Humor Archives - Page 12 of 14 - Jonathan's Blog From The Source

My Driver’s Licence

Posted on: 12/5/08 9:55 AM | by Jonathan McKee

My son just got his driver’s permit and will take his first “behind the wheel” lesson tomorrow.

Wow! I’m getting old.

I remember my first behind the wheel lesson. I was barely 15, I didn’t have a permit, my parents were out of town… and my brother taught me how to drive our VW bug over to my girlfriends house at 2AM. (Yeah… I wasn’t a very good kid. Don’t hold it against me.) I’m sooooooo glad that my kids aren’t like I was.

Thinking about driver’s licenses… I found this in my scrapbook.

Yeah… take a look at all the mischeif behind those eyes! (Ha… 143 pounds! And no, I don’t live there anymore!)

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$1.99

Posted on: 11/20/08 3:58 PM | by Jonathan McKee

A decade ago I wouldn’t understand this at all… but I almost did a backflip yesterday when I went to the gas station and saw only $1.99 per gallon.

I thought the days of less than $2 were gone. Once we passed $4… I thought that was the point of no return. This past summer I did several speaking trips where i remember putting gas in the tank for $4.60 a gallon. (ouch… it hurts just thinking about it!)

Being from California, most other states’ gas prices actually look pretty good comparitively. When i’m speaking in another state, it can be up to 50 cents a gallon cheaper. California is usually one of the highest.

That’s probably why I was soooooo ecstatic when it hit $1.99 at my local station yesterday. (I wonder how low it is in other states right now?)

Imagine how happy I was when my I filled my Nissan Sentra for only this much!

Woohoo!!!! We have grocery money left!

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Evangelism for Hot Women

Posted on: 11/18/08 10:04 AM | by Jonathan McKee

I’ve seen about every kind of evangelism training out there… but this method?

This girl seems to think that missionary dating is the answer. Of course, she says that it helps if you’re “hot,” like her. (Paris Hilton couldn’t have said it any better) She claims, “I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same, according to the Great Commission.”

Wow. What if you’re not hot?

Her site proclaims, “Calling all Hot Women of the LORD!!!!”

Her pitch:

Not only can we date hot guys (as only hot Christian girls could do), but hopefully we can lead them to God and help them get saved them from the burning fires of Hell. I’ve outlined a few tips to help you get a date off to the right start, step-by-step. Jesus saves through hooking up with cute heathen guys!

It’s hard to know if this is real. I thought maybe it was… until I saw some of the items she has for sale. T-shirts for you or your dog (yeah, I’m serious.) Or… the classic “Flirt to convert” thong! LOL (does this thing have a “two cliffs” illustration in the back?)

I had a link to the site… but someone just emailed me with the fact that a few of the member’s entries on one of the dating “sub pages” were rabbit trails to porn sites… so you’ll just have to take my word for how pathetic it is.

Here’s a screen shot.

(ht to Darin)

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I Want a “Virtual” Divorce

Posted on: 11/14/08 3:28 PM | by Jonathan McKee

This sounds like a Coen Brothers film (Fargo, No Country for Old Men, Burn After Reading…), but no, unfortunately, the story is very real. Reuters reports:

A British woman is divorcing her husband after discovering his online alter-ego was having an affair with a virtual woman in the fantasy world of Second Life, media reported on Friday.

Amy Taylor, 28, said her three-year marriage to David Pollard, 40, came to an end when she twice walked in on him watching his online character, Dave Barmy, having sex with other virtual women.

Sigh.

Yeah, you read it correctly. And if you peeked at the entire article linked above, you’ll find that this couple met online; then the wife had suspicions about his online activity, so hired a virtual private eye, who spied on him having virtual sex with a virtual prostitute. That’s a lot of “virtual!”

Yeah. You can’t make this stuff up.

Funny enough… the story is getting a lot of press with a lot of people blogging about it. I’m in my hotel in Harrisburg, PA right now and I just saw this story running on CNN. The reporter was actually pretty sharp. After making fun of it a bit, he talked about how people should “get a life” instead of wasting so much time in virtual worlds. He went on to talk about the fact that this affair was probably a true emotional affair. I think he’s right on all accounts (they do need to get a life, and it was a real emotional affair)

Second life is a popular virtual world where kids and adults create characters called avatars and explore virtual worlds, meeting people, picking up on people, etc. Much like www.IMVU.com, the site that David and I wrote that Youth Culture Window article (The Hotest Virtual Teenage Hangout… a Little Too Hot) about a few months ago.

Hmmmmmm.

(ht to Alec in Scotland)

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Escape Beagle

Posted on: 09/20/08 11:05 PM | by Jonathan McKee

When I was 7 we got a little beagle mix (okay… it was a mutt! It had beagle, basset, and perhaps some collie. He was a short legged, long furred beagle). Besides being cute… he was an escape artist. Amazing actually. That’s why I found this YouTube video particularly funny. (Shout out to Sparky!)

Is it just me, or were you cheering for the little guy! (I love it at the end when his little friend puts his/her paw up on the door like, “Hey, let me out!”)

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Tough Speaking Engagements

Posted on: 09/18/08 8:10 PM | by Jonathan McKee

My friends over at Youth Specialties featured me as a guest blogger this week again on their YS Blog.

At the YS conventions this year, one of the seminars I’m teaching is based off my new book 10-Minute Talks. The seminar is about speaking to a generation with a short attention span. This is my second time guest blogging on the subject.

This time I shared about one of my worst speaking engagements… ever!

My worst speaking experience by far was an event I did on New Year’s Eve. The guy who booked me explained the event to me. “The gym will be full of kids we draw from local neighborhoods. They’ll be playing basketball, dodge ball, hanging out, eating, etc.”

I asked, “Well, how are you going to pull them together for me to speak to them?”

He was silent. He hadn’t even thought about it.

I clarified, “You do realize that we don’t want to just stand up on stage and say, ‘Hey everybody… drop your dodge balls for a second, I want to tell you about Jesus!’”

He agreed and I gave him suggestions of some fun up front activities and videos that would help him transition everyone into a seated position with their attention on stage.

Fast forward to 11:28 New Year’s Eve. I’m on at 11:30. Kids are smattered around the room…

Click here for the entire blog.

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When Kids Don’t Listen to Your Talks

Posted on: 09/2/08 1:12 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay… okay… I know I promised to dedicate this weeks’ blogging to the music our kids are listening to… and I will. 🙂 I just noticed that YS put up my blog about speaking today. So I wanted to give you guys a snippet of it and the link.

I’m teaching two seminars at the National Youth Workers Convention again this year… and one of them is on speaking. So they asked me to blog about speaking. One of the posts they put up from me is my TOP 10 WAYS TO KNOW YOUR KIDS DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU GIVE A TALK:

Here’s a few…

10. Three minutes into your talk, someone stands up and shouts… “Time to break into small groups!”

9. They are listening to Rob Bell’s podcast on their iPods during your talk.

7. When you start speaking, the kids start chanting ‘Bring Back Mable,’ the guest speaker from last week who used flannel graph.

5. As you begin your talk a student stands up and asks, “In the next 30 minutes are you going to be saying anything important?”

3. When you ask everyone to close their eyes for prayer, you notice that the request was unnecessary.

Click here for the whole list on the YS blog.

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Overnighter

Posted on: 08/20/08 3:30 PM | by Jonathan McKee

Okay… maybe some of you have all ready seen this video (someone told me they played it at GROUP’s NYMC). I hadn’t seen it yet…

This is classic, especially for anyone who’s ever done a youth ministry all night event. (I usually don’t watch entire videos when someone sends them to me. Someone sent this today in one of my blog comments. Funny stuff all the way through. I was laughing pretty hard at the two minute mark… the pastor’s van.) 🙂

Posted in Church, Humor, Music, Youth Ministry Planning | | Leave A Comment

The Ex

Posted on: 08/4/08 8:36 AM | by Jonathan McKee

My wife was looking through a newspaper clothing ad (I can’t remember what store) the other day and started looking really closeley at one of their male models. Then she said, “Oh my gosh… that was my boyfriend in high school!”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t get caught up in the whole jealousy thang. Past is past. But I did find it pretty funny who this guy is. Lori dated him her senior year. He was a model back then too. We looked him up… he’s got a huge portfolio… many of them boasting his huge “300esque” abs. He seems to be doing pretty well for himself.

My kids were all curious to see the pictures of this guy. And, of course, my 10 year old asked the question: “What if Mommy would have married this guy?”

Which, of course, was quickly answered with, “Then you wouldn’t be here!”

But my son added, “Or I’d have really ripped abs!”

Nice.

Later, I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed one of my fat pictures from a few years ago at the beach (my wife and I recently both started a more vigorous working out plan and eating healthy… I lost 25 pounds… still working on it… sigh. But I have plenty of old “fat pictures” floating around) and made my own version of one of his magazine covers. 🙂

Somehow… they weren’t impressed. 🙂

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I Don’t Understand the Lyrics

Posted on: 07/29/08 8:19 PM | by Jonathan McKee

I don’t know about you, but sometimes people talk to me about raunchy lyrics… and to be honest, I can’t understand what the lyrics are saying in the first place.

With that in mind- check out this hilarious YouTube video (clean, but a little edgy). Give it at least 45 to 50 seconds…but I found the whole thing funny. (Thanks to Mikey for sending this to me.)

(click here if you’re receiving this via email)

Posted in Humor, Music | | Leave A Comment