huge LGBT following.)

Christian parents always ask me: Should I let my kids watch Glee?

Even though I could possibly offer some guidance toward the answer to that question, I hesitate to answer it because my response would negate the purpose behind it.

Allow me to explain: The answer to that question is, Parents must help their kids figure out for themselves if they should watch the show. The process itself is much more important than the answer. In other words, if I or some other author or radio personality were to simply say, “No, don’t let your kids watch it,” I’d hate to think that parents would default to just answering, “Sorry, Jonathan says ‘no,’ so that means the show is bad.”

Parenting isn’t that simple. And I don’t mean to make a cliché with that phrase. Truly, parenting is anything but simple. The fact is, most teaching opportunities take time, effort, and thought. And if parents are truly living out that Deuteronomy 6 passage (Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up… Deuteronomy 6:5-7, NIV), then we’ll be dialoging constantly with our kids about the influences around them, the temptations they face, and the decisions they make. These conversations will require a lot of guidance with younger kids, slowly leading to more freedom as they get older. After all, when they’re 18…it’s really up to them, isn’t it?

This means that my 15-year-old and 17-year-old might be able to discern right and wrong in a situation better than my 13-year-old. Last month…

CLICK HERE FOR THE ENTIRE ARTICLE

Bucket Duty

Posted on: 09/17/10 8:23 AM | by Jonathan McKee

This week has personally been crazy! I’ve been on “bucket duty” all week.

No, that has nothing to do with a bucket list. It has everything to do with everyone in my house getting the flu… except me! (So far!)

My 15-year-old Alyssa got it first on Tuesday afternoon. She started feeling queazy in art class, ran outside, pulled her hair back and puked in a trashcan in front of 40 boys (so she described). She said that two of them asked her, “Are you okay.” She wiped her chin and said, “Yeah. Doing great!”

I picked her up shortly after and she began throwing chunks every 30 minutes for about 6 hours until finally the doctor gave her something to stop heaving (long story, but we actually were going to the doctor anyway because she fractured one of her fingers at water polo practice the day before). While I was at the doctor with her, Lori called and said that Alec, my 17-year-old had puked at work and was coming home.

At this moment Lori and I were silent for a moment. A cloud of fear drifted over our heads– we both knew, this thing is making its way around the family! We began pondering, what did they eat? What did we eat? Did I share a glass with them last night? (you know… many of you have probably been there)

Alec began the process of hurling groceries for the next few hours. Lori, Ashley- my youngest- and I looked at each other in fear. We knew it was probably coming.

Wednesday morning Ash woke up fine and went to school. At noon I got a text, “Dad, I’m in the bathroom at school… come get me.” Two hours later she was in our bathroom ralphing… and a few other bonus symptoms that I won’t go into! Meanwhile Lori started moaning and grabbing her stomach. By 4PM I was the only one serving all four.

Bucket duty!

The house was a wreck. I was trying to do everything Lori normally does (props to her), everything I do, and bucket duty. Truly crazy.

Funny though– when the hurling stopped and everyone was just lying in a slump, we actually had some laughs. At least we were going through it together as a family. It was an adventure… of sorts. I was thankful I wasn’t out of town and that I work at home so I could be there to help.

The good news: it was a 24 hour thing. Alec and Alyssa were functioning at 80% by Wednesday night and went to school Thursday. Then Ashley and Lori were at 70 to 80% by Thursday night, and Ash is back to school today. They’ve all had it… except me!

And so I wait…

Doctors Advise No TV in Teenagers Bedrooms

Posted on: 09/8/10 6:53 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Two questions that doctors are being encouraged to ask teenage patients:

1. How much time do you spend daily with entertainment media?

2. Is there a TV set or Internet access in your bedroom?

Hmmmm. Perhaps these are important influences to consider.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) just released (August 30, 2010) their brand new study titled, “Sexuality, Contraception, and the Media.” This report examines media messages teenagers are absorbing and how those influences affect their well being. In other words… when kids watch the music video for the #1 song Teenage Dream and watch Katy Perry getting her clothes torn off by a guy… does that really affect our kids? That’s what the AAP sought to discover.

The results of this study? Pretty scary. (I’ll definitely be including some of this in my upcoming parent workshops.)

Here are some of the elements that jumped out at me:

  • More than 75% of prime-time programs contain sexual content.
  • Only 14% of these incidents mention any risks or responsibilities of sexual activity.
  • Talk about sex on TV can occur as often as 8 to 10 times per hour.
  • Between 1997 and 2001 alone, the amount of sexual content on TV nearly doubled.
  • American media makes sex seem like a harmless sport in which everyone engages, and results of considerable research have indicated that the media can have a major effect on young people’s attitudes and behaviors.
  • The media may function as a “superpeer” in convincing adolescents that sexual activity is a normative behavior for young teenagers.
  • Listening to sexually degrading lyrics is associated with earlier sexual intercourse.
  • Out of nine longitudinal studies seeking to answer whether sexy media contributes to early sexual activity, seven of these studies have shown that exposure to sexual content in TV and other media in early adolescence can as much as double the risk of early sexual intercourse.
  • Early exposure to sexual content doubled the risk of teen pregnancy.
  • Bedroom TVs are associated with greater substance use and sexual activity by teenagers.

They summarized their findings well: “Clearly, the media play a major role in determining whether certain teenagers become sexually active earlier rather than later.”

The good news from the report:

  • Teenagers whose parents control their TV-viewing habits are less sexually experienced
  • Adolescents whose parents limit their TV-viewing are less likely to engage in early sex.

The messages from this report are loud and clear. Media affects our kids. So parents, help your kids make good media decisions. Pretty simple.

The report actually words it like this: Pediatricians should counsel parents to recognize the importance of the media, exert control over their children’s media choices, keep their children’s bedrooms free of TVs and Internet connections, and avoid letting their children see PG-13– and R-rated movies that are inappropriate for them.

Interesting that someone is finally chiming in about PG-13 movies. I’ve shared my two cents on that and provided a few examples here and here.

This isn’t the AAP’s first report on the subject. Last year the AAP released similar reports on the effects of sex and violence in the media. We wrote a Youth Culture Window article detailing the results of those reports, urging parents to monitor their kids’ media and help them make good media choices. This month’s AAP report conveys much of the same, but with even more current data revealing exactly how dire the situation is becoming.

Click here for the whole report. (Warning… some of you aren’t going to like the conclusions the report makes about abstinence only sex education. I encourage you to not throw out the baby with the bathwater.)

Adult Texting on the Rise

Posted on: 09/3/10 11:02 AM | by Jonathan McKee

Maybe it’s because we’ve finally figured out how to type on that miniature keyboard… or maybe it’s just so we can talk with our kids. Either way, adults are using their cell phones for texting more than ever before.

72% of adults send and receive texts now, according to a September 2, 2010 Pew Internet study. This is up almost 10% from last year.

Do adults text as much as teenagers? Ha! Nope. Teenagers text about 5 times as many messages per day as adults… and teenage girls age 14-17, who, as I reported in this blog a while back, average 100 messages a day, text 10 times as many messages as adults. (I know… I have one kid of my own kids in that category!)

Some interesting tidbits from that Pew study:

  • Adults who text typically send and receive a median of 10 texts a day; teens who text send and receive a median of 50 texts per day.
  • 5% of all adult texters send more than 200 text messages a day or more than 6,000 texts a month.
  • 90% of parents are more likely to have a cell phone than adults without children under 18 at home (78%).
  • 72% parents have slept with their phone on or right next to their bed, compared to 62% of non-parents.
  • The average adult cell phone owner makes and receives around 5 voice calls a day.
  • Women tend to make slightly fewer calls with their cell phones than men
  • African American and English-speaking Hispanic adults are slightly more likely than whites to own a cell phone
  • African American and Hispanic texters typically text more on average than white texters

Click here for the whole report.

3 Minutes a Day

Posted on: 09/1/10 10:26 AM | by Jonathan McKee

This week’s Youth Culture Window article on our web site revealed some good news… and some sad news.

The sad news is that the typical father spends less than three minutes per day alone with his own teenager. (I’ve blogged about the decrease of “family time” before) The interesting twist on this, what I call “good news,” is that kids actually want to spend time with parents.

Here’s just a snippet of the article:

And this shortfall of face time couldn’t come at a more crucial—or ironic—moment. In a landmark study by the Associated Press and MTV, performed in 2007, researchers discovered that a whopping 73 percent of teens said their mothers and/or fathers made them “happy.” (No, that’s not a typo.) And when asked, “What one thing in life makes you the most happy?” the most frequent answer given was “spending time with family.” (Nope, that’s not a typo, either!)

You might be thinking to yourself: “Yeah, but that was three years ago. The iPhone was invented, and reinvented, several more times since that research was performed. Kids don’t want me around; they want stuff, entertainment, and whatever else my hard-earned money buys.”

Well…

In a brand new survey by Family Circle, 25 percent of teens claimed they wanted more time with their parents. In fact, one 16-year-old guy actually said, “I think it’d be cool if my parents worked less, just because I’d get to see them more.”

CLICK HERE FOR THE WHOLE ARTICLE

After reading these studies, I admit, I asked myself some tough questions: “Jonathan, are you really spending good quality time with your kids?” “Are you really much better than 3 minutes?”

It’s scary if you really track your time and write it down… because we’re busy, right? We all can probably list out excuses (let’s see, kids go to school, then water polo, then homework…). But busy schedules don’t trump the need for “face time” with our kids. We’ve gotta make it happen. Period.

I’ve blogged about the importance of “family dinners” before. In that blog I cite a September 2009 report revealing that teenagers who have fewer than three family dinners per week are more likely to get C’s and are more likely to smoke, drink and use drugs. Poignant stuff.

No excuses.

Parents, we need to make connecting with our own kids a priority. We need to be pro-active about it… or we’ll just be another statistic.

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